Stepmom does not want to care for stepkids while husband is not home. HELP!

[AkersTile]

NOT Legal Advice, just an IDEA:
Do you think that maybe Dad could talk to Mom about his schedule and see if she would swap weekends with him. That way she still gets her "time off" and he still gets to spend time with the kids.

 

[>Charlotte<]

If he has JOINT CUSTODY he is responsible for his children on his time...If it is shared parenting with mom being primary then dad has joint physical custody and dad is responsible for the children every other weekend during his court ordered time.

My take on the OP was that it's a standard visitation scenario. They do have the clause that unavailability requires four weeks' notice, but it doesn't appear that this requires Mom's consent--only that she be notified within that time frame.

My husband has visitation with his children every other weekend; ex wife is the primary parent.

Per husband's court order, in the event a parent can not care for their children during their parenting time, he/she must notify the other parent as soon as possible. - My husband has given his ex wife 4 weeks written notice. Ex wife replied "Sorry, got plans. Make your wife babysit."

If my understanding is not correct, Karrie, my "visitation is not an obligation" statement would not apply per Ohiogal's post.

 

[Ozark_Sophist]

OP's adult sons should be qualified to be babysitters. Dad could pay his step sons to babysit.

 

[JacobJoel]

De Ja Vue

we are singing the same song, different verse.

i know how you feel about liking the kids and all but being very upset. you simply have to have 'plans' that preclude your being able to babysit.

you will never, ever get it right and you will always be under a microscope, any tiny error on your part will never be forgiven or forgotten and the stress will can make you sick.

volunteer. go to school. get a part time job.

love your husband and support him in his search for appropriate child care. it doesn't matter that everyone and their brother believe his children are to old for child care, mom and dad decide and they want it, THEY are responsible to procuring it.

and i think paying your sons to babysit is a lovely idea.

 

[Karrie]

Visitation is a right, not an obligation. Visitation does not exist to "give Mom a break" every other week, it exists so that a parent has regularly scheduled time to maintain a relationship with his children. If he's unavailable on any given weekend, he does NOT owe it to Mom to "find a babysitter" because she has plans. And you certainly aren't obligated to babysit under any circumstances.

Thank you everyone for all your comments and advice. It has been very helpful.

Charlotte, THANK YOU!!! This was what I was looking for! I have one more question, however. Is it possible for my husband to have joint physical custody of his son while his son lives full time with his mother (ex wife)? My husband says that's how it's worded in the court order and believes this is where his ex has him by the cohones. Can you explain it to me?

 

[Karrie]

NOT Legal Advice, just an IDEA:
Do you think that maybe Dad could talk to Mom about his schedule and see if she would swap weekends with him. That way she still gets her "time off" and he still gets to spend time with the kids.

The current weekend schedule works out fine as my husband has to work every other weekend. It's just those 1 or 2 times a year when his work schedules something on the weekend he has his children.

 

[Ohiogal]

The current weekend schedule works out fine as my husband has to work every other weekend. It's just those 1 or 2 times a year when his work schedules something on the weekend he has his children.

Does your husband have JOINT CUSTODY (SHARED PARENTING) OR VISITATION ONLY?

 

[Karrie]

OP's adult sons should be qualified to be babysitters. Dad could pay his step sons to babysit.

Ex wife got it ordered that stepsons are not to supervise her children. She's paranoid of any molestation to her daughter - which as a mother, I completely understand. However, the same risk would exist if a paid sitter came in from an agency, or if my stepdaughter spent the night at a friend's house, or one day after school one of the boys my stepdaughter hangs out with decides to "explore", etc. My husband tried reasoning with ex wife yet again this morning, and he discovered that she's even paranoid leaving their 12yr old daughter alone with their 15yr old son, which happens every single day for 4 hours, and then some on her weekends! My husband is at his wits end. I'm floored at the whole thinking process, personally.

 

[Karrie]

Does your husband have JOINT CUSTODY (SHARED PARENTING) OR VISITATION ONLY?

Husband just informed me that the court order is worded as him having JOINT CUSTODY and the term "shared parenting" comes up often. However, both children live with her. It appears I may have mispoken when I said ex wife is primary parent. I think I assumed that with both children living with her, ex wife is primary. So, is it common for a parent to have joint custody but the children live full time with the other parent? And the other parent exercise their parenting time like a visitation???

 

[Karrie]

And this is why dad needs to post . He should have the court order to type the legal wording.

Maybe so. But I had a stepparent issue and that's why I'm posting.

 

[Ohiogal]

Husband just informed me that the court order is worded as him having JOINT CUSTODY and the term "shared parenting" comes up often. However, both children live with her. It appears I may have mispoken when I said ex wife is primary parent. I think I assumed that with both children living with her, ex wife is primary. So, is it common for a parent to have joint custody but the children live full time with the other parent? And the other parent exercise their parenting time like a visitation???

Dad is responsible for getting care for his children during his time. He has joint custody. He is responsible for providing care when he has to work or go out of town and he is supposed to have the children. That is the responsibility of having joint custody. So if not you, then he gets to hire care.

 

[>Charlotte<]

Can you explain it to me?

My very limited knowledge is that joint anything doesn't always mean 50/50 (and I might even be wrong about that). I'm not sure anyone can answer that without knowing exactly what the order states.

Although my statement that "visitation isn't an obligation" is correct, there seems to be some confusion over whether it's visitation, or custody, or whatever. I was under the impression from your first post that it's visitation. If it's a custody issue my previous comment might actually be more confusing than helpful. Sorry.

I'm not an attorney. Ohiogal is, so you should ignore me and talk to her. As you can see, she's asked you to clarify exactly what it is so it would really help if you could transcribe the relevant part of the order.

Good luck to your husband. If we're not just getting the newwifetized version of her (no offense, but that happens...well...a lot), she sounds like a real piece of work.

 

[>Charlotte<]

And since I spent 45 minutes picking over my spelling and grammar and syntax and going outside to see what that noise was, my post is moot because it all got answered ahead of me. Sort of.

I just want to chime in once more and suggest you have way too many issues swirling around at once. The nature of the visicustosharitation, the obligation to arrange for child care, whether who gets to watch whom, etc. Stick with the more important one--figuring out what Dad's actual obligation is. Once one is resolved, some of them will resolve themselves. And your head won't explode.

Now I'm going to get out of the way.

 

[Proserpina]

And since I spent 45 minutes picking over my spelling and grammar and syntax and going outside to see what that noise was, my post is moot because it all got answered ahead of me. Sort of.

I just want to chime in once more and suggest you have way too many issues swirling around at once. The nature of the visicustosharitation, the obligation to arrange for child care, whether who gets to watch whom, etc. Stick with the more important one--figuring out what Dad's actual obligation is. Once one is resolved, some of them will resolve themselves. And your head won't explode.

Now I'm going to get out of the way.

"visicustosharitation" is now my favorite word. EVAH.

 

[frylover]

Dad is responsible for getting care for his children during his time. He has joint custody. He is responsible for providing care when he has to work or go out of town and he is supposed to have the children. That is the responsibility of having joint custody. So if not you, then he gets to hire care.

This kinda relates to stealths question about why the kids need childcare, and I admit I'm just curious, but if dad feels that his 12 and 15 year old children do not require a babysitter, does he have to hire one on his time? Or is it his choice to let them take care of themselves?