Step Parent Participation, how much can be restricted?

[Just Blue]

personally if it was my child.....I would take him there let him see his dad and if he still didn't want to stay I WOULDN"T MAKE HIM....

I don't think any human should be forced into staying someplace and the childs dad SHOULD understand that.

Please stop posting your drivel. If a parent doesn't follow a custody order they are in contempt...Appear before the judge often enough and you would loose custody of the children, be fined, and perhaps go to jail.

4 year olds don't like going to school, the doctors, dentist, babysitter, grandma's....Are you going to allow a four year old child to dictate your parenting? Are you that big of an idiot?? If your answer is yes, do the world a favor....don't procreate.

 

[majomom1]

personally if it was my child.....I would take him there let him see his dad and if he still didn't want to stay I WOULDN"T MAKE HIM....

I don't think any human should be forced into staying someplace and the childs dad SHOULD understand that.

Yes you would... because if you didn't the court would take that child away from you and you might not be able to see them.

And when that child did not want to see YOU... you would not "understand", you would claim Dad was brainwashing or alienating them.

You are obviously NOT a parent. Parents MAKE kids mind, they MAKE kids eat their vegetables.... they MAKE them go to school, they MAKE their children do a lot of things that they don't want to do which MAKES them LEARN...

 

[Isis1]

just to add to all the hubbaloo about "making" a child visit a parent he doesn't want to, it is the parent's obligation to make all transitions a positive experience at all times. as it is my responsibility to make sure my children enjoy their visitation time with their father regardless if one of them wants to stay at home to play outside.

example...my ex got mad at his older son because he expressed he did not want to go, he wanted to play outside instead. the ex pushed him out of the car and told him to go play since he cared more about his friends then his own father. BAD!!. one, he allowed the child to dictate the visitation. BAD PARENTING. bad response to the situation on his part as well. I also grounded my son for that behavior. i found that once the initial annoyance of the child passes, 10 minutes of the visitation and they start to enjoy themselves. they have short attention spans and hardly hold year long grudges. take advantage of it!!

 

[majomom1]

just to add to all the hubbaloo about "making" a child visit a parent he doesn't want to, it is the parent's obligation to make all transitions a positive experience at all times. as it is my responsibility to make sure my children enjoy their visitation time with their father regardless if one of them wants to stay at home to play outside.

example...my ex got mad at his older son because he expressed he did not want to go, he wanted to play outside instead. the ex pushed him out of the car and told him to go play since he cared more about his friends then his own father. BAD!!. one, he allowed the child to dictate the visitation. BAD PARENTING. bad response to the situation on his part as well. I also grounded my son for that behavior. i found that once the initial annoyance of the child passes, 10 minutes of the visitation and they start to enjoy themselves. they have short attention spans and hardly hold year long grudges. take advantage of it!!

It is not your responsibility to make your children ENJOY their time with Dad, but very good that you encourage and facilitate that they do have to go.

I also like that you corrected your son's behavior to Dad. Yes, it was bad parenting on Dad's part... but good that you took steps to teach your son that he is to go with Dad.

You are right... after the initial transition things do generally calm down and after a while they get easier. I think you have done great and just questioning a few things here shows that you do want to make things better and work for the best interest of your children.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

i was married last year. my husband displays interest in being a parent to my two older children. he isn't making any legal decisions, nor is he signing anything. he likes to be involved. parent-teacher meeting, therapy sessions and so forth. still not making decisions. just participating.

I would NOT have your husband attend the P/T conferences - your X can take that one to court.
As for the therapy sessions, IF the therapist wants to have your husband included in a particular session, then yes, he should go. But if it's because he is just going, then he should stay home. My daughter's therapist wanted to see the interactions of the main people in my daughter's life, so BF was asked to attend for ONE session. At this point, the therapist is in charge of WHO comes to the sessions; those sessions are about the children.

now my ex has a problem with him being present. keep in mind, i never ever have meetings with the ex and myself at the same time due to his stupidity and violent behavior. so my husband and the father in the same room isn't the issue. he just doesn't want my husband participating in the children's lives at all. can he make a motion to exclude my husband from participating from regular activities? he even refuses to drop the children off at my home if only my husband or father in law is present unless i am there. he makes the oldest report back to him after checking the house who exactly is in the house after his visitation.

Pick up the kids instead of having them dropped off. Head your X off at the pass. Does your court order had a ROFR (right of first refusal)? If so, then your X does have the right to NOT drop them off.

another thing, he is claiming abuse and neglect in an effort to retain custody after losing in June, so he called CPS on me and my husband twice. he also claims that my father in law is being rude to the children and abusing them. (he interpets horseplay on the living room floor as abuse) CPS failed to find anything on either my husband or father in law.

On the positive side, your X can't claim that you are abusing the children when he tries to take it to court. If your X continues to use CPS to regain custody, CPS may actually take him to task on it. Remember the story of Peter and the wolf. My X found himself in the position that HE would be charged with abuse if the phone calls continued - the workers kept finding that I was NOT abusing the children one iota. If he does call them, explain to them that it is a custody issue, not an abuse issue. It will be noted.

