Ex Moving out of State, want to keep my child here

[Chardog]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

We have 50/50 physical custody of our 3 year old, born in california. MW for me T TH for her. We split F S Su every other week.

Here is my custody judgment from 12/2006:

1. The country of habitual residence = USA, the home state for all purposes is California. Joint legal and joint physical.

13. That the primary residence of said children shall not be moved outside a radius of one hour driving time from the residence of Chardog without prior permission of Chardog, and of the court.

___________________________
Other stuff:

SOLVING DISPUTES

1. In the event of any dispute regarding custody, visitation, time share or other matters concerning a minor child, the parties shall attempt to mediate such dispute through the Conciliation Court ( Family Code §§ 3160-3186).

2. The dispute resolution process shall be commenced by notifying the other party by written request.

3. In the dispute resolution process:
• a) Preference shall be given to carrying out this Parenting Plan.
• b) Unless an emergency exists, the parents shall use the designated process to resolve disputes relating to implementation of the plan, except those related to financial support.
• c) A written record shall be prepared of any decision reached in arbitration and shall be provided to each party.
• d) The parties have the right of Appeal from the dispute resolution process to the superior court.
• e) Reasonable attorney’s fees SHALL be assessed against an appealing party who does not substantially better his/her position in the Appeal process.
ATTORNEY’S FEES, LITIGATION EXPENSES, AND COURT COSTS:
1. Each of the parties is ordered to pay their own attorney fees, expenses of litigation and court costs incurred in this matter.
OTHER ORDERS
1. Each of the parties shall, upon demand, execute and deliver all documents necessary to carry out the terms of stipulation/agreement, and upon failure to do so, the court, upon appropriate application, may appoint the Clerk of the Superior Court as its commissioner to execute the documents specified by court order.
2. This agreement covers all matters in dispute in this hearing.
ORDERS RELATING TO JUDGEMENTS ONLY
1. The parties waive their rights to a trial and to notice of trial for the purpose of having the court grant a judgment pursuant to the terms of this agreement which may be heard by a court commissioner sitting as a judge pro tem.
2. All parties waiver the right to appeal, to request a statement of decision, and to move for a new trial
3. The parties are the parents of each minor child names in the petition or complaint filed herein and a judgment establishing the parent child relations may be granted herein under the Uniform Parentage Act ( FC § 7600-7730).
___________________________
That's nearly word for word from my judgment.

Relevant facts:

1. I pay for 50% of my son's schooling.
2. I pay for 100% of my son's health insurance.
3. I have spent more time with my son this year by a slight amount, due to BM taking vacations; Spent more time at activity events, School logs as proof.
4. I'm married, BM isnt.
5. Child support is not an issue.
6. BM entire family lives here, and my entire family lives here.
7. Son born and raised here.

__________________

BM will be moving the beginning of the year. BM wants to start a business in the east coast and cannot afford living expenses in CA.

What do I need to do to keep my son here?

 

[StampGirl]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

We have 50/50 physical custody of our 3 year old, born in california. MW for me T TH for her. We split F S Su every other week.

Here is my custody judgment from 12/2006:

1. The country of habitual residence = USA, the home state for all purposes is California. Joint legal and joint physical.

13. That the primary residence of said children shall not be moved outside a radius of one hour driving time from the residence of Chardog without prior permission of Chardog, and of the court.

___________________________
Other stuff:

SOLVING DISPUTES

1. In the event of any dispute regarding custody, visitation, time share or other matters concerning a minor child, the parties shall attempt to mediate such dispute through the Conciliation Court ( Family Code §§ 3160-3186).

