17 month old w/ out of state father

[soon2bstep]

What is the name of your state? CA (i'm writing on behalf of sister)

my nephew is about 17 months old....his father moved to another state when he was just a couple months old, and has only assisted my sister with about 900 dollars since my nephews birth.....my sister was finally able to serve him child support papers, and he is refusing to sign anything, as well as threatening to take the child from her in a custody battle...his father has only spent 22 days total time with him, and now my sister is under the impression the state will award 50/50 physical resulting in my very young nephew being taken to wyoming for half of the year...i have tried to explain this should be highly unlikely, however i thought i would ask on here. father will not send money to my sister, instead he used it to go to SC to pick up a woman he met online who left her own son(2 weeks younger than nephew)there...


what is chances of toddler being transported a few states away for half the year?
what are chances of toddler being subjected to several visits a year in another state(as in, long drives, strange people etc)?
also, there is the possibility of her relocating to washington in the next year, with ex living in wyoming, will she be required to obtain permission or only to notify him in reasonable time of relocation?

they were not married...and i am guessing someone has her convinced that this makes a huge difference?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? CA (i'm writing on behalf of sister)

my nephew is about 17 months old....his father moved to another state when he was just a couple months old, and has only assisted my sister with about 900 dollars since my nephews birth.....my sister was finally able to serve him child support papers, and he is refusing to sign anything, as well as threatening to take the child from her in a custody battle...his father has only spent 22 days total time with him, and now my sister is under the impression the state will award 50/50 physical resulting in my very young nephew being taken to wyoming for half of the year...i have tried to explain this should be highly unlikely, however i thought i would ask on here. father will not send money to my sister, instead he used it to go to SC to pick up a woman he met online who left her own son(2 weeks younger than nephew)there...


what is chances of toddler being transported a few states away for half the year?
what are chances of toddler being subjected to several visits a year in another state(as in, long drives, strange people etc)?
also, there is the possibility of her relocating to washington in the next year, with ex living in wyoming, will she be required to obtain permission or only to notify him in reasonable time of relocation?

they were not married...and i am guessing someone has her convinced that this makes a huge difference?

The fact that they were not married does make a huge difference. That means that she has primary custody by default, and dad would have to demonstrate that there was a significant change in circumstance in order to change that.

The odds of dad getting primary custody in a situation like this are virtually nil, and the odds of 50/50 are slim as well.

Assuming that dad does file, its quite likely that he will receive joint legal custody (joint decision making) and a phased in parenting plan that would eventually give him visitation in his home state. Most likely he would have to visit in mom's community at least a few times, in order for the child to get to know him, before he would get visitation in his home state.

Since dad is not living in CA, there is nothing that he could do to force mom to remain there. However, if her moving to WA makes visitation more complicated or expensive for him (if visitation is established before she moves) then she might be required to share those costs. Right now, the cost burden is on him, because he is the one who moved away.

 

[soon2bstep]

Ldj

i'm sorry, on the marriage issue.....i believe she's under the impression that since they WEREN'T married, then my nephew is pretty much "up for grabs" so to say.....

she knows that the father will eventually be given visitation in his state...but right now she just thinks the child is too young for that, especially since the child does speak with his father on the phone, it's been quite a few months since dad actually came around...

i believe she has joined the forum this morning, so i'm assuming if she has any other questions she will post them!

thanks for your input!

also, father is NG in his state and thinking of going active duty...in that case, she is allowed to aASK that my nephew be placed on tricare, correct? we do know that father has entertained this idea just a short while ago, when they were still together(long distance wise), however since he has been served his CS papers, it appears he has backed out of that decision...

at this point, mom provides everything but medical as my nephew is on state health...and since her mom runs a daycare, that's provided for as well...but at the moment, mom pays for everything from food to diapers, to any other outstanding expenses...

 

[LdiJ]

i'm sorry, on the marriage issue.....i believe she's under the impression that since they WEREN'T married, then my nephew is pretty much "up for grabs" so to say.....

Nope, that's not true at all. Although, since there are no orders, if dad were somehow to do a "snatch" and take the child, it might take a bit to get the child back.

 

[Ohiogal]

Nope, that's not true at all. Although, since there are no orders, if dad were somehow to do a "snatch" and take the child, it might take a bit to get the child back.

Without a prior custody court order dad does not have to prove a significant change in circumstance. Parents stand on equality before the court.

 

[soon2bstep]

"snatch"

the father has said this "could" happen...however, obviously she can't just run and say he's threatening...her goal isn't to separate them...

*I* see they stand equally, but he has her stressing this, and i believe others are telling her that they could end up having custody split equally between the states....i will forward your answers, and as i said she should be jumpin on here this afternoon...

thx

 

[mamaof1boy]

Hi I am mom. Thank you for your help I also have another question .

Will it effect visitation or custody in dads state if he keeps saying "send me papers and I will give up my rights to him" ? Then a week later he says " I was just mad I still want to be in his life."

 

[Just Blue]

Hi I am mom. Thank you for your help I also have another question .

Will it effect visitation or custody in dads state if he keeps saying "send me papers and I will give up my rights to him" ? Then a week later he says " I was just mad I still want to be in his life."

No. It will not affect visitation or custody.

 

[mamaof1boy]

No. It will not affect visitation or custody.

So he could still end up getting custody, or visitation in his state?

So when he gets mad what's not to makes him say the same thing when he has our son out there with them?

