change of circumstances?

[faithnlve]

What is the name of your state? VT. Would moving 35+ miles away from ncp be considered a change of circumstances? Plus what if the parent is planning on moving in a couple of weeks, and only told the ncp like yesterday. Also, who would be responsible for the traveling for dropping off and picking up? I know I agreed to drive 1/2 way, but if I didn't I would have to drive all the way to pick up child. Plus I have 4 other children at home...just is so aggravating. Thanks Faith

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? VT. Would moving 35+ miles away from ncp be considered a change of circumstances? Plus what if the parent is planning on moving in a couple of weeks, and only told the ncp like yesterday. Also, who would be responsible for the traveling for dropping off and picking up? I know I agreed to drive 1/2 way, but if I didn't I would have to drive all the way to pick up child. Plus I have 4 other children at home...just is so aggravating. Thanks Faith

Would this move place your ex in a new jurisdiction? New school for your child? Why would you agree to ANY pick up travel? I would file a motion to stop the move.

 

[faithnlve]

I didn't really agree to any travel pick up with him. He said, "we will work it out don't worry, trying to be nice about all this. Yes it puts him in another county with new school. But, he thinks because its in the same state and its due to his job being moved 30 miles it doesn't change anything. I have my son by court order every other weekend, and a couple of hours two week nights each week. Plus, as some may recall, this is the ex whom I have had difficulties with in stopping the new wife from leaving me off school information and putting herself down as legal guardian/parent along with my ex. That did get straightened out after I sent a letter to the Dept of Education. My ex also informed me since he has full legal and physical custody I have no say, and that because its only a little over an hour away, it doesn't cause a change of circumstances the judges will want to listen to, and that he feels we can both drive half way which is only an hour round trip. Plus, it was my son who told me about the move to begin with and not my ex. Which upset me as well. If I do fie for a change of circumstances under what grounds would I have? Would filing to stop the move be the same as change of circumstance? And do I have the right to to that since I don't have legal or physical custody? thanks Faith

 

[Ohiogal]

File a motion to stop your son from moving due to the fact that it interferes with your weeknight visitation and dad can drive the extra 30 miles each way to work without inconveniencing you or the child.

 

[penelope10]

File a motion to stop your son from moving due to the fact that it interferes with your weeknight visitation and dad can drive the extra 30 miles each way to work without inconveniencing you or the child.

Absolutely. I've changed careers which means in the new field I'm going into I'll start at the bottom of the totem pole. In the community I live in school districts just don't hire 1st year teachers. This means I have been looking at nearby districts. Depending where I get hired I could have a 30 minute drive each way. I will not be moving my child to where my new job is. This is where her school, friends and family are (Dad). So for me a 30 minute drive each way is not unreasonable for the parent whose job dictates that drive. Why should the child be moved from the familiar? And why should the parent who is not moving give up their valuable time with the child in commute plus foot the bill for gas and wear and tear on their vehicle?

You stated that there was a history of you being kept out of the loop at school and additional things. Hopefully you have copies of all correspondence etc regarding this. I'd certainly take all of this with me to court, and in particular copies of letters to school district.

 

[faithnlve]

So, I will respond to him about my feelings about his moving in a letter. So it doesn't matter that he has full legal and physical and that I am just the visiting parent? Seems as though once a parent gets full custody they have more rights than the non custodial.

 

[Ohiogal]

No. You need to file in court to stop the move due to the fact that it is NOT in your child's best interests.

 

[penelope10]

So, I will respond to him about my feelings about his moving in a letter. So it doesn't matter that he has full legal and physical and that I am just the visiting parent? Seems as though once a parent gets full custody they have more rights than the non custodial.

Just so you know I am the CP---take OG's advice. I just added that any letters etc. showing that there has been an attempt already to negatively affect the parent-child relationship should be taken to court.

Parents should act in the best interests of the child. What is in the best interests of the child is that the parent-child be fostered for both parents. A CP does not have the right to call all the shots.

 

[faithnlve]

No. You need to file in court to stop the move due to the fact that it is NOT in your child's best interests.

