Taking My Daughter Out of Her School

[StampGirl]

What is the name of your state? California

Good morning. Once again I have endured another ridiculous weekend of email and harrassment from my Ex and his wife. He is still reeling from his loss of his court battle with me at Xmas. Now he needs a new subject to harp about (along with insulting my mother every chance he gets). Oh he is also upset I am getting married in a few months. I digress.....

Now the issue is our oldest daughter (7th grade) and her school. She is in an honors program at her junior high. She has struggled with the workload however, the workload is the same even if she wasn't in the honors program. She has time-management issues! Before she was enrolled in this program (which she was recommended for by her 6th grade teacher and the district), I checked it out and was on the fence. Her dad agreed that it would be a good choice for her. So I enrolled her.

Now that she is struggling grade-wise (Spanish class), I suggested a joint meeting with all her teachers yet my Ex said no he didn't think it was necessary. She has managed to pull all her grades up except Spanish. I have frequently emailed and talked with her Spanish teacher to recommend anything (tutor etc) to help her. He says "she is fine and there is nothign she can do". *sigh* She already attends tutoring after-school 3 days a week with her another one of her teachers. They have a teacher who stays till 3:30pm Tues-Thurs after-school and any student is welcome to come and do homework and/or receive help. This has been a God-send for our daughter. Her math grade has improved along with Science and English.

However, a few days later he now thinks he needs to meet with her teachers, alone. He also wants her out of the program and school (she can't stay in the school if she is out of the honors program). This would be devastating for our daughter. She has a very difficult time making friends and has made 4-5 good ones. I do not want her to leave and go into a school where she knows no one. He is making a huge issue out of this.

My opinion is that meetings of this concern should be with BOTH of us present so we can discuss our daughter's problems and BOTH of us can help her. A united front to the teachers is always better I think. I do know what he is up to and that is to bring the step-mpm (his wifey) with him instead of me.

I am awaiting court papers which I am sure are coming to take her out of the school for next year. Can he do this? How do I defend that she needs to stay?

Thanks for your help (again)!

 

[stealth2]

I don't understand why she can't stay in the school if she's not in the honors program. Lots of kids, in lots of schools, are in some honors classes and not in others. Or in no honors classes.

As for Dad meeting with teachers outside of your presence... lots of schools will do this in the case of split parents. It removes the drama that often occurs and the teachers don't want to deal with (nor should they have to).

And if she's having trouble in Spanish... why not just get her a tutor to help her with it? That seems like a no-brainer to me.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I don't understand why she can't stay in the school if she's not in the honors program. Lots of kids, in lots of schools, are in some honors classes and not in others. Or in no honors classes.

As for Dad meeting with teachers outside of your presence... lots of schools will do this in the case of split parents. It removes the drama that often occurs and the teachers don't want to deal with (nor should they have to).

And if she's having trouble in Spanish... why not just get her a tutor to help her with it? That seems like a no-brainer to me.

She may be in a similar situation as we have in our school district. We have an assigned school based on address. Children can go to one of the other schools if they have a specific program/class for this child. If they are no longer in the program/class, they have to revert back to their assigned school.

Stampgirl, since you are the custodial parent, doesn't your opinion matter most? I realize that we have to DISCUSS this with our X's, but I think that the CP has the final decision unless it is specific to a court order.

FA crystal ball sees a court hearing ....

 

[StampGirl]

I don't understand why she can't stay in the school if she's not in the honors program. Lots of kids, in lots of schools, are in some honors classes and not in others. Or in no honors classes.

As for Dad meeting with teachers outside of your presence... lots of schools will do this in the case of split parents. It removes the drama that often occurs and the teachers don't want to deal with (nor should they have to).

And if she's having trouble in Spanish... why not just get her a tutor to help her with it? That seems like a no-brainer to me.

The school she is in is a "magnet school". We were told that if she drops out of the program, there is no space for her in the "regular" program. I would have to petition the school board to allot her a space on another track (year round school) or she has to attend the school she is zoned for.

I understand the teachers side of doing seperate meetings. We do it all the time for conferences etc. However, when its something of this magnitude like taking our daughter out of her school/program, I feel we both need to be there. We have had issues also with teachers saying one thing to me and another to him.

He won't help me pay for a tutor and I can't afford it on my own. Trust me I have thought of everything and he shot down the tutor idea as "if you pay for it fine but dont' expect me to".

 

[StampGirl]

She may be in a similar situation as we have in our school district. We have an assigned school based on address. Children can go to one of the other schools if they have a specific program/class for this child. If they are no longer in the program/class, they have to revert back to their assigned school.

