Advice for a teen mother please

[isis297]

***Moved to the "other family law" folder...sorry for posting in the wrong area.***

What is the name of your state? MD

I am not sure if I am posting this in the right area. If not, I apologize.

A friend's 15 year old daughter is in the hospital now having her baby. The father is 16. The paternal grandmother is making demands and if the maternal side disagrees at all, the PG threatens to have the baby taken away. The father to be just does whatever his mother says. The mother to be wants the baby to have her last name. She knows the boyfriend and her most likely won't stay together. The PG is having a fit about this and making threats. I understand because of child support and such it is probably best to at least have the father's name on the birth certificate but everybody is scared now that the PG is going to have her son take the baby away.

The mother to be's family is a low income family. They don't have a lot of resources. The PG uses that to threaten them as well. The PG has pretty much made it clear she doesn't care about either of the teens...she just wants the baby.

Where can I go to look up this teen girl's rights and what she needs to do to protect herself? I can't seem to find anything online. They are scared to even fill out the birth certificate for fear that anything they do is going to be used against them.

I appreciate any advice.

 

[LdiJ]

***Moved to the "other family law" folder...sorry for posting in the wrong area.***

What is the name of your state? MD

I am not sure if I am posting this in the right area. If not, I apologize.

A friend's 15 year old daughter is in the hospital now having her baby. The father is 16. The paternal grandmother is making demands and if the maternal side disagrees at all, the PG threatens to have the baby taken away. The father to be just does whatever his mother says. The mother to be wants the baby to have her last name. She knows the boyfriend and her most likely won't stay together. The PG is having a fit about this and making threats. I understand because of child support and such it is probably best to at least have the father's name on the birth certificate but everybody is scared now that the PG is going to have her son take the baby away.

The mother to be's family is a low income family. They don't have a lot of resources. The PG uses that to threaten them as well. The PG has pretty much made it clear she doesn't care about either of the teens...she just wants the baby.

Where can I go to look up this teen girl's rights and what she needs to do to protect herself? I can't seem to find anything online. They are scared to even fill out the birth certificate for fear that anything they do is going to be used against them.

I appreciate any advice.

The girl and her parents need to tell the paternal grandmother to "pound sand". In fact, if she is causing the girl distress through her labor, they need to ask the doctor's to remove grandma from the birthing room.

Grandma cannot take the baby away unless she can prove, with hard cold evidence, that both the girl and her parents are legally unfit. Even her son has no rights until paternity is legally established and a court gives him rights.

Mom has the right to give her child any last name that she wants.

I really DESPISE grandparents who act in this manner.

 

[isis297]

Thank you...

The PG works at the hospital the girl is at so they feel she has "influence". I told her that as the girl's mother, the maternal grandmother has influence too and that the hospital either removes the disturbance or she would go up the ladder at the hospital until she was satisfied.

Should there be any concern as to putting his name on the birth certificate? I think their concern too is that the girl's father has had trouble in the past and she is afraid that they are going to use that to say she is unfit.

So basically they need to tell the paternal side to chill out until they come up with a legal agreement and/or go to court where I am guessing visitation and support will be decided? This is such a sad case because the father to be is difficult in his own ways...the mother to be can't even go to the bathroom without him waiting outside the door for her.

 

[LdiJ]

The PG works at the hospital the girl is at so they feel she has "influence". I told her that as the girl's mother, the maternal grandmother has influence too and that the hospital either removes the disturbance or she would go up the ladder at the hospital until she was satisfied.

Should there be any concern as to putting his name on the birth certificate? I think their concern too is that the girl's father has had trouble in the past and she is afraid that they are going to use that to say she is unfit.

So basically they need to tell the paternal side to chill out until they come up with a legal agreement and/or go to court where I am guessing visitation and support will be decided? This is such a sad case because the father to be is difficult in his own ways...the mother to be can't even go to the bathroom without him waiting outside the door for her.

I don't care if the paternal grandma works at the hospital or not. If they don't want her in there they need to insist that she be removed.

I don't know whether or not MD gives equal rights to both parents if the father has signed the AOP and is listed on the birth certificate (many states don't), however, with the way that this paternal grandmother is behaving it would probably be better to err on the side of caution, and leave dad off until things are established legally, in court.

 

[Gracie3787]

***Moved to the "other family law" folder...sorry for posting in the wrong area.***

What is the name of your state? MD

I am not sure if I am posting this in the right area. If not, I apologize.

A friend's 15 year old daughter is in the hospital now having her baby. The father is 16. The paternal grandmother is making demands and if the maternal side disagrees at all, the PG threatens to have the baby taken away. The father to be just does whatever his mother says. The mother to be wants the baby to have her last name. She knows the boyfriend and her most likely won't stay together. The PG is having a fit about this and making threats. I understand because of child support and such it is probably best to at least have the father's name on the birth certificate but everybody is scared now that the PG is going to have her son take the baby away.