2. The dispute resolution process shall be commenced by notifying the other party by written request.

3. In the dispute resolution process:
• a) Preference shall be given to carrying out this Parenting Plan.
• b) Unless an emergency exists, the parents shall use the designated process to resolve disputes relating to implementation of the plan, except those related to financial support.
• c) A written record shall be prepared of any decision reached in arbitration and shall be provided to each party.
• d) The parties have the right of Appeal from the dispute resolution process to the superior court.
• e) Reasonable attorney’s fees SHALL be assessed against an appealing party who does not substantially better his/her position in the Appeal process.
ATTORNEY’S FEES, LITIGATION EXPENSES, AND COURT COSTS:
1. Each of the parties is ordered to pay their own attorney fees, expenses of litigation and court costs incurred in this matter.
OTHER ORDERS
1. Each of the parties shall, upon demand, execute and deliver all documents necessary to carry out the terms of stipulation/agreement, and upon failure to do so, the court, upon appropriate application, may appoint the Clerk of the Superior Court as its commissioner to execute the documents specified by court order.
2. This agreement covers all matters in dispute in this hearing.
ORDERS RELATING TO JUDGEMENTS ONLY
1. The parties waive their rights to a trial and to notice of trial for the purpose of having the court grant a judgment pursuant to the terms of this agreement which may be heard by a court commissioner sitting as a judge pro tem.
2. All parties waiver the right to appeal, to request a statement of decision, and to move for a new trial
3. The parties are the parents of each minor child names in the petition or complaint filed herein and a judgment establishing the parent child relations may be granted herein under the Uniform Parentage Act ( FC § 7600-7730).
___________________________
That's nearly word for word from my judgment.

Relevant facts:

1. I pay for 50% of my son's schooling.
2. I pay for 100% of my son's health insurance.
3. I have spent more time with my son this year by a slight amount, due to BM taking vacations; Spent more time at activity events, School logs as proof.
4. I'm married, BM isnt.
5. Child support is not an issue.
6. BM entire family lives here, and my entire family lives here.
7. Son born and raised here.

__________________

BM will be moving the beginning of the year. BM wants to start a business in the east coast and cannot afford living expenses in CA.

What do I need to do to keep my son here?

I will assume that BM stands for Biological Mother.

If so, PLS remove that. MOM is MOM. Refering to her as BM is only appropriate for the Adoption section on this forum.

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

We have 50/50 physical custody of our 3 year old, born in california. MW for me T TH for her. We split F S Su every other week.

Here is my custody judgment from 12/2006:

1. The country of habitual residence = USA, the home state for all purposes is California. Joint legal and joint physical.

13. That the primary residence of said children shall not be moved outside a radius of one hour driving time from the residence of Chardog without prior permission of Chardog, and of the court.

___________________________
Other stuff:

SOLVING DISPUTES

1. In the event of any dispute regarding custody, visitation, time share or other matters concerning a minor child, the parties shall attempt to mediate such dispute through the Conciliation Court ( Family Code §§ 3160-3186).

2. The dispute resolution process shall be commenced by notifying the other party by written request.

3. In the dispute resolution process:
• a) Preference shall be given to carrying out this Parenting Plan.
• b) Unless an emergency exists, the parents shall use the designated process to resolve disputes relating to implementation of the plan, except those related to financial support.
• c) A written record shall be prepared of any decision reached in arbitration and shall be provided to each party.
• d) The parties have the right of Appeal from the dispute resolution process to the superior court.
• e) Reasonable attorney’s fees SHALL be assessed against an appealing party who does not substantially better his/her position in the Appeal process.
ATTORNEY’S FEES, LITIGATION EXPENSES, AND COURT COSTS:
1. Each of the parties is ordered to pay their own attorney fees, expenses of litigation and court costs incurred in this matter.
OTHER ORDERS
1. Each of the parties shall, upon demand, execute and deliver all documents necessary to carry out the terms of stipulation/agreement, and upon failure to do so, the court, upon appropriate application, may appoint the Clerk of the Superior Court as its commissioner to execute the documents specified by court order.
2. This agreement covers all matters in dispute in this hearing.
ORDERS RELATING TO JUDGEMENTS ONLY
1. The parties waive their rights to a trial and to notice of trial for the purpose of having the court grant a judgment pursuant to the terms of this agreement which may be heard by a court commissioner sitting as a judge pro tem.
2. All parties waiver the right to appeal, to request a statement of decision, and to move for a new trial
3. The parties are the parents of each minor child names in the petition or complaint filed herein and a judgment establishing the parent child relations may be granted herein under the Uniform Parentage Act ( FC § 7600-7730).
___________________________
That's nearly word for word from my judgment.

Relevant facts:

1. I pay for 50% of my son's schooling.
2. I pay for 100% of my son's health insurance.
3. I have spent more time with my son this year by a slight amount, due to BM taking vacations; Spent more time at activity events, School logs as proof.
4. I'm married, BM isnt.
5. Child support is not an issue.
6. BM entire family lives here, and my entire family lives here.
7. Son born and raised here.

__________________

BM will be moving the beginning of the year. BM wants to start a business in the east coast and cannot afford living expenses in CA.

