Custody Change

[jmontgomery71]

What is the name of your state? Ga

I am new so please let me know if I do something wrong...

I am a step-parent of a 14yr old boy. My husband has a court order in North Carolina that states that he has joint legal custody with visitation and the mother has primary physical custody. A couple of years ago, the ex- sent the child to georgia to live with us and finish school for the year due to discipline issues that she was having with him. She then took him back after the summer was over.

She once again called this past May to inform my husband that his son had been kicked out of the alternative school (that we did not know he was in) back in March and needed to come live with us and go to school here in Georgia. He arrived on June 2,2007. She drew up a letter stating that "she was turning over physical custody to my husband for the current school year with the conditions that the son may continue to reside with his father until he has completed all of his middle and high school education. In the event that the son decided he wanted to return to live with her then the physical custody will automatically reverse back to her". We received this in August and it is noterized.

My step-son has been living with us for almost 7 months and is enrolled in school here. We've had no discipline issues and he is almost a straight "A" student. Can we go through Georgia to get the custody order changed? If so, do we have to have an attorney? We would like a court order so that she can't just take him and throw him back whenever she can't handle a situation. He (the son) needs to know that he has a stable home life.

My husband would also like to get child support changed. He has been paying her full child support this whole time his son has been living with us. I know that he can go through CSR to have that fixed but we need or at least would perfer to have a custody order to give to them. We are afraid that if he tries to change it without an order, she will make him come back.

Sorry for the long post.... need advice bad!!!

Thanks

 

[onebreath]

I am not all legal bound here but I care about childrens rights, so post. Legally, your husband should go ahead and file for a change in child support. No problem.

After that, husband can always file for change in the court order. Each parent has that right. The court asks for a change of circumstances, but my ex has proved that a parent can take the other parent to court any ol' time, and often, quite a few times before looking like the fool. So no worries about going to court.

In your case, on a personal level I question why you two want to change the court order. The mom has repeatedly put the child in fathers hands because she cannot handle whatever. So she is being upfront and trusting of dad. The court order states that if the son decides he wants to return to mothers home he can. What is wrong with that? He is doing well at your home, etc., is there a reason you suspect he may unreasonably want to go back to moms? He is probably happy making A's, having a stable home life,etc. Its tricky giving kids the benefit of making their choices, especially if they are rebelling and wanting to go to the other parent to avoid problems. If he shows no sign of that, leave things alone and let the guy have a right to go back to his moms. I would not alienate her, which is what you and husband are proposing, not just for the mom, but for future good will with the child. (if its not broken, don't try to fix it)

That last bit is not legal advice, but advice for the kid.

 

[jmontgomery71]

My no means do we want to alinate her or try to keep him from seeing or spending time with his mother. I am a mother of 3 myself and I would not want that done to me or will I do that to another.

Due to dealing with his ex- over the last 7 years, it is very clear that as long as you don't mess with the money, she will let you do alot. But the minute that changes.. so does she. She tried to bribe him into coming back home after a couple of months.

She told him about all the stuff that they bought and everything that his brother was doing. It was as though she was rubbing it in his face. He did not fall for it this time... but what about next. It's not a healthy environment for him. He does not do well there.


We just want to protect him from going for a visit and she decides he isn't coming back because she said so not him.

 

[onebreath]

Again, this is NOT legal advice, I am sure others here would read you your legal rights which is good.

From the outside its always easier to give advice...again, I would let it be. If she already tried to bribe son and it didn't work, that says something. I would suspect as part of this plan you have a child therapist he can talk to regularly, to help him work through his feelings. But try to trust him, thats part of the teenage years. If he needs someone to talk to unbiased get him a child therapist. Can't hurt with all he is going through. He has to be aware of the dissonance between mom and dad and feel confused sometimes.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? Ga

I am new so please let me know if I do something wrong...

I am a step-parent of a 14yr old boy. My husband has a court order in North Carolina that states that he has joint legal custody with visitation and the mother has primary physical custody. A couple of years ago, the ex- sent the child to georgia to live with us and finish school for the year due to discipline issues that she was having with him. She then took him back after the summer was over.

How long did he stay- just for the school year? Or an entire calendar year?

She once again called this past May to inform my husband that his son had been kicked out of the alternative school (that we did not know he was in) back in March and needed to come live with us and go to school here in Georgia. He arrived on June 2,2007. She drew up a letter stating that "she was turning over physical custody to my husband for the current school year with the conditions that the son may continue to reside with his father until he has completed all of his middle and high school education. In the event that the son decided he wanted to return to live with her then the physical custody will automatically reverse back to her". We received this in August and it is noterized.

Being notarized means ONLY that the person signing it is who they say they are, and they have valid ID. It does NOT mean it supercedes, or replaces, a Court Order. Common mistake. What it DOES do, however, is help establish 'Status Quo' (depending on the length/duration).