Stampgirl, since you are the custodial parent, doesn't your opinion matter most? I realize that we have to DISCUSS this with our X's, but I think that the CP has the final decision unless it is specific to a court order.

FA crystal ball sees a court hearing ....

I see a court battle as well. *sigh* I hate going back so soon as we were just with the mediator in December. My daughter is very upset (he talked to her about it) as she doesn't want to change schools etc. I told her to just calm down and see what happens but in the meanwhile, get those grades up!

All I did was inform him of her grades, and he has run with this. I also am required to inform him of teacher meetings etc. Which is what opened this can of worms.

My plan is to just wait and see what happens. I plan on meeting with her teachers to discuss the implecations of taking her out etc.

If they recommend her staying in the program (or to that effect), is it inappropriate for me to request letters stating that to present in court if it goes that far? Also can he just up and "take her out for next year" without my consent or knowledge?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I'll state right off that NO offense is being given here, especially since I'm a Spanish speaker.

You are in California, right? It seems that the largest minority are Hispanics. Is there ANYONE in the neighborhood that could help her with Spanish, without it costing an arm and a leg? Exchange tutoring in Spanish for ?????

 

[stealth2]

He won't help me pay for a tutor and I can't afford it on my own. Trust me I have thought of everything and he shot down the tutor idea as "if you pay for it fine but dont' expect me to".

Surely there's a kid in the school who's acing Spanish. Cheaper than a regular tutor, or the kid might get service points. Think outside the stamp!

 

[StampGirl]

Surely there's a kid in the school who's acing Spanish. Cheaper than a regular tutor, or the kid might get service points. Think outside the stamp!

Ive asked the teacher to recommend a student (perhaps in the 8th grade) who would like to earn a few extra dollars. Nothing.

I will try again this week. Our second trimester ends in a few weeks then she is off the month of Feb.

Thanks.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? California

Good morning. Once again I have endured another ridiculous weekend of email and harrassment from my Ex and his wife. He is still reeling from his loss of his court battle with me at Xmas. Now he needs a new subject to harp about (along with insulting my mother every chance he gets). Oh he is also upset I am getting married in a few months. I digress.....

Now the issue is our oldest daughter (7th grade) and her school. She is in an honors program at her junior high. She has struggled with the workload however, the workload is the same even if she wasn't in the honors program. She has time-management issues! Before she was enrolled in this program (which she was recommended for by her 6th grade teacher and the district), I checked it out and was on the fence. Her dad agreed that it would be a good choice for her. So I enrolled her.

Now that she is struggling grade-wise (Spanish class), I suggested a joint meeting with all her teachers yet my Ex said no he didn't think it was necessary. She has managed to pull all her grades up except Spanish. I have frequently emailed and talked with her Spanish teacher to recommend anything (tutor etc) to help her. He says "she is fine and there is nothign she can do". *sigh* She already attends tutoring after-school 3 days a week with her another one of her teachers. They have a teacher who stays till 3:30pm Tues-Thurs after-school and any student is welcome to come and do homework and/or receive help. This has been a God-send for our daughter. Her math grade has improved along with Science and English.

However, a few days later he now thinks he needs to meet with her teachers, alone. He also wants her out of the program and school (she can't stay in the school if she is out of the honors program). This would be devastating for our daughter. She has a very difficult time making friends and has made 4-5 good ones. I do not want her to leave and go into a school where she knows no one. He is making a huge issue out of this.

My opinion is that meetings of this concern should be with BOTH of us present so we can discuss our daughter's problems and BOTH of us can help her. A united front to the teachers is always better I think. I do know what he is up to and that is to bring the step-mpm (his wifey) with him instead of me.

I am awaiting court papers which I am sure are coming to take her out of the school for next year. Can he do this? How do I defend that she needs to stay?

Thanks for your help (again)!

This is why I'm a GATES fan instead of Magnet schools. In GATES the child can either go into a GATES only class, OR direct their GATES funding to their own classroom.
Ok, now *I* digress...

I used to sell software for Spanish. It exists & is extremely cheap. You can even rent audio, etc. cassettes/discs from local libraries. (Wish I hadn't given all mine away, I'd send them to ya). Is there an ESL course at her Magnet school? (English as Second Language?) Has she thought of volunteering to help THEM? That's how you learn basic Spanish~ talking to those whose primary language is Spanish. IMO Another idea would be are there any parents who volunteer for Spanish tutoring? I do.

