Children unattended so dad can party?????

[Raisingmaddy]

What is the name of your state? WA

Ok, I am not trying to be petty, really I'm not, but I am very concerned. My ex has parenting time twice a month (We live two hours apart) The kids are 11, 7, and 4. This last weekend was his weekend with the kids. On the way home they told me that dad and his girlfriend had a party to go to and left them at home unattended Saturday night! I honestly don't think I am being overprotective, I think they are WAY too young to be left alone while daddy goes out partying. I think he was totally and completely irresponsible and would like to know if I am out of line, and if not is there anything I can do if this is something he continues to do?

Any opinions/advice would be greatly appreaciated

 

[CJane]

Really it depends on several factors... there is no 'set age' where it's ok to leave children alone or babysitting their siblings.

How long was dad gone?
Does dad have neighbors?
Does dad have a functioning telephone?
Does the 11 year old have the maturity to handle every day situations?
Does the 11 year old know how to call 911?

 

[jbowman]

Can you explain your concerns with dad? Dont put him on the defensive. Just try to explain that you do not feel that your 11 year old has the maturity right now to handle being in charge of two younger children. Also offer to go get the kids if he wants to go out.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

Really it depends on several factors... there is no 'set age' where it's ok to leave children alone or babysitting their siblings.

How long was dad gone?
Does dad have neighbors?
Does dad have a functioning telephone?
Does the 11 year old have the maturity to handle every day situations?
Does the 11 year old know how to call 911?

My son said he left at nine, and he fell asleep at 1:00 and they still were not home.
7 year old was also up this whole time.
Dad does have neighbors
He does not have a home phone, but left a cell phone.
My son is very responsible, my daughters however, are not. They are very young and do not like to listen (Especially to their brother).
I have talked to my children about calling 911, but I am not sure how they would react if the situation was necessary.

I know my son is very responsible, but I don't think he is mature enough, or capable of taking care of his little sisters since they are only 4 and 7. I am also concerned what would happen if Dad was pulled over and got a DUI while out drinking and went to jail (this has happened before, twice) and the kids were home by themselves.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

Can you explain your concerns with dad? Dont put him on the defensive. Just try to explain that you do not feel that your 11 year old has the maturity right now to handle being in charge of two younger children. Also offer to go get the kids if he wants to go out.

I have tried to call him several times since I found out and he won't answer his phone, or even return my calls. He is very vindictive and likes to play games. He won't let me keep them for him, to him it's all about control. I never find anything out until after the fact.

 

[CJane]

I know my son is very responsible, but I don't think he is mature enough, or capable of taking care of his little sisters since they are only 4 and 7. I am also concerned what would happen if Dad was pulled over and got a DUI while out drinking and went to jail (this has happened before, twice) and the kids were home by themselves.

Honestly, while I think your concerns are justified... there's not a lot you can do about it as dad is free to determine for himself whether he deems the children responsible enough to be left alone... and the fact that nothing bad happened (while perhaps a fluke) bears up his belief.

My kids are 10, 7 and 14 months... I've left the 10 year old home with just the baby for up to 2 hours, and left all three of them home for shorter spans of time, as well as leaving the 2 older kids and taking the baby with me... their dad would probably be furious if he knew, but the 10 year old is going on 42, and very responsible, and they have my number, my dad's number (he lives 15 minutes away) my boyfriend's number (also 15 minutes away) and know all about 911.

This is probably something you'll have to grin and bear.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

Honestly, while I think your concerns are justified... there's not a lot you can do about it as dad is free to determine for himself whether he deems the children responsible enough to be left alone... and the fact that nothing bad happened (while perhaps a fluke) bears up his belief.

My kids are 10, 7 and 14 months... I've left the 10 year old home with just the baby for up to 2 hours, and left all three of them home for shorter spans of time, as well as leaving the 2 older kids and taking the baby with me... their dad would probably be furious if he knew, but the 10 year old is going on 42, and very responsible, and they have my number, my dad's number (he lives 15 minutes away) my boyfriend's number (also 15 minutes away) and know all about 911.

This is probably something you'll have to grin and bear.

Wow, you are so much braver than I am I do try not to be overprotective, but I just don't think they are ready, and it makes me so nervous to think of the things that COULD happen while dad is out drinking.

 

[emilydlovell]

I totally understand the feeling. my ex has been living with his family, including a brother in law that is a level 2 sex offender. I learned today that because our parenting plan does NOT specify visitation, im under no obligation to provide it to him. i want my daughter to know her father, but not to be left alone with him until he proves wiser. what does your parenting plan specify? im in wa as well...

 

[Raisingmaddy]

I totally understand the feeling. my ex has been living with his family, including a brother in law that is a level 2 sex offender. I learned today that because our parenting plan does NOT specify visitation, im under no obligation to provide it to him. i want my daughter to know her father, but not to be left alone with him until he proves wiser. what does your parenting plan specify? im in wa as well...

That is scary! I absolutely would not let my little ones go visit if there was a sex offender in the home. My order is very well spelled out when it comes to parenting time ( I did it myself ) how do you have a parenting plan that does not specify visitation?

 

[emilydlovell]

our parenting plan is blank when it comes to visitation because he wanted to leave it blank. turns out he shot himself in the foot because now the next time the law dictates i have to let him even see her is thanksgiving. I am mainly struggling now with the choice of offering supervised visitation or just getting her PERMINATLY the hell away from him and his horrible family. its a catch 22. can you keep the kids away from him at least until you can talk to him? where in wa are you>?

 

[Raisingmaddy]

our parenting plan is blank when it comes to visitation because he wanted to leave it blank. turns out he shot himself in the foot because now the next time the law dictates i have to let him even see her is thanksgiving. I am mainly struggling now with the choice of offering supervised visitation or just getting her PERMINATLY the hell away from him and his horrible family. its a catch 22. can you keep the kids away from him at least until you can talk to him? where in wa are you>?

Oh no, definitely no. I don't always agree with a lot of the choices he makes with them, but I would never want to keep them from him.

 

[FITFatherof2]

This simply comes down to differences in parenting style. Dad is going to say the kids have his cell number and the neighbors knew to look out for the kids. This may make mom look like she is attempting to interfere with Dad's time with the kids.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

This simply comes down to differences in parenting style. Dad is going to say the kids have his cell number and the neighbors knew to look out for the kids. This may make mom look like she is attempting to interfere with Dad's time with the kids.

It is definitely a difference in parenting styles, and I still do not agree with his choices but I would never try to keep our little ones from him, that certainly wouldn't solve anything.

 

[FITFatherof2]

It is definitely a difference in parenting styles, and I still do not agree with his choices but I would never try to keep our little ones from him, that certainly wouldn't solve anything.
Today 10:27 PM

When I said it may look like you are attempting to intefere with fathers time, I was not meaning that you would keep the children from the father. What I meant was when Dad has the kids it is his time and he should not be questioned about the decisions he makes for his kids during his time with them. The judges I have been in front of in Pierce county frown upon this.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

When I said it may look like you are attempting to intefere with fathers time, I was not meaning that you would keep the children from the father. What I meant was when Dad has the kids it is his time and he should not be questioned about the decisions he makes for his kids during his time with them. The judges I have been in front of in Pierce county frown upon this.

I don't interfere with dads time with the kids, I am just questioning if his most recent decision is safe considering the ages of our children.