Dead Beat Dad

[Silverplum]

I said fury. The rest of y'all were stuck on that FURRY stuff.

This is true. I admit provoking BB. I am not ashamed!

Glad to see you back.

Thanks! Check your pms in one minute for good news.

 

[tigger22472]

I am one that is torn on the CS arrears issue and I double checked VA to make sure there isn't an SOL and there isn't so yeah it can be used against him forever.

I would suggest not letting him completely off the hook but maybe sweeten the deal a bit by forgiving some, not all. A judgement would be made for smaller amounts. For instance my CS order was for $113 a week. After the TPR and adoption it was knocked down to 60$ a week. Maybe offer to knock a little off now and if he agrees and pays the order as it's written for a while (he likely won't) you'll be willing to forgive more. It makes you appear to be cooperative and really it sounds like the adoption is in the best interest of the child so you want to do what it takes to make that happen.

 

[SadMom]

Forum Addiction

That's been my thought all along....my husband has thought to drop it and just worry about getting son's name and assets to himself. My thought has been, why does he get to just do what he wants and not be held responsible!

Looking forward on the posts....one of the reasons I'm getting addicted to this forum is the entertaining banter! Keep it coming! LMBO!

TERRIBLY addictive! And hilarious...the Cleo reference made me spew coffee earlier today.

 

[CCMominVA]

I am one that is torn on the CS arrears issue and I double checked VA to make sure there isn't an SOL and there isn't so yeah it can be used against him forever.

I would suggest not letting him completely off the hook but maybe sweeten the deal a bit by forgiving some, not all. A judgement would be made for smaller amounts. It makes you appear to be cooperative and really it sounds like the adoption is in the best interest of the child so you want to do what it takes to make that happen.

Thanks a lot! It helps to hear from the other side also. Deadbeat dad owes after all these years, according to what he was ordered to pay just about $30K. I would be happy to settle with him for half and relinquishing his parental rights. Otherwise, if he doesn't, he can just pay the entire amount and then some for the rest of our son's childhood.

Like I've said, we're fine without it, but forgiving him of all that he owes, to me is unconscionable. It's already bad enough that our boy does ask on the occasion why he (deadbeat) dad didn't want to be a dad to him. (When we had our talk that my husband was not his "blood" dad, I didn't want to badmouth ex, so I told him he just wasn't ready to be a dad, and that stepdad jumped at the opportunity to be his dad)

Anyways, I will go ahead and move forward with this, as it's been too long in coming to him. LOL

 

[CCMominVA]

TERRIBLY addictive! And hilarious...the Cleo reference made me spew coffee earlier today.

OMG....ain't that the truth!!! There are a few faves that I'm always checking out what their comments are!!! Hee hee!

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I said fury. The rest of y'all were stuck on that FURRY stuff. .

SO? You either like it or have it.

If you have it, using it to keep me warm is a GOOD thing.

 

[tigger22472]

Thanks a lot! It helps to hear from the other side also. Deadbeat dad owes after all these years, according to what he was ordered to pay just about $30K. I would be happy to settle with him for half and relinquishing his parental rights. Otherwise, if he doesn't, he can just pay the entire amount and then some for the rest of our son's childhood.

That is kind of how I look/looked at it. My ex owed 25K at the time we filed for the adoption. He was sent a letter and given the right to contest. He didn't because he wanted to pretend he didn't know anything about it. HAD he contested I was prepared to make a deal like that. My situation was a bit different. He saw the children for a bout a year off and on and then had stopped three years prior to the adoption. I was going to offer something like forgiving everything from the last 3 years.

Like I've said, we're fine without it, but forgiving him of all that he owes, to me is unconscionable. It's already bad enough that our boy does ask on the occasion why he (deadbeat) dad didn't want to be a dad to him. (When we had our talk that my husband was not his "blood" dad, I didn't want to badmouth ex, so I told him he just wasn't ready to be a dad, and that stepdad jumped at the opportunity to be his dad)

Here's what you have to remember.... In the end it doesn't matter... either your child is going to want to seek him out later in life, or he's not and what happens then is a toss up. AND someone who doesn't want to pay, isn't going to so then it's needless stress IMO.

