Abandoned Kids

[Not My 2 Kids]

We live in Illinois, the parents of the children I'm talking about live in California.

The short version is, my sister in law and her husband claimed homelessness (a lie) and asked us to keep their children temporarily. Now they won't come and get their kids. I just need to know what I should do now, from a legal standpoint.

If you want more details...

A little over a month ago my husband received a call from his sister in California. Her husband is an alcoholic and pot grower who concocts elaborate schemes in which he says he'll do construction work in exchange for free rent. I know of 4 of these deals he's ended up booted out and sued over. They have two children, ages 2 and 4.

My husband is informed they are without a place to live, but they have made a deal which involves them camping on the side of the mountain and building a cabin for somebody.....by themselves. Just the two of them. But darn it! Forgot about those pesky kids they decided to produce. Cue pushover brother and good natured wife.

We also have two children ages 5 and 7 and I am 7 months pregnant. My husband and I discussed it. Four-six months taking care of these people's kids. I didn't like the idea for all the obvious reasons. It came down to: if we didn't take the kids, they would send them to stay with some trashy drug addled friends of hers near East St. Louis. So it was agreed with the understanding that if it became too much to handle she would have to figure something else out.

A month later and IT AIN'T WORKING. These children are out of control, ill- mannered, sociopaths in the making. I am not exaggerating. The 4 year old lies about everything. She is constantly trying to get the other three in trouble for terrible things she does. I am beside myself with stress and anxiety and hugely pregnant to boot. But I do have the good grace to feel bad for saying I'd do it in the first place.

I call my sister in law and tell her I'll keep them through this month but she'll have to come up with a new plan. Then comes WWIII....she cusses out everyone in the family. She says this was just a scheme to get money from them (she gave us $700....we've had them for a month). Now she's saying she has no money and can't possibly come get her kids but none of this has been said to me because SHE'S NOT TALKING TO ME....and I have her kids....and she's saying horrible, hateful things about me and I'm expected to continue keeping her kids til she figures something out. What have I done here????

We also discovered they were never booted out of their house. They are still living there. There is no tent and no campfire and I seriously doubt there is even a house being built at this point.

What should I do for these kids?What is the name of your state?

 

[Ohiogal]

Contact children services.

 

[Not My 2 Kids]

Okay, thank you Ohiogal.

Would that be Children's Services in California since that's where the parents and children are residents or Illinois since thats where the children are now?

I'd also like to know what will happen once CS is contacted if anyone can give me some idea.

 

[critterperson]

We live in Illinois, the parents of the children I'm talking about live in California.

A month later and IT AIN'T WORKING. These children are out of control, ill- mannered, sociopaths in the making. I am not exaggerating. The 4 year old lies about everything. She is constantly trying to get the other three in trouble for terrible things she does. I am beside myself with stress and anxiety and hugely pregnant to boot. But I do have the good grace to feel bad for saying I'd do it in the first place.

I would definitely call The Department of Family Services in your area( they can give you advise on what to do) and get them out of the environment they are in- Your house included: mad: Has anyone ever thought that these children are so neglected that they are acting out to try an get any type of attention, and from what it sounds like the attention they are getting from you is negative and not reassuring ...For god sakes they are 4 and 2...These kids need someone around that will be patient with them, give them big hugs and let them know they are loved, and I am not getting that vibe from your post at ALL…For one second imagine what it would be like being a “baby” and your parents don’t give a fig…if you think you would handle that without acting out… you are delusional… nothing like feeling unwanted anywhere you go … Sounds like mom and dad need a swift kick for dumping them in the first place and not placing them with people that don’t already have enough kids apparently taking up their time and patience…

 

[Ozark_Sophist]

You should have some papers anyway. For example: temporary guardianship papers or medical poa, otherwise if the children become ill, how are you going to consent to treatment if you have no legal authority to do so?

Contact child services like Ohiogal said.

Do not do like the guy in Japan did. Evidently, there is an increasing number of abandoned babies in Japan due to an economy slowdown. After some puch publicized cases, laws were changed. A hospital remodeled, adding a baby door (like medival times) whereby a parent could drop a baby off in the hospital from outside (also kind of returning a movie at the rental store). The very first day an abandoned child was left by a father -- not a baby, but a three-year old toddler. Unfortunately, the boy knew only his common first name -- no address, no mom or dad names, nothing other than the fact they took a train ride to get to the hospital.

 

[critterperson]

You should have some papers anyway. For example: temporary guardianship papers or medical poa, otherwise if the children become ill, how are you going to consent to treatment if you have no legal authority to do so?

Contact child services like Ohiogal said.

Do not do like the guy in Japan did. Evidently, there is an increasing number of abandoned babies in Japan due to an economy slowdown. After some puch publicized cases, laws were changed. A hospital remodeled, adding a baby door (like medival times) whereby a parent could drop a baby off in the hospital from outside (also kind of returning a movie at the rental store). The very first day an abandoned child was left by a father -- not a baby, but a three-year old toddler. Unfortunately, the boy knew only his common first name -- no address, no mom or dad names, nothing other than the fact they took a train ride to get to the hospital.

