thoughts....

[fairisfair]

I'm just being FAIR, ya know!

Hello, Angel-face.

why hello dahhhhhling.

 

[coloradosky]

And the statistics show that consistency is what matters. That either a parent is available regularly or NOT available at all amounts to about the same. It's the now you see me now you don't parents that really f*ck up their kids. If you want links, I'll supply them later.

CJLane: I completely agree with you. Would you mind supplying the supporting links that you mention? Those who care about the emotional well-being of the children who do not live with both their bio-parents under one roof may be interested in reading these articles. Thanks!

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Well, we weren't telling him THAT part of his future...we wanted to save at least one surprise for him!

"...when it's MY wife and MY kids..." She's gonna luv that...
Well someone should have informed me that we were keeping that secret.

Sawwy!

 

[Silverplum]

Well someone should have informed me that we were keeping that secret.

Sawwy!

Hee! S'okay. It's not like we care, is it?

 

[CallMeMack]

so what happens when...

told her i needed her address and that i'd be doing a paternity test. she got pissed and felt "disrespected" by the fact that i asked that. cause she says i'm the only person she slept with in two years. anyways, no contact is off, but i'm still going to send a certified receipt letter to the address she gave me so i can have it in writing.

she goes nuts. a few hours later she says "i don't want anything. i don't want your name on the BC. i don't want your money. i don't want u to ever exist in anyway to this kid. i don't want it to ever know who u are. my cell and email will be changed by 7 pm today and i'm making different living arrangements in another state within the next two weeks"

so now what ?? just start savin up my money so that in case she does want to file for arrears ?

 

[milspecgirl]

just bide your time. she will change and if she goes on gov't assistance, they will go after you whether she wants it or not. chances are she was mad that you aren't willing to just go along and she knows she has no recourse if you want a test. If she is 100% positive the baby is yours, she should be fine with a test just to prove her point.
Is there someone you all mutually know that you could keep quiet tabs on her. It is best to do the CS when the baby is born rather that constantly live waiting until the day she decides to strike. Legally, if you know there is a good possibility of a child out there and you did nothing, you would be liable for CS retro to the day of birth- even if she files at 18. Put your name on the father's registry for your state. that should document that you tried. do your best to keep tabs until baby is born.
i think she was blowing smoke because she was mad that you aren't going to just do what she tells you to do.

 

[CallMeMack]

just bide your time. she will change and if she goes on gov't assistance, they will go after you whether she wants it or not. chances are she was mad that you aren't willing to just go along and she knows she has no recourse if you want a test. If she is 100% positive the baby is yours, she should be fine with a test just to prove her point.
Is there someone you all mutually know that you could keep quiet tabs on her. It is best to do the CS when the baby is born rather that constantly live waiting until the day she decides to strike. Legally, if you know there is a good possibility of a child out there and you did nothing, you would be liable for CS retro to the day of birth- even if she files at 18. Put your name on the father's registry for your state. that should document that you tried. do your best to keep tabs until baby is born.
i think she was blowing smoke because she was mad that you aren't going to just do what she tells you to do.

for my state ? i live in a completely different state than she does. halfway across the country. so shouldn't i do it in the state where i think the child will be born ? what if i add it to the KY registry and she moved already and has it in LA ? how soon do i put it on the registry ?

 

[Waaaambulance]

told her i needed her address and that i'd be doing a paternity test. she got pissed and felt "disrespected" by the fact that i asked that. cause she says i'm the only person she slept with in two years. anyways, no contact is off, but i'm still going to send a certified receipt letter to the address she gave me so i can have it in writing.

she goes nuts. a few hours later she says "i don't want anything. i don't want your name on the BC. i don't want your money. i don't want u to ever exist in anyway to this kid. i don't want it to ever know who u are. my cell and email will be changed by 7 pm today and i'm making different living arrangements in another state within the next two weeks"

so now what ?? just start savin up my money so that in case she does want to file for arrears ?

Dude...STOP COMMUNICATING WITH THIS WOMAN!!! I would also make a log of the exact time and date of said comments, including some documentation that this call took place (i.e. detailed phone bill showing calls placed/incoming). Not that it would really do anything legally, BUT, might come in to "use" later.

BTW...there are no "arrears" in your case. She could file for back support, which are not arrears...and She's telling you that she is essentially going to make it difficult for you to locate her in anyway whatsoever. Which is why I stated to make a detailed note of the phone call you speak of.

 

[CJane]

CJLane: I completely agree with you. Would you mind supplying the supporting links that you mention? Those who care about the emotional well-being of the children who do not live with both their bio-parents under one roof may be interested in reading these articles. Thanks!

I'm still seeking links. So far, all I have are print articles from journals. This was the subject of my little sister's master's thesis, so I'm familiar with the research and I've been conversing with her on this topic as we both have son's w/out fathers but I'm waiting for her to gather the links for me.

This is what she had to say on the subject w/out the references at hand though.

it is shown that a predictable custodial situation was best - even if that means once a year visit. A child needs to be able to say "I spend time with my dad every Tuesday" or "I visit over the 4th of July each year". That's better than random unpredictable, more frequent visits.

I wholeheartedly agree - and this is the other reason that I think 1) a long-distance parenting situation, if consistent isn't necessarily bad and 2) 'reasonable' or 'agreed upon' visitation is always bad because it leaves a child nothing to plan for or count on.

 

[coloradosky]

CJANE - thank you for the info and for your sister's input. My future stepson (I've been in his life for 4 years) moved across the country with his mom after she remarried, and so we only have him at our house every 4 months. But it is a relief to know that our consistence and predictable visits help, not harm my fiance's son. It would be nice for my fiance, mom, step-dad and me to see the research (links) you speak of in order to make the arrangement as healthy as possible for my stepson.
Sorry for hi-jacking this post guys - I was just really interested in CJane's links.

 

[CallMeMack]

insurance

figured i'd keep all my questions in one thread so i can relate back to it later...

as far as insurance is considered... will the court order the NCP to put the child on his insurance ? or just require that he pay half of the non-covered medical costs.

daycare - say the CP wants money for daycare but uses her parents to keep the kids and never enrolls them in daycare. NCP still have to pay ?

thanks.

 

[moburkes]

Yes, keep it all in one thread.
Yes, usually the NCP puts the child on his/her insurance.
I pay my dad to watch my children, she may be paying her parents. But, if she's not, there there is no reason to split the $0 costs.

 

[CallMeMack]

so i sent her a letter today telling her to stop all contact with me and to email me when the child is born to take appropriate actions. certified return mail.

she'll probably get all pissed off and start texting me like crazy, then i'll have to change my phone number.

 

[MrsK]

so i sent her a letter today telling her to stop all contact with me and to email me when the child is born to take appropriate actions. certified return mail.

she'll probably get all pissed off and start texting me like crazy, then i'll have to change my phone number.

change your number now so you dont have that problem.