Anyways, I will go ahead and move forward with this, as it's been too long in coming to him. LOL

My ex avoided being served for contempt on CS for over 4 years. CSE had all of his addresses but again he avoided. Just prior to filing for adoption I had told them not to bother anymore but every 3 months they set up a hearing, only to cancel it for failing to get him served. The adoption was finalized the end of June 2004. He allowed himself to get served for court in July 2004. He believed that the adoption wiped out everything. In our state even though they have only 30 days to contest, they have 1 year to attempt to vacate the adoption. It just means by then they need REALLY REALLY good grounds. After that year even if they are served fraudulently (he wasn't) he couldn't try to vacate. So, I waited for a year to go to court. They were getting money off and on. Supposedly all the issues had to do with the employer. I went to court twice and each time he tried to tell the judge I had illegally had the children adopted and even the second time attempted to get the kids' SS #s saying that he wanted to make them beneficiaries of his insurance. The judge kept telling him that was not the place for the adoption and when I refused the SS#s she told him she could not force me. In the end I made him a 'deal.' We were down to I think 23k. The state was owed about 3K of that. In the end the deal would have had him paying just over 2k to bring arrears from 23k to 3k. This was just a deal I offered but was not written in stone as I could not be forced to forgive the arrears. There were provisions that he had to pay the current order as it was written for a period of time.

In the end since he'd paid a few months regular the court did not redocket and I received 2 more payments and that's all. Everyone I knew told me that I was rewarding him by offering the deal. I knew I'd never see any money any other way (and my state DOES have a SOL) and I was just tired of dealing with it. I have everything documented and at the time of the adoption the kids were 9 and 12 and saw everything as well as I answered all of their questions.

Sorry I rambled but in the end this is your decision and either way you may later have to deal with it but it's much less stressful not... I don't see it as rewarding necessarily, I see it as getting on with my life.

 

[CCMominVA]

Sorry I rambled but in the end this is your decision and either way you may later have to deal with it but it's much less stressful not... I don't see it as rewarding necessarily, I see it as getting on with my life.

Don't worry about it! I appreciate all of the insight!

I actually found him (big surprise) on MySpace. Ha ha...listed his occupation and location, even put how much money he makes on there. I saw on the site that he (or new wife, rather) are now expecting twins. So, of course, I don't want to rob from his new life, but at the same time, he needs to step up and be responsible for the one he already has. Funny, where it asks if you have children he selected "Someday". Too bad, there wasn't a "Yes, but I ran out on them".

Anywho....we'll get this all sorted out, and I know that even though my son is headed towards scholarships (kids a genius, but no bias here), he'll have some stashed away for later in life.

 

[ceara19]

My ex avoided being served for contempt on CS for over 4 years. CSE had all of his addresses but again he avoided. Just prior to filing for adoption I had told them not to bother anymore but every 3 months they set up a hearing, only to cancel it for failing to get him served. The adoption was finalized the end of June 2004. He allowed himself to get served for court in July 2004. He believed that the adoption wiped out everything. In our state even though they have only 30 days to contest, they have 1 year to attempt to vacate the adoption. It just means by then they need REALLY REALLY good grounds. After that year even if they are served fraudulently (he wasn't) he couldn't try to vacate. So, I waited for a year to go to court. They were getting money off and on. Supposedly all the issues had to do with the employer. I went to court twice and each time he tried to tell the judge I had illegally had the children adopted and even the second time attempted to get the kids' SS #s saying that he wanted to make them beneficiaries of his insurance. The judge kept telling him that was not the place for the adoption and when I refused the SS#s she told him she could not force me. In the end I made him a 'deal.' We were down to I think 23k. The state was owed about 3K of that. In the end the deal would have had him paying just over 2k to bring arrears from 23k to 3k. This was just a deal I offered but was not written in stone as I could not be forced to forgive the arrears. There were provisions that he had to pay the current order as it was written for a period of time.

In the end since he'd paid a few months regular the court did not redocket and I received 2 more payments and that's all. Everyone I knew told me that I was rewarding him by offering the deal. I knew I'd never see any money any other way (and my state DOES have a SOL) and I was just tired of dealing with it. I have everything documented and at the time of the adoption the kids were 9 and 12 and saw everything as well as I answered all of their questions.

Sorry I rambled but in the end this is your decision and either way you may later have to deal with it but it's much less stressful not... I don't see it as rewarding necessarily, I see it as getting on with my life.

I did the complete opposite. I made it clear that I was not even going to entertain ANY kind of "deal" in exchange for his cooperation. However, I did make it VERY clear that if he want it to turn into an all out war, I was already prepared to commence with enforcement proceeding for child support and medical support and I gave him a sneak peak at my preliminary witness list if he wanted to take the TPR to trial. It included his brother, 2 uncles and his oldest daughter (HER suggestion, with her mom's OK, not mine). It didn't take long for his attorney to realize that I was serious about not negotiating. He still isn't actually cooperating, but he is no longer trying to contest the TPR. And if he ever tries to have the order vacated at a later date, I still have a HUGE amount of arrears to hang him with.

