What are my rights?

[cntryhrt]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Married and divorced in Iowa, we both live in Nebraska now, not sure if that matters.

I am sorry, this may be a bit long, I am sooo lost.

I have been divorced for almost 4 years now. In the decree it states that we both complete the children in the middle class, I did, he did not. We did not have a parenting plan put into place, it is stated in the decree of his visitations. We have joint legal custody and I have physical custody, care and control.

His mother has spent more time with our daughter than he has, and I never pushed the issue. Most the time he would not answer my calls, as he was working out of town. All important issues with our daughter, I have told either him or his mother,i.e. doctor visits, school functions and when I moved. I did move from one state to the other, across the river. (Omaha, NE and Council bluffs, IA are separated by a river.) Perhaps I was in the wrong, I don't know. His mom knew of my where abouts because she had my daughter every other weekend.

My ex never called or came for his visits and I never pushed the issue. Child support was speratic, and the only reason I received any was because recovory froze his assets and garished his wages. (When he stayed at one job long enough.)

Last year (November) he met someone. In January, I discovered he was staying with her all the time, and ironicly my daughter started having major problems in school. For parent teacher confrences, I asked him to come with me. His g/f made him an appointment of his own and did not inform me. My daughter did not go to the babysitters after school and noone knew where she was for an hour or so. School problems continued, and I tried to speak to him. Get back up with discipline, no luck. I discovered the school district allows legal parents to send anyone to the school they wish, and his g/f was allowed full access to my daughter without my knowledge.

I was allowing the g/f to take my daughter onthe weekends, even though my ex was out of town. The g/f took my daughter and had her examined by a doctor and enrolled her in Girl Scout camp under all her information, without me knowing. I put an end to the visits.
Since then she has accussed me of being a "bad mom", and I have banned her from coming into my home. A week later they got married without involving our daughter. Now they are trowing legal terms at me, saying I am denying visitations. I have only said no to one week this summer, the week before school starts, any other two weeks are fine!

They are claiming 'Right of First', I have read the definition, and it states that the non-custodial parent must be caring for the child, not a step parent. Does this apply to the two weeks he is granted visitaion during the summer? Am I required to allow visitaions to the new wife when he is out of town? Am I doing something wrong when I say no to the one particular week, I want her back in routine, with all the problems we had last year.

I keep waiting for papers to come in the mail, but honestly I am scared! Sorry for the length.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Not sure if Iowa or Nebraska law applies.

 

[Ohiogal]

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO PUT AN END TO VISITS IF THERE IS A COURT ORDERED VISITATION PLAN IN PLACE. NONE. You need to follow the court order. That is quite simply what this boils down to. If you don't follow the court order you can risk losing custody. Your reasons for ending COURT ORDERED visits are NOT adequate unless and until the court states that they are adequate. If dad gets to choose his two week-long visits then he gets to choose. YOU do NOT get to dictate. END of story. You do not get to ovrturn his pick. You need to follow the court order.

 

[LdiJ]

Lets go at this from a different perspective:

What exactly does your court order state regarding dad's visitation? Word for word.

If there is no Right of First Refusal in your court order, then it doesn't exist.

No, you do not have to give visitation to dad's wife, only to dad.

 

[CourtClerk]

No, you do not have to give visitation to dad's wife, only to dad.

And if dad picks up the child, then he decides that the child should spend time with his wife.. that's his business and he can do that.

 

[nextwife]

Mom, you NEVER decide with whom your child will spend a part of a day? You never leave your child with anyone with whom you choose to have them spend time? Never with YOUR parent or any of your siblings? If you remarry, you'll never leave your child home with your spouse if you aren't there?

 

[penelope10]

We have had many, many posts in regards to this. Dad should have the right (if there is no ROFR) to hire a baby sitter during his time, allow his wife to watch the child during his time, or take the child for an overnight with Grandma during his time.

Stepmom , however, does not have the right to represent herself as MOM on legal documents, or to represent herself as Mom to schools or to organizations such as the Girl Scouts. She has no legal rights in regards to the child. If Dad allows this to occur than this could constitute parental interference. Because if your name is not on these docs as well the organization has no knowledge that they need to notify you of events, or in case there is an emergency. (I'm assuming that per your order you share legal rights with your ex).

 

[Humusluvr]

we both complete the children in the middle class, I did, he did not..

What does that mean? Are you completing a class, or talking about a Middle class up-bringing? That makes no sense.

Mom, you have allowed a lot of straying from the court order. It should be followed all the time, by both parties, to prevent these problems. And you should KNOW AND understand WHAT EVERY SINGLE WORD AND TERM IN THE DECREE MEANS. Ignorance of the law does not excuse you from following it.

 

[penelope10]

What does that mean? Are you completing a class, or talking about a Middle class up-bringing? That makes no sense.

Mom, you have allowed a lot of straying from the court order. It should be followed all the time, by both parties, to prevent these problems. And you should KNOW AND understand WHAT EVERY SINGLE WORD AND TERM IN THE DECREE MEANS. Ignorance of the law does not excuse you from following it.

LOL that term confused me as well....As I stated Mom cannot deny Dad court ordered visitation, and Dad cannot allow Step to represent herself as Mom on any documents. Dad can decide that daughter participate in GS during his time (unless the order states otherwise) However, Mom should be listed on all GS docs as the child's Mother, in particular in the area of emergency contact.

 

[Ohiogal]

What does that mean? Are you completing a class, or talking about a Middle class up-bringing? That makes no sense.

