Swapping Weekends for Hurricane Gustav Evacuation

[nythng4mygrl]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? LOUISIANA

Good morning. I have another issue involving my ex and his ever so interfering wife. For the last 2 weeks his wife has emailed me on his behalf wanting to know why I am upset with him. I refused to email him my response and told him that I prefer to talk on the phone to him or in person. He has avoided every one of my telephone calls and will not respond to my voicemails. I don't want to email him so that his wife can retrieve the messages and possibly delete them or even act as him and respond, which is the norm.

Anyway, with Hurricane Gustav approaching I attempted to call his cell yesterday, and would you believe his number is disconnected? So I emailed him asking if we can swap for the Hurricane and copied my attorney. I would prefer to have our daughter with me just in case we come into another situation such as Katrina. When Katrina hit, I was unable to have contact with dad for 2 weeks, however our daughter was with me. I offered to give him my next 2 weekends to make up since this is also his holiday.

Am I sounding to overbearig or controlling? I can't even get him to respond to me period, and I am not a last minute person. I have already made evacuation plans where we will leave tomorrow afternoon/evening. I am worried that he will call me at the last minute tomorrow and I will be gone already. Would a judge hold me in contempt due to bad weather conditions?

We are also talking about a dad who is currently in contempt for not appearing at drug screening, leaving our daughter alone with an 11 year old half brother, and smoking in the vehicle with her, and in his home (court orders that NO SMOKING in presence of child, whether inside, outside, or in a vehicle). My attorney is drafting up new documents to go back to court as we speak.

Thanks!

 

[CourtClerk]

Aside from what you prefer, why can't daughter be with dad if there is an impending hurricane?

 

[nythng4mygrl]

We are supposed to have really bad weather tomorrow and dad and I live over an hour away from each other. I do not want to risk driving through a storm just to get her to him, so asked if we can swap. As it stands, he does not allow her to contact me on his weekends, so if this was to be another Katrina situation, who knows when I would be able to talk to her. Then again, he won't return my calls, so I don't even know his plans.

 

[CourtClerk]

Aside from what you prefer... why can't daughter ride out the hurricane with her father, then you resume the schedule when all the bad weather is over?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Now, I will preface this by saying that you need to follow a court order. But, there comes a time and place where there may be extenuating circumstances. If you lived thru Katrina, then, to be panic stricken and LEAVING town cuz another one is coming, might find you having a judge be more lenient. To be in contempt, there must a willful disregard to a court order.

This is the time where you want emails to document your attempts to communicate with dad. Now, if you know where you will be, then why not have dad spend time with y'all there.

Now, I realize you only want to communicate in person or by phone. But with email, you have a paper trail and you can do the "24-48 hour rule" of not responding until you can do it civilly.

 

[wileybunch]

Also ....

Am I sounding to overbearig or controlling? I can't even get him to respond to me period,

Yes, you are. You have decided you don't want to email. He prefers not to talk to you face to face or on the phone and frankly if you don't get along, email is probably preferred so you each can keep your distance and think before responding.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Aside from what you prefer, why can't daughter be with dad if there is an impending hurricane?

CC - I think she is evacuating BEFORE the pickup day. Dad would need to pick up from where she will be at.

And I do understand her panic. I breathed a sigh of relief when Gustav went westward, but now, I am looking at Hanna.

 

[wileybunch]

And I do understand her panic. I breathed a sigh of relief when Gustav went westward, but now, I am looking at Hanna.

But not panicked enough to use email **************

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I don't want to email him so that his wife can retrieve the messages and possibly delete them or even act as him and respond, which is the norm.

Does dad have a work email address that the wife doesn't have access to?

 

[nythng4mygrl]

Thank you everyone. I think a few of you mis-read my first post. I DID email dad yesterday and I copied my attorney. Dad will not return my calls or emails. I told dad I did not want to email him with personal issues of mine. I want to talk about it in person so his wife does not interfere. Several of my issues pertain to his wife, and she does not need to interfere anymore than she already has.

