Sole Custody

[AngieO'Plasty]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

I am going to divorce, and would like sole custody of my 5-month old child. I believe I am a much better parent. I have been my child's primary care giver since birth. I work nights, Friday night and Saturday night. This is the only time my significant other has ever cared for our child. Once divorced, I have family willing to watch my child while I work. I have been the only one to take our child to the doctor and do anything for our child.

I have a stable income (I make $4,200 a month after taxes/benefits). I provide all of our benefits. I have a stable environment that will allow my child to avoid day care, stay near family, and not have to move. I have good credit.

My spouse, once we divorce, has no income - at least none that is reported to the IRS. No access to any benefits. No stable environment to live in. No credit to rent an apartment. My spouse intends to move out of the state, to NY or CA, if we ever divorce.

Several times when my spouse has been caring for our child, while I've been at work, spouse has called me, demanding I find someone else to watch our child, because spouse is for whatever reason unable. I have never had to call someone else to watch our child when it has been my "turn."

My spouse has also engaged in 4+ extramarital affairs - 2 long term affairs, 2 one night stands, and spouse has also engaged in prostitution and pornography (filming self with porn star and selling video for profit.)

spouse also has violent temper. Has broken multiple dishes, pieces of furniture, fired a gun in the house, threatened me, threatened family pets - all events documented.

Spouse stormed out of 3 marital counseling sessions, refused individual counseling, and refused anger management.

Given our situation, is it likely I could be successful in obtaining full custody of our child? I would want and encourage spouse to have visitation, of course.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

I am going to divorce, and would like sole custody of my 5-month old child. I believe I am a much better parent. I have been my child's primary care giver since birth. I work nights, Friday night and Saturday night. This is the only time my significant other has ever cared for our child. Once divorced, I have family willing to watch my child while I work. I have been the only one to take our child to the doctor and do anything for our child.

I have a stable income (I make $4,200 a month after taxes/benefits). I provide all of our benefits. I have a stable environment that will allow my child to avoid day care, stay near family, and not have to move. I have good credit.

My spouse, once we divorce, has no income - at least none that is reported to the IRS. No access to any benefits. No stable environment to live in. No credit to rent an apartment. My spouse intends to move out of the state, to NY or CA, if we ever divorce.

Several times when my spouse has been caring for our child, while I've been at work, spouse has called me, demanding I find someone else to watch our child, because spouse is for whatever reason unable. I have never had to call someone else to watch our child when it has been my "turn."

My spouse has also engaged in 4+ extramarital affairs - 2 long term affairs, 2 one night stands, and spouse has also engaged in prostitution and pornography (filming self with porn star and selling video for profit.)

spouse also has violent temper. Has broken multiple dishes, pieces of furniture, fired a gun in the house, threatened me, threatened family pets - all events documented.

Spouse stormed out of 3 marital counseling sessions, refused individual counseling, and refused anger management.

Given our situation, is it likely I could be successful in obtaining full custody of our child? I would want and encourage spouse to have visitation, of course.

Sole custody is rarely ordered.

Joint legal with one parent being primary physical custodian and the other parent having ample visitation is much more common.

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

I am going to divorce, and would like sole custody of my 5-month old child. I believe I am a much better parent. I have been my child's primary care giver since birth. I work nights, Friday night and Saturday night. This is the only time my significant other has ever cared for our child. Once divorced, I have family willing to watch my child while I work. I have been the only one to take our child to the doctor and do anything for our child.

I have a stable income (I make $4,200 a month after taxes/benefits). I provide all of our benefits. I have a stable environment that will allow my child to avoid day care, stay near family, and not have to move. I have good credit.

My spouse, once we divorce, has no income - at least none that is reported to the IRS. No access to any benefits. No stable environment to live in. No credit to rent an apartment. My spouse intends to move out of the state, to NY or CA, if we ever divorce.

