Possible harrassment with strick custody order?

[blarg]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina

I am getting really frustrated with this states legal system. I am currently appealing my custody order as they gave joint custody to my extremely abusive ex bf (never married). I was told that even though he has been in contempt more than once, that I can't do anything about it because I am appealing it. The judge wouldn't even LOOK at the contempt order. Now things have gotten sticky. He has apparently "googled" a friend of mine and now is stating that he is concerned. What he found out is that a friend of mine was involved with a lawsuit dealing with a discrimination over her disability. Now this is my question...

Is he allowed to do that?? Can he use this lawsuit against me bc it "she is around my daughter". He has out and out told me he is going to investigate anyone around me and my daughter. Is there anything my friend can do? Is this an invasion of privacy? He is digging to find out something to hurt me. It is getting old. He even used the fact that I have a disability myself and the fact that I am a homosexual against me in court. I am at a loss here. I have lost all privacy. He is dragging my friends into this with his immature actions.

I am not sure what his deal is, but he is constantly trying to find something to make my life worse. What can I do? What are my options? I can't afford an attorney as I am disabled. I just don't see how someone with his track record got joint custody of a small child.

I hope someone can help me out here as I am at wits end at this point.

 

[CourtClerk]

Lawsuits are public record. He can look all he wants. The fact that your friend sued someone has no bearing on your custody issue.

 

[StickyFingers]

Now this is my question...

Is he allowed to do that?? Can he use this lawsuit against me bc it "she is around my daughter". He has out and out told me he is going to investigate anyone around me and my daughter. Is there anything my friend can do? Is this an invasion of privacy? He is digging to find out something to hurt me. It is getting old. He even used the fact that I have a disability myself and the fact that I am a homosexual against me in court. I am at a loss here. I have lost all privacy. He is dragging my friends into this with his immature actions.

I am not sure what his deal is, but he is constantly trying to find something to make my life worse. What can I do? What are my options? I can't afford an attorney as I am disabled. I just don't see how someone with his track record got joint custody of a small child.

I hope someone can help me out here as I am at wits end at this point.

Public records are open to anyone who dare to look.

How that will affect you in court is anyone's guess.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina

I am getting really frustrated with this states legal system. I am currently appealing my custody order as they gave joint custody to my extremely abusive ex bf (never married). I was told that even though he has been in contempt more than once, that I can't do anything about it because I am appealing it. The judge wouldn't even LOOK at the contempt order. Now things have gotten sticky. He has apparently "googled" a friend of mine and now is stating that he is concerned. What he found out is that a friend of mine was involved with a lawsuit dealing with a discrimination over her disability. Now this is my question...

Is he allowed to do that?? Can he use this lawsuit against me bc it "she is around my daughter". He has out and out told me he is going to investigate anyone around me and my daughter. Is there anything my friend can do? Is this an invasion of privacy? He is digging to find out something to hurt me. It is getting old. He even used the fact that I have a disability myself and the fact that I am a homosexual against me in court. I am at a loss here. I have lost all privacy. He is dragging my friends into this with his immature actions.

I am not sure what his deal is, but he is constantly trying to find something to make my life worse. What can I do? What are my options? I can't afford an attorney as I am disabled. I just don't see how someone with his track record got joint custody of a small child.

I hope someone can help me out here as I am at wits end at this point.

How would your friend's disability have any effect on your child? Whether your friend was around the child or not? I can't see a judge having any issue with that unless the disability is a serious mental one that makes your friend actually dangerous.

 

[Ohiogal]

How would your friend's disability have any effect on your child? Whether your friend was around the child or not? I can't see a judge having any issue with that unless the disability is a serious mental one that makes your friend actually dangerous.

If this friend lives with her -- remember your whole thing about thissucks husband's minor heart attack and your argument there? If this friend is a caregiver and that could endanger the child? I still disagree depending on the actual facts (minor heart attack NOT an issue but severe untreated bipolar could be) but I can understand why a nonlegal person such as OP's BF would think that any disability would be a problem.


As for the abuse OP you chose this person as daddy. Now you gotta deal with your choices. He will be in your life for as long as you, he and your child are alive.

