Extracurricular School Activites and Programs

[angelface30s]

OP, summer is Dad's time so in reality, any summer activities should be discussed with Dad and kids -- and then you. Now, it's the other way around and then some -- it's discussed between kids and you, plans set, hopes high, then Dad is informed what shall be. That would be like Dad making plans with kids during school year when it's on your time and *telling* you how things are going to be. See how that's backwards? You need to have kids call dad and speak directly to him about things they are interested in doing over the summer and let them work it out and then Dad can talk to you about plans they've made and see if they're OK with you, too. Until that happens (Dad talks to you about proposed plans), you need to stay out of it with the kids, not buy into their feelings or anything of that sort, it's between them and Dad. Let Dad be in the driver's seat. It's his time with the kids and is only right.

If you read my post above, my son told his dad last year that he needs to be back for football practice and my daughter HAS been telling her dad since last December about what she wanted to be back for. He kept telling them that he would work something out with me, leading them to believe it would happen. He did this to me when I was his wife, he has tons of empty promises. So I didn't make these plans without him knowing. and for the record, he was angry with me two years ago for not putting my son in anything, now I do and he won't cooperate....

 

[angelface30s]

Why can't they sign up for programs in their preferred sports while at Dad's house? Why can they only do sports with you? I have a ten year old, and she is signed up for all sorts of sports programs and camps throughout the summer.

He has told them that he would, but he never does. Plus the school year is different then ours, so by the time they get there, or have to leave it conflicts with what they have. AGain, alot of empty promises.

 

[angelface30s]

Move to district with year round school plan.

I have considered doing that...but i'm not out to keep them from there dads, just need them back a week or 2 early is all.

 

[nextwife]

If you read my post above, my son told his dad last year that he needs to be back for football practice and my daughter HAS been telling her dad since last December about what she wanted to be back for. He kept telling them that he would work something out with me, leading them to believe it would happen. He did this to me when I was his wife, he has tons of empty promises. So I didn't make these plans without him knowing. and for the record, he was angry with me two years ago for not putting my son in anything, now I do and he won't cooperate....

TOLD him? Or involved him in decisions about which program selections they would make?

I don't allow my daughter to unilaterally DECIDE and then dictate to me what programs she will participate in. She is required to consult with we parents and we make the choices together.

 

[angelface30s]

It sounds like the sports are for the fall, but practices start in the summer so Mom wants the kids home early for that. That's understandable on the one hand, but sounds like Mom hasn't gone about it the best way and Dad probably feels strong armed and screwed before his perspective is ever considered.

What would have been the best way? I told him last year about it and he seems all good about it, even told his daughter if there was a camp she wanted to do here that he would consider it. He even told her to put together a plan so that he can still see her and she put alot of thought into it, last Christmas when she was with him and he kept saying no, no no no no.... He just keeps stringy them along.

 

[angelface30s]

The answer to all your questions is right there in your CO. Dad has the summer with the kids. Period. If you don't like it, take it back to court for a modification. But, it's not gonna happen by the time summer comes around, so you might as well wrap your head around the fact that the children aren't coming back early.

Well Im happy to say I found a loop hole in the settlement and the way it is stated he gets "placement during the summer while out of school" it doesn't say how long.... whereas Christmas and Spring break have specified time and dates.

I don't think asking him to send them back 1 or 2 weeks early is out of the question.

 

[CourtClerk]

I don't think asking him to send them back 1 or 2 weeks early is out of the question.

His children were taken away from him to a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STATE, where he doesn't get to see them the way he used to....

For God's sake, I think it's out of the question. I'd like to see what your response would be if you only saw your kids a few times a year. I know... since you have them your response would be "I'd do whatever would make the kids happy. I'd send them back no problem." It's easy to say that when YOU aren't the one that has to visit your kids. Why don't you send them to live with dad for 5 years, then come back and tell us how you'd deal with the situation.

 

[angelface30s]

TOLD him? Or involved him in decisions about which program selections they would make?

I don't allow my daughter to unilaterally DECIDE and then dictate to me what programs she will participate in. She is required to consult with we parents and we make the choices together.

Ok, he didn't "told him" (tell him), he talked to him about it. (is that better...ggeeess)His dad was even excited about his son playing football. Basically if it is my idea, there dad doesn't like it. If playing football was there dads idea, then he would be all for it. Get my point here.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ok, he didn't "told him" (tell him), he talked to him about it. (is that better...ggeeess)His dad was even excited about his son playing football. Basically if it is my idea, there dad doesn't like it. If playing football was there dads idea, then he would be all for it. Get my point here.

You don't get it. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DEMAND and DICTATE that dad cut his time short. None at all. Nor do you have a right to include the children in this as emotional blackmail. Dad is stringing the children along? Look in the mirror. YOU are responsible for disappointing the children as well. Keep using the children as pawns. IT WILL NOT GET YOU ANYWHERE in the LONG RUN!

