more issues

[wileybunch]

Lets recap:
1. OP said something about ex being in a "maniac" phase.
2. I asked if she meant "manic" and if he was diagnosed with bipolar.
3. She said yes
4. I explained some of the dangerous characteristics of the manic phase of bipolar and suggested she find out if there is some legal way to get him an evaluation to make sure he is being properly treated because her description makes it sound as if he is not.
5. Someone mentioned something about lying in court which made me think of a story of something that happened around here.
6. I told the story with no intention of inferring that the OP try to take all parenting time away from her ex.
7. You got confused

TCool, I think you are taking this too personally. I'm really trying to help OP understand. CJane mentioned earlier about suggestions made:

It's a little tricky because you're dealing with Constitutional rights...

It's not like requiring someone with a seizure disorder not to drive until it's controlled. You don't have a Constitutional right to drive. You DO have a Constitutional right to be a parent - even a bad one.



I agree that it can be extremely dangerous. But you don't have to prove that it MIGHT be... you have to prove that THAT person is a danger to THOSE KIDS ALL THE TIME. It's an enormous burden of proof.

And even if the court did order meds... how do you monitor? Where's the privacy of the medical information?

It's too unweildy.

With a NCP, their behaviors and fitness as a parent are the only thing she really has to go on. If they shared physical custody or he had primary physical custody and he was an ass continually toward Mom, then his behavior toward Mom would matter because he has a higher standard of conduct required.

We have that situation with husband's ex having what's "thought to be" (counselor that's seen Dad and the kids over the years believes that's what the case is so can't call this an official dx of course) borderline personality disorder. It includes elements of bipolar, but she's unlikely to ever seek or get treatment b/c that's part of BPD. It's a pernicious thing to deal with, there isn't a med to take to help temper it, "sharing" children with their Dad is a huge trigger for her BPD, and she's the CP so she's got the higher standard of conduct WRT co-parenting and now that husband isn't letting things with her slide, she's finding consequences in the court for her behavior but a lot of it she "gets away with" so far because we don't think there's a remedy in court for her constant ridiculous emails. Husband's remedy is to ignore her rantings and constantly telling him what a selfish and bad father he is. He doesn't need to respond to anything that isn't material about the kids and really most of that should be her informing him of activities, etc. and just an "OK" when he's informing her of make up visitation dates he gets due to her contempt. She can never just do what she's supposed to, very much like OPs ex with 4-page long emails. It's really hard constantly wading through them, but these things aren't things she's doing to the kids, she's doing them to Dad. Some of it does carry over, though, and crosses the line into disparaging the other parent in front of the child and those kinds of things are in violation of CO (assuming there's language about that in the CO which is pretty standard).

But, Ginny is right, too, that you can ask for the other parent to be evaluated, but like has been said many times on this forum, if you request the other parent to be evaluated, expect for them to request you to be evaluated. Also expect for it to be expensive and to have to pay for the evaluation of the other parent.

 

[mommyto 2]

I didn't mean for this to turn into a debate of mental health and parenting. I know people with mental health issues who function very well with the proper medication and therapy, while on the other hand I also know too many who do not get proper treatment or refuse to follow treatment plans. Wileybunch, I do agree that my ex has not done anything at this time to reduce his parenting time, and have not suggested doing that. I am not looking to have these on going court battles, but if my ex keeps dragging me back to court, what choice do I have. I simply wish for the constant battles to stop. If that means me fighting for sole custody, than be it!

I do have another question though, on the same topic. Can my ex take me back to court requesting stuff he previously asked for in court and was denied? For example last time he asked for custody, with 50/50 time split, it was flatly denied by the judge. He did not appeal. Can he ask again? (Nothing has happened in my life to warrant a change in circumstances).

 

[profmum]

I didn't mean for this to turn into a debate of mental health and parenting. I know people with mental health issues who function very well with the proper medication and therapy, while on the other hand I also know too many who do not get proper treatment or refuse to follow treatment plans. Wileybunch, I do agree that my ex has not done anything at this time to reduce his parenting time, and have not suggested doing that. I am not looking to have these on going court battles, but if my ex keeps dragging me back to court, what choice do I have. I simply wish for the constant battles to stop. If that means me fighting for sole custody, than be it!

I do have another question though, on the same topic. Can my ex take me back to court requesting stuff he previously asked for in court and was denied? For example last time he asked for custody, with 50/50 time split, it was flatly denied by the judge. He did not appeal. Can he ask again? (Nothing has happened in my life to warrant a change in circumstances).

He can ask as many times as wants.. you know what the Court's response will be

 

[mommyto 2]

Promom, I am not sure, will the Judge, even if it is a different Judge, keep saying the same thing?

 

[CJane]

Promom, I am not sure, will the Judge, even if it is a different Judge, keep saying the same thing?

If there's nothing to warrant a change in custody, it will keep being denied.

 

[mommyto 2]

Sorry to sound so thick, but would that include the increase in parenting time?

 

[CJane]

Sorry to sound so thick, but would that include the increase in parenting time?

Yes. He has to prove that the increase is in the children's best interests. If he's continually unable to prove that, then his request will be continually denied.

For instance... I'm 100% certain that every time we go to court, my ex will ask that I have my parenting time stripped from me and that my visits be supervised. Well, unless and until he can prove that the kids would benefit from such a scenario, he's going to keep having his craziness denied.

 

[mommyto 2]

Thanks CJane, I feel better. My lawyer comes back tomorrow but I am lacking some serious sleep with worry and need some reasurance. So I appreciate your input.
I have an idea though, how about we get our ex's together and play team whack 'o mole??

 

[mommyto 2]

Sorry - that would be Whack-A- Mole

 

[Just Blue]

Thanks CJane, I feel better. My lawyer comes back tomorrow but I am lacking some serious sleep with worry and need some reasurance. So I appreciate your input.
I have an idea though, how about we get our ex's together and play team whack 'o mole??

I really need to get my mind out of the gutter....

 

[mommyto 2]

Now that's funny, but it may put a very interesting twist to the game. If played correctly it could also significantly reduce the amount of time the ex's spend on thinking about us and focus their energies elsewhere, so to speak.

 

[Just Blue]

Now that's funny, but it may put a very interesting twist to the game. If played correctly it could also significantly reduce the amount of time the ex's spend on thinking about us and focus their energies elsewhere, so to speak.

Okay..I'm getting visuals...

 

[mommyto 2]

I usually like visuals and highly recommend them, but not in this case!!!

 

[Just Blue]

I usually like visuals and highly recommend them, but not in this case!!!

~shudder~ The visuals I am getting are kinda like an XXX BrokeBack Mountain....With overweight middle aged men.....~shudders again~

 

[wileybunch]

Now that's funny, but it may put a very interesting twist to the game. If played correctly it could also significantly reduce the amount of time the ex's spend on thinking about us and focus their energies elsewhere, so to speak.

Or maybe even some of them can hook up *together*.

mommyto2, I was speaking to husband about your situation and the ongoing emails slinging stuff. It is frustrating. I do wonder how much "crap" is too much in their emails and we've wondered at what point it rises to the level that a RO is needed to stop the emails (b/c of their harassing content). Maybe someone else can weigh in on that. Being taken in for custody situations continually with no merit has got to be a huge pain, especially since you have to spend the money to defend yourself you have to always be on your guard for what he might conjure up.