I just want to know what to expect

[tiredofdrama]

What is the name of your state? PA

Ex and I have been divorced for 4 years. His friend drew up our divorce paperwork because my ex didn't want me to get an attorney and stupidly I did what he wanted. We both signed an agreement about custody and support of our son. After 3 years, I decided to consult a lawyer because child support wasn't being paid and more importantly my ex basically got our son at his convenience and everyone else had to change their plans to accommodate him. I wanted to do what was right for our son, but I also felt I had rights too. I filed for custody, asking for us to have joint custody and for him to be given exactly what he originally had his lawyer put in the original custody agreement, and even asked that he be given some additional time in the summer for vacations. We got through our first conference, his lawyer made a half hearted attempt to try for my ex to get our son for the whole summer, but the order came back with him getting what I initially asked for. Child Support came back and my ex got angry. He contested the custody. We now have to go to a Pre-trial conference. He wants more time with our son. I reminded him 3 times this summer that he had extra weeks to spend with our son and he never took that time. I correspond with him via email whenever possible in so I can have proof in case I need it. He recently asked to keep our son a little longer than usual because he had family visiting. I agreed. He ended up sending our son home (on the bus after school he came to my house instead of my exes) 2 days earlier than when he asked to keep him until and nobody was home to get my son. I dug out the email confirmation of the dates, and confronted him. He said he forgot. Bottom line is I don't understand why he is asking for more time when he doesn't even take the time he already has! What can I expect from this Pre-Trial conference and do any of you have any opinions on what the outcome might be? Thank you

 

[seniorjudge]

Q: What can I expect from this Pre-Trial conference and do any of you have any opinions on what the outcome might be?

A: I hope you get some problems solved. No one knows what the outcome will be. By the way, stop trying to figure out why people don't behave rationally.

 

[tiredofdrama]

Thank you for your reply. I really have tried to work this out with him so it wouldn't have to go to this level. I just don't know what else to do. I've always tried to make the best possible decision for our son, and I really feel like I have put my feelings for me ex aside to do what's best for our son. He has alot more money than I do and his lawyer is just horrible. I keep telling myself that things are in my favor, but I keep worrying that he's going to come into this conference and ask to become primary custodian and make wild accusations and do whatever he can to get what he wants. Thats the kind of person he is. I don't put anything past him.

When I asked about what to expect at a Pre-trial, I just meant in general. If I take the time to ask my lawyer, he will ramble on for an hour and charge me another $200. Of course, if any of you have any opinions or have similar experiences, I'd love to hear them.
Thank you

 

[StampGirl]

My ex asked for more time last year in mediation. The mediator wanted to know if he took all his days as they stood in the court order. He does not due to "work" or so he says. She picked up the phone in her office and called his department to verify but she never got past the first ring as my ex admitted to lying about working so him and the wifey could do things w/o the kids. The judge the next day told him that he would get more time when he decided to take the time he was already given. My ex is about to get "judge-slapped" next week because he hauled me back in for holiday visitation modification.

I must be the only one who is taken to court because they are following the court order!! ha ha

The NCP doesn't have to exercise their visitation. However, when they do ask for more and haven't been consistent with it, it makes them look bad.

 

[Zephyr]

Rule 212.3. PRE-TRIAL CONFERENCE

(a) In any action the court, of its own motion or on motion of any party, may direct the attorneys for the parties to appear for a conference to consider:

1. The simplification of the issues;
2. The necessity or desirability of amendments to the pleadings;
3. The possibility of obtaining admissions of fact and of documents which will avoid unnecessary proof;
4. The limitation of the number of expert witnesses;
5. The advisability of a preliminary reference of issues to a master for findings to be used as evidence when the trial is to be by jury;
6. Such other matters as may aid in the disposition of the action.

(b) The court may make an order reciting the action taken at the conference, the amendments allowed to the pleadings, and the agreements made by the parties as to any of the matters considered, and limiting the issues for trial to those not disposed of by admissions or agreements of the attorneys. Such order when entered shall control the subsequent course of the action unless modified at the trial to prevent manifest injustice.

(c) The court may establish by rule a pre-trial list of which actions may be placed for consideration as above provided, and may either confine the list to jury actions or to non-jury actions, or extend it to all actions.

http://members.aol.com/RulesPA/C.201.html

 

[tiredofdrama]

He owns his own business so he can say whatever he wants, but I promise that work isn't the problem. Golf is. Last New Years was his weekend to get him and I never even got a phone call. I expected it though since it was a party night that he wouldn't get our son.

 

[peppier]

made a half hearted attempt to try for my ex to get our son for the whole summer, but the order came back with him getting what I initially asked for. Child Support came back and my ex got angry. He contested the custody.

Is the child support going to go up in the new agreement? If so, he probably wants more time so he'll pay less.

 

[tiredofdrama]

Yes, the child support did go up but it's because it wasn't going through domestic before he just paid whatever he wanted. He still lied about his income so he isn't paying what he should (he owns a business). I wasn't going to fight about that anymore though. It's not worth it. Our son is taken care of and thats what matters.

When I say half hearted, I mean that she asked for it, but didn't really offer to much to back up why he should get the extra time. She's difficult because it seems like she goes out of her way to bully in order to hide that fact that she has nothing to back her client up on anything.

 

[tiredofdrama]

Rule 212.3. PRE-TRIAL CONFERENCE

(a) In any action the court, of its own motion or on motion of any party, may direct the attorneys for the parties to appear for a conference to consider:

1. The simplification of the issues;
2. The necessity or desirability of amendments to the pleadings;
3. The possibility of obtaining admissions of fact and of documents which will avoid unnecessary proof;
4. The limitation of the number of expert witnesses;
5. The advisability of a preliminary reference of issues to a master for findings to be used as evidence when the trial is to be by jury;
6. Such other matters as may aid in the disposition of the action.

