A lighthearted question

[CJane]

CJane, it's all the same thing at my house. Since my daughter is very young and in middle school, I'm terrified. Nothing like a thin, gorgeous blonde in my house!

No cell phone for her - this is a child who can tie up the land line for 2 hours plus at one time. I own the ethernet cable - in my car at this time. I monitor it all.

Well, we don't have a land-line. So, if I wanted to be able to leave her alone while I ran to the store, the cell phone for each of us was a necessity. And I thought it would facilitate communication at her dad's house because I can't call her SMom (they also have no land-line)... I was wrong, but that was my intent.

Boys, luckily, are only good as friends to go fishing with ... I am in deep doo-doo too.

She can outfish/outhike any boy. Her romance won't last past a physical endurance test.

 

[Zephyr]

all I know, is if that were my dd, she would be right now bound and gagging in the closet with a little feeding tube through the duct tape over her mouth to sustain her for the next seven years......

hehehehhe

I have no idea what the right answer for that is

 

[Suzz]

Welcome to Girl World!

Cjane,

My daughter is 15 and discovered boys about 3 years ago, though it was VERY limited until last year (probably because there were only 2 boys her age at her school). When she hit HS last year, hubby and I both had long talks with her about high school guys and her reputation. I often remind her that its really easy to get a bad reputation but hard to get rid of it. She isn't allowed on one on one dates until she is 16, but we have allowed her to go on group outings a couple of times this past summer (only because we knew the boy driving and he regards her as his younger sister), and she is allowed to have company if we are home, or to be someone's company as long as his parents are home and OK with supervising them. In some ways, I prefer it when she has a steady boyfriend (there have been 2) because then at least I know for sure who to threaten .
She also has a cell (closely monitored by my dad), a myspace (set to private), and IMs (closely monitored by me) and I've had no qualms about swatting guys who leave what I consider to be innappropriate messages to her.

Until it becomes a major thing, I wouldn't give Shead anything else to spaz about. Just let this time be a bonding experience for you and your daughter. Young girls like having an adult to gush to about boys and girly stuff, and the more receptive you are the more she will talk to you now and later when boys are actually "active" parts of her life. If that makes sense.

Good luck

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? MO

My kids are too young to date, at 10 and 7, they'll be too young for a good long time as far as I'm concerned.

However, I logged Wild into her yahoo messenger account this weekend and an offline message from a boy in her classes popped up. It said "umm... thnx 4 sk8ing all 3 couple sk8s with me fri. Umm... do u wanna go out? "

(That was seriously painful to type)

It got me thinking... she's in 5th grade, so if I remember correctly 'going out' consists of occasionally being loosely chaperoned at the movie theater or hanging out w/parental supervision for some tv watching/homework doing... (this kid is in all the advanced classes w/Wild and they already study together during recess and stuff)...

What's my obligation to her dad in this case? Is the decision for when to allow a child to 'date' a joint decision or a parenting style decision?

She wants me to promise not to tell her father, and I'm inclined to think it's not his business too... and I'm also inclined to think that if we were still an intact family, this would be the realm of 'girl stuff' between mom and daughter and dad would still not be in the loop...

What say the experts?

It is something he should be informed of but your decision when under your roof. Remember our conversation last night regarding a seven year old and the fact that dad said if she asked him about whether he and her mother had sex his answer would be, "Go ask your mother?" Still inform him but your house, your rules.

 

[CJane]

It is something he should be informed of but your decision when under your roof. Remember our conversation last night regarding a seven year old and the fact that dad said if she asked him about whether he and her mother had sex his answer would be, "Go ask your mother?" Still inform him but your house, your rules.

Oh, believe me, I was thinking about that conversation all night long.

And that's actually what led me to the conclusion that even if we were still an 'intact' family, this would be an issue I would be hard pressed to bring up with him... I'm amused by it. He will be angered by it.

If anything comes of it, I'll let him know... in a way that won't cause problems for Wild, hopefully.

 

[Ohiogal]

Oh, believe me, I was thinking about that conversation all night long.

And that's actually what led me to the conclusion that even if we were still an 'intact' family, this would be an issue I would be hard pressed to bring up with him... I'm amused by it. He will be angered by it.

If anything comes of it, I'll let him know... in a way that won't cause problems for Wild, hopefully.

YOU were thinking about it all night long? OH boy. Whatcha think mom was doing after that conversation? I can tell you if you wnat to know. Sad that he would be angered by his child actually growing up. Wrong attitude to take. How is he going to deal with the big issues and conversations -- sex, homosexuality, birth and babies, spin the bottle (DANG that also needs discussed with the other side...)

 

[CJane]

YOU were thinking about it all night long? OH boy. Whatcha think mom was doing after that conversation? I can tell you if you wnat to know. Sad that he would be angered by his child actually growing up. Wrong attitude to take. How is he going to deal with the big issues and conversations -- sex, homosexuality, birth and babies, spin the bottle (DANG that also needs discussed with the other side...)

Ok... here's something to understand...

We were married a little over 9 years (today would be our 13th anniversary, in fact) and in that amount of time he NEVER ONCE purchased 'feminine products'. Not once. He would not even go into the store with me if he knew I was purchasing them. If we were in the store together and I grabbed a box of them, he would make me ring them up in a separate line so no one would know we were together.

He was PISSED and ranted to the GAL when my sister bought Wild that American Girl puberty book (the title of which escapes me).

He and his wife refused to discuss where babies come from when both her and I were pregnant. They actually told the kids "Well, our child is coming from God." Like THAT helps.

Wild 'going out with' a boy might send him over the edge. For real.

