Child custody help pls

[TCool]

Thats a situation that won't happen, I'm not worried about that. What I'm worried about is what is going to happen a year and a half down the road when I transfer to Madsion. Neither of us want to take her away from the other, however if I am moving 130 miles south something is going to need to be done. What I am trying to do is find out what my options are.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Thats a situation that won't happen, I'm not worried about that. What I'm worried about is what is going to happen a year and a half down the road when I transfer to Madsion. Neither of us want to take her away from the other, however if I am moving 130 miles south something is going to need to be done. What I am trying to do is find out what my options are.

I told you what your options are. Either see an attorney and start the LEGAL custody process or face losing any contact with the child, have to travel to wherever she decides to move to assert any rights you MAY have and pay about 10 times more than you would now for the attorney.

Listen kid, you are asking for someone to walk you through a process that is not only complicated and state specific, but which would require a level of help that rises to representation and that is NOT allowed on this site.

I told you that your signing the AOP in the hospital means nothing legally. It simply means you agree that you are the father. It does NOT confer any legal rights to the child. That requires the court and an order of parentage.

I'm done with you. If you think you have any idea about this then there is nothing anyone here can do for you.

 

[TCool]

I don't think I have any idea about this, thats why I came for help. However, I must question why it is stated that the signing of the voluntary paternity acknowledgement form establishes legal paternity if it does not. I also don't want to be walked through this, I just want some advice. You gave me yours, you said I should get an attorney, which is obviously good advice. But, I can't afford one right now. If you don't want to help me thats fine. Thanks for the information you have already given me, and have a good day.

 

[stealth2]

Thats a situation that won't happen, I'm not worried about that. What I'm worried about is what is going to happen a year and a half down the road when I transfer to Madsion. Neither of us want to take her away from the other, however if I am moving 130 miles south something is going to need to be done. What I am trying to do is find out what my options are.

Then you're being naive, son.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? WI

Hopefully one of you can give me some good advice. My situation is: I have a 4 year old daughter, from the day I got my girlfriend pregnant (She was 18, I was 17) I did everything for her, like any father should. I got her an apartment because she was living in a not so good place, I paid all her bills, I allowed her not to work, and I went to every single doctor appointment. After my daughter was born I attempted to go to college but had to drop out to pay the bills because my girlfriend decided all she wanted to do was sit at home and do nothing. She didn't even clean, the place was disgusting, mold growing everywhere, nothing getting cleaned, until I would give up on her actually doing it and do it myself. After 3 years of fully supporting her I decided I had enough with her ways and I kicked her out(I had given her many chances to correct her ways). My daughter continued living with me full time, and would mainly only spend time with her mother while I was at work. I finally got myself out of the debt I incurred while with my daughters mom and got myself back into school. I thought her mother made a turn around because she moved back in to help me pay bills, and we were starting to be able to work things out after about a year. However, now she seemed to have found a new guy that has nothing to offer her or my daughter, and is now willing to go back on her agreements to help me get through school. I now have the opportunity to attend a great school, UW-Madison, and she seems willing to just toss out all the opportunities this would mean for me, my daughter, and her. I've come up with a plan that would help us all, and explained what this could mean for my daughters future, but she just doesn't seem to care. I don't know if any of this stuff really matters, but now she is refusing to move to Madison with me(its about 130 miles south of where we live now), and when I transfer there custody is going to have to go one way or another. So, I was hoping that the fact that I have always put my daughters interest first, and was 100% financial supporter of her for most of her life, would be an advantage for me when we end up in court fighting for custody. I really don't want to leave my daughter, it would be so hard to be that far away from her, and the experience for her would be great because I currently live in a small central WI area where there is really nothing for her future. Will the courts consider all this? Or do I have a huge disadvantage just because she is the mother, and because I am the one leaving? Would the fact that I've been doing everything to work with her, and even come up with a plan that would greatly benefit her future work in my favor? Also, would it matter that the person she's chosen to spend all her time with now is a class-c felon?

I'm sorry about all the questions, but its not every day someone like me gets the opportunity to attend a great college like that, plus the school of business, which I plan on attending, ranks very high in the nation. So, I'm very desperate to find a way to make this work without having to leave my daughter. I think her mother has proven that she does not make decisions that are in the best interest of her daughter. Any help you guys could give me would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks much,

Tim

Honestly, custody is not determined by who has provided the most for the child financially. Custody is determined by who has been the primary caretaker to the child, assuming that the parents are equally fit from a legal standpoint.

Its quite difficult to get permission to move a child away from the other parent. Its not impossible because some people are given the right to do so. However, since you don't currently have custody legally, you have to face the fact that you might not win.

 

[Ohiogal]

I don't think I have any idea about this, thats why I came for help. However, I must question why it is stated that the signing of the voluntary paternity acknowledgement form establishes legal paternity if it does not. I also don't want to be walked through this, I just want some advice. You gave me yours, you said I should get an attorney, which is obviously good advice. But, I can't afford one right now. If you don't want to help me thats fine. Thanks for the information you have already given me, and have a good day.

