Legal rights as Non Custodial and change of custody

[tkchewy]

What is the name of your state? Wyoming

My exe wife and i have been divorced for almost 2 years, she got Custody even though our daughter told the judge she did not want to live with her,my exe admitted to threating to hire a hit man because it would be cheaper, and admitted to drinking and driving alot with our daughter.

Now that she has "the power" to control phone calls and activities, in the last 2 years there has never been but maybe 5 or so calls where my daughter wasn't in the tub,eating , busy playing and isn't made to stop and talk to me, or my exe is laying in bed with her while I am trying to talk to her and our daughter won't say much while she is right next to her. My ex had our daughter Baptised and did not tell me until the afternoon before and I live 3 hours from her so I could not make it. When I ask her if she thought it was inportant for me to be there she said no.

My exe is always talking bad and cussing me to her friends infront of our daughter and every new boyfriend she meets, she brings them home to spend the night almost from the first night..

Now that I am remarried and my wife is a stay at home mom, how do i go about changing custody to make it easier on my daughter. I have to rely on her to keep me informed of activities and such and that is alot for an 8 year old to have to do..

Help please!!

 

[Zephyr]

What is the name of your state? Wyoming

My exe wife and i have been divorced for almost 2 years, she got Custody even though our daughter told the judge she did not want to live with her,my exe admitted to threating to hire a hit man because it would be cheaper, and admitted to drinking and driving alot with our daughter.

Now that she has "the power" to control phone calls and activities, in the last 2 years there has never been but maybe 5 or so calls where my daughter wasn't in the tub,eating , busy playing and isn't made to stop and talk to me, or my exe is laying in bed with her while I am trying to talk to her and our daughter won't say much while she is right next to her. My ex had our daughter Baptised and did not tell me until the afternoon before and I live 3 hours from her so I could not make it. When I ask her if she thought it was inportant for me to be there she said no.

My exe is always talking bad and cussing me to her friends infront of our daughter and every new boyfriend she meets, she brings them home to spend the night almost from the first night..

Now that I am remarried and my wife is a stay at home mom, how do i go about changing custody to make it easier on my daughter. I have to rely on her to keep me informed of activities and such and that is alot for an 8 year old to have to do..

Help please!!

that's kind of a double edge sword of an arguement....

how has your wife broken the current court order? what documentation do you have to back that up?

 

[tkchewy]

How so a double edge sword??

Current order is that we have joint custody, and she has primary custodial...
As far as violating the current order, she really stays on the edge of compliance...other than not allowing me to have our whole 15min twice a week alone...I actually dreed calling, she always has our daughter doing something, and there has been several times that I did not get to talk to her but just breifly due to the fact her mother told her it was bed time and if she didnt get to bed she was going to get into trouble..That was at 8pm...court order says I can call from 7pm to 9pm....but she goes to bed at 8pm on school nights and she eats at 7, takes a bath at 7:30...so really makes it hard..I have tried to discuss this with my exe, she usually hangs up.

If you are refering to the "boyfriends vs my wife" in the last year there has been 6 men in and out of my daughters life...1 was stocking my exe after breakup, her front door of her home has been kicked in ,but nothing taken but script meds??? And I get all this information from my 8 year old....My exe involes our daughter in her dating life way to much. My daughter can tell you who,what when and why about all of her mom's boyfriends....but that is only a small slice of what is going on...

With my exe not letting me know about our daughters activities and appointments is one of my major problems. It usually takes 2 - 3 emails, and sometimes more before she will respond and tell me anything... She doesnt think I should be involed at all in our daughters life anymore.

 

[kik1999]

My exe wife and i have been divorced for almost 2 years, she got Custody even though our daughter told the judge she did not want to live with her,my exe admitted to threating to hire a hit man because it would be cheaper, and admitted to drinking and driving alot with our daughter.

I have a hard time believing this. Your ex admitted to threatening to hire a hit man and drinking and driving with your daughter in the car and the judge still gave her custody?

 

[tkchewy]

I have a hard time believing this. Your ex admitted to threatening to hire a hit man and drinking and driving with your daughter in the car and the judge still gave her custody?

Yes, believe me, everyone , including the person she told this to , who testified in court, my attorney, and all the other people who knew was shocked...Welcome to the Cheyenne Wyoming court system....
My exe even admitted to dropping our daughter off at a guys house while she went to a party, when she went to retrieve her at 11pm at night she fell while carrying her to the car, broke her ankle, was still in a cast at the time of the hearing....It was almost as if the judge had his mind madeup before we even stepped into the room

 

[kik1999]

.If you are refering to the "boyfriends vs my wife" in the last year there has been 6 men in and out of my daughters life...1 was stocking my exe after breakup, her front door of her home has been kicked in ,but nothing taken but script meds??? And I get all this information from my 8 year old....My exe involes our daughter in her dating life way to much. My daughter can tell you who,what when and why about all of her mom's boyfriends....but that is only a small slice of what is going on...QUOTE]

Also, how do you KNOW about the men in her life via your daughter? You shouldn't be asking her questions about mom's personal life. My 8 year old daughter doesn't really speak about the specifics when she is with her dad unless asked, and usually it's me saying, "did you have fun at daddy's?" and her responding with an enthusiastic "yes" or "we did...". Is your daughter just bringing this up on her own in casual conversation?

