Man vs woman and alimony prejudices

[tuffbrk]

Update

I'm still in a daze. The panel advised that they had not ever had a case like mine in their 30 years of participation. They decided to treat STBX as if (this is their words) he had been hit by a bus and was a quadropalegic (sp?). Thus, they decided without any documentation whatsoever that he is permanently disabled, will obtain $25k from Social Security (he won't - never paid payroll taxes for the past 20 yrs) & that I should pay $50k a year as it is "now your turn to support him." I've worked my entire marriage!

They insisted on including bonus as part of my overall compensation as they claimed it was to my advantage for claiming changed circumstances in the future as my base salary hasn't changed much. They didn't find it odd that he had nothing to show for himself despite running 2 businesses for 20 yrs. I am allowed to to petition for changed circumstances in the future.

My attorney got it down to $25k and they further reduced it to $20k until such time as my 14 yo is emancipated giving me $5k credit for child support.

So he walks away with 1/2 marital assets I earned fr retirement, stock, etc. Will receive his 1/2 equity in the marital home, alimony monthly from me and no responsibility for our children other than the $5k credit.

I, on the other hand, walk away with my self respect, the 2 greatest assets of our marriage - our boys - and their love and respect for me. I might have to eat P, B & J sandwiches and struggle to pay for anything but there's something to be said for closure.

As my 14 yo said when told the news - Thank God! Can we move into separate places now?! LOL! I told him that money was going to be really tight and that he can't expect much in the way of extras for a time. He said -hey, we should have a yard sale.

I smile every time I think about it - and that's something money can't buy.

 

[Bali Hai]

I'm still in a daze. The panel advised that they had not ever had a case like mine in their 30 years of participation. They decided to treat STBX as if (this is their words) he had been hit by a bus and was a quadropalegic (sp?). Thus, they decided without any documentation whatsoever that he is permanently disabled, will obtain $25k from Social Security (he won't - never paid payroll taxes for the past 20 yrs) & that I should pay $50k a year as it is "now your turn to support him." I've worked my entire marriage!

They insisted on including bonus as part of my overall compensation as they claimed it was to my advantage for claiming changed circumstances in the future as my base salary hasn't changed much. They didn't find it odd that he had nothing to show for himself despite running 2 businesses for 20 yrs. I am allowed to to petition for changed circumstances in the future.

My attorney got it down to $25k and they further reduced it to $20k until such time as my 14 yo is emancipated giving me $5k credit for child support.

So he walks away with 1/2 marital assets I earned fr retirement, stock, etc. Will receive his 1/2 equity in the marital home, alimony monthly from me and no responsibility for our children other than the $5k credit.

I, on the other hand, walk away with my self respect, the 2 greatest assets of our marriage - our boys - and their love and respect for me. I might have to eat P, B & J sandwiches and struggle to pay for anything but there's something to be said for closure.

As my 14 yo said when told the news - Thank God! Can we move into separate places now?! LOL! I told him that money was going to be really tight and that he can't expect much in the way of extras for a time. He said -hey, we should have a yard sale.

I smile every time I think about it - and that's something money can't buy.

Sounds like you got a good dose of justice that is reserved for husbands.

Oh well, your case is rare and there isn't enough of you yet to demand true justice and equality in divorce cases.

You have alot of sympathy now but you will soon be forgotten when the next woman comes here feeling they are owed money just because they did someone a favor and married them.

 

[SingleAZdad]

Bonus

Tffbrk - how did they include your bonus' in their calculations? Don't they fluctuate year to year?

Sorry to hear that you will have to support X at such a high price.

 

[Silverplum]

I'm sorry to hear that it did not go your way, TB.


But on the bright side, you've earned Bali's respect! I did not know that was possible.

 

[tuffbrk]

Tffbrk - how did they include your bonus' in their calculations? Don't they fluctuate year to year?

Yes - bonus fluctuates and also is NOT GUARANTEED. Worse is that my company merged with another and so my bonus has gone down tremendously. Each successive year since the merger it has pretty much been 50% of the prior year. So something along the lines of 2005 $55k 2006 $25k 2007 $10k and 08 projected for say $5k.

So they took my base + bonus=overall compensation and averaged it. I argued that it s/b base + % of bonus. However, my base pay only goes up about $1k a year - so they said it would be difficult to claim a change in circumstances in the future.

So then I said - oh wait! no, no I only THOUGHT that, I didn't actually say it to them! LOL.

