we told each other that we r seperated..nuthing on paper tho..she went to north carolina and got pregnant by some dude..she is get n food stamps for the 2 kids we have..we have a 6yr old and a 3yr old..im also sending as much child support as i can for the children that r with her..she dont work, she is get n ready get section 8 housing..im n the military and she iz using my healthcare that she is included in along wit the kids..she wants to use the health care for his baby till i get out..which should be bout a month..i kinda wanna push the adultry..becuz i dont want my kids grow n up using the system, section 8, foodstamps, etc..be cuz she dont wanna go get a job cuz she lazy..and right now she iz using me for the health care..
Well, here are the facts of the matter:
1. If she's collecting welfare, the state will probably come after you for it - at least for your legal children.
2. You are still legally married, so the unborn child will be legally yours when it's born.
3. Adultery probably won't matter much. It certainly won't affect whether you get a divorce. It won't affect custody. It COULD, in theory, affect spousal support and/or property division in some states, so it might depend on where you file.
4. Your inaction is going to make the process more difficult for you - particularly wrt custody.
What you should consider doing:
1. You can file for divorce in Hawaii, but they would not be able to determine custody or child support since your ex has been in NC for 6 months and established residency there. IF you had filed before she was in NC for 6 months, you would have had the Hawaii option, but that's gone. So you'll need to file in NC.
Note: If by '6 months' you were being approximate and you are still under the 6 month mark, see an attorney IMMEDIATELY and file for divorce so that you can still have custody determined in Hawaii. Of course, talk with the attorney about all the other factors (it wouldn't surprise me if CS and alimony are higher in Hawaii than NC, for example) before doing anything.
2. As part of the filing, you can ask for paternity on the unborn child to be disestablished upon birth. That will at least save you responsibility for someone else's child.
3. If you feel that you are better able to take care of the kids than her, you can ask the court for custody. If you had done this while Hawaii still had jurisdiction, you would have had a good chance. Now that they've established residency in NC, it's going to be extremely difficult to get custody. If you move there, it would help, but the status quo is for the child to be with Mom.
4. You need to get a CS order in place ASAP so that you're paying a court-ordered amount. If you don't, the state is going to be coming after you to reimburse what they're spending.