 

[Golfball]

What is the deal with the unstated prohibition against guys purchasing feminine products anyway? This mystifies me, and *I'm* a guy. (At least I was the last time I checked.)

Admittedly, since I'm male, the enormous variety of brands can be a bit overwhelming (and the notion of getting the wrong brand/type is embarrassing and can be problematic), but if I'm given specific instructions on what to get (an empty box would be perfect!), and what sort of deviations from that are acceptable (if any, I'm assuming the store can possibly run out of the exact correct brand/type of feminine products, and it's more likely than not that there is an acceptable replacement), I'm quite capable of going to the store and buying them, especially if I'm out already getting something else.

 

[tuffbrk]

Pick your battles - I wouldn't bother picking this one. If anything you could say that she's been spending more time with one of her friend's or that she made a new friend.

Realistically, they can't "go" anywhere. My 19 yo was a loon at that age. Real big with the Binaca Blast and, although amused, I couldn't help thinking hmm....well, guess what? It was a 6th grade kinda deal with his crowd. He took a friend to the 8th gr dinner dance and didn't date - really date - until he was a sophomore in High School. My 14 yo? He "went out" with one girl when he was in 5th grade (she's FAB at basketball! LOL) but he's been "single" ever since (now 8th gr)...so go figure!

Of course, since girls mature more quickly, just keep an eye out when middle school/Jr High age is reached - the pairing off may be inappropriate. Other than that - I'm with you...I was amused and used to spy out the window at my little man and laugh when his "GF" would beat him at basketball!

 

[ezmarelda]

Ok... here's something to understand...

We were married a little over 9 years (today would be our 13th anniversary, in fact) and in that amount of time he NEVER ONCE purchased 'feminine products'. Not once. He would not even go into the store with me if he knew I was purchasing them. If we were in the store together and I grabbed a box of them, he would make me ring them up in a separate line so no one would know we were together.

He was PISSED and ranted to the GAL when my sister bought Wild that American Girl puberty book (the title of which escapes me).

He and his wife refused to discuss where babies come from when both her and I were pregnant. They actually told the kids "Well, our child is coming from God." Like THAT helps.

Wild 'going out with' a boy might send him over the edge. For real.

...from God?...how do they splain that??? Seems a bit more complacated if you ask me
I have a year or 2 still before Fancy is into boys, but we have discussed the basics of baby makin'. I have always had a policy of "If they ask I tell" about most everything.

And just to brag about my Mr Perfect...he offers to go to the store for feminin products, even called from the store to make sure he got the right stuff

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

All right ladies, where do you find these lovely men who will shop for you? My BF claims that he likes shopping, yet I'm the one stuck going. I HHHHHAAAAATTTTTEEEEE shopping.

 

[CJane]

...from God?...how do they splain that??? Seems a bit more complacated if you ask me
I have a year or 2 still before Fancy is into boys, but we have discussed the basics of baby makin'. I have always had a policy of "If they ask I tell" about most everything.

My policy is 'if they ask, buy a book to 'splain it.'

And just to brag about my Mr Perfect...he offers to go to the store for feminin products, even called from the store to make sure he got the right stuff

Shut up.

I have an IUD and so I haven't had a period since I got pregnant with Twain - and he's almost 2... but I'm confident that if I needed something along those lines, D'man would not feel as if his manhood was being threatened if I asked him to run out and get some. Though I have no doubt he'd be slightly daunted by the selection as Golfball is... and as I am.

 

[casa]

What is the deal with the unstated prohibition against guys purchasing feminine products anyway? This mystifies me, and *I'm* a guy. (At least I was the last time I checked.)

Admittedly, since I'm male, the enormous variety of brands can be a bit overwhelming (and the notion of getting the wrong brand/type is embarrassing and can be problematic), but if I'm given specific instructions on what to get (an empty box would be perfect!), and what sort of deviations from that are acceptable (if any, I'm assuming the store can possibly run out of the exact correct brand/type of feminine products, and it's more likely than not that there is an acceptable replacement), I'm quite capable of going to the store and buying them, especially if I'm out already getting something else.

Are you single? (Kidding ) That's a GREAT attitude to have IMO.

 

[Zephyr]

All right ladies, where do you find these lovely men who will shop for you? My BF claims that he likes shopping, yet I'm the one stuck going. I HHHHHAAAAATTTTTEEEEE shopping.

I found mine on the internet, the whole time we have been married I have not had to purchase feminine products, nor have I had to grocery shop, I tell him what I want he buys it, he gets the wrong brand, he goes back to the store for the right stuff....

I think is has more to do with the fact that I have very little impulse control while shopping LOL....so he shops, I don't drop 200 bucks every time I go to the store, the budget is safe, we don't fight, I still have what I want....everyone is happy

 

[Zephyr]

What is the deal with the unstated prohibition against guys purchasing feminine products anyway? This mystifies me, and *I'm* a guy. (At least I was the last time I checked.)

Admittedly, since I'm male, the enormous variety of brands can be a bit overwhelming (and the notion of getting the wrong brand/type is embarrassing and can be problematic), but if I'm given specific instructions on what to get (an empty box would be perfect!), and what sort of deviations from that are acceptable (if any, I'm assuming the store can possibly run out of the exact correct brand/type of feminine products, and it's more likely than not that there is an acceptable replacement), I'm quite capable of going to the store and buying them, especially if I'm out already getting something else.

I give my hubby the top of the box of tampons!!! LOL.....then he never has to worry about it....

his philosophy is....I know that the pimply faced 16 year old cashier KNOWS they are not for me.....and I doubt any cashier is going to laugh at my 6 ft 240 sgt of a husband for buying fem prods LOL