14 Year Old Wild Child

[Mrs5sfsniper]

What is the name of your state? NM

My husband's 14 year old niece has lived the charmed life.

Stable two parent home out on a huge ranch where she has been indulged in her love of animals and barrel racing, which is to say she has been doing rodeos and such for most of her life.

Last year she was even princess for some events.

she is quite intelligent and has been to charter schools for wiz kids for most of her school years, but THIS year she has been going to a public school. She went public mid school year last year, i know not why, not because she became less intelligent, i'm sure.

Scholastically speaking anyway.

Her parents are now at their wit's end. She is sneaking out regularly and skipping school regularly.

They have done everything they can think of, from grounding her to spanking her at 14. Nothing is getting through to her. I mean, i asked a lot of questions, the list of ramifications that girl has dismissed is endless.

she behaves for about 30 seconds post consequence lift, and she is right back into trouble.

My opinion is that if she is sneaking out, someone is driving somewhere to pick her up because she is not driving and this child lives a good 10 miles into the ranch they live on. it takes 20 - 30 minutes on non-graded roads to get to her.

THAT person needs to be on notice that when they are caught they will be charged with any and whatever legal charges can be brought against them that include contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

I also suggested a legal notice be drafted and sent to the parents letting them know that if their child is caught helping this child misbehave that they, also, would be served some kind of legal notice.

I'm pretty sure this is overkill, and i wouldn't want the parents of my niece to do this with out much consideration. however, it seems to be a pretty desparate situation and since they are out of solutions this is better then none.

i figure if the parents are made aware of what is facing them as well as their child they MIGHT decide to take action to ensure said children were not interacting any more.

which is the goal.

Any feedback? and be brutal (like i have to invite that, but hey, i amuse myself).

This girley is exceedingly bright and i have watched this situation just bloom lately. The hope is to encourage her to wait a few years to be grown.

Two of her friends are now pregnant. i'm sure their sneaking out the window days are over now.

I'm sure her other aunt and her momma will be checking in here for this thread when they get off work.

 

[Zigner]

Video surveillance comes to mind...

 

[Mrs5sfsniper]

No Joke

along with one of those ankle bracelets they put on for probation.

of course, among some of hollywood's elite those are now status symbols.

 

[xylene]

14 years old is quite almost grown for a girl.

I am not sure what the trouble is really. You haven't specified anything the child is doing that is illegal other than being willful (which is just barely illegal) and some truancy.

What was the schools reaction to the ditching?

 

[Mrs5sfsniper]

the listed offenses are what we are trying curb with the legal action against other parents and their children.

i'm not trying to air the family's dirty laundry, i was trying to see if what is posted is feasible, leagally.

barely illegal can easily transfers the chasm to illegal.

i'm a prior JDC graduate myself. i highly discourage that road.

i suppose, tho, that juvie law is state static as well.

 

[CJane]

I see a few options.

1) Continue w/punishment that clearly isn't working... (and it's not working because punishment rarely does)

2) Put her under house arrest. Not an ankle bracelet - distance ed so she's not in school - can't cut class. Put sensors on the windows and doors that will sound an alarm if they're opened w/out the code. No phone. No unnecessary computer access. No friends. LOTS of 'family' time.

3) Hard labor around the ranch. Sell the horses OR donate them to a farm for at risk kids. Make the child work on the farm teaching kids w/way worse lives than hers about horses and the respect they demand from you.

4) Military school. It took my nephew ONE semester of military school to pull his head out. Hasn't been in any trouble at all since he came home.

 

[Mrs5sfsniper]

hmmm...

everything you listed is, basically, what has been done with the exception of the sensors on the windows.

that could really ruin a girls night out i am thinking.

i don't think they would sell the horses but the hard labor is in effect right now as well as the no cell phone, no extra curricular activities (except the ones she has 'after hours, so to speak') and computer only for school.

military school hasn't been tried, however, there is a well reputed Youth Challenge out here.

that's a thought.

you don't think threatening legal action against the juvie that is picking her up will work or is not a good idea or can't be done??...

thanks, i appreciate the feedback...

 

[>Charlotte<]

you don't think threatening legal action against the juvie that is picking her up will work or is not a good idea or can't be done??...

It won't work. It will cut off that particular conduit, but whomever is picking her up isn't the problem. Her attitude is the problem.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

She is sneaking out regularly and skipping school regularly.

I used to threaten to accompany my children in school - all day - in my rattiest robe, face cream, curlers, etc. Think holding hands Humiliation at it's finest. No one took me up on the offer for some reason.

 

[Mrs5sfsniper]

I totally agree...

It won't work. It will cut off that particular conduit, but whomever is picking her up isn't the problem. Her attitude is the problem.

I completely agree. it IS her attitude. but my thinking is attitude attracts attitude and she is totally attracting/attracted to the wrong attitude crowd right now.

If these kids that are aiding and abetting are suddenly being told they will be held for THEIR actions (and have no doubt, she will have like consequences that we haven't come up with) i'm thinking she won't be so very much attractive to them.

in other words, they will still just love her to pieces cuzz she is their friend, but they won't so much want to be putting their license or their parents on the line.

and you know ginny? i so agree with you on the ratty rollers and stuff. being the only non-employed female relative she has i would do it myself.

my sister is the only person i know of who threatened and then actually pulled through on that threat.

worked like a charm tho. she wore the robe that she purchased at goodwill specially for that occassion, no make up, the rollers, the whole nine yards.

the 'whole nine yards', by the way, is a figure of speech that came out of WWII. The big guns they fired out the airplanes back then were armed with ammunition that came in strings, belted together. when a gunner said he gave them 'the whole nine yards' it meant that he fired a whole string of ammo into the enemy's line.

that's a freebie. my hubby taught me that recently and i thought about it as i typed this otu.

 

[casa]

You can't threaten legal action against other parents because this child doesn't behave. No more than those parents can blame your hubby's neice when their kids act up.

They can't control the child by trying to control all her external influences...each one that's eliminated only leaves space for a new one to pop up. THEY need to take control of their own child. By whatever means works for them as parents. ie; Could be an adolescent psych. program, a 'boot camp' of sorts, family therapy (that's actually 1st), tough love....and when all else fails, natural consequences.

 

[Mrs5sfsniper]

Good word casa, that is what i am looking for.

what about the kids who are coming to pick her up? can they be held accountable?

 

[Zigner]

We thought about window sensor for our (then) 15 year old (boy). However, my boy, being the wise-acre that he is, would constantly open and close the window whenever he was in his room...just to upset us (and all the neighbors)

 

[casa]

Good word casa, that is what i am looking for.

what about the kids who are coming to pick her up? can they be held accountable?

Not unless the other kid is 18+ yrs old. The only legality is breaking curfew (which law enforcement would cite both kids for)

My sister has the alarm system. Works, but is a pain in the neck. IMO My own father, years ago literally nailed the outside window sills inward- so my brother could not sneak out without making tons of racket & damaging the window. My friend took her child's door off the hinges, she lost her right to her privacy by breaking her mom's trust. So, for weeks my friend would walk by her door constantly. LOL

Whatever works for the parents. The problems is trying to find an OUTside source accountable. They're the parents, they need to parent. That's the only true solution. IMO

 

[5sfsniper]

thanks casa.

i promise you they ARE parenting.