Hey Ozark,
I get the drift from this post that she doesn't want to keep these kids she is looking to offload them like their parents did on someone else

 

[Ozark_Sophist]

It is a tremendous responsibility to raise children. The OP did make a commitment but has a right to admit honestly she cannot cope with the situation. The parents of the children should make other arrangements. If not, the OP should contact local child services.

OP, don't feel guilty about the situation. You have a good heart. Do what is best for all of the children (yours and theirs). If that places you in the position of contacting local child services, so be it.

 

[LdiJ]

I have a slightly different viewpoint on this one....that I think needs to be considered.

These parents paid a family member 700.00 to take care of their kids temporarily. That is NOT abandonment.

Now, suddenly the family member doesn't want the responsibility (and I sympathize with the family member) but the parents are out their 700.00, and apparently don't have the money to come and retrieve their children at this time.

Calling children's services, under those circumstances, would be a little bit of a shabby thing to do.

 

[Not My 2 Kids]

OP, don't feel guilty about the situation. You have a good heart. Do what is best for all of the children (yours and theirs). If that places you in the position of contacting local child services, so be it.

Thanks Ozark. The problem is there doesn't seem to be anything I can do that is best for all of the children. If I don't keep these children they suffer. If I do keep these children my family suffers. What's worse? Making a bad decision, or making no decision at all?

I have a slightly different viewpoint on this one....that I think needs to be considered. These parents paid a family member 700.00 to take care of their kids temporarily. That is NOT abandonment.

That's a pretty good point that I hadn't thought of. I guess I can't call these kids "abandoned". Thanks for the perspective.


We had misgivings about whether we could handle this from the beginning, and that was before we even realized what kind of problems these children have. They kept begging us to just give it a chance but if at any time it wasn't working out they'd make other arrangements. Well, it's not working out but now they're saying "too bad, you've got them and we're not taking them back." I don't believe they don't have any money, and now I know they lied when they played on our sympathy by claiming they were homeless so we'd take these children.

I can't keep these kids, I just cannot do it. I was starting to think at least CPS (and, I guess that would be the one here locally) could at least give me some kind of advice, but now LdiJ you're saying I shouldn't do that. I guess I'll just give it some more time and see if anything changes.

 

[Ozark_Sophist]

Call CPS. Ask for help. Stress is not a good thing for a pregnant woman.

Do what is best for you and your children. Do not feel guilty. You tried.

Lidj makes a good point. The $700 was for how long? For one month, then keep it. For Two months, return half. Unspecified, use good moral judgment.

 

[RiotAct]

I have a slightly different viewpoint on this one....that I think needs to be considered.

These parents paid a family member 700.00 to take care of their kids temporarily. That is NOT abandonment.

Now, suddenly the family member doesn't want the responsibility (and I sympathize with the family member) but the parents are out their 700.00, and apparently don't have the money to come and retrieve their children at this time.

Calling children's services, under those circumstances, would be a little bit of a shabby thing to do.

I think the OP is to be commended for trying to do her part in caring for these kids. Seven hundred dollars is barely enough for a month's care for 2 kids. The parents aren't out anything...except their responsibilities.

To the OP...if you can't cope wtih these extra children, then by all means, contact Children's Services and do it guilt-free. You did what you could do and it didn't work. You kept the children out of the system for a month anyway.

I wish you luck.

 

[Not My 2 Kids]

The $700 was for an unspecified amount of time. It was just sort of "starter" money. They needed all new clothes, we had to buy some furniture for their room, I wanted to enroll them in a local "Mommy and Me" type art/craft class so we could get to know each other and bond, it was just for initial expenses. They claimed at the beginning that they were unemployed and had very little money, so they were just going to send what they could when they could.

The expense is another thing. At the very least these kids need some serious counseling, and of course our insurance won't cover it. I was hoping that CPS or some kind of social service could at least help with that.

 

[Ozark_Sophist]

They might if you contact them. For that though, you need guardianship. The parents would be responsible for child support.

 

[MrsK]

Do not feel guilty for a second. You gave it a try (more than a lot of people would) and I dont blame you for not being able to deal with unruly children in your home.

Even though they gave you $700, obviously that money is gone, and they refuse to come and get their children. I consider that abandonment, especially because they are still living in their home.

I would call the Department of Childrens Services (or whatever it is called in your area). They will come and get the children. Honestly, putting them in the system may be a better thing for them...they might get some counseling, medical care, food, a roof over their heads, and they will be away from their drug using, negligent parents.

 

[LdiJ]

However, be prepared to deal with the fallout from your husband's family. Its not going to be pretty. Its one thing to call CPS when children are in imminent danger, its another to call CPS just because you are tired of looking after them.....and that is how its going to be viewed by his family, and YOU will be the bad guy. Even if your husband agrees with you 100%, YOU are going to be the one that his family blames.

Again, the children have not been abandoned from any legal standpoint, as far as I am concerned. This is not something that I would consider doing without giving the parents fair warning that you were going to do so if they didn't pick up their kids (or make other arrangements) within a specific amount of time.