How do I present to the courts it is NOT in his best interest Ohiogal. I know my ex's argument will be that he will foster a relationship, only that I will need to now drive an hour round trip for drop offs and pick ups, and that he has already purchased a new home and that I don't spend as much time because of all his sporting events during the school week now, so he has given me more time in the summer. I have given in to my ex for everything, including changing between the two of us my two nights per week to 2 full weeks in the summer because I felt bad having to tell my son no to his sporting events. I also have him every other friday after school until sunday at 5pm, but half the time he has a practice. His dad does pick him up and drop him off. I have other children including an autistic son and this traveling time will diminish my home time with my other children. I do still have the paperwork how he and his new wife did not include me in the school paperwork for the last two years, and that he had lied to me about it. He claimed he didn't know anything about it, his wife fills out everything. Emotionally it is draining. Proving "everything" is usually my word against his. My mental health has been affected by all the stress of fighting to have time, school info, etc. It is so heartbreaking and belittling how he treats me as a ncp. I just get so tired, and every year its another battle with him, and I am drained from it. So drained. I love my son so much and my ex feels he has total control. Seems as though that is what he got from the courts. I have tried talking to him about all this, but, he yells first then says ok, I will talk to you like I do my employees.....We will do it this way, come to an agreement, as long as its on his terms. Then he tells everyone else I am being difficult. If I do go to court, hopefully I get an understanding judge. Thanks, Ohiogal, for your ear, Faith

 

[onebreath]

Sorry, I'm not ohiogal and just inserting to give some ideas until you hear from her.

There are reasons why this move would not be good. One reason you stated clearly, your son is involved in sports, which you support and you would not be able to do that the same with the distance involved.

You have other children plus a autistic child which to some degree precludes you from visiting your child as frequently as you would if he stayed in the same area.

Personally, I can't help but be curious about a school aged child having to make the driving distance/transitions 2 times during the week after long school days, having homework, getting to bed. May sound petty to some, but its these day to day or weekly details that make a childs life work smoothly or not.

There is a huge difference in being a part of your childs life during the school week, staying in touch with the child, helping with homework, and being resigned to a summer, and EOW parent. I encourage you to fight for your parenting rights. Personal suggestion; what would possibly make this work for you? What if you had child every weekend, but lost the during the week time? I'm not even suggesting the courts would grant that, but I would at least consider all options.

Off your subject, is there any reason why you could not have joint legal custody?
It is true with ex having sole legal, he MAY have a better chance at the moveaway, but he may not either. I had sole legal custody and filed for a (admittedly, long distance) moveaway, and was denied. It would have broken up the father child relationship.

 

[faithnlve]

I live in a state that if both parents cannot agree, then court decides whom gets full legal/sole custody. Faith

 

[LdiJ]

I live in a state that if both parents cannot agree, then court decides whom gets full legal/sole custody. Faith

Faith, if you are not currently taking your weeknight visits, then you can't use that as an argument to stop the move.

However, you CAN and should take it to court to make dad responsible for all transportation for visitation, since he is creating the distance.

 

[faithnlve]

Thank you all. Now is it best for me to get an attorney for this, or is this something I can present to a judge myself? I would hope if I did it on my own a family court judge would know what is fair. Yet, then again some judges if they don't like you will rule for the other parent. I know I shouldn't say that, but have seen it many times. I just don't want to come across too aggressive, and would like to know what my best approach in court would be. Thanks Faith

 

[faithnlve]

I just got off the phone with my ex. I told him we needed to talk. He said what about? I said I was just informed by our 11 year old son that you were moving in June. He said what about it? I told him that the move is a 90 mile round trip for pick ups and drop offs. He said you don't have to worry about that. You can meet me half way which is still the same distance of when you drove to pick him up before. I also mentioned it was out of jurisdiction because its a new county, he is moving to another school, and he kept it from me and it was our son who informed me. I told him this is so wrong. He screamed at me told me that its not out of jurisdiction because its in the same state and I have no say in it because my time is not going to be affected by it. Right now I drive 15 miles round trip, after he moves it will be 30 miles round trip. I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but to me it is. My son is going to another school and living 50 miles away. The thing that bothers me the most is it was my son who told me about the move and not my ex. This state is terrible when it comes to parents rights, and I am wondering if my ex has the rights to do this, and how do the courts usually handle these types of situations???? Thanks Faith

 

[milspecgirl]

faith-
you have gotten your advice.
go down today and file to stop the move. You can do it pro se, but an atty would be easier. use all your evidence of how he has in the past tried to bump you out of your child's life (school papers, etc). this will show he has not fostered a good relationship and you have no reason to believe he will now.
if the judge does grant the move, make sure everything is in the order- make him drive all the way both times, etc. don't let him tell you that you all will work it out- he hasn't in the past.
the fact that the child will be changing schools, etc when they are obviously very involved will likley hurt his chances. plus, the fact that it is only for dad that the move it taking place. no reason dad can't commute.
as for his argument about it still being in the same state- that's crap- jurisdiction is counties, not states