what will happen?

[mistoffolees]

Either way, Mom should have addressed the contact from Dad. Before I got my "legal education" (the hard way, not in school), I would have thrown it away too. As you said, most laymen would have. But "everyone else would have done it" isn't a valid defense, and Mom is stuck dealing with this all at once now instead of having some lead time. She only hurt herself.

Maybe I'm unusual, but if my child's other parent wanted to talk with them - even after being absent for a lot of time, I would have done something about it. Probably invited them to meet the child in my home and have supervised visitation for a while, but I would not have thrown the letter away.

And, as you point out, that's not a defense, anyway.

As I said before, I honestly don't see Mom getting any punishment for contempt at this point, but the other hardships (having to explain the Dad situation to daughter, having to reintegrate Dad into her life) will be punishment enough.

Maybe I'm overly cautious, but something strikes me as being incomplete in this story. While OP says that we've gotten the entire store, I've been here long enough to doubt it.

So, I would specifically add a qualifier that most people subconsciously add - assuming that we're getting the full story from OP, then it is unlikely that there will be significant penalties for contempt (if any at all).

 

[stealth2]

Ditto, fleeman!

 

[LdiJ]

Agreed. It is in the child's best interest for her parent to begin taking an active role in her life. It is not the court's fault that Mom lied about who Dad was, but never went ahead with adoption in the years that Dad was absent.

Mom stated quite clearly, later on in the thread, that the child knows perfectly well that she has an actual father out there. Therefore mom has not lied to the child. Several people keep insisting that mom has, even though she explained that quite clearly, and also explained that it would be impossible for the child to think otherwise, due to the family structure.

Either way, Mom should have addressed the contact from Dad. Before I got my "legal education" (the hard way, not in school), I would have thrown it away too. As you said, most laymen would have. But "everyone else would have done it" isn't a valid defense, and Mom is stuck dealing with this all at once now instead of having some lead time. She only hurt herself.

My point was, that most people are laypeople and bashing them because they do not adhere to the standards of someone who has been educated in the law, is not helpful. Educating them is helpful. Bashing them is not. Some people educated in the law would have ignored dad's letter as well.

As I said before, I honestly don't see Mom getting any punishment for contempt at this point, but the other hardships (having to explain the Dad situation to daughter, having to reintegrate Dad into her life) will be punishment enough.

I agree that its unlikely that mom is going to get any punishment for contempt. Since the child DOES know that the person she calls daddy is not her actual father, the traumna of the situation will not be as bad as it could have been otherwise.

 

[mistoffolees]

Mom stated quite clearly, later on in the thread, that the child knows perfectly well that she has an actual father out there. Therefore mom has not lied to the child. Several people keep insisting that mom has, even though she explained that quite clearly, and also explained that it would be impossible for the child to think otherwise, due to the family structure.

Wrong. In her very first post, she said "she believes my husband is her father." She also said "i would be hesitant to let contact begin at this point - she has no idea who he is!"

It couldn't be any clearer than that.

Of course, LATER she said "she does understand that my husband is not the 'sperm donor" - which simply reinforces that she's been lying - to us, this time.

My point was, that most people are laypeople and bashing them because they do not adhere to the standards of someone who has been educated in the law, is not helpful. Educating them is helpful. Bashing them is not. Some people educated in the law would have ignored dad's letter as well.

Not likely. As pointed out above, at least SOME reasonable people would have taken action.

But, then, reasonable people would not have been lying to the child all along.

I agree that its unlikely that mom is going to get any punishment for contempt. Since the child DOES know that the person she calls daddy is not her actual father, the traumna of the situation will not be as bad as it could have been otherwise.

Wrong. See above.

 

[LdiJ]

Wrong. In her very first post, she said "she believes my husband is her father." She also said "i would be hesitant to let contact begin at this point - she has no idea who he is!"

It couldn't be any clearer than that.