 

[angelface30s]

His children were taken away from him to a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STATE, where he doesn't get to see them the way he used to....

For God's sake, I think it's out of the question. I'd like to see what your response would be if you only saw your kids a few times a year. I know... since you have them your response would be "I'd do whatever would make the kids happy. I'd send them back no problem." It's easy to say that when YOU aren't the one that has to visit your kids. Why don't you send them to live with dad for 5 years, then come back and tell us how you'd deal with the situation.

Why don't you go live with him for 10 years and then you will understand why I left the state. I was in a abusive situation. No women in her right mind would live that close to someone that is a abusive compulsive control freak. Even the mediator told him off as well as his counslor. He was advised to continue conselling and he laugh at her. And for the record, he was hardly home (thank god) so he hardly saw his kids (he would tell me all the time he didn't want any, now that I left him, he knows that he can hurt me using the kids as a pawn), and when he was home we (me and the kids) all sat in the corner somewhere in the house and wished he would leave. My kids are scared of him and spend all summer in there rooms because they are intimidated by him. What kind of child wants to be around a father like that.

 

[nextwife]

Ok, he didn't "told him" (tell him), he talked to him about it. (is that better...ggeeess)His dad was even excited about his son playing football. Basically if it is my idea, there dad doesn't like it. If playing football was there dads idea, then he would be all for it. Get my point here.

yes, BUT did he tell dad that the schedule would require a shortened summer possession period? Dad could certainly have presumed it began when school starts up. Was the actual SCHEDULE, not the "I'll play football this fall" aspect, discussed with dad?

 

[flygrl]

Angelface -

I understand your situation - I have the same one only worse.

In my case my X chose to move out of state and he gets 5 weeks in the summer. Fine for elementary and middle school. High School - no go.

My daughter has been cheering for 2 years and now made the JV Cheer squad (dad knew as he paid for the extra tumbling lessons she needed) - and they have practice all summer.

I didn't make up the schedule. If she is not at the majority of practices and some mandatory camps - she won't cheer for the entire year.

I have no intention of limiting his parenting time - but he will have to take it in our town so she can go to practices. He is refusing!!

I simply don't understand why he would make her drop out of an activity she loves and is good at - why would a parent do this to a child? He is not hurting ME - I don't cheer!!

Oh, my x hates me too and has a self entitlement problem. Clearly - everything is about HIM.

 

[angelface30s]

You don't get it. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DEMAND and DICTATE that dad cut his time short. None at all. Nor do you have a right to include the children in this as emotional blackmail. Dad is stringing the children along? Look in the mirror. YOU are responsible for disappointing the children as well. Keep using the children as pawns. IT WILL NOT GET YOU ANYWHERE in the LONG RUN!

Whatever, you know what I have read alot of your replies to people on here and you are just flat out mean to EVERYONE. If you would sit back and really put yourself in my shoes, you would do the same. You sound like you are a bitter unhappy person. You need to get a life, instead of hanging on this forum all day.

 

[angelface30s]

Angelface -

I understand your situation - I have the same one only worse.

In my case my X chose to move out of state and he gets 5 weeks in the summer. Fine for elementary and middle school. High School - no go.

My daughter has been cheering for 2 years and now made the JV Cheer squad (dad knew as he paid for the extra tumbling lessons she needed) - and they have practice all summer.

I didn't make up the schedule. If she is not at the majority of practices and some mandatory camps - she won't cheer for the entire year.

I have no intention of limiting his parenting time - but he will have to take it in our town so she can go to practices. He is refusing!!

I simply don't understand why he would make her drop out of an activity she loves and is good at - why would a parent do this to a child? He is not hurting ME - I don't cheer!!

Oh, my x hates me too and has a self entitlement problem. Clearly - everything is about HIM.

THANK GOD!!!!! Finally someone sees the light. He has been in football all along in the past, the school year changed this year but they still start the practices the same as in the past. If he isn't here by the 2nd week of practice he doesn't play all year. Like you said, i am shortening his visitation by about a week or 2, I am not out to keep them from seeing there dad. I am not an evil person, pardon me for caring about the kids NEEDS. Thank you for your post, you are a glimmer of hope for me. God bless you.

 

[CourtClerk]

Why don't you go live with him for 10 years and then you will understand why I left the state.

You chose him AND you made 2 children with him. What's the next story? You were raped? Apparently a judge doesn't see him too unfit... so you and your kids better learn to deal with it.

As for those kids... you need to call their respective coaches and let them know they are doing something much more important than kicking a ball around a field and when they get back, they'll be more than happy to join the team in practices. For now, they are unavailable.