Several times when my spouse has been caring for our child, while I've been at work, spouse has called me, demanding I find someone else to watch our child, because spouse is for whatever reason unable. I have never had to call someone else to watch our child when it has been my "turn."

My spouse has also engaged in 4+ extramarital affairs - 2 long term affairs, 2 one night stands, and spouse has also engaged in prostitution and pornography (filming self with porn star and selling video for profit.)

spouse also has violent temper. Has broken multiple dishes, pieces of furniture, fired a gun in the house, threatened me, threatened family pets - all events documented.

Spouse stormed out of 3 marital counseling sessions, refused individual counseling, and refused anger management.

Given our situation, is it likely I could be successful in obtaining full custody of our child? I would want and encourage spouse to have visitation, of course.

It will be your obligation to foster a relationship between dad and child. No matter who has custody. You will have to iron out the details in your divorce.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

I am going to divorce, and would like sole custody of my 5-month old child. I believe I am a much better parent. I have been my child's primary care giver since birth. I work nights, Friday night and Saturday night. This is the only time my significant other has ever cared for our child. Once divorced, I have family willing to watch my child while I work. I have been the only one to take our child to the doctor and do anything for our child.

Sole/full custody is not the norm these days. Joint legal custody, (joint decision making) with a parenting schedule making one of the parent the primary custodial parent, is much more the norm.

I have a stable income (I make $4,200 a month after taxes/benefits). I provide all of our benefits. I have a stable environment that will allow my child to avoid day care, stay near family, and not have to move. I have good credit.

Irrelevant to custody. Nice for you, but irrelevant.

My spouse, once we divorce, has no income - at least none that is reported to the IRS. No access to any benefits. No stable environment to live in. No credit to rent an apartment. My spouse intends to move out of the state, to NY or CA, if we ever divorce.

The only thing relevant here is the fact that your spouse intends to move away to NY or CA...and that's a biggie.

Several times when my spouse has been caring for our child, while I've been at work, spouse has called me, demanding I find someone else to watch our child, because spouse is for whatever reason unable. I have never had to call someone else to watch our child when it has been my "turn."

Not really relevant

My spouse has also engaged in 4+ extramarital affairs - 2 long term affairs, 2 one night stands, and spouse has also engaged in prostitution and pornography (filming self with porn star and selling video for profit.)

How long ago did this happen? If it was before you impregnated her or allowed him to impregnate you, then its not relevant.

spouse also has violent temper. Has broken multiple dishes, pieces of furniture, fired a gun in the house, threatened me, threatened family pets - all events documented.

Documented as in police called or documented yourself? If its the latter, without outside proof, it never happened.

Spouse stormed out of 3 marital counseling sessions, refused individual counseling, and refused anger management.

Not relevant unless the counseling was court ordered.

Given our situation, is it likely I could be successful in obtaining full custody of our child? I would want and encourage spouse to have visitation, of course.

If you have really been the child's primary caretaker, and if the other parent really does move out of state, then you have a better than decent shot at primary custody. I cannot see full/sole custody happening because that's so rare these days and it doesn't sound like you can prove a lot of your allegations.

 

[sometwo]

I am going to divorce, and would like sole custody of my 5-month old child. I believe I am a much better parent. I have been my child's primary care giver since birth. I work nights, Friday night and Saturday night. This is the only time my significant other has ever cared for our child. Once divorced, I have family willing to watch my child while I work.

Just wanted to comment.

A 5 month old , at night can need a lot of caring for also. So by that statement dad is caring for the child and sounds like just as much as you .

Plus if dad is already watching child while work , why would you want to change that to a family member? Dad should be first choice.

 

[LdiJ]

Just wanted to comment.

A 5 month old , at night can need a lot of caring for also. So by that statement dad is caring for the child and sounds like just as much as you .

Plus if dad is already watching child while work , why would you want to change that to a family member? Dad should be first choice.

You should notice that the OP was VERY careful to be gender neutral. Personally my guess is that the OP is dad rather than mom.