All that said...and no offense intended...a sure sign that an 'excelerated program' is NOT a fit for your child~ Is when they are failing subjects & requiring 'more than the usual' amount of assistance (ie; tutoring in more than one subject). Just because they are excelerated, does not mean they are locked into advanced classes. You have to balance their Social & Esteem issues when deciding to advance a child. IMO

As far as the X goes...you know the deal Stampgirl....agree OR go back to Mediation/Court. In fact, I'd request Mediation (cheaper, faster).

 

[casa]

Haven't tried these, but here are some Google hits for free online spanish tutoring:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=free+online+spanish+tutoring

 

[StampGirl]

This is why I'm a GATES fan instead of Magnet schools. In GATES the child can either go into a GATES only class, OR direct their GATES funding to their own classroom.
Ok, now *I* digress...

I used to sell software for Spanish. It exists & is extremely cheap. You can even rent audio, etc. cassettes/discs from local libraries. (Wish I hadn't given all mine away, I'd send them to ya). Is there an ESL course at her Magnet school? (English as Second Language?) Has she thought of volunteering to help THEM? That's how you learn basic Spanish~ talking to those whose primary language is Spanish. IMO Another idea would be are there any parents who volunteer for Spanish tutoring? I do.

All that said...and no offense intended...a sure sign that an 'excelerated program' is NOT a fit for your child~ Is when they are failing subjects & requiring 'more than the usual' amount of assistance (ie; tutoring in more than one subject). Just because they are excelerated, does not mean they are locked into advanced classes. You have to balance their Social & Esteem issues when deciding to advance a child. IMO

As far as the X goes...you know the deal Stampgirl....agree OR go back to Mediation/Court. In fact, I'd request Mediation (cheaper, faster).

There is no GATE program at the Jr High level. I wanted her to attend this particular school as the one she is zoned for is atrocious (sp). It is riddled with gang issues and it was recommended by her 5th and 6th grade teachers that I have her tranferred to the jr high she is in now.

She mainly attends the after-school tutoring to do her homework in peace without her sisters bothering her! She has always had math issues and this opportunity allows her the chance to get help if she needs it. Like I said, all her grades have improved with this.

I have had numerous talks with her teachers about her being in this program because I think she has a hard time. ALL of them have said she is doing fine (about the same as the other students) and we need to give it some adjustment time.

I have spoken with other mom's who are friends of mine with girls in the same grade as our daughter. They are in the "regular" program for 7th grade and are studying the same exact material that our daughter is. They have the same workload etc. So I don't see how taking her out based on her grades and workload makes any sense.

 

[casa]

There is no GATE program at the Jr High level. I wanted her to attend this particular school as the one she is zoned for is atrocious (sp). It is riddled with gang issues and it was recommended by her 5th and 6th grade teachers that I have her tranferred to the jr high she is in now.

Who said there is no GATES program for Jr High? I have a Jr. High student in it as we speak. Do you mean that school didn't have a GATES program? Not that you want to wage another battle...but they have to provide funding to the school if there are GATES kids in it. Period. Whether the school has to create a GATES classroom, or just comply with regs. to have the GATES funding/material included in the child's normal classroom. Ok, maybe I'm digressing again...

OK, seems her teachers were concerned about the other school's environment also. Would they provide declarations/testimony/collateral contacts for the Mediator/Court? If so, and there are no other school options in your area~ That would assist the argument that she should remain in the school.

She mainly attends the after-school tutoring to do her homework in peace without her sisters bothering her! She has always had math issues and this opportunity allows her the chance to get help if she needs it. Like I said, all her grades have improved with this.

I understand! My teen has a very 'inquisitve' 7 yr old little sister LOL They do homework in 2 entirely different rooms. LOL

Glad this program is helping her. Seems they need someone who speaks Spanish to rotate in/out of those after school periods. Wonder if any bilingual teachers would be up for it?

I have had numerous talks with her teachers about her being in this program because I think she has a hard time. ALL of them have said she is doing fine (about the same as the other students) and we need to give it some adjustment time.

Really? Hmm... I understand adjustment periods~ but we are almost 1/2 way through the school year now. Adjustment periods are typically shorter than that. If YOU feel she is doing alright ~ trust your Judgement. I just consider continued difficulty/struggling in multiple subjects as a sign to just be wary/cautious. There can be a tendency to push bright children too much...and the last thing we want to do is burn them out before they've even hit the hardest years of their education.

I have spoken with other mom's who are friends of mine with girls in the same grade as our daughter. They are in the "regular" program for 7th grade and are studying the same exact material that our daughter is. They have the same workload etc. So I don't see how taking her out based on her grades and workload makes any sense.