Also, unless these boyfriends of mom's are supposed to be staying away from children, there's not much you can do about who she exposes your daughter to on her time.

 

[tkchewy]

.If you are refering to the "boyfriends vs my wife" in the last year there has been 6 men in and out of my daughters life...1 was stocking my exe after breakup, her front door of her home has been kicked in ,but nothing taken but script meds??? And I get all this information from my 8 year old....My exe involes our daughter in her dating life way to much. My daughter can tell you who,what when and why about all of her mom's boyfriends....but that is only a small slice of what is going on...QUOTE]

Also, how do you KNOW about the men in her life via your daughter? You shouldn't be asking her questions about mom's personal life. My 8 year old daughter doesn't really speak about the specifics when she is with her dad unless asked, and usually it's me saying, "did you have fun at daddy's?" and her responding with an enthusiastic "yes" or "we did...". Is your daughter just bringing this up on her own in casual conversation?

Also, unless these boyfriends of mom's are supposed to be staying away from children, there's not much you can do about who she exposes your daughter to on her time.

=edit= Let's stay on subject, if you really want to know, my daughter has been in tears telling me and my wife about the boyfriends, and how "mom" doesnt spend hardly anytime with her when they are around. My daughter has told her counselor at school that one of the guys mom has her around and uses as a babysitter scares her. She has even told her mom that and mom says, "get used to it , that is just how he is" .


My daughter tells me about the guys, and my exe usually has them arrive at time of drop off, which usually makes our daughter mad...cause mom spends more time with them than her, that is my daughters words to me and my wife.
Or as the other day when my daughter called me early one morning on her way to school and told me she was in a bad mood because mom woke her up because mom was screaming so loud because her leg was "cramping" , but Alfred, her boyfriend was rubbing her leg to make it feel better.....
You know, dont take me wrong, I dont care who she sees or sleeps with, but to go on a date with a guy, bring them back to the house, have them sleep over usually on the first night, introduce them to our daughter who gets attached easly to people, is wrong. The even teach that in parenting class....One of her boyfriends, the one who was stalking her, my exe had our daughter calling his sister Aunty, and brothers uncle.....An eight year old should not know as much as mine does about her mothers private affairs....

 

[Zephyr]

How so a double edge sword??

because yes you may have a more stable home life and be able to offer the benefits of your wife being a stay at home mom, but you do not want to convey to the courts that you are trying to replace mom, or push her out.....this argument should be about kiddos best interests, what is the change in circumstances and what each parent themselves- (as in not your wife) have to offer the child

so you don't want to come across as wanting to do to mom what you are claiming she's doing to you

 

[tkchewy]

so you don't want to come across as wanting to do to mom what you are claiming she's doing to you

I want custody reversed, or modified, standard visitation in Wyoming is every other weekend , as long as it is an EVEN weekend..you can only call twice a week for 15min.So I go 3 weeks at times before I see her. I live 187 miles away, when my daughter calls me and tells me she is being baptised the next day, this is the first I am hearing of it, I cannot just pickup and run...When I asked her mom "dont you think it is important that I be involed in the baptism?" she said "no"..

I want a relationship with my daughter where she can be involed with my family I have now, 3 kids ( 8yr old, 4yr old , 10 mth old) , my daughter and the rest of the family get along great, and she loves her new little sister...

So I guess what I am claiming she is doing is alienating my daughter from me...
I do not want to keep my daughter from her mother, I just want my relationship that I should have with my dauther not be hindered by "mom".

 

[kik1999]

=edit= Let's stay on subject, if you really want to know, my daughter has been in tears telling me and my wife about the boyfriends, and how "mom" doesnt spend hardly anytime with her when they are around. My daughter has told her counselor at school that one of the guys mom has her around and uses as a babysitter scares her. She has even told her mom that and mom says, "get used to it , that is just how he is" .


My daughter tells me about the guys, and my exe usually has them arrive at time of drop off, which usually makes our daughter mad...cause mom spends more time with them than her, that is my daughters words to me and my wife.
Or as the other day when my daughter called me early one morning on her way to school and told me she was in a bad mood because mom woke her up because mom was screaming so loud because her leg was "cramping" , but Alfred, her boyfriend was rubbing her leg to make it feel better.....
You know, dont take me wrong, I dont care who she sees or sleeps with, but to go on a date with a guy, bring them back to the house, have them sleep over usually on the first night, introduce them to our daughter who gets attached easly to people, is wrong. The even teach that in parenting class....One of her boyfriends, the one who was stalking her, my exe had our daughter calling his sister Aunty, and brothers uncle.....An eight year old should not know as much as mine does about her mothers private affairs....