 

[AngieO'Plasty]

One long term relationship continued during the pregnancy. One of the pornography filming sessions occurred during 8th month of pregnancy.

As to these, I have the contract with the porn star, the receipt/check for porn star's payment, and the film itself as proof - and I believe filming pornography is illegal in Texas? For the long-term affairs, I have a video of spouse making a confession about the adultery. I have emails from spouse to affair partners, discussing long-term affairs and one night stands. The dates on these emails are from during the pregnancy.

Some incidents of violent temper ocurred during pregnancy and after child's birth. Documented by police. Some incidents occurred prior to pregnancy. Those incidents were not documented by police.

For primary custody, doesn't the parent have to be able to provide a suitable home for child? Spouse, without credit, savings, or income, will be unable to provide a home. In fact, I'm not sure how spouse will manage for spouse's self... I suppose spouse will have to find some kind of job with stable income. But until that happens, spouse will have no means of supporting/housing child.

I have been primary care taker since birth. I took off 8 weeks from work (while spouse continued pursuing spouse's dream - to be professional musician). And then I changed my position to one where I only have to work 2 nights a week so as to miss less of child's life and be able to care for child more. I originally worked 3 days a week, but spouse insisted that was too much for spouse to take on, in terms of child care. spouse insisted I find another job where I could earn more money to pay for day care or work less for the same money so that spouse would not have to care for child as often. As child sleeps through the night, spouse really has no child care duties currently. Family watches child for 3 hours on Saturday and Sunday so I can sleep.

I have emails from spouse to me, demanding I find another position so that spouse doesn't have to do as much child care.

Why is sole custody so rare? I am happy to facilitate a relationship between spouse and child, and happy for spouse to have visitation, but believe that spouse is not capable at this point of being suitable parent to house/care for child. Also worried that spouse will continue in pornography, as spouse sees this as an easy way to make money without having to report to IRS. (I have emails with spouse stating exactly this.)

 

[Proserpina]

Spouse is apparently ok to look after child while you're working.

Spouse is therefore fit to look after child.

Sole custody is rare because the courts prefer both parents to have equal rights, responsibilities and access to the child/ren, and because it's usually seen as the fair thing to do.

 

[Antigone*]

Looks like Spouse and Spouse are going to share custody on this one. No matter what spouse says

 

[AngieO'Plasty]

Also, child has slept through the night since child was 2 months old.

I leave for work at 6:35 pm. I feed child dinner, bathe child, and dress child for night time. Spouse simply puts child into crib at 7 pm. I get home from work at approximately 7:08-7:1f2 am. Child generally wakes up for the day between 7:30 and 8:00 am. I am there to get child up, feed child breakfast, dress child for the day. I play with child until morning nap time (around 10:30 am) at which time my family watches child.. Spouse is generally still asleep at this point, as spouse stays up till approximately 4-5 am, and then sleeps until 2-3 pm. I sleep from 11-2, and then take over care of child.

child has not woken during the night for a feeding or diaper change since child was 9 weeks old. Of course, there is that potential for it to happen. However, spouse has often said (in email, so there is documentation) that spouse is too busy at night - pursuing musical career - to do much for child, so hopefully child will never need much at night. If child does, I am expected to leave work to resume child care. And I have left work on 2 occasions and called in sick on 1 because spouse did not feel up to watching child for those nights.

Spouse is ok to watch child while I am at work for several reasons - one, spouse is in a safe, secure environment (the home we share, and which I bought pre-marriage), and two, because child needs very little parenting at night. If child needs or potentially needs more than rescue from an emergent situation (fire, natural disaster, etc.) I come home or stay home from work to care for child. My family is on back-up call for spouse when I am at work. In addition to the 2 times I left work early and the one occasion where I called in sick, family has taken child 4 separate times. I have only been working on this night schedule for 3 months. Therefore, spouse has only watched child alone at night 10 times.