My step-son has been living with us for almost 7 months and is enrolled in school here. We've had no discipline issues and he is almost a straight "A" student. Can we go through Georgia to get the custody order changed? If so, do we have to have an attorney? We would like a court order so that she can't just take him and throw him back whenever she can't handle a situation. He (the son) needs to know that he has a stable home life.

Yes. DAD needs to file for Primary Physical Custody (to be Custodial Parent- CP). The basis for the Custody modification is 'Status Quo' ie; a pattern of time with this living arrangement has been proven. Dad gathers child's attendance/medical records & submits them as evidence. Typical Status Quo time periods to meet are 6 mos to 1 yr. (check your state's statutes to be certain). Either way, an "entire school year" is sufficient enough....IF the child wants to return to Dad. (ONLY in YOUR state and ONLY because basing Status Quo on the document & residency requires such- UNusual BTW)

My husband would also like to get child support changed. He has been paying her full child support this whole time his son has been living with us. I know that he can go through CSR to have that fixed but we need or at least would perfer to have a custody order to give to them. We are afraid that if he tries to change it without an order, she will make him come back.

Sorry for the long post.... need advice bad!!!

Thanks

Forget Child Support modification Right Now. Attain Physical Custody- then the support will be MUCH easier to change. If you file them simultaneously, it could 'appear' the support cost is the motive for the modification.

 

[stealth2]

Please pay attention to casa. The issue that you're concerned with - that kiddo goes to visit Mom and she decides not to return him - is a reasonable concern. Since there is no court order giving Dad custody, she has every right to do that - SHE has custody.

 

[jmontgomery71]

I know that legally she could take him back anytime she wants because we don't have a court order. That is what scares me the most. We just really do not have the money for an attorney and legal aid says we make too much. So we really needed to do this ourselves if possible. But nobody really wants to tell you how.

Thanks for all your advice so far!

 

[casa]

I know that legally she could take him back anytime she wants because we don't have a court order. That is what scares me the most. We just really do not have the money for an attorney and legal aid says we make too much. So we really needed to do this ourselves if possible. But nobody really wants to tell you how.

Thanks for all your advice so far!

File a "Change in Custody" based on "Status Quo" . Look up GA documents and local rules/service. If you wind up thoroughly confused, another option is to pay a paralegal to prepare your filings & then do the actual filing yourself.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

File a "Change in Custody" based on "Status Quo" . Look up GA documents and local rules/service. If you wind up thoroughly confused, another option is to pay a paralegal to prepare your filings & then do the actual filing yourself.

If I read it correctly in the beginning, NC has jurisdiction, not Georgia. If it were Georgia, it might be easier since the child is 14yo.

You may want to hold out a year paying support. It is easier to establish status quo on that basis. If she then argues to take the child, you can easily show that it's all about the money. Since dad has been paying it all along, he has more the appearance of trying to make a court order based on what has transpired.

It's never a good thing for a child to be in a position of power in the teen years. It can then who can bribe the child more. Not good.

 

[casa]

If I read it correctly in the beginning, NC has jurisdiction, not Georgia. If it were Georgia, it might be easier since the child is 14yo.

You may want to hold out a year paying support. It is easier to establish status quo on that basis. If she then argues to take the child, you can easily show that it's all about the money. Since dad has been paying it all along, he has more the appearance of trying to make a court order based on what has transpired.

It's never a good thing for a child to be in a position of power in the teen years. It can then who can bribe the child more. Not good.

Good Catch Ginny. NC is the proper Jurisdiction to file.

Also to the OP: You can find out if NC will allow telephonic appearances to reduce travel to NC.

 

[jmontgomery71]

Custody change

Would Georgia not have jurisdiction now that the child has lived here for over 6 months? I was under the impression that jurisdiction was wherever the child was living?? I may be wrong... one of the reasons I'm asking if it can now be done here in Georgia.

Thanks Again

 

[Silverplum]

Would Georgia not have jurisdiction now that the child has lived here for over 6 months? I was under the impression that jurisdiction was wherever the child was living?? I may be wrong... one of the reasons I'm asking if it can now be done here in Georgia.
Thanks Again

GA doesn't take jurisdiction just because the child has moved...and contrary to the standing court order.

Think about the consequences of such a thing -- parents could kidnap their kids, hide out in a new state for 6 months, and get new jurisdiction. No. No, no, no.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Would Georgia not have jurisdiction now that the child has lived here for over 6 months? I was under the impression that jurisdiction was wherever the child was living?? I may be wrong... one of the reasons I'm asking if it can now be done here in Georgia.

Thanks Again

Doesn't the mother still live in NC? If so, NC retains jurisdiction.

 

[jmontgomery71]

custody change

Yes, the mother does still live in Georgia, but the child has lived in Georgia for 7 months. I thought the jursidiction followed the child not the parent.... I'm confused

 

[3UofMfans]

Yes, the mother does still live in Georgia, but the child has lived in Georgia for 7 months. I thought the jursidiction followed the child not the parent.... I'm confused

I do believe he woulld have to request a change of venue from the county in NC which currently has jurisdiction. I am in NC. What county issued the CO?