need input

[faithnlve]

What is the name of your state? vt....my visitation time with my children is this weekend. I have been told I need to work this weekend, no excuses. My hours will be 7am to 10pm. I called my ex to ask if I can have the kids wed, thurs, and friday day instead of fri thru sunday. He said no, STICK TO THE SCHEDULE!! He made plans and he will expect me to pick them up. I cannot find adequate care for them. I called my boss, and cannot get out of work or will be in trouble. I called my ex back asking for different days, he says no, too bad. My kids I love with all my heart and I am afraid they will be heartbroken since I see them every other weekend and wed nights. How do I handle this??? thanks faith

 

[jbowman]

Just my opinion but... you need to work it out. If you had your children full time you would have to do that. He may be being unreasonable but he has plans and there is a schedule. You need to find a way. That is what being a parent is about.

 

[fairisfair]

I disagree, visitation is a privilege not an obligation. You are under no obligation to pick up the children. Tell your ex that is the benefit of being the custodial parent, he gets to keep the children.

And explain to your children that you cannot get out of work, they will understand. Just don't make missing your time with them a habit.

 

[jbowman]

I disagree, visitation is a privilege not an obligation. You are under no obligation to pick up the children. Tell your ex that is the benefit of being the custodial parent, he gets to keep the children.

And explain to your children that you cannot get out of work, they will understand. Just don't make missing your time with them a habit.

I understand that legally that is the way it is. I just truly believe that when you are a parent it IS an obligation. Because a person has another obligation also shouldnt negate the one they have to their kids. Yeah, he/she can put the screws to CP and say "forget it, Im not coming" but he/she is also putting the screws to her kids. Parents have to accomodate for life changes and bumps in the road.

Like I said, just my opinion.

 

[fairisfair]

I understand that legally that is the way it is. I just truly believe that when you are a parent it IS an obligation. Because a person has another obligation also shouldnt negate the one they have to their kids. Yeah, he/she can put the screws to CP and say "forget it, Im not coming" but he/she is also putting the screws to her kids. Parents have to accomodate for life changes and bumps in the road.

Like I said, just my opinion.

So she should quit her job?

No, she isn't putting "the screws" to her kids, she attempted to get the CP to compromise with other visitation arrangements.

and yes, that is the legal answer. She has no obligation to exercise her visitation.

 

[jbowman]

So she should quit her job?

No, she isn't putting "the screws" to her kids, she attempted to get the CP to compromise with other visitation arrangements.

and yes, that is the legal answer. She has no obligation to exercise her visitation.

I didnt say she should quit her job. I think she should make arrangements for care. I mean, what would YOU do if you had your kids but had to work??? You would make arrangements. Thats what parents do. I dont know. That is just me. I, personally, would not ditch my kids because I had to work. I would figure it out. There must be a friend, a YMCA, something or someone. It is just her responsibility--she signed up for it when she had kids.

 

[Ohiogal]

I didnt say she should quit her job. I think she should make arrangements for care. I mean, what would YOU do if you had your kids but had to work??? You would make arrangements. Thats what parents do. I dont know. That is just me. I, personally, would not ditch my kids because I had to work. I would figure it out. There must be a friend, a YMCA, something or someone. It is just her responsibility--she signed up for it when she had kids.

Not necessarily. Most daycares want a minimum amount of times and not everyone has a friend available and if she has a ROFR or it states in the order that she must be the one spending time with the children since she is the NCP (and yes this clause is possible and i have seen it) then she gets screwed. Sorry but she does not have to pick up the children and dad is just going to have to deal.

 

[faithnlve]

JBowman: Wow and ouch, I rarely ever miss my weekends. Plus, I have to work to pay child support, and have been behind and now working feverishly to catch up. Just being honest. And, I do NOT want to put my job on the line. Your example of "if" I had the custody I would be responsible to find care is true. "IF" I had custody. My kids dad has the support for the care of our kids when he is at work, I don't. My time is my time off from work. I am a nurse's aide and this weekend is urgently needed and mandated. I am calling him today "monday", not thursday the day before my weekend begins. I do not have family support to help me watch the kids, and do not know the neighborhood kids well enough to trust just anyone with them. Plus, I cannot put my children in a daycare. These are not excuses neither, since one of my children is disabled. I am asking other parents how do deal with this situation. It is hard for me and the kids. Faith

 

[Chelle0578]

I disagree, visitation is a privilege not an obligation. You are under no obligation to pick up the children. Tell your ex that is the benefit of being the custodial parent, he gets to keep the children.