 

[blarg]

If this friend lives with her -- remember your whole thing about thissucks husband's minor heart attack and your argument there? If this friend is a caregiver and that could endanger the child? I still disagree depending on the actual facts (minor heart attack NOT an issue but severe untreated bipolar could be) but I can understand why a nonlegal person such as OP's BF would think that any disability would be a problem.


As for the abuse OP you chose this person as daddy. Now you gotta deal with your choices. He will be in your life for as long as you, he and your child are alive.

All the abuse started AFTER we had the child. If I knew he was like this I would of never gotten together with him in the first place. He wasn't in my daughter's life because he left and gave me full custody back in 2004. He did all this (the custody fight) because "he hates me". Those are his words not mine.

My disability is partially due to bi polar (treated). I don't think a disability should dictate whether or not a person can be around a child unless there is danger of harm on the child.I have raised her from day 1, and my friend has helped me for the past 2.5 years. Not once in that time (the 2.5 years) was my daughter harmed. In fact, she has thrived. My friend's disability is Tourette's Syndrome/OCD and I do not see how in ANY way that can harm her. IMO (and the opinion of my daughter's doctors, social workers - as my ex made many bogus reports on me, and teachers) my friend has been very helpful emotionally towards her as she came into her life right as "daddy" left.

I just want him to back off and keep out of my personal life. He is playing low and dirty. My main reason for fighting for full custody is I was tired of my daughter witnessing the abuse and having to get abused. The fact he is "googling" my friend's whom he doesn't know except by name is a ploy to get at me. The question was mainly is he allowed to "google" every person in my life and try and prevent them from being around my child, and if so, can I do the same? I am trying to stop all this as it is affecting my child. She adores my friend. I just don't know anymore...

 

[LdiJ]

All the abuse started AFTER we had the child. If I knew he was like this I would of never gotten together with him in the first place. He wasn't in my daughter's life because he left and gave me full custody back in 2004. He did all this (the custody fight) because "he hates me". Those are his words not mine.

My disability is partially due to bi polar (treated). I don't think a disability should dictate whether or not a person can be around a child unless there is danger of harm on the child.I have raised her from day 1, and my friend has helped me for the past 2.5 years. Not once in that time (the 2.5 years) was my daughter harmed. In fact, she has thrived. My friend's disability is Tourette's Syndrome/OCD and I do not see how in ANY way that can harm her. IMO (and the opinion of my daughter's doctors, social workers - as my ex made many bogus reports on me, and teachers) my friend has been very helpful emotionally towards her as she came into her life right as "daddy" left.

I just want him to back off and keep out of my personal life. He is playing low and dirty. My main reason for fighting for full custody is I was tired of my daughter witnessing the abuse and having to get abused. The fact he is "googling" my friend's whom he doesn't know except by name is a ploy to get at me. The question was mainly is he allowed to "google" every person in my life and try and prevent them from being around my child, and if so, can I do the same? I am trying to stop all this as it is affecting my child. She adores my friend. I just don't know anymore...

Unfortunately, he can google anyone and anything that he likes. He can express concerns to you as much as he likes. However, if he takes court action, and the judge finds his claims to be frivilous....he will start facing consequences.

 

[Ohiogal]

All the abuse started AFTER we had the child. If I knew he was like this I would of never gotten together with him in the first place

And the abuse against you does not deprive him of being around his daughter.

He wasn't in my daughter's life because he left and gave me full custody back in 2004. He did all this (the custody fight) because "he hates me". Those are his words not mine.

Apparently he changed his mind about wanting to be around. He may hate you but he has a right to be in his child's life.

My disability is partially due to bi polar (treated). I don't think a disability should dictate whether or not a person can be around a child unless there is danger of harm on the child.

It does not dictate. But he has a right to raise the issue.

I have raised her from day 1, and my friend has helped me for the past 2.5 years.

Does said friend live with you? If so then that is more than enough reason for him to investigate said friend. Or if said friend provides child care for his child.

Not once in that time (the 2.5 years) was my daughter harmed. In fact, she has thrived.

That is good. Don't worry about it then.

My friend's disability is Tourette's Syndrome/OCD and I do not see how in ANY way that can harm her.

There are ways HOWEVER the court does not deal with speculation. Your ex would need proof of how it has.

IMO (and the opinion of my daughter's doctors, social workers - as my ex made many bogus reports on me, and teachers) my friend has been very helpful emotionally towards her as she came into her life right as "daddy" left.