Really? Now that IS odd. The curriculim my daughter does is at least 2 grades above what her peers are doing. Not even remotely the same Math or Lang. Arts, etc. Otherwise, why is your daughter in the advanced classes in the 1st place? And if she's doing the same curriculim as her peers~ that truly makes no sense

 

[StampGirl]

If you look at her overall performance for the entire year so far she has improved. Except for Spanish which took a nose-dive after a unit test where she forgot accent marks and misspelled a few words. Her teacher says her "oral grade" is great. She has trouble with the writing of the language. *sigh* Oh well!!

She started having trouble about 1/2 way thru the first trimester. Her teachers recommended the tutoring after school and her grades improved. Right now the only grade in question is the Spanish grade.

I am not entirely against removing her from the program however, I know that if we do that, her self-esteem will disappear. She is trying and is proud of herself for (even if its slowly) bringing her grades up. I just want to try every avenue available before we pull the plug on her so to speak. I also do not think she is giving it 100% all of the time. My "gut" instinct is to have her see it through.

I am looking online for a Spanish tutor (even emailed the high school for the possibility to hire a high school student). The email has gone out to the Ex that I need help paying for this tutor as well. Then if he denies wanting to get the help she needs, I have that also.

I am also going to try and get her a spot in the same school just not the honors program. I have to go to the school board etc but its worth a shot. They are holding the lottery later in Feb. for the next school year.

I am open to all possibilites just don't want to pull her out just yet. If we get her the tutoring etc she needs and still she is truggling and/or her teachers agree she should be out of the program then by all means, yes I agree to taking her out. I want to explore all avenues first.

 

[StampGirl]

Really? Now that IS odd. The curriculim my daughter does is at least 2 grades above what her peers are doing. Not even remotely the same Math or Lang. Arts, etc. Otherwise, why is your daughter in the advanced classes in the 1st place? And if she's doing the same curriculim as her peers~ that truly makes no sense

The difference in the program is community service work, smaller classes, and the overall approach to teaching. The program is the IB (international baccalauret program) (sp.) program.

 

[casa]

If you look at her overall performance for the entire year so far she has improved. Except for Spanish which took a nose-dive after a unit test where she forgot accent marks and misspelled a few words. Her teacher says her "oral grade" is great. She has trouble with the writing of the language. *sigh* Oh well!!

That's actually good. Diction & pronunciation are the most difficult- if you can get that, the writing/spelling becomes easier since Spanish is mostly phonetic.

She started having trouble about 1/2 way thru the first trimester. Her teachers recommended the tutoring after school and her grades improved. Right now the only grade in question is the Spanish grade.

Ok, that's good. Then right now, she is having only one problem subject. I was under the impression she was being tutored for others as well...but I understand that's just the afterschool program & that any subject can be helped during that time. (Except, apparently Spanish.)

I am not entirely against removing her from the program however, I know that if we do that, her self-esteem will disappear. She is trying and is proud of herself for (even if its slowly) bringing her grades up. I just want to try every avenue available before we pull the plug on her so to speak. I also do not think she is giving it 100% all of the time. My "gut" instinct is to have her see it through.

I would listen to your instincts. And I can definately relate to hoping they follow things through, even if that requires a struggle. I just worry about 'some' parents (not you necessarily!) who push at the detriment of the child emotionally.

I am looking online for a Spanish tutor (even emailed the high school for the possibility to hire a high school student). The email has gone out to the Ex that I need help paying for this tutor as well. Then if he denies wanting to get the help she needs, I have that also.

Have you tried the Boys & Girls' Club? I'm not sure about your area/region, but some have ESL and other tutoring programs. A cross mix of ESL & Spanish students would be pretty effective I'm guessing. The language barrier sort of pushes both sides to learm/comprehend at a quicker pace...in order to communicate.

I am also going to try and get her a spot in the same school just not the honors program. I have to go to the school board etc but its worth a shot. They are holding the lottery later in Feb. for the next school year.

I would do that lottery regardless. A transition to a class of her peers...but also within the same school would help buffer any emotional upset re; change. This may be a viable compromise for Dad as well.

I am open to all possibilites just don't want to pull her out just yet. If we get her the tutoring etc she needs and still she is truggling and/or her teachers agree she should be out of the program then by all means, yes I agree to taking her out. I want to explore all avenues first.

I agree. I'd do the same. I've gone up & down with my oldest in various advanced programs (plus I've had the added 'fun' of her being ADHD ) What's Right for one is not Right for all...but I do strongly believe in finding the program(s) which are most tailored for our individual children.

And, let us know if any of those online tutoring sites actually help!