I'm staying on topic. You can't drag your 8 year old into court to testify as to what is going on at her mother's. So, how do you intend to prove that her lifestyle is detrimental to your daughter? It's going to take more than your daughter telling you. And as long as these boyfriends aren't harming your child, there isn't much you can do.
Get your daughter into counseling to help her deal with herfrustrations and/or feelings. You cannot dictate who her mom is around on her parenting time. My sd also expresses concerns about her mom not spending enough time with her during her parenting time. That is out of anyone's control. Do you have right of first refusal in your parenting plan? If she's leaving her for more than the alloted time in the parenting plan, file contempt charges, but other than that, as long as these boyfriends aren't causing your daughter to be in any kind of danger, there simply isn't anything you can do.

 

[kik1999]

I want custody reversed, or modified, standard visitation in Wyoming is every other weekend , as long as it is an EVEN weekend..you can only call twice a week for 15min.So I go 3 weeks at times before I see her. I live 187 miles away, when my daughter calls me and tells me she is being baptised the next day, this is the first I am hearing of it, I cannot just pickup and run...When I asked her mom "dont you think it is important that I be involed in the baptism?" she said "no"..

I want a relationship with my daughter where she can be involed with my family I have now, 3 kids ( 8yr old, 4yr old , 10 mth old) , my daughter and the rest of the family get along great, and she loves her new little sister...

So I guess what I am claiming she is doing is alienating my daughter from me...
I do not want to keep my daughter from her mother, I just want my relationship that I should have with my dauther not be hindered by "mom".

It sounds like your relationship is more so hindered by distance, than anything. Have you always lived this far apart? Have you considered moving closer to be a more active participant in her life? It's going to be hard for you to have more than eow, living 3 hours away...

 

[tkchewy]

It sounds like your relationship is more so hindered by distance, than anything. Have you always lived this far apart? Have you considered moving closer to be a more active participant in her life? It's going to be hard for you to have more than eow, living 3 hours away...

Lack of information, hinders more than anything....I ask at 1st of the month for schedules...I get nothing for weeks...if you dont know about something, you cant plan for it....even when I livede there, it was the same thing......

 

[Zephyr]

Lack of information, hinders more than anything....I ask at 1st of the month for schedules...I get nothing for weeks...if you dont know about something, you cant plan for it....even when I livede there, it was the same thing......

I know this feeling!

what does your court order state with regards to notifications, schedule sharing or any of that?

and I wasn't say you wanted to alienate your daughter from mom- just that you don't want your intentions mistaken as such

 

[tkchewy]

I know this feeling!

what does your court order state with regards to notifications, schedule sharing or any of that?

and I wasn't say you wanted to alienate your daughter from mom- just that you don't want your intentions mistaken as such

Our courts here ,hmmmmm, if the moon aligns with venus , and the tides are low, they may slap her hand...She by all rights should be keeping me informed, but my daughter tells me , then I go through the e-mail gammut trying to get the info.

The biggest problem is even after almost 2 years I dreed calling, I can bet almost with %100 accuracy that when I call, it will only be for 2 or 3 min., she will be in the tub, eating or to busy to talk...if I dont call before 8, then she is in bed, and then I have to wait until Wends. , which now she has swimming until 7:45....

My exe does just enough to be difficult and a pain, but not really enough to spend money for an attorney...
The last thing I want is to alienate her from her mother, I just need to find out how to do it the right way, I cannot continue like this for the next 10 years,,,

 

[LdiJ]

Our courts here ,hmmmmm, if the moon aligns with venus , and the tides are low, they may slap her hand...She by all rights should be keeping me informed, but my daughter tells me , then I go through the e-mail gammut trying to get the info.

The biggest problem is even after almost 2 years I dreed calling, I can bet almost with %100 accuracy that when I call, it will only be for 2 or 3 min., she will be in the tub, eating or to busy to talk...if I dont call before 8, then she is in bed, and then I have to wait until Wends. , which now she has swimming until 7:45....

My exe does just enough to be difficult and a pain, but not really enough to spend money for an attorney...
The last thing I want is to alienate her from her mother, I just need to find out how to do it the right way, I cannot continue like this for the next 10 years,,,

I honestly do understand your frustration...but you won't get a change of custody based on what you are describing, and you definitely won't get a change based on the fact that your new wife is a stay at home mother. In fact, it would hurt your chances to even mention something like that.

Honestly, if you could find a way to move to your daughter's community, then you would have a better than even shot at more of a 50/50 arrangement....or at least something approaching that.