T

 

[LdiJ]

Also, child has slept through the night since child was 2 months old.

I leave for work at 6:35 pm. I feed child dinner, bathe child, and dress child for night time. Spouse simply puts child into crib at 7 pm. I get home from work at approximately 7:08-7:1f2 am. Child generally wakes up for the day between 7:30 and 8:00 am. I am there to get child up, feed child breakfast, dress child for the day. I play with child until morning nap time (around 10:30 am) at which time my family watches child.. Spouse is generally still asleep at this point, as spouse stays up till approximately 4-5 am, and then sleeps until 2-3 pm. I sleep from 11-2, and then take over care of child.

child has not woken during the night for a feeding or diaper change since child was 9 weeks old. Of course, there is that potential for it to happen. However, spouse has often said (in email, so there is documentation) that spouse is too busy at night - pursuing musical career - to do much for child, so hopefully child will never need much at night. If child does, I am expected to leave work to resume child care.

T

So you only get 3 hours of sleep a day? That makes you a bit of a danger to yourself and the child due to sleep deprivation. You had seriously best consider changing that pattern.

 

[Antigone*]

Also, child has slept through the night since child was 2 months old.

I leave for work at 6:35 pm. I feed child dinner, bathe child, and dress child for night time. Spouse simply puts child into crib at 7 pm. I get home from work at approximately 7:08-7:1f2 am. Child generally wakes up for the day between 7:30 and 8:00 am. I am there to get child up, feed child breakfast, dress child for the day. I play with child until morning nap time (around 10:30 am) at which time my family watches child.. Spouse is generally still asleep at this point, as spouse stays up till approximately 4-5 am, and then sleeps until 2-3 pm. I sleep from 11-2, and then take over care of child.

child has not woken during the night for a feeding or diaper change since child was 9 weeks old. Of course, there is that potential for it to happen. However, spouse has often said (in email, so there is documentation) that spouse is too busy at night - pursuing musical career - to do much for child, so hopefully child will never need much at night. If child does, I am expected to leave work to resume child care. And I have left work on 2 occasions and called in sick on 1 because spouse did not feel up to watching child for those nights.

Spouse is ok to watch child while I am at work for several reasons - one, spouse is in a safe, secure environment (the home we share, and which I bought pre-marriage), and two, because child needs very little parenting at night. If child needs or potentially needs more than rescue from an emergent situation (fire, natural disaster, etc.) I come home or stay home from work to care for child. My family is on back-up call for spouse when I am at work. In addition to the 2 times I left work early and the one occasion where I called in sick, family has taken child 4 separate times. I have only been working on this night schedule for 3 months. Therefore, spouse has only watched child alone at night 10 times.

T

Dude now you're just whining. How about some cheese with that?

Tigi out

 

[sometwo]

One long term relationship continued during the pregnancy. One of the pornography filming sessions occurred during 8th month of pregnancy.

As to these, I have the contract with the porn star, the receipt/check for porn star's payment, and the film itself as proof - and I believe filming pornography is illegal in Texas? For the long-term affairs, I have a video of spouse making a confession about the adultery. I have emails from spouse to affair partners, discussing long-term affairs and one night stands. The dates on these emails are from during the pregnancy.

Some incidents of violent temper ocurred during pregnancy and after child's birth. Documented by police. Some incidents occurred prior to pregnancy. Those incidents were not documented by police.

For primary custody, doesn't the parent have to be able to provide a suitable home for child? Spouse, without credit, savings, or income, will be unable to provide a home. In fact, I'm not sure how spouse will manage for spouse's self... I suppose spouse will have to find some kind of job with stable income. But until that happens, spouse will have no means of supporting/housing child.