The mother to be's family is a low income family. They don't have a lot of resources. The PG uses that to threaten them as well. The PG has pretty much made it clear she doesn't care about either of the teens...she just wants the baby.

Where can I go to look up this teen girl's rights and what she needs to do to protect herself? I can't seem to find anything online. They are scared to even fill out the birth certificate for fear that anything they do is going to be used against them.

I appreciate any advice.

The paternal grandmother is incorrect in thinking that the mother to be and family have few resources. Usually it is quite the opposite, once the baby is born the mother will have all kinds of resources due to being low income. One of those will be the availability of the services of the state CS enforcement agency. If the mother is or will be recieving any type of public assistance, the CSE agency will be very very involved in CS and referrals to other social service agencies.

While it is true that the mother can initially give the baby any surname she wants, the father will have the right to petition the court to give his baby his surname.

 

[LdiJ]

While it is true that the mother can initially give the baby any surname she wants, the father will have the right to petition the court to give his baby his surname.

That is true, however these days it doesn't happen nearly as often as it did in the past.

 

[Bluemonkey]

The baby's mama should leave the dad off the BC.
If the name is not on the BC, then the father (not the grandmother) will have to file with the courts to establish paternity. Prior to paternity being established, neither of them have a single legal right at all. Paternal grandmother can hoot her head off and it won't get her anywhere.

Don't let her bully them which is what she's doing. Generally the ones that yell the loudest have the least to back them up. They try to get their way with fear because legally they don't have too many rights at all.

Blue

 

[nextwife]

However, Mom and her family need to realize that once dad does establish paternity legally, and file for jt. custody, visitation, etc, he will have just as much right as mom to make important decisions regarding their baby, and that paternal GM WILL be involved with the baby as much as maternal GM because dad is also a child and living at home, just as mom is.

Right now, they are all fixating on one day out of the baby's life, but the WHOLE picture is that dad will ultimately, if he is the father, have the child in his home too, and have jt decision making rights. Neither maternal nor paternal family calls all the shots.

 

[IrishLady47]

What bothers me about this whole post is that nobody is addressing the fact the neither the "legal" mother of the baby nor the "to be determined legal" father of the baby are in a position to effectively raise this child. Two kids just had a kid--there better start being a whole lot more cooperation from EVERYONE for the innocent child to have a chance.

 

[isis297]

She did it anyhow :-|

I agree with everything all of you have said. It's an unfortunate set of circumstances all around and the one who is going to suffer the most is going to be that baby.

As I mentioned before, the girl's family is low income so her mother has had to go to work when she was sheduled to. She couldn't afford to lose her job. While she has been at work, the boy and his mother have been at the hospital. While the girl's mother TOLD her not to put his name on the birth certificate or to give in and give the baby the boy's last name, the PG got her to do it anyhow. Both his name was put on the form AND the baby was given his last name even though that isn't what the girl had said she wanted.

Her mother asked me if there was anything she can do as the mother of the girl since she is a minor and her mother wasn't present. I told her I didn't think so since her daughter would have had to have signed the form agreeing the information was correct. I don't see how she can have it changed but thought I'd better ask you guys since you have been so wonderful and full of knowledge already.

My children are very young but this makes me really aware of things to cover with them as THEY get older. This is a situation these two families are going to have to live with TOGETHER now for the rest of their lives.

 

[nextwife]

I agree with everything all of you have said. It's an unfortunate set of circumstances all around and the one who is going to suffer the most is going to be that baby.

As I mentioned before, the girl's family is low income so her mother has had to go to work when she was sheduled to. She couldn't afford to lose her job. While she has been at work, the boy and his mother have been at the hospital. While the girl's mother TOLD her not to put his name on the birth certificate or to give in and give the baby the boy's last name, the PG got her to do it anyhow. Both his name was put on the form AND the baby was given his last name even though that isn't what the girl had said she wanted.

Her mother asked me if there was anything she can do as the mother of the girl since she is a minor and her mother wasn't present. I told her I didn't think so since her daughter would have had to have signed the form agreeing the information was correct. I don't see how she can have it changed but thought I'd better ask you guys since you have been so wonderful and full of knowledge already.

My children are very young but this makes me really aware of things to cover with them as THEY get older. This is a situation these two families are going to have to live with TOGETHER now for the rest of their lives.

The girls mother needs to realize that she only has legal say over her own daughter, not the baby. The minor DOES have decision making rights as to her own baby and does NOT legally need to wait for her own mom to sign off on any decisions about THE BABY.

