Visitation

[Ohiogal]

I expected that, and accept that is legally true...but its 2007 and step-parents are in over 64% of homes, unfortunately it is becoming a way of the world.

And it could cause a parent to lose custody as it is a sign of parental alienation. It is a sign that the custodial parent is NOT encouraging and facilitating the relationship between the child and the other parent. It is something that can get a parent nailed in court.

 

[Silverplum]

Thank God you're here, OG -- it's been legally rough holding down the legal fort today!!!

And it could cause a parent to lose custody as it is a sign of parental alienation. It is a sign that the custodial parent is NOT encouraging and facilitating the relationship between the child and the other parent. It is something that can get a parent nailed in court.

 

[LdiJ]

All that, and you're on the wrong site. This is a LEGAL site, and LEGALLY, it is a BAD idea to allow a child to call a legal stranger by a parent's name.

Go ahead. Try it in front of a judge in a family law case. It always turns out badly for the parent allowing such disrespectful behavior.

The REASON the "counselor" was called WRONG WRONG WRONG here (and I notice you didn't quote me -- hoping to get off easily?) was on a LEGAL basis.

Yeah. That's what we're talking about here. LEGAL stuff.

I agree 100% (shock...LOL)

If the biological parent is truly awol in the child's life, or is deceased, calling a stepparent mommy or daddy is not only totally ok, but is good for the child...IF that is what the child wants (I can tell you a true horror story of some children being forced to call a stepparent daddy after their father died...it was ghastly). However when their parent is active in their lives, it is something that should be discouraged, and an alternate name for the stepparent should be found.

Even "daddy joe" would be better than "daddy". I know one child who called his stepmother "bobbers"....LOL...no one had any idea where that came from, because it was totally out in left field (the child was 2 1/2 when it started)

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree 100% (shock...LOL)

If the biological parent is truly awol in the child's life, or is deceased, calling a stepparent mommy or daddy is not only totally ok, but is good for the child...IF that is what the child wants (I can tell you a true horror story of some children being forced to call a stepparent daddy after their father died...it was ghastly). However when their parent is active in their lives, it is something that should be discouraged, and an alternate name for the stepparent should be found.

Even "daddy joe" would be better than "daddy". I know one child who called his stepmother "bobbers"....LOL...no one had any idea where that came from, because it was totally out in left field (the child was 2 1/2 when it started)

Agreed! All of us are on the same page -- YES SENIORS!

 

[proud_parent]

Agreed! All of us are on the same page -- YES SENIORS!

Although only an upstart junior, I'm not in disagreement with the seniors who've posted.

The REASON the "counselor" was called WRONG WRONG WRONG here (and I notice you didn't quote me -- hoping to get off easily?) was on a LEGAL basis.

Silverplum, the reasons I didn't quote you are 1) I do understand that this is a legal forum and 2) I agree with what you'd posted.
I know full well that even if OP was following a counselor’s advice, she could still be nailed for it in a court of law.
The reason I chose to respond to the other poster was to point out that it happens to be a BAD idea to render pronouncements about what constitutes good counseling practice in any public forum unless one has the credentials to make that determination. It's also baseless to assert what NO good counselor would ever say unless one had means to interview ALL of them about EVERY possible family situation.

If the biological parent is truly awol in the child's life, or is deceased, calling a stepparent mommy or daddy is not only totally ok, but is good for the child.... However when their parent is active in their lives, it is something that should be discouraged, and an alternate name for the stepparent should be found.

Thank you, LdiJ, that was entirely my point; you expressed it much better than I.

 

[GAMOMtired]

At first my ex had a problem with her calling my husband Daddy but she told him it made her feel better to call him that b/c he was not here and her stepdaddy was. She said it made her feel like she still had a family. Our counselor was not speaking from a legal standpoint he was speaking for the best interest of the child. I didn't even know there was a law regarding who you could call Daddy. I don't know the legal do's and don'ts but I do think that a judge would not think to much of someone who is off 26 weeks a year and has only seen his child 4 times since last July. He would probably understand why my little girl would want to call her stepdaddy Daddy.

