How can we protect this little Girl

[Shay-Pari'e]

You should read all of her threads. This one sheds a little more light.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=299398

 

[Ohiogal]

We didnt JUST AGREE we had no choice except to come to an agreement and we talked long and hard about it. our attoney told us we probably wouldnt get her because we had no proff except what this little girl has said and to all of them in court it is just hearsay. So we did come to an agreement which puits her in our home more often

Then your attorney is an idiot especially if the GAL when she talked to heard the child talk about the abuse and BELIEVES her (THE GAL CAN TESTIFY TO THAT). Or maybe the child is lying?

 

[katinmaine]

The GAL wasnt even at the hearing, he says he fullfilled his duties as GAL and was released by judge months ago. The judge went by the phyc evals. that were done and SD said to The Doctor she wanted to live with mammie. Of Course Mammie sat throughthe whole thing. Judge even said by LAW her father should have daughter but she didnt want to rip her out of her home to put her with us. We did fight tooth and nail but our lawyer said it didnt look like we were going to win. so he said the next best thing was to fight for more time that would get her out of mammies house more and into ours. And SD is not to have any contact with the pedophile at all and that is court ordered. We are trying our best to do whats right. And protect this little girl. we could have not fought for the extra time and the termination would have been denied still and she would still be in that home more then ours. Now its a 50 50 split and then we can go from there what will be our next move, and we will keep fighting.

 

[Mamiof3]

I feel so sorry for that child. How dare you stop fighting. If you really BELIEVED all the abuse you would have fought every battle until she was "SAFE."

 

[>Charlotte<]

Well things went well....She did tell "mammie" that she will no longer be able to Keep using her court for her own personal playground...Mammie is lucky we came to an agreement...we just want to do whats best for her..."Mammie" was Crying in the parking lot because SHE LOST...shes just selfish and doesnt have any control over us anymore. So We are very happy with the outcome

I perceive a certain smug satisfaction that the judge chastised Mammie (the "playground" comment), she cried in the parking lot, and "she doesn't have any control over us anymore". You seem more concerned with having any sort of victory over Mammie than you do with what actually happens to the child.

Your statements that "things went well" and you're "very happy with the outcome" is what's so distasteful. Anyone who really did want what's best for the child would, instead of being happy that she will be spending half her time with you, would be outraged that she still has to spend half her time with a woman who is abusing her.

If Mammie lost, than I guess you won. Well, congratulations to you and your husband, and my condolences to the little girl who is being used as a weapon by both parties to hurt each other.

 

[ebnme]

I agree fully with the last post, there is nothing to be happy about. That poor little girl is still not safe and you and your husband arn't doing whats best for her by just agreeing on 50/50. You should have never said that was okay. All of you are using that child to get back at one another and you should all be disgusted with yourselves!!!!!!!!What are you leaving out, there is not way you and your husband are perfect if the little girl is not allowed to stay with her father full time. And why did she get taken from him to begin with??? You should stop trying to get people to feel sorry for you and tell the truth, the poor girl is the one suffering here not you!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[katinmaine]

I could care less what you guys think of me, but I know we did what was best. The judge had no intention of placing SD with us at this time because SD has been living with Mammie for 5 years and did not want to rip her out of her home. We have no intention of Giving up on this until she is out of that home, but if we had not agreed to the 50/50 split then SD would still only be comming every other weekend, and would not get used to being in our home for extended stays. This way when we go back to court in 6 months we can say that we are not just ripping her out of the only home she really remembers. but we have begun the transition of her to come live with us permently, but it only takes once for mammie to with hold our visitation before Guardianship is terminated, and that is in the Court Order we recieved and we know that it wont be long before mammie does this. In the meantime, it is ordered that DHHS stays in contact with mammie and stays on top of any abuse that happened, SD is to stay in counseling and we are able to be a part of that counseling now whereas before mammie wouldnt let us.

 

[>Charlotte<]

I don't think anyone here expects you to care what we think, but you'd sure better care what the judge thinks. As it stands now, what the judge thinks is that this child living part-time with someone who is allegedly so abusive is better than having her live full-time with you and her father. Either you're exaggerating the "abuse" that she suffers at the hands of Mammie, or you and her father have some serious house-cleaning to do (and I mean that metaphorically).

Children in abusive households are "ripped out of their homes" all the time. Why would the judge be so hesitant to do so in this case? I think you'll find all the answers you need in the answer to that question.

Lastly, I'm no psychologist but I do know that being sexually abused as a child is a common first step to that person becoming an abuser himself. At the very least it can be a catalyst for any number of psychological problems. This cannot be stated too strongly: if your husband was abused by his uncle, he needs help. Now.

 

[katinmaine]

I don't think anyone here expects you to care what we think, but you'd sure better care what the judge thinks. As it stands now, what the judge thinks is that this child living part-time with someone who is allegedly so abusive is better than having her live full-time with you and her father. Either you're exaggerating the "abuse" that she suffers at the hands of Mammie, or you and her father have some serious house-cleaning to do (and I mean that metaphorically).

Children in abusive households are "ripped out of their homes" all the time. Why would the judge be so hesitant to do so in this case? I think you'll find all the answers you need in the answer to that question.

Lastly, I'm no psychologist but I do know that being sexually abused as a child is a common first step to that person becoming an abuser himself. At the very least it can be a catalyst for any number of psychological problems. This cannot be stated too strongly: if your husband was abused by his uncle, he needs help. Now.

That might be true for some but not all and my hubby has been in counseling for years, hes even tried to get his mother to go with him, but she wont, because she denies the abuse.

And the reason the judge is hesitant on removing SD is because all is hearsay and she has no positive proff so she cannot use it to remove the child. There is nothing we can do about it, except to keep on DHHS to protect this child, but now maybe with this hearing over with and we didnt get SD, DHHS can step in and remove her. There is nothing wrong with our family and no one is a danger or anything you guys might be thinking...Our home has been State Certified.