OP - pick your battles. Some of them are just not worth it.

 

[Ohiogal]

personally if it was my child.....I would take him there let him see his dad and if he still didn't want to stay I WOULDN"T MAKE HIM....

I don't think any human should be forced into staying someplace and the childs dad SHOULD understand that.

And you would end up in court on contempt and THEN eventually lose custody completely. Until you have some understanding of the law please keep your mouth shut. Or you will soon find yourself banned.

 

[angeleyzad]

I would NOT have your husband attend the P/T conferences - your X can take that one to court.
As for the therapy sessions, IF the therapist wants to have your husband included in a particular session, then yes, he should go. But if it's because he is just going, then he should stay home. My daughter's therapist wanted to see the interactions of the main people in my daughter's life, so BF was asked to attend for ONE session. At this point, the therapist is in charge of WHO comes to the sessions; those sessions are about the children.

I was going to suggest the same thing...if the therapy is household related, and the therapist suggests having the stepdad involved, then that would be fine, it would be documented by the therapist that she/he wants stepdad there, and no judge (in their right mind) would penalize you on that. If he's just sitting in to sit in to see what's happening, then that wouldn't be okay.

As far as Parent Teacher Confrences goes, that's a fine line...it can be seen as parent-figures, or as parents alone...and it could make a difference if Dad was remarried as well, and there was a stepmom involved. Some judges would chastize Dad for making a big deal of it, other judges would chastize Mom for having Stepdad involved in school issues, even if he's not making any decisions, just participating. Like others said, you may be better off not testing your judge there, unless you know how he/she feels about step-parent involvement.

 

[casa]

my personal thought was my husband wasn't doing any interferring. he is adding to the parenting, not taking away or interferring. i grew up with stepfather and he loves me more then my own mother. he treated me the same as my half-sister (his daughter). i wasn't raised seperately. as i don't want any of my children to be raised seperately. i have two with my ex, and two with my husband. my husband and i do not argue about the raising of all the children in the house. every child gets equal treatment. if he isn't making decision that are of legal consequence and my children make the specific request to have their stepfather there, i don't understand how their father has the ability to put a negative input on their personal home life. what next? my husband will not be allowed to take his step kids to the toy store without my supervision? how is it possible to have no contact with children he lives with? my ex is out for vengence. has been since he was proved to be an unfit parent in court. my husband was involved with me with my children. my oldest was the one that wanted to know when i was going to marry him because he liked him so much. will the calls to CPS (all dismissed as unfounded) be proof the ex is just trying to a pain in the rear end? the NCP is not going to stop until i return home to him. he has never given me any problems if i was single. it was only until he found out i was pregnant that he had a problem with me not being available to him personally.

Your husband can be home when he returns your son....and you can have your husband drop him off or pick him up too. CA provides for any competent adult over the age of 18.

However, on Parent-Teacher meetings I would leave SD home. He's not the parent. If he wishes to come with you & observe, that's one thing~ but if he's being interfering or involving himself where the father is already involved, it can get messy.

Therapy should include SD if it's Family Therapy, as he is part of the Family. If the counseling is for the child specifically, then ALL parents need to follow the advice of the therapist re; whom attends what sessions.

 

[casa]

I would NOT have your husband attend the P/T conferences - your X can take that one to court.
As for the therapy sessions, IF the therapist wants to have your husband included in a particular session, then yes, he should go. But if it's because he is just going, then he should stay home. My daughter's therapist wanted to see the interactions of the main people in my daughter's life, so BF was asked to attend for ONE session. At this point, the therapist is in charge of WHO comes to the sessions; those sessions are about the children.


Pick up the kids instead of having them dropped off. Head your X off at the pass. Does your court order had a ROFR (right of first refusal)? If so, then your X does have the right to NOT drop them off.

On the positive side, your X can't claim that you are abusing the children when he tries to take it to court. If your X continues to use CPS to regain custody, CPS may actually take him to task on it. Remember the story of Peter and the wolf. My X found himself in the position that HE would be charged with abuse if the phone calls continued - the workers kept finding that I was NOT abusing the children one iota. If he does call them, explain to them that it is a custody issue, not an abuse issue. It will be noted.

OP - pick your battles. Some of them are just not worth it.

CA decriminalized false reporting...OP would have to take her X to Civil Court.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

CA decriminalized false reporting...OP would have to take her X to Civil Court.

Child protective services was looking at it from the emotional abuse that the children were taking; it was this alienation thing going on

 

[casa]

Child protective services was looking at it from the emotional abuse that the children were taking; it was this alienation thing going on

Yes, that's very damaging~ I'm glad FL provides for accountability in that regard.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Actually, it was Michigan ... from everything that I've seen across the states, they seem to have one of the systems in place. Personally, I think that FOC was more than willing to help me move since the battles (one sided) were so bad.