Her real Daddy chose to be absent from her life, he moved of his own choice, it was not for economical reasons or any other reason other than that's what he chose to do and he knew he would have to make a lot of sacrifices to maintain a relationship with her. I don't have to worry about her calling her stepmom mama b/c I am everpresent in her life and she hardly ever sees her. If he had remained everpresent in her life she wouldn't be calling anyone other than him Daddy either. I know this is a legal sight and I would really like to know if there is a law concerning this.

 

[Ohiogal]

At first my ex had a problem with her calling my husband Daddy but she told him it made her feel better to call him that b/c he was not here and her stepdaddy was. She said it made her feel like she still had a family. Our counselor was not speaking from a legal standpoint he was speaking for the best interest of the child. I didn't even know there was a law regarding who you could call Daddy. I don't know the legal do's and don'ts but I do think that a judge would not think to much of someone who is off 26 weeks a year and has only seen his child 4 times since last July. He would probably understand why my little girl would want to call her stepdaddy Daddy.

Her real Daddy chose to be absent from her life, he moved of his own choice, it was not for economical reasons or any other reason other than that's what he chose to do and he knew he would have to make a lot of sacrifices to maintain a relationship with her. I don't have to worry about her calling her stepmom mama b/c I am everpresent in her life and she hardly ever sees her. If he had remained everpresent in her life she wouldn't be calling anyone other than him Daddy either. I know this is a legal sight and I would really like to know if there is a law concerning this.

No but there is a lot of caselaw showing that this is a factor in proving parental alienation and/or failing to encourage a relationship by the CP. Such things can and have resulted in the CP losing custody.

 

[Chelle0578]

No but there is a lot of caselaw showing that this is a factor in proving parental alienation and/or failing to encourage a relationship by the CP. Such things can and have resulted in the CP losing custody.

Amazing...a friend of ours was in court this week for child support and visitation. First time (baby 5 mos, CP/mother), she offered the NCP/father a very good visitation scheduled (judge was even impressed). Then as things were wrapping up, NCP/father asked if they could change the Wed overnight to Thurs. b/c step-mom works Wed. nights and wanted to spend time with the child too. Judge granted it and said it was in the best interest of the child to have quality time with his stepmother as well. CP/Mom even protested saying she worked Weds. and if they changed to Thurs. it would take time from her and the child. So, it looks as if some judges support step-parent relationships...

I see how some parents can use this method to try and alienate another parent, but not all people are this way. I'm simply saying...if mom/dad, step-parent, and child are comfortable with it ... it is not wrong. But, it is wrong if handled inappropriately...better?
But in the end...not against the law.

 

[GrowUp!]

So, it looks as if some judges support step-parent relationships...

It's not that. Judges consider relationships with all members of each parent's family as important (or they should), whether it's steps, halfs, cousins, etc.

 

[Ohiogal]

Amazing...a friend of ours was in court this week for child support and visitation. First time (baby 5 mos, CP/mother), she offered the NCP/father a very good visitation scheduled (judge was even impressed). Then as things were wrapping up, NCP/father asked if they could change the Wed overnight to Thurs. b/c step-mom works Wed. nights and wanted to spend time with the child too. Judge granted it and said it was in the best interest of the child to have quality time with his stepmother as well. CP/Mom even protested saying she worked Weds. and if they changed to Thurs. it would take time from her and the child. So, it looks as if some judges support step-parent relationships...

I see how some parents can use this method to try and alienate another parent, but not all people are this way. I'm simply saying...if mom/dad, step-parent, and child are comfortable with it ... it is not wrong. But, it is wrong if handled inappropriately...better?
But in the end...not against the law.

You cannot use that argument however to preserve custody. It won't work. It will tick people off. People meaning the court.

 

[stepmother3870]

I am a stepmother and it often takes time for a child to warm up to a another mother. I have been around my step daughter since she was 1, and even at that age is was hard for her. The only way your daughter is going to get to know her stepmom, is to be around her,and even to spend some alone time together. She is at an age where she can talk and express herself very well, so theres no need to worry.

 

[jbowman]

I am a stepmother and it often takes time for a child to warm up to a another mother.QUOTE]

Another mother? ew very poor choice of words here.

 

[stepmother3870]

I am a stepmother and it often takes time for a child to warm up to a another mother.QUOTE]

Another mother? ew very poor choice of words here.

Then let me say another mother figure