work vs visitation

[faithnlve]

What is the name of your state? Vt. Well, my 16 year old has a part time job. I am thrilled for her and support her in working a job and doing well in school. Here is the problem, I have visitation with her every other friday night through sunday morning. Her work schedule is friday night 5-10pm, saturday 8am-6pm. Then I bring her home sunday morning. Her father told me that I have no say, and he decides for her to stick with her job its part of growing up, and that his say is what goes, he has custody. I hate the idea of losing this time with her, kids are 18 before you know it, and she really would prefer her time with me. On the other hand I don't want her thinking I am against her working either. I am also concerned her father may ground her if she loses the job due to my time with her. He is that way. Any suggestions??! thanks faith

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state? Vt. Well, my 16 year old has a part time job. I am thrilled for her and support her in working a job and doing well in school. Here is the problem, I have visitation with her every other friday night through sunday morning. Her work schedule is friday night 5-10pm, saturday 8am-6pm. Then I bring her home sunday morning. Her father told me that I have no say, and he decides for her to stick with her job its part of growing up, and that his say is what goes, he has custody. I hate the idea of losing this time with her, kids are 18 before you know it, and she really would prefer her time with me. On the other hand I don't want her thinking I am against her working either. I am also concerned her father may ground her if she loses the job due to my time with her. He is that way. Any suggestions??! thanks faith

It sounds to me like you are more concerned with YOU. As you yourself said, they're 18 before you know it. If you push on this, she may resent you for it at that point.

 

[faithnlve]

Well, will disagree to it being all about me. Her father has her scheduled to work on MY weekends NOT his. This is my problem. He has them during the week and I see them every other weekend. So is it about me? NO, its about seeing my daughter.

 

[CJane]

So, you could have her from 10pm until 8am and then 6pm until they go home on Sunday, yes?

Honestly? It's up to HER whether or not she keeps the job, but that's about how often my parents saw ME when I was 16... and we all lived in the same house.

This isn't even a custody issue - this is your daughter's decision. 100%.

 

[faithnlve]

I am leaving it up to my daughter. She would prefer to work the weekend she is home then at my house. She has the rest of the week with dad. Her dad told her she needs that weekend at home to do school homework. I told her father she can do homework at my house and its unfair he is allowing her only to work the weekend I have her. His argument is that it was his decision which weekend she was to work and I need to suck it up. This to me is completely unfair. Faith

 

[CJane]

I am leaving it up to my daughter. She would prefer to work the weekend she is home then at my house. She has the rest of the week with dad. Her dad told her she needs that weekend at home to do school homework. I told her father she can do homework at my house and its unfair he is allowing her only to work the weekend I have her. His argument is that it was his decision which weekend she was to work and I need to suck it up. This to me is completely unfair. Faith

It is unfair. Your ex is an ass.

It's still your daughter's decision... don't allow HER to say "Daddy's making me"... she needs to make a grown-up, well thought out decision here.

 

[Zigner]

I feel sorry for the 16 year old pawn...

 

[faithnlve]

So the advice is to let her make the decision. I have no problem with this, and no problem with her wanting to work my weekend if that is what she wants. But, again, she wants her weekend with me and to work the weekend she is home. This situation has been going on for a few weeks. She has been working 3 months now. She is the one who wants to work the weekend she is "not" with me. How do I handle this? Faith

Again, I won't put my daughter into a tug of war between her dad and me, she is 16 going on 17 and I feel she is old enough to make that decision for herself, just so you all know, but, how does she deal with it with her dad? And if he just tells her NO, then can I step in at that point, and how can I force her dad to let her do what she wants when it comes to which weekend SHE wants? Thanks again Faith

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I respectfully disagreen with y'all ... daughter shouldn't be working on mom's weekend without mom's permission. If dad grounds her etc., he is being a donkey's behind.

 

[CJane]

I respectfully disagreen with y'all ... daughter shouldn't be working on mom's weekend without mom's permission. If dad grounds her etc., he is being a donkey's behind.

Dad IS a Donkey's Behind.

However, he's also sole legal custodian.

Faith COULD MAYBE try and make this a contempt issue, but the judge is going to want to know why the daughter didn't talk to her manager about the scheduling.

Unless the daughter is working for dad... is she?

 

[faithnlve]

Her father got her the job through a friend of his at a super market. Her father gave his friend her available time.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Time for daughter to straighten out the supervisor. compromise here ... she only works one day per weekend so both parents can see her.

 

[CJane]

Her father got her the job through a friend of his at a super market. Her father gave his friend her available time.

And if your daughter wants to change her schedule, she needs to speak with her boss and tell him that her availability is different than what he was told.

Or she needs to try and switch a weekend w/someone she works with.

Or she maybe needs to quit and find a different job.

Again, this is an issue that a LOT of parents in INTACT families face. At 16, your daughter is old enough to handle the work/school issue on her own, or she's not mature enough to HAVE a job.

 

[LdiJ]

And if your daughter wants to change her schedule, she needs to speak with her boss and tell him that her availability is different than what he was told.

Or she needs to try and switch a weekend w/someone she works with.

Or she maybe needs to quit and find a different job.

Again, this is an issue that a LOT of parents in INTACT families face. At 16, your daughter is old enough to handle the work/school issue on her own, or she's not mature enough to HAVE a job.

Well...in the daughter's defense, it does sound like dad may punish her if she quits, losses the job, or changes her hours.

If that really is the case, then I would seriously consider making it a contempt issue and taking it to court.

 

[CJane]

Well...in the daughter's defense, it does sound like dad may punish her if she quits, losses the job, or changes her hours.

If that really is the case, then I would seriously consider making it a contempt issue and taking it to court.

I would consider it as well if it's true that she'd be punished for doing anything about the situation.

And I think faith has some pretty clear contempt issues to bring before the court and this could just be one more to show the pattern of behavior. But I'm losing all hope that Faith, much as she wants to, will actually DO anything legally.