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Advice re: helping my kids' mother or not

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baseballfan19

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? North Carolina

Hello,

I'm new around here, but I hoped maybe I could get a question answered here.

I'm a father of two. Back in June, my wife left me to go live with another couple. She did not have a job, and the couple she went to live with was willing to support her, so she didn't need a job or a car, so I have sole custody of the kids (and the car), with her taking them every other weekend. She also sees them from time to time throughout the week. I have never once told her she could not see or speak to the kids, nor have I limited her to such a small amount of time, that was her idea.

Now things between her and the couple she moved in with have started to go south, and she is planning to move out and live temporarily with a friend till she can find a job and get a more permanent place of her own. Today she called me and asked me if she can use my car when she takes the kids, and use my truck (kids won't fit in the truck) while I have the kids. Then, she asks me if she can crash at my place during "her" weekends so that she won't have to take them to the new place she is living (she was taking them to the couple's house with her). With the implication that if I say no, that she will likely not be able to take the kids on her weekends, as she will be living in a one bedroom apartment.

I do not want to deny her access to my kids, but nor do I want her in my home anymore. My question is, if I tell her that I do not want her sleeping at my place on the weekends that she has agreed to take the kids, will she be able to turn this around when we go to court (we have not gotten that far yet, to this point, parental stuff has been fairly amicable) and say that I was denying her access to the kids? Or do I have the right to tell her that her weekends with the kids are her responsibility, and that she needs to figure out how to take care of them? How much help am I required to give the mother of my children?

Sorry for such a long post, and thanks in advance for any advice.

Baseballfan19
 


olikat1

Junior Member
been there

ok i went there with my ex and well this was in Virginia but this is what happened to me No he didnot have to help me and i could only visit the kids from 9 am till 7 pm saturday and sunday and it was my repossablity to prove for the kids. So if u have not filed for anything u need to go to court and take care of all of it. These things with me where with me even having a one bedroom and a car and seeing as how see has niether then it will be a lot different. But i now have my kids back to cause he screwed up.
 

baseballfan19

Junior Member
Have you filed for LEGAL seperation, custody, and CS?
Well, according to the lawyer I spoke to (I had a one-hour sit down with one), in NC, there is no filing for LEGAL separation, once one person moves out, you are legally separated, and a couple must be separated for one year before divorce can be filed.

As for CS, because of her lack of a job, there is very little I can ask for ($50/month), per the same lawyer, and she has bought groceries on occasion, she split the cost of a winter coat that one of the kids needed with me, etc. so she has helped some financially.
 

CJane

Senior Member
Well, the house is marital property... so you can't legally keep her out.

The cars are also marital property - so it's hard to legally keep her from having one of them.

You need to file for divorce (which still won't keep her from moving back in if she wants to) and custody and to divide the marital assets. Right now, she has the legal right to every piece of marital property AND the kids.
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
The vehicles are in both our names. She didn't need a vehicle where she was living, she was using the vehicles of the couple she moved in with.
so I'd give her a vehicle, the more you guys can agree on a division of property (and child custody) the happier you will both be, cause otherwise the judge will do it regardless of who is happy
 

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