Spanking of 11 year old in the nude!

[casa]

What is the name of your state? AZ
I currently have sole legal/physicl custody of my son, child got in trouble at school on Monday for not following directions. Father and I have had conversations regarding him punishing the child for things he has done while he was with me (at this point I have already punished him for his action so child is being punished twice). Anyway, child got in trouble at school on Monday, teacher called and told both parents.

When I picked my son up from school that day I punished him. Father decided that when he picked our son up on Wed for his scheduled parenting time it was appropriate to spank the 11 year old completely nude for his behavior two/three days prior. During this spanking I was told by my son that he was hit in the head twice and told that for here on out he would be getting the same type of punishment when ever the dad got a bad report from the teachers.

Upon questioning my son further I found out that this actually has been going on for a while. I communicated with father telling him that I think this is very inappropriate and that he has me concerned. Told father that I do not want him hitting our son again. Father has told me he has a right to punish his son the way that he see's fit and will take my comments under suggestion.

Can I stop him from hitting my son? Because I have sole custody can I tell him that I don 't want this happening and inforce it.

My child at 11 was horrified to be seen in the nude- I absolutely would NOT tolerate this punishment based solely on that fact. Spanking, maybe (though I prefer not to) but definately not the uncomfort/humiliation that come with being disciplined nude while in prepuberty.

When the father said he'd take it under advisement, did you speak of a time in the future to come back and address the issue for a conclusion/closure?

 

[reamann]

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=249764

 

[howamidoing]

The point, however, is there's no way of knowing how much of it is accurate and how much isn't if the only account is from the child - who may have already been ticked off at Dad for the second punishment. Kids have been known to embroider the truth a fair bit.

Mom addressed the issue with Dad, who said he would take her input under advisement. There was no mention of whether Dad admitted, denied, or what.

We never know if anyone on here is telling the truth or making up a story. We can only make our comments regarding a situation as if it were happening. Besides, maybe someone else has the same question...and it REALLY is happening. Our advice could help that person out. I know there is more at hand here. I was simply commenting on the specific questions asked in this thread. Do I think the woman has other problems and is shading the truth?...Yes. Do I think maybe the kid has problems and is shading the truth? .....possibly. Think about it, if you were spanked in the nude and hit in the head, would you have problems behaving? I know I would.This is why we all say it is our opinions....Not our advice.

 

[stealth2]

We never know if anyone on here is telling the truth or making up a story. We can only make our comments regarding a situation as if it were happening. Besides, maybe someone else has the same question...and it REALLY is happening. Our advice could help that person out. I know there is more at hand here. I was simply commenting on the specific questions asked in this thread. Do I think the woman has other problems and is shading the truth?...Yes. Do I think maybe the kid has problems and is shading the truth? .....possibly. Think about it, if you were spanked in the nude and hit in the head, would you have problems behaving? I know I would.This is why we all say it is our opinions....Not our advice.

dude.... I'm not saying OP is shading the truth. I'm saying it's entirely possible that the KID is. I think my post was pretty clear there.

 

[ResponsibleOne]

Man, it is funny how this board and others are put out there to try to help people but "some" just turn it into an opportunity to be harsh/rude and down right mean. That saddens me.

One senior member wrote: "We don't know the accuracy of this report or the circumstances, we are presented with an inflammatory report by a biased and motivated party with an agenda"

Inflammatory.....................the report was not inflammatory, it is what my child has told me and what my child has told his counselor. Am I a motivated party............yes, I am motivated to continue to try to protect my child as I have done. In addition, I might add I have done alone for the past ten years, dad just reappeared in the last year.

You are right you do not know my circumstances, you do not know the full story, you do not know why I was against this and against that, but you continue to make assumptions, you seem extremely angry...............how is this helpful to me or anyone else reading this post hoping to possibly make better decisions or do the right thing?

I just wanted some suggestions of how to better handle the situation, maybe some other outlooks. For those who replied by giving advice based upon their experience thank you, I was just looking for other points of view and help. I have never said I was perfect in fact, I know that I am not; I am just trying to do my best in this situation. I take great offense to the attack "biased and motivated party with an agenda". Although I know you could probably care less. I just do not believe your comments are necessary or helpful at times. But hey, I was just a person looking to you for help.

