thoughts....

[CJane]

i don't have a current gf / wife.

honestly, like i said earlier, don't want anything to do with either of them. we were both drunk when it happened. i'm taking responsibility by giving the child financial needs, but that's it. that's all i'm prepared to do.

I will say again that it is in EVERYONE's best interest that you go through the courts.

Here's some scenarios for you...

1) You come to a pre-arranged 'deal' and stick to it faithfully. She goes on welfare. The state comes after you for support of the child and all of the money you've given her so far is seen as a gift. BAM... you're in court and in arrears from day one.

2) You decide not to go through court because it seems like a hassle, and you know the kid is yours because he looks just like you, and 10 years later you find out it's NOT your kid. Guess what? Still on the hook.

3) You come to a prearranged deal and stick to it faithfully for 10 years. No problems. As long as you make the deposits, mom stays away. But then you get in a bind financially and you miss a month. Mom trots on down to the courthouse and files for CS and gets you for arrears as well since all the money you sent... gifted.

I could go on, but hopefully you get the idea.

File IN COURT for a paternity test that is then used to establish or disestablish paternity LEGALLY.

File IN COURT for child support using the guidelines set by the state of Kentucky.

You'll thank me later. Really.

 

[CallMeMack]

I will say again that it is in EVERYONE's best interest that you go through the courts.

Here's some scenarios for you...

1) You come to a pre-arranged 'deal' and stick to it faithfully. She goes on welfare. The state comes after you for support of the child and all of the money you've given her so far is seen as a gift. BAM... you're in court and in arrears from day one.

2) You decide not to go through court because it seems like a hassle, and you know the kid is yours because he looks just like you, and 10 years later you find out it's NOT your kid. Guess what? Still on the hook.

3) You come to a prearranged deal and stick to it faithfully for 10 years. No problems. As long as you make the deposits, mom stays away. But then you get in a bind financially and you miss a month. Mom trots on down to the courthouse and files for CS and gets you for arrears as well since all the money you sent... gifted.

I could go on, but hopefully you get the idea.

File IN COURT for a paternity test that is then used to establish or disestablish paternity LEGALLY.

File IN COURT for child support using the guidelines set by the state of Kentucky.

You'll thank me later. Really.

ok i'll probably do that then. guess i better find some way to break it to the parents they've got another grandchild that they'll never see.

also, your 1, 2, & 3 - was reading that if you can show the court that each payment is made on a specific date with note of child support and have the judge claim it as evidence. was planning on getting paternity test anyways.

another question - say i get the paternity test done, it's my kid. we decide go through the court - do i have to sign the birth certificate ?? earlier she was demanding that i sign it when the time comes for family history, so the kid knows it's father, etc... - aside from moral issues, must i sign it?

 

[nextwife]

i did thanks.

i'll ask for a paternity test before i hand over any cash.

i'm trying to make a pre-arranged "deal" so that i can make payments to her without having it ordered by the state, but with enough evidence to prove that it's CS payment so she can't file for arrears. i really don't want to have to take this entire thing through court.

That's really a stupid thing to do.

She could go on welfare, and then you'd also have to pay the state back, no matter WHAT you had previously given her.

Whatever you give her, make sure it IS done through the court and considered CS. Most states will consider anything NOT through a CS order to be a "gift". So, you could give her a lump sum and THEN end up having to pay her all over again.

 

[nextwife]

ok i'll probably do that then. guess i better find some way to break it to the parents they've got another grandchild that they'll never see.

also, your 1, 2, & 3 - was reading that if you can show the court that each payment is made on a specific date with note of child support and have the judge claim it as evidence. was planning on getting paternity test anyways.

another question - say i get the paternity test done, it's my kid. we decide go through the court - do i have to sign the birth certificate ?? earlier she was demanding that i sign it when the time comes for family history, so the kid knows it's father, etc... - aside from moral issues, must i sign it?

Do NOT sign anything without a DNA test. The kid won't KNOW what a "family history" even is until way after birth!

BTW- My daughter is now ten, and I sure don't know her "family history". Either paternal OR maternal. There is no RUSH to sign. And you certainly can TELL her your known family medical hstory without SIGNING a birth certificate.

 

[CJane]

another question - say i get the paternity test done, it's my kid. we decide go through the court - do i have to sign the birth certificate ?? earlier she was demanding that i sign it when the time comes for family history, so the kid knows it's father, etc... - aside from moral issues, must i sign it?

Your name can be added to it upon a court order, yes. But you don't HAVE to do anything.

Seriously. Cut off communication with this woman if you want nothing to do with her after the child is born. Start now. Tell her to call you when the baby is born, or email you, or serve you with a paternity petition or whatever, but STOP CONVERSING until you know with a 99.9 % certainty that you're the babydaddy.

 

[CallMeMack]

Do NOT sign anything without a DNA test. The kid won't KNOW what a "family history" even is until way after birth!

BTW- My daughter is now ten, and I sure don't know her "family history". Either paternal OR maternal. There is no RUSH to sign. And you certainly can TELL her your known family medical hstory without SIGNING a birth certificate.

ok what happens if i decide to go back to school to finish my degree and pursue another career ?? obviously my income will not be as high as it is now.

also my paycheck is a contract that is decided year to year. it's different every year.

 

[California9909]

Your name can be added to it upon a court order, yes. But you don't HAVE to do anything.

