Several Issues From Today...

[CJane]

What is the name of your state? MO

Today, stupidhead and I were to attend an intake interview w/a child psychologist. This was regarding his continuing statements that the youngest girl (now 7) has developmental delays and ADD. He's been saying this since she was 4 - right around the time of the divorce - but has NEVER sought an evaluation. So, back in May, I made an appointment. That's the background.

So, today was the intake, and he and I were just supposed to meet with the psych and go over our issues w/the child and she would then determine what, if any, tests to perform at an appointment in September.

Stupidhead was on a roll and about 15 minutes in was ranting about what an idiot our GAL was and the judge is and how I 'wrangled' custody away from him even though he proved that I am unfit. He admitted - quite proudly - that he reported me to CPS and continued to rant about how THEY are all idiots too and can just be added to the list of people that I've fooled.

Eventually, the psychologist said that at first she thought that it was wonderful that two people who clearly have communication issues would both be there trying to find help for their child. But that over the last few minutes, it had become clear to her that that's NOT why he was there and said she couldn't help and he needed to leave. She then said to me that she couldn't continue the appointment with only one parent present. She recommended a different psychologist who specializes in 'contentious relationships'. Ex told me he was going to call the police because I'd been sitting too near him for his liking and stormed out.

SO... the questions...

1) If I call the psychologist and request that she send me notes of the meeting (I know she was keeping notes up to the point she ended the meeting) as well as all the intake forms that stupidhead and I both filled out, is that something she's likely to do? I was planning to request that they be sent to both of us so that I cannot be accused of withholding information.

2) Ex had a letter with him that was from Unruly's 1st Grade teacher (supposedly). In this letter, she stated her 'continuing concern' for the child based on her behavior and inability to focus or perform in class. She also stated that the 'pants wetting' was a HUGE concern for her and that she feared very much for Unruly's future success if we didn't get her the help she needed... so, there are a couple of things with this. This was an original inkjet print. So I assume that Ex has the ONLY copy in existence. I am ... furious... with the teacher for several reasons - first, she told ME at our last conference that she was VERY happy with Unruly's progress and that she'd made great strides in accomplishing the goals we outlined for her. On Unruly's final report card, she received a 'meets standards' or an A on everything except 'keeps her desk tidy'. In fact, her marks in things like 'focuses on tasks' and 'finishes work on time' had IMPROVED the final semester but had NEVER been below 'needs improvement' (they'd never been 'below standards').

I've made an appointment with the principal, but what do I DO? I think there are a LOT of levels of inappropriate here and I'm not sorting them out into coherent complaints very well.

3) I feel like this should all be worked into the contempt filing, but I have no idea HOW. Is it technically contempt if he's acting crazy? He DID say repeatedly that he WILL NOT communicate with me. And he DID tell the psychologist that she shouldn't trust me to tell her the truth...

4) I'm to the point where I really don't think the kids should be spending as much time as they do at his house - and should certainly not be spending overnights w/Step-Mom without him there. It makes me sad because I WANTED this 50/50 thing to work out... I really did. But clearly it's not. I don't want this contempt filing to have to become a modification and go through another 2 years of litigation. I've asked in my filing for the judge to 'impose sanctions at the Court's discretion, up to and including a change in physical placement'. In your considered opinions, how likely is that to happen, given the crap he's pulled? Is it possible that as a 'punishment' for his behavior the judge would change the time split, at least temporarily, and a 'custody modification' wouldn't be required at all? I really only want to change the TIMES, not the CUSTODY.

I'm sure there's more, but that's enough for now.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? MO

Today, stupidhead and I were to attend an intake interview w/a child psychologist. This was regarding his continuing statements that the youngest girl (now 7) has developmental delays and ADD. He's been saying this since she was 4 - right around the time of the divorce - but has NEVER sought an evaluation. So, back in May, I made an appointment. That's the background.

So, today was the intake, and he and I were just supposed to meet with the psych and go over our issues w/the child and she would then determine what, if any, tests to perform at an appointment in September.

Stupidhead was on a roll and about 15 minutes in was ranting about what an idiot our GAL was and the judge is and how I 'wrangled' custody away from him even though he proved that I am unfit. He admitted - quite proudly - that he reported me to CPS and continued to rant about how THEY are all idiots too and can just be added to the list of people that I've fooled.