I have been primary care taker since birth. I took off 8 weeks from work (while spouse continued pursuing spouse's dream - to be professional musician). And then I changed my position to one where I only have to work 2 nights a week so as to miss less of child's life and be able to care for child more. I originally worked 3 days a week, but spouse insisted that was too much for spouse to take on, in terms of child care. spouse insisted I find another job where I could earn more money to pay for day care or work less for the same money so that spouse would not have to care for child as often. As child sleeps through the night, spouse really has no child care duties currently. Family watches child for 3 hours on Saturday and Sunday so I can sleep.

I have emails from spouse to me, demanding I find another position so that spouse doesn't have to do as much child care.

Why is sole custody so rare? I am happy to facilitate a relationship between spouse and child, and happy for spouse to have visitation, but believe that spouse is not capable at this point of being suitable parent to house/care for child. Also worried that spouse will continue in pornography, as spouse sees this as an easy way to make money without having to report to IRS. (I have emails with spouse stating exactly this.)

and yet spouse still watches child at night and this has not affected the child

Also, child has slept through the night since child was 2 months old.

I leave for work at 6:35 pm. I feed child dinner, bathe child, and dress child for night time. Spouse simply puts child into crib at 7 pm. I get home from work at approximately 7:08-7:1f2 am. Child generally wakes up for the day between 7:30 and 8:00 am. I am there to get child up, feed child breakfast, dress child for the day. I play with child until morning nap time (around 10:30 am) at which time my family watches child.. Spouse is generally still asleep at this point, as spouse stays up till approximately 4-5 am, and then sleeps until 2-3 pm. I sleep from 11-2, and then take over care of child.

child has not woken during the night for a feeding or diaper change since child was 9 weeks old. Of course, there is that potential for it to happen. However, spouse has often said (in email, so there is documentation) that spouse is too busy at night - pursuing musical career - to do much for child, so hopefully child will never need much at night. If child does, I am expected to leave work to resume child care. And I have left work on 2 occasions and called in sick on 1 because spouse did not feel up to watching child for those nights.

Spouse is ok to watch child while I am at work for several reasons - one, spouse is in a safe, secure environment (the home we share, and which I bought pre-marriage), and two, because child needs very little parenting at night. If child needs or potentially needs more than rescue from an emergent situation (fire, natural disaster, etc.) I come home or stay home from work to care for child. My family is on back-up call for spouse when I am at work. In addition to the 2 times I left work early and the one occasion where I called in sick, family has taken child 4 separate times. I have only been working on this night schedule for 3 months. Therefore, spouse has only watched child alone at night 10 times.

Maybe spouse knows you'll do what needed so no need for spouse to do more.

I'm sure spouse does more than your saying. I'm sure the child probably has woke up some point at night or needed something. Nothing you have said would suggest it should not be joint.

 

[Proserpina]

Seriously - I see nothing here to justify sole custody.

Get used to co-parenting and the joys of joint custody!

Time to focus!

 

[AngieO'Plasty]

I get a normal amount of sleep Sunday night - Thursday night/Friday Am. It's only Saturday and Sunday that I get so little sleep. I only work Friday night and Saturday night.

I wasn't trying to whine/complain - I was just trying to explain why spouse has been "ok" to watch the child while I've been at work.

I don't mind our schedule or the fact that spouse contributes little. I love my child and would be happy to provide 24/7 care. However, one of us has to have an income, and as spouse's work (musical career) doesn't yet pay, the responsibility falls on me. This is the best arrangement I can find - allows me to be as close to a stay-at-home parent as possible.

If sole custody isn't a possibility, is it likely I would have primary custody?

And could I request that spouse visit child either at my residence or neutral territory until spouse obtains a place to live? (Spouse is contemplating staying with friends until move to NY or CA ... friends' are documented drug users and one friend has to register as known sex offender for molesting a child.) If spouse lives with such friends, would a request like that be reasonable?

What sort of visitation schedule is reasonable for a 5 month old child? Child is not breast-fed, if that makes any difference.

I would also think that spouse's lack of interest in parenting child would be a factor in custody. If spouse doesn't argue or agrees to sole custody, would a judge go along?