 

[howamidoing]

dude.... I'm not saying OP is shading the truth. I'm saying it's entirely possible that the KID is. I think my post was pretty clear there.

I agree....and Im a Dudette....lol...

 

[LdiJ]

Man, it is funny how this board and others are put out there to try to help people but "some" just turn it into an opportunity to be harsh/rude and down right mean. That saddens me.

One senior member wrote: "We don't know the accuracy of this report or the circumstances, we are presented with an inflammatory report by a biased and motivated party with an agenda"

Inflammatory.....................the report was not inflammatory, it is what my child has told me and what my child has told his counselor. Am I a motivated party............yes, I am motivated to continue to try to protect my child as I have done. In addition, I might add I have done alone for the past ten years, dad just reappeared in the last year.

You are right you do not know my circumstances, you do not know the full story, you do not know why I was against this and against that, but you continue to make assumptions, you seem extremely angry...............how is this helpful to me or anyone else reading this post hoping to possibly make better decisions or do the right thing?

I just wanted some suggestions of how to better handle the situation, maybe some other outlooks. For those who replied by giving advice based upon their experience thank you, I was just looking for other points of view and help. I have never said I was perfect in fact, I know that I am not; I am just trying to do my best in this situation. I take great offense to the attack "biased and motivated party with an agenda". Although I know you could probably care less. I just do not believe your comments are necessary or helpful at times. But hey, I was just a person looking to you for help.

OMG...the child is eleven and dad only showed up in the last year....and the child is being spanked in the nude??....Does no one else see the potential for what is going on here?????

 

[howamidoing]

OMG...the child is eleven and dad only showed up in the last year....and the child is being spanked in the nude??....Does no one else see the potential for what is going on here?????

Does anyone else?

 

[howamidoing]

ARIZONA
Parent/guardian may use reasonable and appropriate physical force upon the minor when and to the extent reasonably necessary and appropriate to maintain discipline. Sec. 13-403.[Cr.]

 

[casa]

OMG...the child is eleven and dad only showed up in the last year....and the child is being spanked in the nude??....Does no one else see the potential for what is going on here?????

Yep. I do.

 

[Rich Uncle]

When I picked my son up from school that day I punished him. Father decided that when he picked our son up on Wed for his scheduled parenting time it was appropriate to spank the 11 year old completely nude.....

I'm not a "shrink", but I think if this continues, the kid is going to have some very undesirable sexual issues. The damage may have already been done. You have to stop it at all costs!

 

[ongoingvoni]

11 yo child reported to mother that he was spanked in the nude and hit on head. Mother tells father not to hit child. Father says he will do what he wants. Punishing a child days after the event defeats the purpose of punishment. How is this biased?

Mother has a right to protect her child from abuse. Father was abusing the child for probable enjoyment.

If the nude spanking continues, mother and father could be raising a future child molester, abuser and who knows what else. This child is in danger and something needs to be done now!

Call CPS and have the situation investigated.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

11 yo child reported to mother that he was spanked in the nude and hit on head. Mother tells father not to hit child. Father says he will do what he wants. Punishing a child days after the event defeats the purpose of punishment. How is this biased?

Mother has a right to protect her child from abuse. Father was abusing the child for probable enjoyment.

If the nude spanking continues, mother and father could be raising a future child molester, abuser and who knows what else. This child is in danger and something needs to be done now!

Call CPS and have the situation investigated.

If you bothered to read the other thread you would notice that OP neglected to give all the facts and gave an inflamatory account upon which several of you made assumptions.

Facts: special needs child w/behavioral/social problems @school.

Child is sent home from school because of behavioral problems both parents notified.

Dad is available to care for child at home during summer vacation instead of school and child care where child is acting out and uncontrolable in the special ed invironment. Thinkm first right of refusal.

We don't know the accuracy of the child's report, we don't know that the child wasn't nude because they took their clothes off, a problem with some special needs children, or it they were spanked on a bare bottom. I would investigate the facts more is such a situation. ALso the school would be reporting to CPS if there was abuse and they are calling both parents.