Eventually, the psychologist said that at first she thought that it was wonderful that two people who clearly have communication issues would both be there trying to find help for their child. But that over the last few minutes, it had become clear to her that that's NOT why he was there and said she couldn't help and he needed to leave. She then said to me that she couldn't continue the appointment with only one parent present. She recommended a different psychologist who specializes in 'contentious relationships'. Ex told me he was going to call the police because I'd been sitting too near him for his liking and stormed out.

SO... the questions...

1) If I call the psychologist and request that she send me notes of the meeting (I know she was keeping notes up to the point she ended the meeting) as well as all the intake forms that stupidhead and I both filled out, is that something she's likely to do? I was planning to request that they be sent to both of us so that I cannot be accused of withholding information.

2) Ex had a letter with him that was from Unruly's 1st Grade teacher (supposedly). In this letter, she stated her 'continuing concern' for the child based on her behavior and inability to focus or perform in class. She also stated that the 'pants wetting' was a HUGE concern for her and that she feared very much for Unruly's future success if we didn't get her the help she needed... so, there are a couple of things with this. This was an original inkjet print. So I assume that Ex has the ONLY copy in existence. I am ... furious... with the teacher for several reasons - first, she told ME at our last conference that she was VERY happy with Unruly's progress and that she'd made great strides in accomplishing the goals we outlined for her. On Unruly's final report card, she received a 'meets standards' or an A on everything except 'keeps her desk tidy'. In fact, her marks in things like 'focuses on tasks' and 'finishes work on time' had IMPROVED the final semester but had NEVER been below 'needs improvement' (they'd never been 'below standards').

I've made an appointment with the principal, but what do I DO? I think there are a LOT of levels of inappropriate here and I'm not sorting them out into coherent complaints very well.

3) I feel like this should all be worked into the contempt filing, but I have no idea HOW. Is it technically contempt if he's acting crazy? He DID say repeatedly that he WILL NOT communicate with me. And he DID tell the psychologist that she shouldn't trust me to tell her the truth...

4) I'm to the point where I really don't think the kids should be spending as much time as they do at his house - and should certainly not be spending overnights w/Step-Mom without him there. It makes me sad because I WANTED this 50/50 thing to work out... I really did. But clearly it's not. I don't want this contempt filing to have to become a modification and go through another 2 years of litigation. I've asked in my filing for the judge to 'impose sanctions at the Court's discretion, up to and including a change in physical placement'. In your considered opinions, how likely is that to happen, given the crap he's pulled? Is it possible that as a 'punishment' for his behavior the judge would change the time split, at least temporarily, and a 'custody modification' wouldn't be required at all? I really only want to change the TIMES, not the CUSTODY.

I'm sure there's more, but that's enough for now.

You have an extensive "laundry list" of his violations of the court orders. This last appointment is a clear indication that he has no concept of reality and has no intend to properly co-parent.

Yes, it possible that the judge will change custody.,,,even legal custody.

I realize that you are going pro-se because of cost, but I really think that you need the GAL involved in this and that she needs to talk to the psych that you talked to today.

Dad has totally LOST it.

 

[profmum]

What is the name of your state? MO

Today, stupidhead and I were to attend an intake interview w/a child psychologist. This was regarding his continuing statements that the youngest girl (now 7) has developmental delays and ADD. He's been saying this since she was 4 - right around the time of the divorce - but has NEVER sought an evaluation. So, back in May, I made an appointment. That's the background.

So, today was the intake, and he and I were just supposed to meet with the psych and go over our issues w/the child and she would then determine what, if any, tests to perform at an appointment in September.

Stupidhead was on a roll and about 15 minutes in was ranting about what an idiot our GAL was and the judge is and how I 'wrangled' custody away from him even though he proved that I am unfit. He admitted - quite proudly - that he reported me to CPS and continued to rant about how THEY are all idiots too and can just be added to the list of people that I've fooled.

Eventually, the psychologist said that at first she thought that it was wonderful that two people who clearly have communication issues would both be there trying to find help for their child. But that over the last few minutes, it had become clear to her that that's NOT why he was there and said she couldn't help and he needed to leave. She then said to me that she couldn't continue the appointment with only one parent present. She recommended a different psychologist who specializes in 'contentious relationships'. Ex told me he was going to call the police because I'd been sitting too near him for his liking and stormed out.