(b) The court may make an order reciting the action taken at the conference, the amendments allowed to the pleadings, and the agreements made by the parties as to any of the matters considered, and limiting the issues for trial to those not disposed of by admissions or agreements of the attorneys. Such order when entered shall control the subsequent course of the action unless modified at the trial to prevent manifest injustice.

(c) The court may establish by rule a pre-trial list of which actions may be placed for consideration as above provided, and may either confine the list to jury actions or to non-jury actions, or extend it to all actions.

http://members.aol.com/RulesPA/C.201.html

Are you saying this could actually go to a TRIAL, with a jury and everything? Is there even any basis for that? Does it matter if there is any basis for it or will it go to trial simply because he wants to be difficult?

 

[Zephyr]

PRE-TRIAL CONFERENCE



yes, it certainly could if the motion isn't dismissed for some reason or you guys can't come to an agreement

 

[tiredofdrama]

PRE-TRIAL CONFERENCE



yes, it certainly could if the motion isn't dismissed for some reason or you guys can't come to an agreement

What situations would cause the motion to dismiss? Would the fact that he didn't take all his time last summer, and the sending him home early have any impact? What if I offered to compromise with him (which I already have). I offered him two more weeks in the summer with him (totally 4 weeks) and since all of his family is out of state, I told him that when our son goes to visit his family, it doesnt have to go against his time with our son. In the end, I'm the one who will barely see our son this summer! The judge also initally awarded me all Christmas and my ex all Thankgivings. I offered for us to alternate holidays in another attempt to try and end this.

 

[Zephyr]

What situations would cause the motion to dismiss? Would the fact that he didn't take all his time last summer, and the sending him home early have any impact? What if I offered to compromise with him (which I already have). I offered him two more weeks in the summer with him (totally 4 weeks) and since all of his family is out of state, I told him that when our son goes to visit his family, it doesnt have to go against his time with our son. In the end, I'm the one who will barely see our son this summer! The judge also initally awarded me all Christmas and my ex all Thankgivings. I offered for us to alternate holidays in another attempt to try and end this.

an agreement could very well keep it out of trial, I have my son all summer except for every other weekend, I also have him every single extended weekend from school in addition to an every other weekend schedule, every spring break....etc etc etc


why can't he have 75% of the summer, you do have kiddo the rest of the time correct?

 

[tiredofdrama]

an agreement could very well keep it out of trial, I have my son all summer except for every other weekend, I also have him every single extended weekend from school in addition to an every other weekend schedule, every spring break....etc etc etc


why can't he have 75% of the summer, you do have kiddo the rest of the time correct?

Well, I've thought alot about that and of course, I do want my son to be with me because I'd miss him terribly. But I know what I want is not what is important. My ex has the same rights as I do. I guess my biggest issue with that is that I don't feel that he should be given the time when he doesn't even take all of his time now. Also, in the past, he has asked for time with our son and then ends up not taking it, causing everyone around him to change plans and schedules. He says he wants to take the extra time, but it is still up to me to make sure childcare is in place, to provide alternative arrangements for him if he needs to change things. He actually did recently tell me that he'd settle this if I agreed to allow him to get Tyler on his weekends, but if something came up and he needed to get him on my weekend, that I will give up my weekend, and that I don't have the right to make up my weekend. He gets his and mine! Why is that fair? I work full time too so I really do cherish my weekends with my son!

 

[Zephyr]

Well, I've thought alot about that and of course, I do want my son to be with me because I'd miss him terribly. But I know what I want is not what is important. My ex has the same rights as I do. I guess my biggest issue with that is that I don't feel that he should be given the time when he doesn't even take all of his time now. Also, in the past, he has asked for time with our son and then ends up not taking it, causing everyone around him to change plans and schedules. He says he wants to take the extra time, but it is still up to me to make sure childcare is in place, to provide alternative arrangements for him if he needs to change things. He actually did recently tell me that he'd settle this if I agreed to allow him to get Tyler on his weekends, but if something came up and he needed to get him on my weekend, that I will give up my weekend, and that I don't have the right to make up my weekend. He gets his and mine! Why is that fair? I work full time too so I really do cherish my weekends with my son!

regardless of how much or how little time he has, he is never REQUIRED to use it

 

[tiredofdrama]

regardless of how much or how little time he has, he is never REQUIRED to use it

No, I know that. I just feel like awarding him extra time when he doesn't use all the time he has already is pointless, and it is just giving him more of an opportunity to make things convenient for him (he has the extra time, he can take it if he wants, but if he has something better to do, everyone else must rearrange their lives). I also feel like he is doing this so he can lower the child support he has to pay. So, legally he will have our son more, but really he won't get him anymore than he already does. I could understand his point if I ever made things difficult for him, but I've always tried to accommadate him. Do you see what I mean?

I know so many other mothers that are divorced and are just destroying their exes (and using the kids to do it), and I never wanted to be like that. But trying to be the bigger person doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. My lawyer called me last night and is telling me that I should not agree to giving my ex anymore time because I have a good case. I shouldn't give anything up. I just want to come to a solution so that everyone will be happy, most importantly our son. Here is my next question: At what point do you not listen to your lawyer and do what you think is right? Do I listen to him and fight or do I make yet another attempt to compromise with my ex at the pre-trial so that we can put an end to all of this before the courts start involving our son. I don't want him to know his parents can't stand eachother and are fighting over him!
Thank you for all your advice and responses.