I also argued that the reason for averaging 3 yrs was to ensure the benefit of increased earnings is taken into consideration, whereas my compensation is decreasing and the avg amount they calculated is appr $10k more than what I am currently earning.

So basically, they are basing alimony on what I used to earn versus what I am earning. Meanwhile, I work for the same company, same position, etc. I could see them thinking that I was "playing" if I was in a commission type position but I'm flat salary.

None of it makes sense to me at all.

 

[tuffbrk]

I'm sorry to hear that it did not go your way, TB.


But on the bright side, you've earned Bali's respect! I did not know that was possible.

Hey Silver - thanks! No idea how I'm going to manage it but it is, what it is. That it was made permanent is what ticked me off. The guy got a transplant - so now he's permanently disabled?! Most liver transplant patients go back to work in 3-6 months. It's been 3 months - altho I don't think he is doing well enough to return to work full time at this point. Telephone sales of industrial equipment (that was his business) is certainly do-able though.

Can you imagine if Social Security treated every transplant patient as permanently disabled?! The thinking of the panel, I believe, was seriously flawed.

 

[tuffbrk]

Sounds like you got a good dose of justice that is reserved for husbands.

Oh well, your case is rare and there isn't enough of you yet to demand true justice and equality in divorce cases.

You're right in that my case is rare - the court told me that.

I only know 1 woman who pays alimony. In trying to find organizations that support the re-write of alimony laws, all that I can find is Dad type organizations. The Women's organizations are geared towards helping women obtain their outstanding child support and alimony payments as that is more typical and so that is where the focus lies.

It's gotta get re-done though - it's not 1950 anymore...

 

[kmb1179]

Tuffbrk, can you appeal the decision?

I know a car salesman who had a liver AND kidney transplant about 5 years ago. He was back to work within 6 months.

It sounds like you really got the shaft. Sorry to hear it.

 

[tuffbrk]

I've been told that I can. I'm really not sure. I don't know how much of the decision was impacted by this panel's lack of experience with medical issues. You don't equate a transplant patient with a quadropalegic, social security will pay not automatically grant disability benefits to a transplant patient (kidney transplant is an exception to that though) and certainly not classify them as permanently disabled. I do believe that they should have demanded a medical statement from his attending physician and not just accepted his attny statement as truth.

oh whatever....I can't stand thinking about it.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Since I'm unfamiliar with this whole, set an alimony thing:

Since it amount of alimony is able to be changed based on a change of circumstance, would the alimony amount change if he actually does NOT get social security disablity and has to become a working stiff?

 

[VeronicaLodge]

wow tuffbrk! that really sucks, and something I was very fearful of in my divorce, lucky for me my ex didn't want alimony from me and I got the divorce quick, before any girlfriend could get in his ear and tell him otherwise!

I do help him out from time to time as we are friends and I feel bad for his circumstances but I like being able to decide when and how much to give him if anything rather than being obligated to a monthly payment!

did you say how long the alimony was supposed to last? and how long were you married, btw.

you need a drink tonight for sure

 

[Bali Hai]

Since I'm unfamiliar with this whole, set an alimony thing:

Since it amount of alimony is able to be changed based on a change of circumstance, would the alimony amount change if he actually does NOT get social security disablity and has to become a working stiff?

The material change of circumstances is usually if not in every case due to the payor's ability to pay more or less.

You don't actually believe that the alimony receiving husband would actually take a job that would put his alimony at risk do you?

I would certainly get my notice of appeal filed immediately on this jackass decision.

 

[CJane]

The material change of circumstances is usually if not in every case due to the payor's ability to pay more or less.

You don't actually believe that the alimony receiving husband would actually take a job that would put his alimony at risk do you?
I would certainly get my notice of appeal filed immediately on this jackass decision.

Given where they live though... $1600/month, while it's a huge chunk of change to lose every month, it's not enough to live on (even if it is about what I make in a month). He's gonna have to do SOMETHING.

TB~ You NEED to speak w/LdiJ about any tax ramifications for you.

 

[Bali Hai]

Given where they live though... $1600/month, while it's a huge chunk of change to lose every month, it's not enough to live on (even if it is about what I make in a month). He's gonna have to do SOMETHING.

TB~ You NEED to speak w/LdiJ about any tax ramifications for you.

I agree and that SOMETHING will produce no more income than he would have gotten should he not be qualified for social security. Trust me, I have seen how the experts keep their alimony rolling in every month.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I do believe that they should have demanded a medical statement from his attending physician and not just accepted his attny statement as truth.

I believe that is the problem.