SO... the questions...

1) If I call the psychologist and request that she send me notes of the meeting (I know she was keeping notes up to the point she ended the meeting) as well as all the intake forms that stupidhead and I both filled out, is that something she's likely to do? I was planning to request that they be sent to both of us so that I cannot be accused of withholding information.

She might as it was not any evaluation of your daugther, but meetings with the parents (so not necessarily HIPAA protected patient information if you will), particularly if you are requesting they be sent to both parents. But if you do end up litigating, having this psychologist tesiyy might help your case.

2) Ex had a letter with him that was from Unruly's 1st Grade teacher (supposedly). In this letter, she stated her 'continuing concern' for the child based on her behavior and inability to focus or perform in class. She also stated that the 'pants wetting' was a HUGE concern for her and that she feared very much for Unruly's future success if we didn't get her the help she needed... so, there are a couple of things with this.

First, not uncommon at all for 1st graders to have potty accidents.

This was an original inkjet print. So I assume that Ex has the ONLY copy in existence. I am ... furious... with the teacher for several reasons - first, she told ME at our last conference that she was VERY happy with Unruly's progress and that she'd made great strides in accomplishing the goals we outlined for her. On Unruly's final report card, she received a 'meets standards' or an A on everything except 'keeps her desk tidy'. In fact, her marks in things like 'focuses on tasks' and 'finishes work on time' had IMPROVED the final semester but had NEVER been below 'needs improvement' (they'd never been 'below standards').

I've made an appointment with the principal, but what do I DO? I think there are a LOT of levels of inappropriate here and I'm not sorting them out into coherent complaints very well.

I am only speculating here, but not sure if it her or the school's responsibily to make sure that you got a copy of that letter as well.It should have been mailed to you as well or you should have received some notification of this "issue" if it was such a serious concern. Also without knowing the details of whether you did or not, how much time had passed between the letter your ex got and your conference with the teacher? too short for such a turn around in the teacher's attitude? ( and hence inappropriate if she was telling ex or writing letters for ex to "use" against you etc)

3) I feel like this should all be worked into the contempt filing, but I have no idea HOW. Is it technically contempt if he's acting crazy? He DID say repeatedly that he WILL NOT communicate with me. And he DID tell the psychologist that she shouldn't trust me to tell her the truth...

This is a tough one, he did not technically interfere with anything, and the teacher may have been out of line, but he repeatedly states he does not want to communicate with you, maybe a request for sole decision making might be in the works for you? I mean how do you do joint decision making if one parent refuses to communicate?

4) I'm to the point where I really don't think the kids should be spending as much time as they do at his house - and should certainly not be spending overnights w/Step-Mom without him there. It makes me sad because I WANTED this 50/50 thing to work out... I really did. But clearly it's not. I don't want this contempt filing to have to become a modification and go through another 2 years of litigation. I've asked in my filing for the judge to 'impose sanctions at the Court's discretion, up to and including a change in physical placement'. In your considered opinions, how likely is that to happen, given the crap he's pulled? Is it possible that as a 'punishment' for his behavior the judge would change the time split, at least temporarily, and a 'custody modification' wouldn't be required at all? I really only want to change the TIMES, not the CUSTODY.

CJane, I dont know the entire history, but I know you have been put through lot by this pair, but it seems to be that if you are requesting sole or more "physical custody" but want to maintain joint legal custody, that is possible, but if I remember right, aren't the girls spending about 60-70% of the time with you? If so, I don't know if you will get any more of a reduction in the time they spend with him. Again, I am not all the familiar with the history, so there might be a case, if things have really hurt the children through his actions.

I'm sure there's more, but that's enough for now.

Keep your chin up

 

[fae77]

I think one of the things you should do is call the teacher and ask her if she actually did write the letter. I am not a lawyer, I just think that would be a good step to take.

Also, your ex sounds like a bubble head. I wish you and your munchkin the best.

And on a side note, little kids are supposed to be unruly. Thats why parents talk to them and teach them not to be unruly.

