soon to be X smoking stuff in our house..Help!

[jacob333]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

I moved out after finding out my wife cheated on me. We agree that she will find a place to live, and I will keep the house, and we are planning a dissolution. My problem is, that I have told her, time and time again to stop smoking cigarettes, and Pot in the house, because of our boys (4 and 2). She also lives very dirty, and it doesn’t seem clean enough for my boys to be in this environment. I come and go to pick them up, so I see this everyday, and tell her everyday to clean up, but she refuses, because I am telling her to do so. I have even posted no smoking signs everywhere in the house. She has also had other guys in the house, which I have told her...No men unless they are family.
Do I have the right to tell her she can't smoke pot, and cigarettes in our house, and that no guys can be in there?..and is there anything I can do to force her not to do these things?....Please help, it is getting out of control.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

I moved out after finding out my wife cheated on me. We agree that she will find a place to live, and I will keep the house, and we are planning a dissolution. My problem is, that I have told her, time and time again to stop smoking cigarettes, and Pot in the house, because of our boys (4 and 2). She also lives very dirty, and it doesn’t seem clean enough for my boys to be in this environment. I come and go to pick them up, so I see this everyday, and tell her everyday to clean up, but she refuses, because I am telling her to do so. I have even posted no smoking signs everywhere in the house. She has also had other guys in the house, which I have told her...No men unless they are family.
Do I have the right to tell her she can't smoke pot, and cigarettes in our house, and that no guys can be in there?..and is there anything I can do to force her not to do these things?....Please help, it is getting out of control.

You actually posted signs? I agree with your desire not to have smoke in the house, but frankly you are way to controlling. If someone was giving me orders like that, you better believe I would do the opposite.

So the answer is NO, it is her house also. You can't force her to do anything. Take down those stupid signs also, if you had time to do that, then you could have picked up a little for the sake of your kids.

 

[jacob333]

I am not a controlling person, I just want whats best for my kids, so I am trying everything possible for her to stop this.
I do clean the boys room, but I am only there for 20 min. at a time to see what damage has been done, and pick my boys up.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

I moved out after finding out my wife cheated on me. We agree that she will find a place to live, and I will keep the house, and we are planning a dissolution. My problem is, that I have told her, time and time again to stop smoking cigarettes, and Pot in the house, because of our boys (4 and 2). She also lives very dirty, and it doesn’t seem clean enough for my boys to be in this environment. I come and go to pick them up, so I see this everyday, and tell her everyday to clean up, but she refuses, because I am telling her to do so. I have even posted no smoking signs everywhere in the house. She has also had other guys in the house, which I have told her...No men unless they are family.
Do I have the right to tell her she can't smoke pot, and cigarettes in our house, and that no guys can be in there?..and is there anything I can do to force her not to do these things?....Please help, it is getting out of control.

YOu have no right to dictate that she can't smoke in the house nor do you have any right to dictate who she can have come visit. You have no right to control her at all. You are NOT her parent. How dare you come in with such a paternalistic attitude. If it is not clean enough for your boys there, why are you consenting to them being there? Are there any custody orders? Paramour orders? Any orders at all?

 

[Ohiogal]

I am not a controlling person, I just want whats best for my kids, so I am trying everything possible for her to stop this.
I do clean the boys room, but I am only there for 20 min. at a time to see what damage has been done, and pick my boys up.

You ARE a controlling person. Your actions show it. You want what is best for your children well then act in their best interest and not by controlling mom. Why are you only there for 20 minutes at a time? Move back in. It is your house.

 

[mistoffolees]

You ARE a controlling person. Your actions show it. You want what is best for your children well then act in their best interest and not by controlling mom. Why are you only there for 20 minutes at a time? Move back in. It is your house.

While I agree that he is a controlling person, the one thing no one has mentioned is the claim that she's smoking pot when the kids are there. If he's convinced of that, he could contact CPS.

There's also the part about no men in the house. If he's making a blanket statement that there are to be no men in the house, he's way out of line. If he's requesting no overnight male guests, it's reasonable, although he can't enforce it unless it's included in the standard order of judicial conduct in that state and/or there's a court order to that effect. Unfortunately, it sounded like he was asking for no men at all in the house - which is unreasonable.

