What are my options

[wileybunch]

Honestly ...Why is it a pain? I have two children. Both with same father. One has my last name and one has her dads. Never had ANY issue beyond him being called Mr Baystategirl and my being called Mrs Ex on occasion. Not a big deal. Really. It is fairly common nowadays.

It's not a matter of whether anyone thinks it's weird or not, it's an issue of logistics and safety sorta thing (ie. when people are looking for Mr/Mrs Child's last name and no one knows who that is). Nevertheless, it's just how it is, it's not a valid reason to change their name.

 

[OhReally?]

You are wrong. Ohio does consider child support as contact. However Ohio's period is also 90 days.

I stand corrected. Thanks.

 

[OhReally?]

He has never been daddy. He has simply been the man who comes around and brings her gifts and tells her she is cute once every few months. My husband is the one who is her DADDY in all sense of the word, accept the DNA.

Here's an idea: crack open a dictionary. Once you've opened it, look up the word "Father." THAT is the definition. NOT your opinion. PERIOD.

 

[wileybunch]

He has never been daddy. He has simply been the man who comes around and brings her gifts and tells her she is cute once every few months. My husband is the one who is her DADDY in all sense of the word, accept the DNA. Her father has began eliminating himself.

First, you have it all wrong or if the world ran your way, every deployed parent or parent working out of town for weeks/months at a time and comes back happy to see their kid and bearing gifts is not "Dad". Your current husband is NOT the father of your child. He is a caretaker that hopefully cares for her, but he is not "Dad". He may even be a father figure in her life, but you can't choose Dad now, she already has the Dad you previously chose.

Don't diminish the role her father has in her life b/c it doesn't fit your picture of a fairy tale. I'm sure it wasn't your daughter's fairy tale to have her 2 parents not be together. She's already a victim of sorts b/c of the adult's actions in her life.

And, it can't be too fun for a dad to watch himself being replaced by your new boyfriend/husband/romance. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be a NCP in the first place? Don't make it harder playing house w/a new daddy and allow her real dad his rightful place EVEN IF it's only every few months bearing gifts. It is what it is and that matters to the child. You can make it sour, but just know that that's your choice to make your child feel unloved if you try to capitalize on the situation to insert hew BF/DH.

 

[penelope10]

I read some where that statistically I believe about 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Many of these folks remarry. Throw into the mix all the people who choose not to marry. So it's not uncommon for a child's last name to be different from the last name of the household. Forty plus years ago when I grew up having a different last name than Mom was a little strange.(Man I really am aging myself) Not strange today. Nor does it cause these kiddos psychological damage to have a different last name IMO. It's the shenanigans of the adults that causes the damage---not the kiddo's last name.

What causes psychological damage is when one parent tries to erase another parent out of a kiddo's life. To try to take away that child's history for no good reason other than that parent wants to move on with THEIR life. To attempt to squeeze the NCP out and make it as difficult as possible for he or she to have a relationship with the child.

So what happens if it doesn't work out with the new hubby? Mom remarries and then changes the kiddos last name to that man's?

 

[proud_parent]

I read some where that statistically I believe about 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Many of these folks remarry. Throw into the mix all the people who choose not to marry.

And let us not forget those of us who marry but choose to keep our maiden names. My kiddo has a different last name than mine (we chose to use her father's surname rather than to hyphenate our surnames), but we don't worry that it will cause lasting trauma to her or confusion about her parentage.

 

[penelope10]

And let us not forget those of us who marry but choose to keep our maiden names. My kiddo has a different last name than mine (we chose to use her father's surname rather than to hyphenate our surnames), but we don't worry that it will cause lasting trauma to her or confusion about her parentage.

LOL--Thanks for reminding me of that. I had thought of doing the same with my kiddos, but it grew too complicated. Because my Mom was the last of her family's name and my Dad was the last of his. My Mom's had a fairly uncommon Irish last name-my Dad's fairly common generic last name.

 

[StampGirl]

Well the OP can always do what I did: One of my daughters was upset because my last name was changing since I just re-married. We no longer would have the same last name. She was all upset because (and this is her reasoning): "What happens if I get hurt/sick etc at school and they see that my step-mom has the same last name but you don't? Then they call HER instead of my REAL MOMMY???" Words capitalized to show her emphasis at the time LOL

So I simply just put my name with old last name and a hyphen then new last name. Simple.

 

[jjscott75]

Try This...It can not hurt

If I were you and her biological father is really not existent in her life, I would nicely explain to him what I am trying to do. Ask him if he would agree to a name change. Explain to him that when she gets married her name will change anyway. I had a similar situation. My daughter's father refuses to financially support her but he lives in another state from us. He always comes to visit her and he keeps her for six weeks in the summer. I talked with him about changing my daughters name to a hyphenated name once I have married my fiance. He agreed to it. He wants her to be apart of a whole family unit and welcomes a man fathering his daughter when he is not around. Remember that he is a person and probably wants the best for his daughter and if he is not giving her all that he wants her to have he will appreciate that somebody else is there for his daughter.

 

[Just Blue]

If I were you and her biological father is really not existent in her life, I would nicely explain to him what I am trying to do. Ask him if he would agree to a name change. Explain to him that when she gets married her name will change anyway. I had a similar situation. My daughter's father refuses to financially support her but he lives in another state from us. He always comes to visit her and he keeps her for six weeks in the summer. I talked with him about changing my daughters name to a hyphenated name once I have married my fiance. He agreed to it. He wants her to be apart of a whole family unit and welcomes a man fathering his daughter when he is not around. Remember that he is a person and probably wants the best for his daughter and if he is not giving her all that he wants her to have he will appreciate that somebody else is there for his daughter.

So what happens if you divorce your current hubby and marry another man...Keep changing your child's name??? Bizarre.

 

[Silverplum]

I find it amazing that new posters don't use the search function here, or read posts, or google before posting.

 

[stealth2]

So what happens if you divorce your current hubby and marry another man...Keep changing your child's name??? Bizarre.

How DARE you suggest that this may not be a forever family?!?!?!?!

Oh, wait.... I'm still in dog rescue mode.

 

[OhReally?]

I find it amazing that new posters don't use the search function here, or read posts, or google before posting.

Do WHAT??!! Research?!?! You need to lower that Expectation Poll. To 'limbo' level.

 

[proud_parent]

How DARE you suggest that this may not be a forever family?!?!?!?!

I dunno...perhaps because it's clear from jjscott's other thread that her daughter and son have different fathers, neither of whom are the current fiance.

 

[emilydlovell]

I would have to think that YOU had a clear picture of the guy when you chose him as your daughter's father. All you've done is given us a cleaer picture of YOU. Change your name to match your daughter's and quit whining.

. A

People change. And when I married her father and had our child he was giving the impression he was a responciple father and husband. That changed. I dont think this is a place for insults and attitude. Im trying to get some good advice. I didnt come here to be judged and ridiculed. I came here for help while I figure out how to protect my daugher from being HURT! But thank you. I hope that made YOU feel like a bigger person.