I email him only INFORMATIVE emails, such as soccer schedule, gymnastics info, anything pertaining to school, and just yesterday asking him to switch weekends due to Hurricane Katrina. I swapped with him not too long ago because he had to "work" that weekend. He was at Football tryouts with his son for the entire weekend. Why he could not have our daughter, I'll never know, and I don't ask, I try to make everything as easy as possible between us without any conflict.

 

[wileybunch]

Does dad have a work email address that the wife doesn't have access to?

This is still about her control. Send the email to the email address he gave you. Period.

 

[CourtClerk]

CC - I think she is evacuating BEFORE the pickup day. Dad would need to pick up from where she will be at.

I get that.... and I'm ok with that, however, if she is going to be evacuating for her peace of mind (which she should probably do), then maybe she should just email dad and say something like "Dad, in the light of the impending hurricane, I will be evacuating on XXX day. If it's at all possible, I would like to pick up XXX before I leave, however, if an exchange isn't possible, I understand and we will get in touch when I return." I agree with Wiley... she's trying to completely CONTROL the situation... and dad (and maybe his wife) aren't having it.

And I do understand her panic. I breathed a sigh of relief when Gustav went westward, but now, I am looking at Hanna.

I've got some room in my house...

 

[wileybunch]

I DID email dad yesterday and I copied my attorney. Dad will not return my calls or emails. I told dad I did not want to email him with personal issues of mine. I want to talk about it in person so his wife does not interfere. Several of my issues pertain to his wife, and she does not need to interfere anymore than she already has.

You can't really force Dad to give you an audience for what you want to say only in the way you want to say it. Dad doesn't have to be put on the spot to listen to what you have to say, really. You do have email and regular mail to tell him your concerns. He doesn't have to give you an audience on some/much of that stuff at all in the first place, know what I mean?

If you need to evacuate and cannot have child at the designated place for an exchange, that will be a matter of public record because it's not like you are solely being evacuated. So make good judgments about the situation and keep Dad informed of what's going down (and use email for all the reasons already mentioned) and plan to get DD to Dad as soon as possible after an evacuation, if any, is done if at all possible. Just use good judgment. You don't need permission to respond appropriately during an emergency. If the evacuation can wait until Dad's time, then you need to let her go with Dad.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Okay CC - you have earthquakes. We have wind storms that can cause us not to have a home to come back to. Depending on where dad is, it might behoove him to evacuate also. If you haven't lived thru the panic of NOT being able to contact family members cuz of a hurricane, then, it is hard to explain. All you get on the television is rehash of Katrina and non-stop, a hurricane is coming.

Dad obviously doesn't have a working phone. Internet is usually one of the first things to go in a storm, so email won't work.

Seems to me that 'evacuation plans' need to be added to court orders to.

 

[nythng4mygrl]

The reason I copied my attorney is because for the last 2 or 2 and half weeks, dad has avoided me completely and will not return our daughter's calls either. I also think dad knows he is in big trouble for contempt and is avoiding me for that reason (7 violations). If dad will not respond by phone or email, I will just use my own jugement. It is not my fault that he does not know how to pick up a phone. I always keep communication open. So he is gonna be pissy with me because I won't email him my issues with his interfering wife, etc....?? That is still no reason to ignore me when I am trying to communicate about our girl.

It is not about control, it is about safety. I don't know if you were involved in Katrina, but I had 7 trees crush my home and destroyed it. We did not have power for 2 months, and the closest grocery around was Chilis restaurant or we could drive an hour and a half away to the Super Wal Mart. We were unable to communicate with anyone for over 2 weeks because the cell towers were down. Not having communication with my daughter for that long will worry me about her safety.

I have exhausted all attempts to contact him in every possible way. Maybe if he would be a man, grow some kahunas, put a muzzle on his wife, and call me, we could figure out what each one of us is doing. I don't even know if he wants to get our daughter this weekend. My life revolves around when he wants her.