It could backfire if you have replaced daddy (AND PLEASE DROP THE QUOTES -- he is dad -- not biodad, not "daddy" or anything else, okay "mommy"?) with your friend.

I just want him to back off and keep out of my personal life.

To an extent, your personal life is relevant to a custody battle as is his.

He is playing low and dirty.

Not necessarily. He is doing what he is allowed to do per the law.

My main reason for fighting for full custody is I was tired of my daughter witnessing the abuse and having to get abused.

Do you have proof of the abuse against you and your daughter? If he has not been around for two point five years how has he abused her or has she witnessed the abuse?

The fact he is "googling" my friend's whom he doesn't know except by name is a ploy to get at me.

Not necessarily. Answer my question -- who is this friend?

The question was mainly is he allowed to "google" every person in my life

yes.

and try and prevent them from being around my child,

His child as well and YES.

and if so, can I do the same?

Yes. And depending on who you are both googling it may not be at all relevant or admissible.

I am trying to stop all this as it is affecting my child.

Then quit fighting with dad and try to reach an agreement with him so he can see his child.

She adores my friend. I just don't know anymore...

And answer my questions -- is your friend actually your love? Does she live with you? Does she provide child care?

 

[CourtClerk]

OG,

I wonder if dad is investigating this "friend" so bad because this is mom's lesbian lover. She did indicate that she is homosexual, and perhaps he is questioning her lifestyle. Don't know where he's going, but I wonder if that's an angle. What say you?

 

[blarg]

Does said friend live with you? No, she never has.

It could backfire if you have replaced daddy (AND PLEASE DROP THE QUOTES -- he is dad -- not biodad, not "daddy" or anything else, okay "mommy"?) with your friend. The reason I quote it is anyone can be a father, not everyone can be a daddy. So for future reference I will refer to him as her father. This person is not replacing anyone, she is just another person in my daughter's life.

Do you have proof of the abuse against you and your daughter? If he has not been around for two point five years how has he abused her or has she witnessed the abuse? There are allegations voiced by my daughter that daddy has "touched" her and these were never investigated properly by the local DSS. I raised this concern years ago. The original judge dealing with our custody arrangements only gave him 1 hour SUPERVISED visitation because of the abuse and allegations. She still witnessed the abuse during those years by the countless phone calls and "drive-bys" he did. He is harassing all those around me, including my family members.

Answer my question -- who is this friend? My friend is strictly that, a friend. She is not my "lover" as someone else stated. I might be a lesbian but that should have no standing on my parenting.

Yes. And depending on who you are both googling it may not be at all relevant or admissible. I have not googled anyone in his personal life.

Then quit fighting with dad and try to reach an agreement with him so he can see his child.
We had an agreement which he never followed. I had no problem working with him and tried. I did all that was requested of me when it came to this agreement, he made the decision to be vindictive and continue to use drugs. My concern is my daughter's safety, so when her father goes to visitation strung out, I am going to voice my opinion.


And answer my questions -- is your friend actually your love? NO
Does she live with you? NO
Does she provide child care?NO

 

[GrowUp!]

We had an agreement which he never followed.

And if it was NOT a court order, he doesn't have to.

My concern is my daughter's safety, so when her father goes to visitation strung out, I am going to voice my opinion.

And will all of your ramblings, you have not once stated anything regarding endangering the child. Your opinion means nothing. Bring some RELATIVE FACTS to the table. Not what you "think."

 

[blarg]

And if it was NOT a court order, he doesn't have to.

It was an agreement done in court, witnessed by a judge, filed in the courts. In all standings a legal document.

And will all of your ramblings, you have not once stated anything regarding endangering the child. Your opinion means nothing. Bring some RELATIVE FACTS to the table. Not what you "think."

This is not purely what I "think", these are facts. He has abused my daughter. He is refusing contact with my daughter and is demanding I do things, which is in violation of the order. There is a wrap sheet a mile long with what he has done. The facts are he has been proven to be a danger around the child, that there is a history of abuse/harassment when it comes to me and those around me. I am not sure what else you need. The point in me posting in the first place is to maybe find out what can be done. He is in contempt big time, however with the appeal in process the judge refuses to look at it. He is harassing me by email, drive-bys, etc...he is harassing my friends...he is harassing my family. I just want it to stop. At this point I think my only option is to drop the appeal and bring him for contempt of the order.

