Son makes allegations of abuse against mom's boyfriend

[masopa]

What is the name of your state? WI

My son is 5 and resides primarily with me.

Mom's latest boyfriend has a criminal record a mile long, including domestic abuse, battery, and assaulting a police officer. He has not completed the domestic perpetrator counseling that is a part of his parole.

My son comes home from visiting his mother and, every time, complains that the boyfriend hits him. CPS has been called by my son's school, about a month and a half ago, the first time my son made allegations of abuse. My son is also now seeing a therapist.

He said this evening that this time the boyfriend hit him so hard he "stopped breathing" and it hurt so much it made him cry. Supposedly, my son's mother was there at the time and did not step in. She claims that son "makes up stories." There is no bruise or anything on my son.

I could call CPS again, but I'm pretty sure they would just screen it out. Apparently last time they screened it out because 1) there were no reported injuries (I assume they mean "physical evidence") and 2) they talked to his mother who said that son lies and makes things up.

And yet my son insists that the boyfriend is hurting him, to the point that it makes him cry. Is there anything more I can do? I'm at my wit's end.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? WI

My son is 5 and resides primarily with me.

Mom's latest boyfriend has a criminal record a mile long, including domestic abuse, battery, and assaulting a police officer. He has not completed the domestic perpetrator counseling that is a part of his parole.

My son comes home from visiting his mother and, every time, complains that the boyfriend hits him. CPS has been called by my son's school, about a month and a half ago, the first time my son made allegations of abuse. My son is also now seeing a therapist.

He said this evening that this time the boyfriend hit him so hard he "stopped breathing" and it hurt so much it made him cry. Supposedly, my son's mother was there at the time and did not step in. She claims that son "makes up stories." There is no bruise or anything on my son.

I could call CPS again, but I'm pretty sure they would just screen it out. Apparently last time they screened it out because 1) there were no reported injuries (I assume they mean "physical evidence") and 2) they talked to his mother who said that son lies and makes things up.

And yet my son insists that the boyfriend is hurting him, to the point that it makes him cry. Is there anything more I can do? I'm at my wit's end.

If your child has no bruises or marks then there is really nothing that you can do other than to keep your child seeing the therapist.

Honestly, if the boyfriend is hitting/spanking your son, but there there are no bruises or marks, you can't prove anything....and if you could, it would be difficult to prove that it was abuse.

 

[Zephyr]

how many times has cps been called? have all reports been closed as unfounded?

what county?

 

[masopa]

how many times has cps been called? have all reports been closed as unfounded?

what county?

Because of these incidents, son's school called once because son was crying on the playground one day, the morning after he returned from his mom's. I also called after the next time my son came home and said the boyfriend was still hitting him.

Mom lives between Marathon, Clark and Wood. I don't actually know. She had an apartment in Wood, but got evicted last month. Then she was living with her mother in Clark County. Her boyfriend's parents live in Marathon, and she stays there a lot too. Now son says she got a new apartment, which could be in any of the three.

We live in Dane County.

So do I have to wait until he hits so hard he makes a bruise? He's hitting him in the stomach, and the face, my son says. He has come home with strange bruises on his face, documented by his school. No marks on hi stomach though, but if he did, wouldn't that be pretty condemning? (I would think so, but I may be wrong. I can't think of anything that would bruise a kid's stomach).

 

[onebreath]

My thoughts are, he's 5, so if he lost his breath getting hit, maybe there aren't bruises...

I don't want to be inflammatory, but if I were getting that much info on my daughter, I would consider filing for an emergency custody order. Worse case scenerio, it gets ignored. Best case scenerio, there are either temporary supervised visits where mom wakes up to problem, or a court order gets written up that bf needs to stay away.

Thats me...I trust kids words and sounds like this guy is needing help. The hard part is convincing a judge, and at the least, get the guy seeing a counselor. But again, if it were me, not legal advice, I would act legally.

 

[Ohiogal]

My thoughts are, he's 5, so if he lost his breath getting hit, maybe there aren't bruises...

I don't want to be inflammatory, but if I were getting that much info on my daughter, I would consider filing for an emergency custody order. Worse case scenerio, it gets ignored. Best case scenerio, there are either temporary supervised visits where mom wakes up to problem, or a court order gets written up that bf needs to stay away.