Of course, LATER she said "she does understand that my husband is not the 'sperm donor" - which simply reinforces that she's been lying - to us, this time.




Not likely. As pointed out above, at least SOME reasonable people would have taken action.

But, then, reasonable people would not have been lying to the child all along.



Wrong. See above.

Sorry, I simply disagree with you. You believe that she has lied to her daughter. I believe that she has not.

In either scenario the child would have no idea who the man who is her actual father is. He hasn't been there for basically her entire life.

 

[mistoffolees]

Sorry, I simply disagree with you. You believe that she has lied to her daughter. I believe that she has not.

What part of the following do you not understand?
In her very first post, she said "she believes my husband is her father." She also said "i would be hesitant to let contact begin at this point - she has no idea who he is!"

She did change her story after she was told how despicable her actions were, but I tend to discount that since it was entirely self-serving. Not to mention that it was much vaguer than "she believes my husband is her father".

In either scenario the child would have no idea who the man who is her actual father is. He hasn't been there for basically her entire life.

In either scenario, it is also not relevant. Legally, Dad contacted her and wanted to talk to the child - and she refused.

Dad WILL get visitation so it's not up to Mom.

 

[Antigone*]

Sorry, I simply disagree with you. You believe that she has lied to her daughter. I believe that she has not.

In either scenario the child would have no idea who the man who is her actual father is. He hasn't been there for basically her entire life.

It couldn't more clear that she has, but I guess you've decided to read between the lines instead of reading the lines

 

[Silverplum]

It couldn't more clear that she has, but I guess you've decided to read between the lines instead of reading the lines

IMHO, it's obvious -- to me -- that OP's change of story was just that: a change of her "story," and likely with the intent of avoiding further discussion with us about that "story."

 

[stealth2]

At the end of it, we really have NO idea what she's told this child, or what the child knows or doesn't. It makes no sense to argue it, really.

 

[Ohiogal]

At the end of it, we really have NO idea what she's told this child, or what the child knows or doesn't. It makes no sense to argue it, really.

No matter what though, if she really cares, she needs to get her child into counseling because dad is pursuing a relationship -- first with a letter and then with filing contempt.

OH and OP, regarding this:

support. the money comes from soc sec disability. not from the amount he collects - it is prorated based on what he earns from that. he gets the same amount whether she collects on his benefits or not. and that is absolutely not an issue because she is entitled to it.

SSD normally counts towards child support and can in effect replace social security. I find it interesting that you will make excuses to receive MONEY for her due to him but you won't accept that he is her father AND she has a right to know him and he has a right to know her. Your excuses are rather weak. You MIGHT be found in contempt for YOUR actions. It may very well be an issue that it is okay for YOU to have gotten this money for your child while telling the child that someone else is daddy and not letting her know or contact her father through your actions.

 

[LdiJ]

No matter what though, if she really cares, she needs to get her child into counseling because dad is pursuing a relationship -- first with a letter and then with filing contempt.

OH and OP, regarding this:

SSD normally counts towards child support and can in effect replace social security. I find it interesting that you will make excuses to receive MONEY for her due to him but you won't accept that he is her father AND she has a right to know him and he has a right to know her. Your excuses are rather weak. You MIGHT be found in contempt for YOUR actions. It may very well be an issue that it is okay for YOU to have gotten this money for your child while telling the child that someone else is daddy and not letting her know or contact her father through your actions.

I think its more the point that dad is not sacrificing anything or making any effort where the child is concerned in the child getting the SSI benefits. Its automatic just as it would be automatic if dad were deceased. Dad has no control over it at all. There is nothing that dad could do to make the benefits stop other than losing the benefits himself.

 

[Ohiogal]

I think its more the point that dad is not sacrificing anything or making any effort where the child is concerned in the child getting the SSI benefits. Its automatic just as it would be automatic if dad were deceased. Dad has no control over it at all. There is nothing that dad could do to make the benefits stop other than losing the benefits himself.