 

[wileybunch]

Without a prior custody court order dad does not have to prove a significant change in circumstance. Parents stand on equality before the court.

I am glad you cleared this up. I've seen so many times things said to the effect with unmarried parents where Dad has to go through months of effort to establish paternity/support/custody that status quo is with mom so most Dad can hope for is visitation. Not necessarily what OP or Mom wanted to hear, but to believe the opposite is true is to build in bias against Dad from the uterus and set Mom up w/false expectations.

That said, lots of people tell the other parent they are going to "take" the child in a custody battle. Puhlease. That's just words, they can't "take" anything.

 

[soon2bstep]

dad establishing paternity

paternity has been established.....my brother was there for the birth, he is on the birth certificate.....and no one is making him go through months of trying to get visitation.....if he wanted visitation so badly, i don't suppose he'd be refusing to pay cs and hollering at her on the phone about giving up his rights.....i rather think he'd be trying to get a lawyer (or have his parents get him one ), and arguing about seeing his son, rather than spending money to go get his girlfriend.....

 

[LdiJ]

Without a prior custody court order dad does not have to prove a significant change in circumstance. Parents stand on equality before the court.

That may be true in OH, but its not true everywhere else....and particularly not when the child is already 17 months old and does not know the father.

 

[Ohiogal]

That may be true in OH, but its not true everywhere else....and particularly not when the child is already 17 months old and does not know the father.

Understand that parents stand in equality before the court and then the court considers primary caregiving and everything else. But mom doesn't automatically win because she is mom. Understand?

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? CA (i'm writing on behalf of sister)

my nephew is about 17 months old....his father moved to another state when he was just a couple months old, and has only assisted my sister with about 900 dollars since my nephews birth.....my sister was finally able to serve him child support papers, and he is refusing to sign anything, as well as threatening to take the child from her in a custody battle...his father has only spent 22 days total time with him, and now my sister is under the impression the state will award 50/50 physical resulting in my very young nephew being taken to wyoming for half of the year...i have tried to explain this should be highly unlikely, however i thought i would ask on here. father will not send money to my sister, instead he used it to go to SC to pick up a woman he met online who left her own son(2 weeks younger than nephew)there...


what is chances of toddler being transported a few states away for half the year?
what are chances of toddler being subjected to several visits a year in another state(as in, long drives, strange people etc)?
also, there is the possibility of her relocating to washington in the next year, with ex living in wyoming, will she be required to obtain permission or only to notify him in reasonable time of relocation?

they were not married...and i am guessing someone has her convinced that this makes a huge difference?

1) Dad can't just come take the child. That would be Parental Abduction. Without an existing Custody Order ~ No One has legal or physical Custody of this child but your sister. (or sister-in-law...your last post mentioned YOUR brother).

2) Any visitation would be phased in, starting in Mom's state & graduating in duration & frequency until it becomes somewhat of a standard 'long distance parenting plan' (Many of which can be found online for examples of what to expect.)

3) He couldn't "sign away his Rights" even if she DID send him papers. It doesn't work that way. To Terminate a Parent's Rights in CA takes much more than that.

4) If she wants Child Support then she needs to file for it. If she hasn't gotten a CS order in court, he's not legally obligated to pay it. If she HAS gotten one & he is not following it, then she needs to begin a case with Child Support Enforcement nearest her.

 

[mamaof1boy]

1) Dad can't just come take the child. That would be Parental Abduction. Without an existing Custody Order ~ No One has legal or physical Custody of this child but your sister. (or sister-in-law...your last post mentioned YOUR brother).

2) Any visitation would be phased in, starting in Mom's state & graduating in duration & frequency until it becomes somewhat of a standard 'long distance parenting plan' (Many of which can be found online for examples of what to expect.)

3) He couldn't "sign away his Rights" even if she DID send him papers. It doesn't work that way. To Terminate a Parent's Rights in CA takes much more than that.

4) If she wants Child Support then she needs to file for it. If she hasn't gotten a CS order in court, he's not legally obligated to pay it. If she HAS gotten one & he is not following it, then she needs to begin a case with Child Support Enforcement nearest her.

1) So as long as there is no custody order filed I will still have the legal and physical custody because we we not married ?
If he files for custody first what will happen? Will he end up getting our son?

2) How long does the phasing in of the other parent take? Would it be better after the father has been phased in to have me go with my son to fathers state so son knows it's alright?

3) If he was to "sign away his right" would he have to come back to CA in order to do that or coul dhe do that from WY? How long does it take to "sign away rights"

He keeps threatening me that he is going to do that. Now that he has been served with CS papers he keeps saying it more frequently, then changes his mine a week later. Right now he keeps telling me that if he files for custody that he will "win beacsue he is in the Natioanl Guard, and works 40 hrs a week." After he has tol dme that just 2 days ago , yesterday he tells me that he wants to have visitation of our son in his state, and for hlidays. I wouldn't mind it later on but with him telling me that he is going to take him from me , I'm afriad to let him leave the state with him.

What can I do ?

4) I have filed for Child Support and as soon as I did all this started happening. He told me that he "wasn't going to sign them and that they can't take any money from him unless he signs the papers" I know that it doesn't matter if he signs or not cause I have read the papers and it states that if nothing is done then in 30 days it becomes law and he will have to pay.

My question is how will my son get the money from the child support if the father wont send any out to him?