Thats me...I trust kids words and sounds like this guy is needing help. The hard part is convincing a judge, and at the least, get the guy seeing a counselor. But again, if it were me, not legal advice, I would act legally.

He has NO PROOF that the child is being abused. And you cannot force a third party to get counseling.

 

[masopa]

My thoughts are, he's 5, so if he lost his breath getting hit, maybe there aren't bruises...

I don't want to be inflammatory, but if I were getting that much info on my daughter, I would consider filing for an emergency custody order. Worse case scenerio, it gets ignored. Best case scenerio, there are either temporary supervised visits where mom wakes up to problem, or a court order gets written up that bf needs to stay away.

Thats me...I trust kids words and sounds like this guy is needing help. The hard part is convincing a judge, and at the least, get the guy seeing a counselor. But again, if it were me, not legal advice, I would act legally.

At this point my son sees his mom every other weekend. I don't think it would be cut down any more from that. I have talked to my lawyer about getting a modification, which was recommended by my son's therapist. All I want is this guy to stop hurting my son.

Correct, I don't have any physical evidence of my son getting hit in the stomach, but there was evidence of him getting hit in the face, which was documented by his school as where he said the BF hit him. Mom says son is lying - it gets dropped.

This guy has already been ordered into domestic perpetrator counseling because of past domestic abuse - supposedly it hasn't been completed (based on the records I can find online, in regards to his criminal record).

I did send a letter to his parole officer yesterday with my concerns (this was recommended by CPS).

 

[soon2bstep]

Op

and yes everyone can holler if i'm wrong, this is just something i've had happen in my family.....

*Sometimes*, i said *Sometimes*, you can ask that a TRO be put in, until either the boyfriend leaves, or idk what the other option is...the next thing *I* would do is if he comes home with complaints, bypass the CPS office, and call the cops...it'll get his parole officer involved...

**my next question is, yes children are pretty good about telling who hits them, but is it at all possible that it is his mother who is hitting him? yet gets him to say it is bf? not to stir anything up, but as a child i was sexually abused, and my uncle got off b/c my grandmother said i was lying and it was really my stepdad(who did 6 mos in county for NO reason).....but CPS took my grandmother word for it, b/c she told them i was lying and she knew better.....

 

[jbowman]

If it was me, I would call the police also. Parole officer will get involved and even if nothing comes of it, it will be another record. For your child, better safe than sorry. If it wasmy child, I would not stop.

 

[wileybunch]

If it was me, I would call the police also. Parole officer will get involved and even if nothing comes of it, it will be another record. For your child, better safe than sorry. If it wasmy child, I would not stop.

Ditto.
And, glad you sent the letter to parole officer, but I would also follow up with a call if you don't hear back within a reasonable time.

 

[onebreath]

What about filing for a restraining order (I'm asking other posters' here) against the bf. I know there is no proof, however, it seems clear the child is being abused and some action needs to be taken. I would think a judge would grant a restraining order involving a child. Worst case, judge denies but is familiar with the case, if continues I would think he would be more eager to hear the case.

What does anyone else think?

 

[Ohiogal]

What about filing for a restraining order (I'm asking other posters' here) against the bf. I know there is no proof, however, it seems clear the child is being abused and some action needs to be taken. I would think a judge would grant a restraining order involving a child. Worst case, judge denies but is familiar with the case, if continues I would think he would be more eager to hear the case.

What does anyone else think?

How is it clear the child is being abused? There are no bruises. Spanking does NOT mean abuse.

 

[onebreath]

I haven't heard anything about spanking.

There is evidence of abuse in that the school reported to cps and is documenting bruises on the childs face, upon returning from mom's house to school. Everything else is hearsay, yet there is enough complaining/pain, and bf has such a violent history that it doesn't take much to put two and two together.

 

[mommyof4]

Just playing devil's advocate here....

It doesn't take much to put 2 and 2 together and come up with the wrong answer, either.

Do I worry that this child is in danger and HAS been, if not out and out abused, then at least mistreated? Yes.

Has there been any solid evidence posted that cleary shows that the child HAS been abused? No.

CPS already dismissed the allegations. There is no bona fide proof or legal documentation that this child is being abused, therefore, there isn't much of anything he can really take into court for a TRO. Just having a gut feeling isn't going to cut it in the court.

 

[fairisfair]

How is it clear the child is being abused? There are no bruises. Spanking does NOT mean abuse.

No offense OG; but who spanks a child in the face or on the stomach???