 

[Ohiogal]

OG,

I wonder if dad is investigating this "friend" so bad because this is mom's lesbian lover. She did indicate that she is homosexual, and perhaps he is questioning her lifestyle. Don't know where he's going, but I wonder if that's an angle. What say you?

That is what I thought.

 

[Ohiogal]

Does said friend live with you? [/B]No, she never has.

explain how she has had a hand in raising your daughter for the last 2.5 years then.

It could backfire if you have replaced daddy (AND PLEASE DROP THE QUOTES -- he is dad -- not biodad, not "daddy" or anything else, okay "mommy"?) with your friend. The reason I quote it is anyone can be a father, not everyone can be a daddy. So for future reference I will refer to him as her father. This person is not replacing anyone, she is just another person in my daughter's life.

It is disrespectful and you are wrong. he became daddy/father when he impregnated you regardless of your opinion of him now.

Do you have proof of the abuse against you and your daughter? If he has not been around for two point five years how has he abused her or has she witnessed the abuse?

There are allegations voiced by my daughter that daddy has "touched" her and these were never investigated properly by the local DSS.

Allegations are NOT proof. Allegations without anything more are nothing.

I raised this concern years ago. The original judge dealing with our custody arrangements only gave him 1 hour SUPERVISED visitation because of the abuse and allegations.

OKay. And has he attended those supervised visits? What say the supervisor of said visits?

She still witnessed the abuse during those years by the countless phone calls and "drive-bys" he did. He is harassing all those around me, including my family members.

BULL! That is NOT abuse. Unless there is a no contact order he has a right to call. He has a right to drive where he wants. It may not even qualify as harrassment.

Answer my question -- who is this friend? My friend is strictly that, a friend. She is not my "lover" as someone else stated. I might be a lesbian but that should have no standing on my parenting.

No one said it does or should have standing on your parenting. BUT any SO can affect custody -- be it a hetero- or homo- sexual relationship.

Yes. And depending on who you are both googling it may not be at all relevant or admissible. I have not googled anyone in his personal life.

And there is nothing stopping you. NOt that googling is the be all and end all of anything.

Then quit fighting with dad and try to reach an agreement with him so he can see his child.
We had an agreement which he never followed. I had no problem working with him and tried. I did all that was requested of me when it came to this agreement, he made the decision to be vindictive and continue to use drugs. My concern is my daughter's safety, so when her father goes to visitation strung out, I am going to voice my opinion.

can you PROVE that he is strung out? How does his drug use impact his parenting -- you need proof of that.

And answer my questions -- is your friend actually your love? NO
Does she live with you? NO
Does she provide child care?NO

[/QUOTE]

Then how has she helped "raise" your daughter?

 

[Ohiogal]

It was an agreement done in court, witnessed by a judge, filed in the courts. In all standings a legal document.

How long ago was the joint custody granted that you are appealing?

This is not purely what I "think", these are facts. He has abused my daughter.

You have shown no where where you have proven that.

He is refusing contact with my daughter

How?

and is demanding I do things,

Such as?

which is in violation of the order.

What is the EXACT wording of the order he is violating and what has he done that you believe puts him in violation?

There is a wrap sheet a mile long with what he has done.

What has he been convicted of? CONVICTIONS! Not charges or allegations. And it is not a WRAP SHEET!

The facts are he has been proven to be a danger around the child, that there is a history of abuse/harassment when it comes to me and those around me.

But the judge apparently didn't think you proved that because he was awarded joint custody -- is that joint legal or physical?

I am not sure what else you need. The point in me posting in the first place is to maybe find out what can be done.

But you have not given enough details. There is nothing you can do about him googling you or anyone else.

He is in contempt big time, however with the appeal in process the judge refuses to look at it.

The appeal in process? Again how is he contempt?

He is harassing me by email, drive-bys, etc...he is harassing my friends...he is harassing my family.

What do the emails state? How many times has he emailed you? How is he harassing your friends and family? You saying it does not make it legally true.

I just want it to stop. At this point I think my only option is to drop the appeal and bring him for contempt of the order.

Maybe but we don't have facts based on what the order states and why you think he is in contempt.