 

[isis297]

Other than somehow keeping her daugher away from the boy and his mother which has proven to be impossible for her to do so far, what else can she do to maintain control over her own daughter? They discuss things and the girl tells her mother what she wants but when she is alone with the boy and his mother, his mother gets her to do what she wants her to. The girl has talked to my mom and my mom has seen it first hand where she will tell her one thing and then as soon as the boy opens his mouth to the contrary, the girl will back peddle and say whatever he does. She has told my mom and hers that she is scared of the boy's father because he has a bad temper and will throw things and a couple of times came close to hitting her with said items while she was pregnant. In OUR heads we would think "well why the hell does she not stay away from him and his family" but I guess in a scared 15 year old's head, she is too afraid to do anything else. She is scared to death they will take the baby so she stays with him and does whatever they tell her to.

I see where you guys are all coming from. I get so irritated myself that I want to go and just shake some sense into her but then I remember that she is a 15 year old kid. I thought I knew everything when I was that age too. My what a vicious cycle because now I know better but I know in less than 10 years, my children will think they know everything too.

I am just really concerned that this woman has so much control over the girl. Her mother is at wits end because she can't risk losing her job so she can't watch her daughter 24/7. She's beginning to wonder what's she is to do because seeing her daughter make the decisions she does as a result of this other woman is making her sick. On one hand, I wonder why the girl doesn't just go live with the boy and his mother if she is going to keep just doing what they tell her to anyhow. Her mom has stood by her through everything but the control this boy's mother has over her is uncomparable and it isn't out of love which makes it extremely sad.

 

[nextwife]

Other than somehow keeping her daugher away from the boy and his mother which has proven to be impossible for her to do so far, what else can she do to maintain control over her own daughter? They discuss things and the girl tells her mother what she wants but when she is alone with the boy and his mother, his mother gets her to do what she wants her to. The girl has talked to my mom and my mom has seen it first hand where she will tell her one thing and then as soon as the boy opens his mouth to the contrary, the girl will back peddle and say whatever he does. She has told my mom and hers that she is scared of the boy's father because he has a bad temper and will throw things and a couple of times came close to hitting her with said items while she was pregnant. In OUR heads we would think "well why the hell does she not stay away from him and his family" but I guess in a scared 15 year old's head, she is too afraid to do anything else. She is scared to death they will take the baby so she stays with him and does whatever they tell her to.

I see where you guys are all coming from. I get so irritated myself that I want to go and just shake some sense into her but then I remember that she is a 15 year old kid. I thought I knew everything when I was that age too. My what a vicious cycle because now I know better but I know in less than 10 years, my children will think they know everything too.

I am just really concerned that this woman has so much control over the girl. Her mother is at wits end because she can't risk losing her job so she can't watch her daughter 24/7. She's beginning to wonder what's she is to do because seeing her daughter make the decisions she does as a result of this other woman is making her sick. On one hand, I wonder why the girl doesn't just go live with the boy and his mother if she is going to keep just doing what they tell her to anyhow. Her mom has stood by her through everything but the control this boy's mother has over her is uncomparable and it isn't out of love which makes it extremely sad.

My PERSONAL opinion is that a 15 or 16 year old is way too fickle, and emotionally immature to be parenting any child.

The cost, in general, to our society of teen pregnancy is that it creates a multitude of problems and expenses, far beyond just the parental out of pocket expenses to raise the child. Were it my child who was a teen mom, I would have tried very hard to talk she and her BF out of keeping the baby and strongly encouraged adoption, so the child could have two emotionally and financially mature, ready, willing and able parents who loved each other and were strongly committed to each other and raising a baby together. Had that happened, it would be easier to keep teen mom and boyfriend apart. But of course, both teen parents need to recognize the wisdom of making such a choice.

THis teen is in need of far more supervision than she's been getting. To keep her away from BF during the day. Has mom looked into a day schooling program for daughter? Is daughter staying in school? I hope mom's not allowing her daughter to use this as an excuse to stop attending school, other than a short recovery period.. Mom needs to find a program that provides caregiving to baby (or simply get day care for baby) and get daughter into an all day and afterschool progra!

 

[isis297]

Unfortunately, school has been part of the problem. I don't know what she is doing about school now. (Her mom and my mom are very good friends...kind of like an "other" mother/daughter scenario).

Apparently, the boy and girl were hooking school together before she got pregnant. The mother would take her TO school and she would walk into the school with her older sister. Her mother would wait until she was inside and disappeared and then she would pull off. After the mother would leave, the girl would leave too and from my understanding, the school only notified her a handful of the many times come to find out she did it. I believe the first time they ever told her the girl had hooked school was after she got pregnant even though she had been doing it since before then.

Her mother tried talking to them about both, getting an abortion AND adoption. The boyfriend and his mother refused to allow either and as I've said before, they have amazing control over what this girl does. It is extremely frustrating.

 

[Bay1954]

I'll be very brief. Do not put the father's name on the Birth Certificate.