 

[Ohiogal]

While I agree that he is a controlling person, the one thing no one has mentioned is the claim that she's smoking pot when the kids are there. If he's convinced of that, he could contact CPS.

There's also the part about no men in the house. If he's making a blanket statement that there are to be no men in the house, he's way out of line. If he's requesting no overnight male guests, it's reasonable, although he can't enforce it unless it's included in the standard order of judicial conduct in that state and/or there's a court order to that effect. Unfortunately, it sounded like he was asking for no men at all in the house - which is unreasonable.

I agree that if she is smoking pot with the children there he may want to contact CPS HOWEVER many states do not see pot as a major issue for CPS and custody issues. He cannot dictate that.

He also cannot dictate about the men which is what he sounds like he is doing. To request it is one thing. But to demand or TELL her is another. That is the part that makes him be controlling. The demanding and telling her. But I agree with what you are saying.

 

[SHORTY LONG]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

I moved out after finding out my wife cheated on me. We agree that she will find a place to live, and I will keep the house, and we are planning a dissolution. My problem is, that I have told her, time and time again to stop smoking cigarettes, and Pot in the house, because of our boys (4 and 2). She also lives very dirty, and it doesn’t seem clean enough for my boys to be in this environment. I come and go to pick them up, so I see this everyday, and tell her everyday to clean up, but she refuses, because I am telling her to do so. I have even posted no smoking signs everywhere in the house. She has also had other guys in the house, which I have told her...No men unless they are family.
Do I have the right to tell her she can't smoke pot, and cigarettes in our house, and that no guys can be in there?..and is there anything I can do to force her not to do these things?....Please help, it is getting out of control.

I wholeheartedly agree with all of our Honorable members with one exception:
[OP] you moved out, so when you move back in, then post all the signs your
heart so desires; and about her having guest, well, sadly in one hand you really
have no leg to stand on, however, on the other hand our member have
already addressed those concerns.

Lastly, I hope you will be able to take a cooling off period, and reconsider the
possibility of saving your Marriage. I too would find it very very difficult to re-
consummate my love for her after she gave-it-up to someone else supposedly,
unless you have concrete proof she did in fact do such!

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

I didn't respond to the pot thing either, mainly due to what OG just stated. CPS cannot search her house for pot, so he would have to have hard evidence, or he may look vendictive in court. He just moved out himself, so this is a brand new habit, or he has known for a long time.

 

[SHORTY LONG]

Sidebar: Have any of you all heard the scuttlebutt about Uncle Sam
looking into the possibility of creating law that would require Married
Couples of non-same sex to be required to obtain a license to procreate?

 

[Ohiogal]

I didn't respond to the pot thing either, mainly due to what OG just stated. CPS cannot search her house for pot, so he would have to have hard evidence, or he may look vendictive in court. He just moved out himself, so this is a brand new habit, or he has known for a long time.

And considering the poster is in OHIO I can tell you this: CSB does NOT care about pot smoking.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

And considering the poster is in OHIO I can tell you this: CSB does NOT care about pot smoking.

Ya, I read some cases before I posted. Parents generally do not lose their kids for smoking pot.

I just had a thought. Could Dad call the police? It is his house also, and could consent to a search. I do think Daddio is very controlling, but it could be an option. Let me know if I'm off my rocker on this Miss Grand Pupah.

 

[LdiJ]

And considering the poster is in OHIO I can tell you this: CSB does NOT care about pot smoking.

Nor in Indiana either....unless its so blatant that they can't ignore it.

 

[Ohiogal]

Nor in Indiana either....unless its so blatant that they can't ignore it.

Now if a baby is born with pot in its system, or there are other drugs involved then it is an issue. But if all she is doing is smoking pot and is still maintaining a safe house, nothing is going to happen to her with CPS/CSB.

 

[LdiJ]

Now if a baby is born with pot in its system, or there are other drugs involved then it is an issue. But if all she is doing is smoking pot and is still maintaining a safe house, nothing is going to happen to her with CPS/CSB.

A CPS caseworker once told me that if every CPS center, in every state, had to deal with every parent who smoked pot, that the whole system would completely break down. The same CPS caseworker told me that their main objective was to make sure that any substance abuse didn't negatively impact the children....basically the same thing that you are saying.