 

[ceara19]

Don't worry about it! I appreciate all of the insight!

I actually found him (big surprise) on MySpace. Ha ha...listed his occupation and location, even put how much money he makes on there. I saw on the site that he (or new wife, rather) are now expecting twins. So, of course, I don't want to rob from his new life, but at the same time, he needs to step up and be responsible for the one he already has. Funny, where it asks if you have children he selected "Someday". Too bad, there wasn't a "Yes, but I ran out on them".

Anywho....we'll get this all sorted out, and I know that even though my son is headed towards scholarships (kids a genius, but no bias here), he'll have some stashed away for later in life.

I know a few "techies" that could fix that!

 

[tigger22472]

I did the complete opposite. I made it clear that I was not even going to entertain ANY kind of "deal" in exchange for his cooperation. However, I did make it VERY clear that if he want it to turn into an all out war, I was already prepared to commence with enforcement proceeding for child support and medical support and I gave him a sneak peak at my preliminary witness list if he wanted to take the TPR to trial. It included his brother, 2 uncles and his oldest daughter (HER suggestion, with her mom's OK, not mine). It didn't take long for his attorney to realize that I was serious about not negotiating. He still isn't actually cooperating, but he is no longer trying to contest the TPR. And if he ever tries to have the order vacated at a later date, I still have a HUGE amount of arrears to hang him with.

Well and your ex doesn't have visitation rights, correct? Mine did (even if he didn't use them) and like Va, Texas doesn't have a SOL on CS. The SOL in Indiana runs out when the youngest child reaches 28(although CSE stops pursuing at age 18). I'm not sure but the TPR and adoption may have upped that but either way I wasn't getting any money, and wouldn't. He'd run until my now 13 yr. old is 28, if he knew it went that long and then it's just unneeded stress. Why worry about something I'm not going to change? Know what I mean?

So Ceara, this means your TPR is finally going to go through?

 

[CCMominVA]

Well and your ex doesn't have visitation rights, correct?

He was ordered "reasonable and seasonable" rights, which he hardly exercised.

 

[fairisfair]

I did the complete opposite. I made it clear that I was not even going to entertain ANY kind of "deal" in exchange for his cooperation. However, I did make it VERY clear that if he want it to turn into an all out war, I was already prepared to commence with enforcement proceeding for child support and medical support and I gave him a sneak peak at my preliminary witness list if he wanted to take the TPR to trial. It included his brother, 2 uncles and his oldest daughter (HER suggestion, with her mom's OK, not mine). It didn't take long for his attorney to realize that I was serious about not negotiating. He still isn't actually cooperating, but he is no longer trying to contest the TPR. And if he ever tries to have the order vacated at a later date, I still have a HUGE amount of arrears to hang him with.

I am with you Ceara, No way am I giving him a deal for legally terminating his parental rights, what the heck, look at the deal he gave me by Illegally ignoring his parental responsiblitities.

 

[tigger22472]

He was ordered "reasonable and seasonable" rights, which he hardly exercised.

Which likely covers you but techically I was asking Cerea. I don't believe her ex has visitation rights. In my case my ex did have them and absent me attempting to have them revoked (I had more than CS issus) he could have walked to my door any time he pleased and attempted visitation.

 

[ceara19]

Well and your ex doesn't have visitation rights, correct? Mine did (even if he didn't use them) and like Va, Texas doesn't have a SOL on CS. The SOL in Indiana runs out when the youngest child reaches 28(although CSE stops pursuing at age 18). I'm not sure but the TPR and adoption may have upped that but either way I wasn't getting any money, and wouldn't. He'd run until my now 13 yr. old is 28, if he knew it went that long and then it's just unneeded stress. Why worry about something I'm not going to change? Know what I mean?

So Ceara, this means your TPR is finally going to go through?

There's a no contact order in place, so he's not allowed anywhere near the kids.

It looks like the TPR is finally going to be granted. I've dealt with all of the "what if" concerns the Judge had (what if I get sick, die, fall on hard times, etc.), so even if he would have contested, the TPR would have likely been granted anyway based on his history. I'm glad there isn't going to be a long drawn out trial though.

Since Texas doesn't require step-parent adoption, that will be handled as a separate matter all together, but since this is a small area, the judge is already aware of our plans. The thing that really pi$$ed me off was that my ex wasn't really concerned one way or the other about his rights being terminated. He only wanted to contest someone else adopting the kids! Oh well, he'll be the one that ends up in some sub-standard, state run nursing home, covered in bedsores and laying in his own filth because he has no one left that gives a dam what happens to him. Don't you just LOVE Karma!