Time sensitive question...

[CJane]

Because, obviously NOW they have some sort of Temporary Order...since she's being assigned weekends**visitation' and the Judge did NOT impose the return of the child. Dad has temporary custody pending Mediation & then the final hearing.

No... there is no temp custody order in place. Dad continues to be in contempt of the only order in place... the judge just basically said it doesn't matter.

Dad basically just offered mom HIS weekend 'to be nice'.

 

[casa]

No... there is no temp custody order in place. Dad continues to be in contempt of the only order in place... the judge just basically said it doesn't matter.

Dad basically just offered mom HIS weekend 'to be nice'.

After today's hearing...there has been a decision (whether a new order, or just stipulation between majo's idiot attny & the court)...that the child doesn't need to be returned to Mom or removed from Dad pending the Mediation.

She can appeal that decision...which may only take longer than just attending Mediation & the final hearing.

And, honestly, if son (at that age) really wants this custody change and is not 'at risk' (abused, etc.) then it's likely the Mediator will also wind up trying to work out son staying with Dad. Then, Mom has Mediator, Judge, Son, X all wanting son to stay with Dad...guess where son will most likely stay?

 

[CJane]

After today's hearing...there has been a decision (whether a new order, or just stipulation between majo's idiot attny & the court)...that the child doesn't need to be returned to Mom or removed from Dad pending the Mediation.

She can appeal that decision...which may only take longer than just attending Mediation & the final hearing.

And, honestly, if son (at that age) really wants this custody change and is not 'at risk' (abused, etc.) then it's likely the Mediator will also wind up trying to work out son staying with Dad. Then, Mom has Mediator, Judge, Son, X all wanting son to stay with Dad...guess where son will most likely stay?

The concern, to me, is the 14 year old. Mom still has a chance to preserve her relationship with HIM. But if Dad doesn't think the orders apply to him, and the judge backs him up on it... then what?

 

[majomom1]

I knew the age would be a factor in our modification hearing.

I thought that my ex removing him from the state and signing him up in another school would be a huge no-no. Everyone said it would be, including the sheriff!!!

We have joint decison making... and my 16 year old now thinks that mom has NO say whatsoever....

 

[majomom1]

Oh... and SM is the one demanding that I give son gas money, not them...

I had already told my son that I would help him out with gas money and I have before even though he was not coming to see me.

My son doesn't tell them that, he just continues to play us...

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

For sure in the custody modification hearing, whoever will be the attorney needs to press the 'facilitating a relationship with the other parent.' I don't care what anyone says here. The parents are to order their children to go with the other parent. Period.

I'm not sure about this attorney. You had your reservations before; maybe it is time for someone different.

 

[DaddyDevoted]

My dd case is in MO, my faith in MO family law is going down the toilet... I too have run into serious problems w/ the Family Access Order and enforcement of parental kidnapping & interference. I also suggest firing your atty and hiring one with the personality of a fire ant!

GOOD LUCK!,
DaddyDevoted

 

[JacobJoel]

please forgive me if i am out of line, i only skimmed this and totally agree w/the 'sux' commentary, as well as the Mean Lawyer, and contacting all the powers that be advice, but what if the relationship w/the 16 year old really ISN'T at stake.

we are talking a man-child here who quite possibly got in over his head and now is living a trauma that he will remember the rest of his life.

is there any way to coach mom on how to more effectively speak to her son and find out where he stands on all this?

it is, to me, very possible that he doesn't know what he wants, was manipulated by the other parent and now is in a state of overwhelm.

if mom can remain in a neutral place, speak w/son in a safe place, i.e., at home when she takes the other parent's offer of week-end visitation, and find out what he is really thinking, wanting, it could very well work to his advantage.

focusing on not coming across angry, hurt, accusing, bitter or in any way any less loving towards the child she has so painstakingly raised will model for him a grace and favor in the face of adversity that he is OBVIOUSLY not getting from the other parent.

when i have worked with people in this kind of situation i have helped them come up with open ended questions that do not have a 'yes' or 'no' response, do not focus on the needs of the parent, and let the young person know that they are loved as well as acknowledges that they are growing up, wanting to make their own decisions and not always able to fully comprehend the results of their choices.

also, when in a situation like this, young people aren't always able to cough up what is really going on right off the bat. sometimes it takes a bit. more then one conversation approached from more then one (loving, patient) avenue. this is difficult because it is easy to get into 'drilling' and/or 'leading' or even considered 'ranting'.

but it can be done.

if the young person feels safe, in fact the safer a young person feels, the more prone they are to open up and spill what is really going on for them.

from what her lawyer said i get the impression that this kid got in over his head and now has no clue how to extricate himself from this mess. if mom can help him find a bridge it would really solidify even more their relationship.

for what this is worth. i may be so far off base as to be laughable.

but i do know that kids don't alwasy know or understand what they are feeling or how they helped create the mess they find themselves in.