Mom, you have allowed a lot of straying from the court order. It should be followed all the time, by both parties, to prevent these problems. And you should KNOW AND understand WHAT EVERY SINGLE WORD AND TERM IN THE DECREE MEANS. Ignorance of the law does not excuse you from following it.

Its a class called CHILDREN IN THE MIDDLE. Bad phraseology on the part of the OP.

 

[cntryhrt]

Lets go at this from a different perspective:

What exactly does your court order state regarding dad's visitation? Word for word.

If there is no Right of First Refusal in your court order, then it doesn't exist.

No, you do not have to give visitation to dad's wife, only to dad.

Visitation as worded: (I was the petitoner):
a) every weekend from Sat at noon until Sun at 8pm
b) every Thurs night from 5pm to 9pm
c) the respondent shall have visitaion on Father's Day each year 10am to 8pm
d) respondent shall have visitaion with the minor child in the even years on Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and New Year's Day. Respondent shall have visitaion on the following days in the odd years Easter, Memorial Day, July 4th, Christmas Day, & New Years Eve. These holiday visitation days shall start at 10am to 8pm. The eve visitaion shall begin at 6pm and end at 9am the following day. The petitioner shall have the minor child for these holidays in the years the respondent does not have visitation even though it is a regularly scheduled visitation of the respondent.
e) Petitoner shall have the child every Mother's Day
f) Two weeks in the summer; and
g) The specific holiday visitaion supercede general ones.

No there is no statement of Right of First.

 

[cntryhrt]

Mom, you NEVER decide with whom your child will spend a part of a day? You never leave your child with anyone with whom you choose to have them spend time? Never with YOUR parent or any of your siblings? If you remarry, you'll never leave your child home with your spouse if you aren't there?

I have left her with friends, but if I remarry, I will not allow my husband to walk all over my ex. Ex is the father of my daughter. Besides I don't hide who I leave daughter with from ex.

 

[cntryhrt]

We have had many, many posts in regards to this. Dad should have the right (if there is no ROFR) to hire a baby sitter during his time, allow his wife to watch the child during his time, or take the child for an overnight with Grandma during his time.

Stepmom , however, does not have the right to represent herself as MOM on legal documents, or to represent herself as Mom to schools or to organizations such as the Girl Scouts. She has no legal rights in regards to the child. If Dad allows this to occur than this could constitute parental interference. Because if your name is not on these docs as well the organization has no knowledge that they need to notify you of events, or in case there is an emergency. (I'm assuming that per your order you share legal rights with your ex).

Yes, I wanted him to be a total part of her life.

Stepmom signing documents and lieing to me is my main problem. I want her to be a part of my daughter's life, but with repect to who I am. The mother.

 

[cntryhrt]

What does that mean? Are you completing a class, or talking about a Middle class up-bringing? That makes no sense.

Mom, you have allowed a lot of straying from the court order. It should be followed all the time, by both parties, to prevent these problems. And you should KNOW AND understand WHAT EVERY SINGLE WORD AND TERM IN THE DECREE MEANS. Ignorance of the law does not excuse you from following it.

I'm sorry, it is a class we were ordered to complete with in 45 days of filing. I completed it before divorce was filed. It is called Children in the MIddle.

I am at fault for straying from the visitaion set up. I guess I was allowing too much time to be spent outside of the order. By allowing the grandmother extra visitaions and by allowing the new g/f the have visitaions. I thought I was doing the right thing by allowing her to get to know people better.

Other than the week before schol starts I have never said no to a visitaion, I have allowed more time with them. It is ordered that I support the other's parent's relationship with the child and put away personal animosities and work together as mature adults...to meet the child's needs. I thought that was what I was doing.

 

[Humusluvr]

I'm sorry, it is a class we were ordered to complete with in 45 days of filing. I completed it before divorce was filed. It is called Children in the MIddle.

I am at fault for straying from the visitaion set up. I guess I was allowing too much time to be spent outside of the order. By allowing the grandmother extra visitaions and by allowing the new g/f the have visitaions. I thought I was doing the right thing by allowing her to get to know people better.

Other than the week before schol starts I have never said no to a visitaion, I have allowed more time with them. It is ordered that I support the other's parent's relationship with the child and put away personal animosities and work together as mature adults...to meet the child's needs. I thought that was what I was doing.

Thank you for the clarifications. We're glad you came here to make sure you were following the order. We wish more parents would make an effort to know how to do the right thing, instead of trying to cover up doing the wrong thing.

Your order doesn't say anything about communication or scheduling those two summer weeks? How do you communicate? Phone or email? It also doesn't say how far in advance he is to schedule the vacation?

If it doesn't say "First Right of Refusal" then its not in effect.

It sounds like you may need a custody order clarification.

 

[cntryhrt]

Thank you for the clarifications. We're glad you came here to make sure you were following the order. We wish more parents would make an effort to know how to do the right thing, instead of trying to cover up doing the wrong thing.

Your order doesn't say anything about communication or scheduling those two summer weeks? How do you communicate? Phone or email? It also doesn't say how far in advance he is to schedule the vacation?

If it doesn't say "First Right of Refusal" then its not in effect.

It sounds like you may need a custody order clarification.

No, it does not say anything else about how to schedule times or how far in advance, before this past month we always spoke on the phone, since the his g/f (wife now) verbally insulted me in my home, and I asked her not to come back if she's going to treat me this way, it is her emailing me. Yes I know this, because I asked in the email last night, besides the typing is very different between the two.

How do I go about getting a clarification? Do I still need to hire an attorney? Or as someone told me, wait and see what they do?

Thank you for all the reponses.