Silverplum
Senior Member
Go ahead, LdiJ -- finish your post. Tell OP how long a modification will take, and what are her chances.
I didn't have her do that she just started doing that on her own, b/c she sees him every night and he does all the things for her that Daddy's are supposed to do. Our counselor said it was ok and that just meant she had someone else to love her and care for her just like you said. I also don't have a problem spending some time alone with her stepmom, just not a whole week with her dad in the Gulf of Mexico. That's a good idea about the phone calls though, I will approach him with that when she gets back.Why don't you do what I suggested and get all these problems settled legally? You really need to do that. That way you and dad will have more rights. Visitation is a priviledge, not an obligation. He doesn't have to take her every time he's supposed to, but you do need to make her available. Maybe you should offer to meet him halfway or cover half of the travel expenses so that your daughter could see her father and have a relationship with him (which is more important than how much it hurts you that he left you or even more important than how much he hurt her)
Get the kid some counceling (sp?) and start making an effort for your daughter to have a good relationship with her Dad. Maybe set up a time with him every week where she calls him. Then she gets to talk to her Dad and Dad can't say she never calls.
The more I think about it, I don't see what is wrong with her spending some time with stepmom while Dad is working either. That's just one more person in this world who cares for her. You said yourself that she treats her well.. Really what's the harm? I think you need to let go of this whole married for life and he left us attitude and focus your energy on maintaining your daughter's relationship with her dad. She deserves that much.
P.S. Don't have your daughter call your husband "Daddy" He's not.
There is the issue of Dad visitation time where the child with the step mum, and you have got great responses on that, and there seems to be the issue of your anger towards Dad because he could take time off to see his mistress but not his daugther and his mistress "took Dad away" from your family.First of all, you must have never been cheated on, or you wouldn't say unfortunately affairs happen. Affairs happen because people don't have the morals or decency to get a divorce first and then sleep with someone else. She doesn't have a father who tries, to me going 6 months without seeing your child is not trying. When he was having the affair with his current wife, he had no problem taking off work and traveling from GA to LA once or twice a month to sleep with her, but he can't do that to see his daughter. I want her to have a healthy relationship with her father, but getting her 2 or 3 times a year and leaving her part of that time with someone with no morals is not healthy for my child. He has no morals either but b/c he is her Daddy I can't stop him from seeing her, and quite frankly since she took my child's father from her I don't think she deserves any kind of relationship with my daughter, although I have never let my daughter know how I feel about her stepmother or what they did which is very hard.
Is your "counselor" an attorney? A judge? No? Then your counselor is WRONG WRONG WRONG.I didn't have her do that she just started doing that on her own, b/c she sees him every night and he does all the things for her that Daddy's are supposed to do. Our counselor said it was ok and that just meant she had someone else to love her and care for her just like you said. I also don't have a problem spending some time alone with her stepmom, just not a whole week with her dad in the Gulf of Mexico. That's a good idea about the phone calls though, I will approach him with that when she gets back.
Then YOU don't know one of the most important responsibilities of the custodial parent.GAMOMtired said:I feel he should be the one to maintain their relationship though. He doesn't help me maintain my relationship and neither does anyone else, that is my responsiblity as a parent.
She shouldn't "have her" call him Daddy, but it is not wrong if the child does...if that is what "the child" chooses to call him, and vice versa with the stepmom. Why confuse the child more. It SUCKS, I know ... but it is reality, they are step-"parents".Why don't you do what I suggested and get all these problems settled legally? You really need to do that. That way you and dad will have more rights. Visitation is a priviledge, not an obligation. He doesn't have to take her every time he's supposed to, but you do need to make her available. Maybe you should offer to meet him halfway or cover half of the travel expenses so that your daughter could see her father and have a relationship with him (which is more important than how much it hurts you that he left you or even more important than how much he hurt her)
Get the kid some counceling (sp?) and start making an effort for your daughter to have a good relationship with her Dad. Maybe set up a time with him every week where she calls him. Then she gets to talk to her Dad and Dad can't say she never calls.