 

[CJane]

You have an extensive "laundry list" of his violations of the court orders. This last appointment is a clear indication that he has no concept of reality and has no intend to properly co-parent.

Yes, it possible that the judge will change custody.,,,even legal custody.

Good to know. I'm still not clear on how this contempt thing works.

I realize that you are going pro-se because of cost, but I really think that you need the GAL involved in this and that she needs to talk to the psych that you talked to today.

Dad has totally LOST it.

Well, yeah, he has. He's always been VERY good at only being a f*cktard in private and being SUPER reasonable and ingratiating and charming in public. Today he didn't manage it for even a few minutes. Frankly, that worries me A LOT since I have to drop the kids off w/him tomorrow.

How do I involve the GAL in a contempt filing? I planned to send her a copy of the motion once it was filed, and while I have NO problems at all paying her to continue representing the children, I know that stupidhead will absolutely NOT comply with any order along those lines. He'd go to jail first. He said today that he thinks that she works for my attorney.

 

[CJane]

I am only speculating here, but not sure if it her or the school's responsibily to make sure that you got a copy of that letter as well.It should have been mailed to you as well or you should have received some notification of this "issue" if it was such a serious concern. Also without knowing the details of whether you did or not, how much time had passed between the letter your ex got and your conference with the teacher? too short for such a turn around in the teacher's attitude? ( and hence inappropriate if she was telling ex or writing letters for ex to "use" against you etc)

Timeline...

This was last year's teacher. The last conference was in April of this year, school was out in May. This letter was dated THIS WEEK.

The letter was not mailed to Ex. He stated that he picked it up today before the appointment. I would be willing to bet my next unemployment check that the principal has NO IDEA that this letter exists.

Basically, to my face, the teacher has never indicated a concern about the child's 'future success' and even though I asked her specifically last year about this pants wetting issue, she stated AT THAT TIME that she'd never had an accident.

Either the teacher is lying to me to my face or she's lying to my ex in writing. THAT is my concern.

 

[JBMD]

Either the teacher is lying to me to my face or she's lying to my ex in writing. THAT is my concern.

Prior to getting angry with the teacher, you may want to ask the teacher if she wrote this "letter" .... I wouldn't put it past your ex to have written it himself and forged a signature or something!!! You should have asked ex for a copy of the letter .... though i imagine that wouldn't have gotten you far!!

I feel for you ... he needs treatment or something!!

 

[CJane]

Prior to getting angry with the teacher, you may want to ask the teacher if she wrote this "letter" .... I wouldn't put it past your ex to have written it himself and forged a signature or something!!! You should have asked ex for a copy of the letter .... though i imagine that wouldn't have gotten you far!!

I feel for you ... he needs treatment or something!!

I have considered that the letter is fraudulent. Though there's no way HE wrote it... perhaps SMom did... I know he didn't because I know his writing style too well and he couldn't have pulled it off.

I'm not speaking to the teacher about this anyway - I'm going to speak to the principal (my older child's 3rd grade teacher) and do it from the "I'm a little confused" standpoint.

Anyone know whether the psychologist is likely to copy us on the meeting notes since we're not technically clients? I'm going to offer to pay her her hourly rate if she'll do it.

 

[profmum]

Timeline...

This was last year's teacher. The last conference was in April of this year, school was out in May. This letter was dated THIS WEEK.

The letter was not mailed to Ex. He stated that he picked it up today before the appointment. I would be willing to bet my next unemployment check that the principal has NO IDEA that this letter exists.

Basically, to my face, the teacher has never indicated a concern about the child's 'future success' and even though I asked her specifically last year about this pants wetting issue, she stated AT THAT TIME that she'd never had an accident.

Either the teacher is lying to me to my face or she's lying to my ex in writing. THAT is my concern.

sounds like it, i would check with the principal first, when teacher's get inappropriately involved in this manner (if she indeed did write the letter to begin with!!), that makes matter's worse, given what I have read in this post about your ex, seems like it would not too much of a stretch for him to fabricate this letter!

 

[LdiJ]

I have considered that the letter is fraudulent. Though there's no way HE wrote it... perhaps SMom did... I know he didn't because I know his writing style too well and he couldn't have pulled it off.

I'm not speaking to the teacher about this anyway - I'm going to speak to the principal (my older child's 3rd grade teacher) and do it from the "I'm a little confused" standpoint.

