ljones35 said:
1) i am very worried about it confusing or upseting him,
2) we live in northwestern pa it's COLD here and there is no upstairs heat in the house ( there are no downstairs bedrooms or places for the baby to sleep downstairs ), and
3) as of right now the father lives with his parents and they are yet to accept the pregnancy. i don't want to send him somewhere where he'll be able to sense the tension.
The LEGAL answers to your posts.
YES the father will have the right to see his child.
YES visitations will be where the father lives, even if its at Grandma/Grandpa's house house.
Now....the reassurance that you wanting. I can't really give you.
(1) From personal experience, it is more confusing for a child that has never been around dad to adjust to over night visits. Dad needs the chance to bond with the child, just like mom. If dad is involved from day one, getting to spend some one on one time with the baby, it will make the over night visits easier for the baby.
(2) This is just an excuse, be honest. The grandparents and the son are living there, and apparently sleeping in the upstair rooms. Since they are not dying of pneumonia or human popsicles, it is safe to assume there is heat in the house. Dad is still living and breathing, so it is safe to assume that grandpa and grandma are "decent" at this parenting this. I am sure that they will make the bedroom warm and cozy for their newborn child / grandchild.
(3) rather they are ready to accept the pregnancy or not, there is a baby on the way. Dad lives there. They can either kick dad out or deal with the fact that baby will be around. Most grandparents adjust and melt the first time they look at those cute little pudgy faces.
But you can't condemn them for actions that you think they might make when the baby is born. Have the baby. Give them the chance to be parent / grandparents. And then.....if they are abusive, or neglectful -- then take action.
New mom jitters are normal. Although they aren't you, and as a new mom you want to be the one to do all the raising. Dad is capable to --- and if not totally "super dad" capable, he will get that way with experience.
Hang in there.