An AOP does establish paternity. HOWEVER you have no custody rights until they are conferred upon you by a court. All you have done is stated you are the father. That does not give you any rights because you were not married to mom at the time of the baby's birth. Hence mom has sole legal and physical custody and you do not even have the right of visitation. And BB is correct -- you NEED an attorney. It is not a question of not wanting to help you -- but it is a question of you needing more help than is feasible.
Start with the following though --
the statutes regarding paternity, custody and visitation for your state.
The rules of civil procedure for your state.
The county's local rules.
The case law that applies to the statutes.
Then try to figure out how to properly file in court and serve the other party.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

An AOP does establish paternity. HOWEVER you have no custody rights until they are conferred upon you by a court. All you have done is stated you are the father. That does not give you any rights because you were not married to mom at the time of the baby's birth. Hence mom has sole legal and physical custody and you do not even have the right of visitation. And BB is correct -- you NEED an attorney. It is not a question of not wanting to help you -- but it is a question of you needing more help than is feasible.
Start with the following though --
the statutes regarding paternity, custody and visitation for your state.
The rules of civil procedure for your state.
The county's local rules.
The case law that applies to the statutes.
Then try to figure out how to properly file in court and serve the other party.

You forgot rules of evidence, depositions and discovery along with answering the cross-complaint.

 

[TCool]

Well, thanks for all the good information people. And, so BB feels better, I may have found a way to get financial assistance for an attorney.

But thanks for the list of things that I need to know, this is definately something that I am willing to do LOTS of research on.

Thanks for all the help, even if you did call me a retard in the process.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Well, thanks for all the good information people. And, so BB feels better, I may have found a way to get financial assistance for an attorney.

But thanks for the list of things that I need to know, this is definately something that I am willing to do LOTS of research on.

Thanks for all the help, even if you did call me a retard in the process.

I will call anyone that who puts the future of their child in jeopardy by playing attorney.

 

[TCool]

I am not playing attorney, I am trying to get information so I can consider my options. Right now I see my options as passing up my great educational opportunity, taking that opportunity and leaving my daughter for a while, or fighting to be able to take her with me which I'm not sure is the best idea. Before I go spending money (which I may not have to spend much now, we'll see) I would like to see if I even have a chance. I don't wanna pay a couple hundred dollars to go to an attorney to be told that I have no chance at winning. Please don't question my parenting, I have and always will put my daughter first, requesting information about custody laws does not mean I am putting my childs future in jeopardy.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I am not playing attorney, I am trying to get information so I can consider my options. Right now I see my options as passing up my great educational opportunity, taking that opportunity and leaving my daughter for a while, or fighting to be able to take her with me which I'm not sure is the best idea. Before I go spending money (which I may not have to spend much now, we'll see) I would like to see if I even have a chance. I don't wanna pay a couple hundred dollars to go to an attorney to be told that I have no chance at winning. Please don't question my parenting, I have and always will put my daughter first, requesting information about custody laws does not mean I am putting my childs future in jeopardy.

You have ONE option, or better said, a FATHER would have only ONE option. And that is your child. PERIOD. all the rest is contingent options.

So, if it takes putting your 'dreams' on hold to raise a child then a FATHER would have no hesitation on the decision, regardless of the cost.

THAT is what I'm trying to get you to realize.

At the present time, if the mother says no, and you do NOT hire an attorney to protect your rights, IF you are the father, then you will not win.

if you are the father, proven by a DNA test and certified by the court, THEN the rest of the decision can be made.

That's my problem with you right now. You are making a decision based on no factual basis at the present time. You are not even the father of this child and have no legal rights to the child. And until you do, any discussion is moot.

So, you think about $500 to find help in getting to that level might be worth it? Or do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering if you really are the father? A real father would not put a child through that.

 

[TCool]

Yes, my one option is my child. However, right now I'm debating whether or not its worth her not seeing her father for a while because of the benefit my education would have on her future. My main motivation for this education is because I want a career that will get me enough money to be able to put her through college without her worrying about anything. This could be done with an education from this school.

Also, I am making no decision, I am getting information. I was NOT aware that I had no legal right until I came here. Because of that information, I will be taking steps to ensure that my rights are protected. Because of that information I HAVE done much researching, and have possibly found a way to have an attorney paid for. One thing you need to realize is that its not a matter of me not wanting to pay the money, its a matter of me NOT HAVING IT.

I will be having a DNA test done.

Believe me, I am not going to do anything that will hurt my daughter. As I stated before, I am here only to request information.

 

[acmb05]

I am not playing attorney, I am trying to get information so I can consider my options. Right now I see my options as passing up my great educational opportunity, taking that opportunity and leaving my daughter for a while, or fighting to be able to take her with me which I'm not sure is the best idea. Before I go spending money (which I may not have to spend much now, we'll see) I would like to see if I even have a chance. I don't wanna pay a couple hundred dollars to go to an attorney to be told that I have no chance at winning. Please don't question my parenting, I have and always will put my daughter first, requesting information about custody laws does not mean I am putting my childs future in jeopardy.

No attorney is going to tell you that. If anything they are going to put great thoughts into your head that you have an excellant chance of winning so that you will hire THEM

 

[BadDecision]

No attorney is going to tell you that. If anything they are going to put great thoughts into your head that you have an excellant chance of winning so that you will hire THEM

They may also give you options and a way to get something established.

There is no such thing as a "good chance".

Well, there's a good chance you can't predict the outcome

 

[TCool]

No attorney is going to tell you that. If anything they are going to put great thoughts into your head that you have an excellant chance of winning so that you will hire THEM

Well, I've talked to attorneys before about things and the guy I talked to seemed to be pretty straight forward about my chances. He made it very clear that although I had a solid case it could really end up screwing me in the end because of some conflicting laws or something like that.

Wouldn't attorneys not want to do that because if they take a bunch of cases with low probability of winning they would lose more and hurt their reputation?