The more I think about it, I don't see what is wrong with her spending some time with stepmom while Dad is working either. That's just one more person in this world who cares for her. You said yourself that she treats her well.. Really what's the harm? I think you need to let go of this whole married for life and he left us attitude and focus your energy on maintaining your daughter's relationship with her dad. She deserves that much.
P.S. Don't have your daughter call your husband "Daddy" He's not.
This is a LEGAL site. The correct LEGAL answer is: Do not ALLOW your child to call anyone other than their actual parent by the name "Mom" or "Dad." This includes "Mommy" and "Daddy," and "Mama" and "Papa," and all variations thereof.She shouldn't "have her" call him Daddy, but it is not wrong if the child does...if that is what "the child" chooses to call him, and vice versa with the stepmom. Why confuse the child more. It SUCKS, I know ... but it is reality, they are step-"parents".
I expected that, and accept that is legally true...but its 2007 and step-parents are in over 64% of homes, unfortunately it is becoming a way of the world.This is a LEGAL site. The correct LEGAL answer is: Do not ALLOW your child to call anyone other than their actual parent by the name "Mom" or "Dad." This includes "Mommy" and "Daddy," and "Mama" and "Papa," and all variations thereof.
If she hops on it now it will definitely be handled by the time that next summer rolls around, and quite frankly her chances are excellent. Dad only works 26 weeks of the year, and has the other 26 available to schedule visitation. Its totally reasonable to have visitation take place during weeks that dad has off.Go ahead, LdiJ -- finish your post. Tell OP how long a modification will take, and what are her chances.
Oh, really? What are your credentials, and against what benchmark are you evaluating OP's counselor (whom I presume you have not met)?P.S. Seriously, no counsellor would tell you to let the child call step daddy "Daddy" Not a good one anyway.
Oh, really? What are your credentials, and against what benchmark are you evaluating OP's counselor (whom I presume you have not met)?
The fact is that a licensed child therapist, operating entirely within the ethics and standards of his/her professional practice, might very well advise that it is OK for a child of this age to call the stepfather "Daddy" if she's already comfortable with that -- particularly if the father does not object. A good child therapist certainly would be expected to voice concern if there were some indication that alienation from either parent has occurred; for example, if the child uses intimate forms of address only when referring to the custodial parent and spouse, and not when referring to the non-custodial parent.
With all due respect to the other posters, who make very good suggestions about encouraging different terms of address, there are many well-adjusted, emotionally healthy children who identify two different "Daddies" in their extended family: some combination of both "Daddy" and "Dad", or "Daddy"/"Papa", or "Dad"/"Daddy Bob", etc. The important thing is not the label, but that the child knows who her father is, and can verbalize the difference between a parent and step-parent at an age-appropriate level of understanding. (I'm not about to comment whether this is true in OP's case.)
That said, if the child has arrived at calling stepdad "Daddy" on her own, mom would be wise to broach the subject with the father, and if he voices a concern she should ensure that some other mutually approved form of address for stepdad is used instead.
Your counselor is NOT a lawyer nor a judge. The COURTS frown on a child calling anyone but mom and dad, mommy and daddy. It could appear to the courts that you are attempting to alienate your daughter from your father by allowing this. Your counselor may mean well but such actions could hurt you in court.I didn't have her do that she just started doing that on her own, b/c she sees him every night and he does all the things for her that Daddy's are supposed to do. Our counselor said it was ok and that just meant she had someone else to love her and care for her just like you said. I also don't have a problem spending some time alone with her stepmom, just not a whole week with her dad in the Gulf of Mexico. That's a good idea about the phone calls though, I will approach him with that when she gets back.
I feel he should be the one to maintain their relationship though. He doesn't help me maintain my relationship and neither does anyone else, that is my responsiblity as a parent.