Anyone know whether the psychologist is likely to copy us on the meeting notes since we're not technically clients? I'm going to offer to pay her her hourly rate if she'll do it.

I think that there is a decent chance that she will do so. Tell her the truth. Tell her that you are taking things to court since its obvious that co-parenting is impossible at this point and that you don't believe that dad will cooperate with any further counseling without court intervention.

 

[BS Spotter]

Good to know. I'm still not clear on how this contempt thing works.



Well, yeah, he has. He's always been VERY good at only being a f*cktard in private and being SUPER reasonable and ingratiating and charming in public. Today he didn't manage it for even a few minutes. Frankly, that worries me A LOT since I have to drop the kids off w/him tomorrow.

How do I involve the GAL in a contempt filing? I planned to send her a copy of the motion once it was filed, and while I have NO problems at all paying her to continue representing the children, I know that stupidhead will absolutely NOT comply with any order along those lines. He'd go to jail first. He said today that he thinks that she works for my attorney.

Good Lord. Get F**ktard a straitjacket. lol

As far as this alleged "letter" from the teacher, I highly doubt the teacher wrote that. I would think with some of the very private stuff that was addressed, the teacher would better handle it asking the parents to come to a conference and speak in person and privately about these issues -- and not put them in writing. I think you're doing the right thing going straight to the principal.

 

[BS Spotter]

This is a tough one, he did not technically interfere with anything, and the teacher may have been out of line, but he repeatedly states he does not want to communicate with you, maybe a request for sole decision making might be in the works for you? I mean how do you do joint decision making if one parent refuses to communicate?

But it COULD be worked into interference because he's stating he's refusing to communicate -- and as it relates to this, he's also stating that he is refusing to CO-PARENT with her. "Refusing to communicate" can branch out into many other aspects when it comes to parenting. Refusing to co-parent is interference with the other parent's parental rights.
Especially if history can clearly indicate this will be an ongoing problem.

 

[profmum]

But it COULD be worked into interference because he's stating he's refusing to communicate -- and as it relates to this, he's also stating that he is refusing to CO-PARENT with her. "Refusing to communicate" can branch out into many other aspects when it comes to parenting. Refusing to co-parent is interference with the other parent's parental rights.
Especially if history can clearly indicate this will be an ongoing problem.

Exactly hence the request for sole decision making and sole legal custody as well. My ex recently went through this phase, when I calmly suggest sole decision making, well, he responded right away to issues about her daugther

 

[CJane]

Exactly hence the request for sole decision making and sole legal custody as well. My ex recently went through this phase, when I calmly suggest sole decision making, well, he responded right away to issues about her daugther

Yes, well, that's an indication that your ex is sane. Mine is not.

HE HAD sole decision making - part of the agreement that got me out of the marriage with the kids 60% of the time. During that time, he NEVER attempted to get the kid(s) counseling, NEVER addressed any of these issues that he's NOW claiming have been going on for 4 years and NEVER attended a parent/teacher conference.

I do think that in the very near future he's going to lose himself even joint legal status - our judge is ... unimpressed ... to say the least. But I'm still struggling with being the one who 'takes' it from him.

I haven't heard back from the principal yet today. School starts in 30 minutes, so I'm waiting until after morning announcements and calling her again.

 

[casa]

Yes, well, that's an indication that your ex is sane. Mine is not.

HE HAD sole decision making - part of the agreement that got me out of the marriage with the kids 60% of the time. During that time, he NEVER attempted to get the kid(s) counseling, NEVER addressed any of these issues that he's NOW claiming have been going on for 4 years and NEVER attended a parent/teacher conference.

I do think that in the very near future he's going to lose himself even joint legal status - our judge is ... unimpressed ... to say the least. But I'm still struggling with being the one who 'takes' it from him.

I haven't heard back from the principal yet today. School starts in 30 minutes, so I'm waiting until after morning announcements and calling her again.

Told you he'd eventuall unravel...he definately needs some time in an 'I Love Me' jacket and perhaps a padded room

Definately go to the Principal~ I'm having issues with the authenticity of the 'letter' myself...it's uncommon for teachers to get involved to that extent (beyond a conference, etc.)