I get that. What I don't get is OP deciding she can ignore the existence of dad, let her daughter believe someone else is dad and still take the money. Sorry but she sounds like a major hypocrit. She will ignore dad's attempts at contact but still take whatever check she can get due to him. This isn't a case of dad making no attempts. This is a case of mom moving WITHOUT notifying the courts, ignoring dad's attempts at contact because her child thinks her sex partner is dad, and yet still having NO ISSUE with taking whatever dime she can as long as she doesn't have to deal with dad. I find THAT reprehensible.

 

[LdiJ]

I get that. What I don't get is OP deciding she can ignore the existence of dad, let her daughter believe someone else is dad and still take the money. Sorry but she sounds like a major hypocrit. She will ignore dad's attempts at contact but still take whatever check she can get due to him. This isn't a case of dad making no attempts. This is a case of mom moving WITHOUT notifying the courts, ignoring dad's attempts at contact because her child thinks her sex partner is dad, and yet still having NO ISSUE with taking whatever dime she can as long as she doesn't have to deal with dad. I find THAT reprehensible.

What you and I are seeing is two different things. I respect your opinion. However what I see is a dad who chose to have no contact with his child for many years (other than automatic SSI benefits counting as child support). In the meantime mom marries and her husband becomes a father figure to the child. The child knows that her stepfather is not her biological father. He biological father is a total stranger to her. Mom moved without notifying the courts because it never occurred to her that dad would pop back up, and besides her last known address was her parents house and they still live there...so she is easily findable.

Dad then pops out of the blue, MANY years later with a threatening letter. Mom decides to ignore him. Foolish maybe, but not malicious. He is a total stranger to the child making unreasonable demands. Many months later he files for contempt.

As far as I am concerned Mom is NOT the bad guy here. Maybe she isn't welcoming dad with open arms but she is not the one who basically abandoned the child for 9 years. Maybe dad doesn't deserve to be welcomed with open arms. Maybe dad needs to earn some trust first. If I were dad's mom, that is sure the heck what I would be telling dad.

 

[mistoffolees]

What you and I are seeing is two different things. I respect your opinion. However what I see is a dad who chose to have no contact with his child for many years (other than automatic SSI benefits counting as child support). In the meantime mom marries and her husband becomes a father figure to the child. The child knows that her stepfather is not her biological father.

We don't know any such thing.

Originally, OP stated that the child had no idea who her father was and that the father was a total stranger.

It was only after several people chastised her soundly that her story changed to her claiming that the child knew that OP's husband was not the father.

The whole thing reads very much like she was telling the truth at first and then changed the story to avoid criticism.

 

[Ohiogal]

What you and I are seeing is two different things. I respect your opinion. However what I see is a dad who chose to have no contact with his child for many years (other than automatic SSI benefits counting as child support). In the meantime mom marries and her husband becomes a father figure to the child. The child knows that her stepfather is not her biological father. He biological father is a total stranger to her. Mom moved without notifying the courts because it never occurred to her that dad would pop back up, and besides her last known address was her parents house and they still live there...so she is easily findable.

Dad then pops out of the blue, MANY years later with a threatening letter. Mom decides to ignore him. Foolish maybe, but not malicious. He is a total stranger to the child making unreasonable demands. Many months later he files for contempt.

As far as I am concerned Mom is NOT the bad guy here. Maybe she isn't welcoming dad with open arms but she is not the one who basically abandoned the child for 9 years. Maybe dad doesn't deserve to be welcomed with open arms. Maybe dad needs to earn some trust first. If I were dad's mom, that is sure the heck what I would be telling dad.

And maybe dad didn't abandon either but rather mom made it difficult for her to be found because she didn't follow the court orders in at least three instances. Sorry but I am not saying dad is an angel but neither is OP and she needs to realize that. And yes mom has acted malicious if you take ALL of her actions together.