Mom is fighting dad who is wanting increased visitation, when she didn't get the answers she wanted on her other started this one hoping to get them, it sends up too many red flags insofar as the conveyance of facts.

CPS will learn there is a custody/visitation issue and pending evaluation and leave it with the judge.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Man, it is funny how this board and others are put out there to try to help people but "some" just turn it into an opportunity to be harsh/rude and down right mean. That saddens me.

One senior member wrote: "We don't know the accuracy of this report or the circumstances, we are presented with an inflammatory report by a biased and motivated party with an agenda"

Inflammatory.....................the report was not inflammatory, it is what my child has told me and what my child has told his counselor. Am I a motivated party............yes, I am motivated to continue to try to protect my child as I have done. In addition, I might add I have done alone for the past ten years, dad just reappeared in the last year.

You are right you do not know my circumstances, you do not know the full story, you do not know why I was against this and against that, but you continue to make assumptions, you seem extremely angry...............how is this helpful to me or anyone else reading this post hoping to possibly make better decisions or do the right thing?

I just wanted some suggestions of how to better handle the situation, maybe some other outlooks. For those who replied by giving advice based upon their experience thank you, I was just looking for other points of view and help. I have never said I was perfect in fact, I know that I am not; I am just trying to do my best in this situation. I take great offense to the attack "biased and motivated party with an agenda". Although I know you could probably care less. I just do not believe your comments are necessary or helpful at times. But hey, I was just a person looking to you for help.

We have the story that you told.

ResponsibleOne
Junior Member Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 14

Visitation Rights, what should I do when I go to court?

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What is the name of your state? Arizona

Hi everyone, I am looking for some advise on how to best handle this situation. My ex moved back in the state from being gone for five years (he has now been here a year), I currently have sole custody. He has visitation every other weekend and every Wed night. currently & he is requesting more time. He has included our 11 year old in adult/court matters, at times I feel like I am fighting not only my ex but my son as well, my son has become very difficult over the last year.

The last time we saw the judge I explained all of this and he recommended that we see a court appointed family councilor to assist him in the decision to be made. The councilor recommended that the dad only be allowed to keep the current visitation schedule with additional visitation time after school on Monday's until 7pm. She also recommended based on her talking with my ex, me and my son that I maintain sole custody. After councilors report came out ex went and got an attorney (I have always had one). Next court date is in June to hear what judge thinks of all of the recommendations from councilors and such.

Now the ex is asking that my son not be allowed to go to daycare or summer camp while I am at work. The ex works from home and only makes about $9 an hour, I am currently responsible for 85% of Childs cost due to the % of income.

My son has been labeled ADHD and has many social issues that have been well documented. I think it is very important that my son continue to interact with other children his age, but ex and his attorney is saying that I am being difficult and manipulative and trying to keep him away from his child. I have no problem with my son going to his dads on "his" dads visitation days, but would prefer on the days that are during my time he be is some type of structured environment. How do I fight this? Am I fighting a losing battle? I do not know what to do or how to fight it? I kinda feel as though my attorney is not behind me in this either.

Everytime I do not agree with the ex/and his attorney they say I am trying to keep him away from his child, and they threaten with more court. I do not get involved with what he does during his scheduled visitation time but he continues to do so on my time, and when he does not get his way he involves the child. And the child usually sides with him. I do not know what to do.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Why did you not mention the nude spanking and the head hitting, when you posted this on the same day as this thread?


06-02-2005, 02:56 PM
ResponsibleOne
Junior Member Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 14

Do I have to go to deposition with ex's attrny? Please help!

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What is the name of your state? AZ

My attorney just sent me and email stating that my ex's attorney requested a deposition with me next week. This is the first time I have ever heard about anything like this. My ex is petitioning for joint custody and more parenting time. We have seen several court appointed conciliators and conference officers from expedited services. All are making recommendations in my favor.

Why should I meet with the opposing parties attorney, how is this beneficial to me? My attorney and this woman have been doing nothing but fighting and we can not come to any agreements that can be suggested before we go into court. I think this is a bad idea, what are you all's thoughts?

My attorney stated "she would like to do a depositioin with my ex at the same time but that would involve extra time/$ to her, plus the extra cost for the court-reporter, so I'll only do this if you want me to".

What should I do