Seriously. Cut off communication with this woman if you want nothing to do with her after the child is born. Start now. Tell her to call you when the baby is born, or email you, or serve you with a paternity petition or whatever, but STOP CONVERSING until you know with a 99.9 % certainty that you're the babydaddy.

I couldn't agree with this advice more...

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

It can be based on what you have the 'ability' to pay - imputed imcome. You wouldn't be the first one to try to be under-employed. Judges don't like that too much!

 

[CJane]

ok what happens if i decide to go back to school to finish my degree and pursue another career ?? obviously my income will not be as high as it is now.

If it's seen as a voluntary decrease in income, it's unlikely that child support will be modified downward.

also my paycheck is a contract that is decided year to year. it's different every year.

Usually, an average of the past 3 years of income is taken into account.

 

[CallMeMack]

If it's seen as a voluntary decrease in income, it's unlikely that child support will be modified downward.

Usually, an average of the past 3 years of income is taken into account.

not really voluntarily. i play a sport. contracts are year to year. if i can't get one the following year then i've got no choice but to go back to school and get a job in the real world

 

[CallMeMack]

when doing a paternity test, must it be done in the county / state where the baby was born ? i travel around a LOT during the year

 

[milspecgirl]

here is my advice. I am not an atty, but I have dealt with KY courts for YEARS!
Send a certified, return receipt letter to the young lady to notify you when the child is born. However, not to contact you until then.
Once notified the child is BORN, contact child support enforcement (maybe able to do it in your state- they will be able to tell you if you have to go thru KY). explain that there was s child born which may be yours and that you want a paternity test and to set up child support.
The court will determine what lab can be used to determine paternity- they may have a lab affiliate close to you- if not, you will have to go where they say.
if the child is yours, set your payments up to go thru the court. If it's not, go along your way
CS is determined by both parents income in KY. They will use your last 3 years income to determine. If you go to a different career- thru no fault of your own (injury, age, etc) they will adjust based on your new earning potential. However, you going and being a laborer at 10/hr when you were making 30/hr and there is no reason that is not REALLY REALLY GOOD, they will determine based on the 30/hr. You will pay a portion of healthcare, daycare, and probably uncovered medical bills. Get everything spelled out very well. Since you make so much money, have the CS agreement looked at by an atty.
MAKE IT GO THRU THE COURTS
Even with memo on the check markings, the state can still decide it wasn't CS and you will be in big trouble
They will let you pay months in advance, but you will have to make sure they know that or they will consider it extra and you will still be expected to pay the next month.

 

[CJane]

not really voluntarily. i play a sport. contracts are year to year. if i can't get one the following year then i've got no choice but to go back to school and get a job in the real world

I figured you did.

However, a decrease in income is likely to be seen as voluntary unless and until it's proven to the court that it's impossible to make the same amount you were making before.

when doing a paternity test, must it be done in the county / state where the baby was born ? i travel around a LOT during the year

A reputable court approved lab will generally have labs around the country. They'll take your sample and send it to a centralized location. My son's father and the baby had their samples taken a month apart in completely different locations... not a big deal.

Last piece of advice. Make sure that you get a COURT ORDERED DNA test. Do NOT agree to have one done 'on the side'. Just don't. Ever.

 

[CallMeMack]

here is my advice. I am not an atty, but I have dealt with KY courts for YEARS!
Send a certified, return receipt letter to the young lady to notify you when the child is born. However, not to contact you until then.
Once notified the child is BORN, contact child support enforcement (maybe able to do it in your state- they will be able to tell you if you have to go thru KY). explain that there was s child born which may be yours and that you want a paternity test and to set up child support.
The court will determine what lab can be used to determine paternity- they may have a lab affiliate close to you- if not, you will have to go where they say.
if the child is yours, set your payments up to go thru the court. If it's not, go along your way
CS is determined by both parents income in KY. They will use your last 3 years income to determine. If you go to a different career- thru no fault of your own (injury, age, etc) they will adjust based on your new earning potential. However, you going and being a laborer at 10/hr when you were making 30/hr and there is no reason that is not REALLY REALLY GOOD, they will determine based on the 30/hr. You will pay a portion of healthcare, daycare, and probably uncovered medical bills. Get everything spelled out very well. Since you make so much money, have the CS agreement looked at by an atty.
MAKE IT GO THRU THE COURTS
Even with memo on the check markings, the state can still decide it wasn't CS and you will be in big trouble
They will let you pay months in advance, but you will have to make sure they know that or they will consider it extra and you will still be expected to pay the next month.

first off, thank you all for taking the time to write. if you can't tell i'm completely lost in this entire situation.

should i hire a lawyer ?? like i mentioned earlier, supposedly some of her friends are lawyers and they want to "nail my ass in CS court" as she states. i don't want to be treated unfairly just b/c she's got a lawyer and a judge in her corner.

i've got money so payment isn't a problem, so there won't be any arrears.

 

[stealth2]

not really voluntarily. i play a sport. contracts are year to year. if i can't get one the following year then i've got no choice but to go back to school and get a job in the real world

Then you should have thought a little more before dipping your wick. Sorry, but no sympathy here.

As for your parents.... I hope they're as disgusted by your attitude as I am. I'd be very saddened to learn what a shining example of humanity I'd raised.