And explain to your children that you cannot get out of work, they will understand. Just don't make missing your time with them a habit.

I agree, visitation is a privelage. AND...it is both parents responsibility to support and encourage a relationship with their child and the other parent. So, personally I think that dad is being a jerk! He should step up and work with mom so that she can spend some time with her children...I'm sure that he doesn't have plans for them everyday, and mom needs her job to aide in the support of her children.

 

[jbowman]

Ok, sorry wasnt giving legal advice and I wasnt trying to hurt your feelers Im sorry. I was just giving my opinion.

Dont go get them since you dont have to.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ok, sorry wasnt giving legal advice and I wasnt trying to hurt your feelers Im sorry. I was just giving my opinion.

Dont go get them since you dont have to.

hey J it is not about hurting feelings. The problem is dad has an obligation here and apparently he just wants mom to be babysitter for the weekend or he would work on it. As CP he has responsibility for the child's care if NCP cannot pick them up. He has more responsibility by virtue of being CP. If he wants her to have more responsibility then guess what? If this were dad posting he would be told the same thing.

 

[faithnlve]

Ok....just got off the phone with my 16 year old daughter (she called me). She says that her grandmother wants her to tell her father I don't want them this weekend. I hate the way they are wording things to my kids. I told my daughter that I love her and I have to work. But, I need to be talking to her dad NOT her or grandma. My daughter then got upset and said mom, we can only see you every other weekend and you know dad won't let you switch days. I am at a loss here...talk about feeling the pit of my stomache in my throat. I have to work. If he doesn't let me switch days to see them, then they won't see me for almost 2 weeks. Can I go back into court and ask that if the NCP has mandatory time at work that those lost days can be made up prior to or after?? thanks, faith

 

[Silverplum]

If he doesn't let me switch days to see them, then they won't see me for almost 2 weeks. Can I go back into court and ask that if the NCP has mandatory time at work that those lost days can be made up prior to or after?? thanks, faith

Sure you can request a modification. It'll likely take at least 6 months to get in front of a judge/magistrate.

 

[Chelle0578]

Sure you can request a modification. It'll likely take at least 6 months to get in front of a judge/magistrate.

WOW! 6 months? I filed for modification b/c often I was still working (I do heating and a/c service) after 5:00 and was unable to make the hour drive to pick up my daughter by 5:00pm. I was set a court date, approx. 30 days later, and was granted my motification. The judge stated that a relationship between my daughter and I was very important and upon my request he set the time to 7:00 pm pick up Friday and 7:00pm drop off Sunday. CP prostested, she stated it interfered with childs bedtime...judge said she can do her homework and eat at dad's just as easy as she can mom's, so when she gets home at 7:00 she can have her bath and have plenty of time to unwind for bed at 8:30.

However, you may find that what you are asking is a little tough...dad shouldn't have to set aside 4 days (in case first 2 doesn't work), he does have a life as well. There has to be a happy medium. Good-luck.

 

[fairisfair]

WOW! 6 months? I filed for modification b/c often I was still working (I do heating and a/c service) after 5:00 and was unable to make the hour drive to pick up my daughter by 5:00pm. I was set a court date, approx. 30 days later, and was granted my motification. The judge stated that a relationship between my daughter and I was very important and upon my request he set the time to 7:00 pm pick up Friday and 7:00pm drop off Sunday. CP prostested, she stated it interfered with childs bedtime...judge said she can do her homework and eat at dad's just as easy as she can mom's, so when she gets home at 7:00 she can have her bath and have plenty of time to unwind for bed at 8:30.

However, you may find that what you are asking is a little tough...dad shouldn't have to set aside 4 days (in case first 2 doesn't work), he does have a life as well. There has to be a happy medium. Good-luck.

you must live in a very very very small town, or one where everybody gets along if the court is that open. I would have been happy to get into a courtroom in 6 months!!!