 

[milspecgirl]

so judge will enforce dads rights and make mom return child and not the other way. Where are all the crazies who always tell us how the judicial system hates men and is out to get them. Just insane. Hang in there majo- try to talk to your son and see what is driving him. I feel for him and the other child who has had their sibling ripped away

 

[tuffbrk]

Valid points - when MM mentioned that her 16 yo didn't come to visit, despite being given gas $, it made me wonder if he felt perhaps guilty, perhaps badly, and is now feeling perhaps defensive, perhaps remorseful. Tough spot to be in for both of them - of course, it also wasn't too much to expect the judge to provide a decision based on law either!

 

[JacobJoel]

Yes, Trf, and mom is getting slammed, period, from all directions.

the X has played a trump card, his SO has backed him, her lawyer totally screwed and the judge has a case of cranial/rectal inversion that left her on the bottom of the port-a-potty.

and her baby boy who she has loved, nurtured and raised seems to have betrayed all that she has given him.

a very. very. ugly place to be. my heart goes out to her. taking the high road here would be more then i could do i think.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Majo, this probably won't make the hurt feel any better, but I'll tell you my story anyway.

I made the decision to move to Florida in 2003. My older daughter and I were battling pretty good there (she was 14 and majorly hormonal). Dad worked every turn to make himself look better than me. I gave in when the move came and allowed her to remain with her father. We hardly spoke - dad worked hard and cutting me out at every turn. I bode my time well and devoted myself to my younger daughter.

4 years later ... this summer ... this same daughter admitted to me that the biggest mistake she made was EVER wishing to stay with dad. It's like the parable of the prodigal son. The toughest decision I ever made was to let her stay in Michigan. But now, with the relationship that we do have, it probably was the best move I did. She realizes that I wasn't the crazy mean lady that I had been portrayed.

I'm the mom that will try to move mountains for her. She knows that I loved her unconditionally thru these past 4 years. They do come around eventually.

 

[Ohiogal]

I think a motion to reconsider might be in order... but her attorney said "I don't know if we can appeal it or not." Which leads me to believe that none of these people have dealt with a Family Access motion before.

And this is on the heels of the authorities finding the bodies of Sam and Lindsey Porter - a MO case that was not properly enforced. I told Majomom to call channel 5.

Help me help her, please.

A direction to head next would be good.

They WERE ordered to mediation, but how is THAT gonna go when Dad was basically told by the judge that he doesn't have to follow the order?

The problem the attorney has is this may NOT be considered a FINAL appealable order. ONLY final orders are appealable. This may be considered a TEMPORARY order. Hence, no finality to it. That may be the problem that the attorney is struggling with. The fact that the judge says that the child doesn't want to come -- OMG. CHILDREN DO NOT GET TO CHOOSE TO DISOBEY COURT ORDERS. Mediation most likely will not help. Is there a GAL on the case? Though that would probably end up with the child staying with dad. Cjane you have a good head on your shoulders when you talk to Majomom.

 

[wileybunch]

No... there is no temp custody order in place. Dad continues to be in contempt of the only order in place... the judge just basically said it doesn't matter.

Dad basically just offered mom HIS weekend 'to be nice'.

I would take it, too. And, I would be tempted to keep 16yo, but clearly 16yo doesn't WANT to stay. He's enjoying the splitting and manipulating. He's in the driver's seat. Can I call his stepmom a "whore" or something nasty? She has NO RIGHT to be in the courtroom "flanking" majomom's son!! :::grrrr::: I support my husband 100% when he goes to court, but would never ever do such a thing. That makes me sick that it's like The Price is Right with that boy!

So I would take the visit and would want to keep son, but I think it's fruitless to try to strong arm him b/c he won't be strong armed and you'll just feel worse for being actively rejected. But, I WOULD be in a setting to talk about him, say I don't understand what's happening, etc. and I would try not to cry, but if a tear rolls down, it does. I wouldn't try to sound desperate b/c that might be "too much" for the 16yo to handle and he might want to run from that back to Disneyland Kansas.

majomom, you will be in my prayers. Please hang in there. It doesn't always make sense why things have to happen the way they do, but just keep doing the right thing, get through this trying time, and somewhere it will make sense. I'm sorry for the pain you will feel in the process. It's probably the worst betrayal when a child you loved so much and sacrificed so much for, maybe even birthed from your own body, betrays you, but he's not had the best teacher from his other half and doesn't really realize the knife he's putting in your back. I'm so sorry for that.

And, I'm so sorry your attorney let the hearing get off course. Having the other attorney question you on the wonderfulness of the KS school? WTF??? LIKE THAT MATTERS?!? I wonder if all kidnappers can get off scot free if they just enroll their victims in a good school.

Many hugs to you.

 

[Ohiogal]

One of the first things I'd like New Mean Attorney to do is SUE the Sheriff! Personally sue his ass, for all the attorneys' fees majomom has spent and for general mental anguish, for refusing to do his duty as outlined in your post, CJane.

You can't sue the sheriff.