What do I need to do to keep my son here?

take out the being married and mom not being married. not relevant.

and stop calling MOM a bowel movement. she is MOM. not a biological mom.

the fact that mom gave up some of her court ordered time bodes well for her.

the fact is, the child lives here, you live here, mom lives here. now, if mom doesn't want to live here, she can move and son live with you. it is in the child's best interest for the child to remain in the same jurisdiction he was born.

she needs a better reason to leave WITH the child.

 

[CJane]

Is the proposed move more than an hour from you? 'Out of state' means relatively little when we don't know where you are or where she wants to move to.

Regardless, she apparently needs your permission to move more than an hour. If it's more than an hour, file a modification stating that the child has strong ties to the community and if Mom chooses to move, primary custody should go to you w/mom having appropriate visitation.

 

[Chardog]

Sorry about BM issue, I recall that being a common initial in the past. BM = Birth Mother/Mom

NOT

bowel movement lol

Using mom seems ambiguous since my son calls my wife mom as well, but I digress. Rules are rules and my OP has been fixed.

and to answer CJane, the move is to Jersey or something. It's across the USA. Mother is basically taking a huge leap of faith by moving somewhere that far and starting a business. I have been with ex for a while and there is no known family there, strictly business opportunity.

 

[StampGirl]

Sorry about BM issue, I recall that being a common initial in the past. BM = Birth Mother/Mom

NOT

bowel movement lol

Using mom seems ambiguous since my son calls my wife mom as well, but I digress. Rules are rules and my OP has been fixed.

and to answer CJane, the move is to Jersey or something. It's across the USA. Mother is basically taking a huge leap of faith by moving somewhere that far and starting a business. I have been with ex for a while and there is no known family there, strictly business opportunity.

I am going to restrain myself and NOT address the bolded portion above.

File your paperwork in court that you don't want Mom to move and that she is free to move is she wants, propose that custody go to you along with child support etc, oh and propose a long-distance parenting plan.

 

[Chardog]

I am going to restrain myself and NOT address the bolded portion above.

File your paperwork in court that you don't want Mom to move and that she is free to move is she wants, propose that custody go to you along with child support etc, oh and propose a long-distance parenting plan.

thank you for this.

I have a question though, the original Judgment was issued from the local court. My judgment says that we need to go through mediation first. If mother decides to contest this judgment, will she need to follow the guidelines first?

Also, can she request for mediation be heard in another city?

In the case of mediation or custody case, can I or mother request for a public attorney?

 

[StampGirl]

thank you for this.

I have a question though, the original Judgment was issued from the local court. My judgment says that we need to go through mediation first. If mother decides to contest this judgment, will she need to follow the guidelines first?

Also, can she request for mediation be heard in another city?

In the case of mediation or custody case, can I or mother request for a public attorney?

Mediation will be mandatory in CA for this to see if you can work out a parenting plan.

Just file the necessary paperwork to contest the move-away and request mediation. Done deal.

The issue of child calling step-parent Mom though is something you should be VERY careful of esp in CA. My ex husband and his wife had our girls call his wife "Mommy". HUGE PROBLEM with the mediator, attorney and judge. That child has ONE Mom and ONE Dad. Your new wife is NOT Mom. How would you feel if your child called someone else Dad??? Honestly.

 

[Chardog]

Mediation will be mandatory in CA for this to see if you can work out a parenting plan.

Just file the necessary paperwork to contest the move-away and request mediation. Done deal.

The issue of child calling step-parent Mom though is something you should be VERY careful of esp in CA. My ex husband and his wife had our girls call his wife "Mommy". HUGE PROBLEM with the mediator, attorney and judge. That child has ONE Mom and ONE Dad. Your new wife is NOT Mom. How would you feel if your child called someone else Dad??? Honestly.

it would suck.

I dont see it a big problem though, and here's my reasoning:

Step mom is "mommy" to my son. He's an innocent child and can call her that. She does everything a "mommy" does, granted that she is not her "mother". She's a mommy figure to my son. She accepts him in every way and does everything a mommy does. Cooks, cleans after him, financial, and love support. My son treats her like a mommy as well.

He's very attached to her to him, it's his mommy as well. I see it no different than adoptive parents. Kids call their adoptive parents "mommy" and "daddy". My wife is not legally his mother, but I can say that she's been him mommy more than his mother. She also spends more time with my son than actual mommy. In that regards, she IS mommy and I have no problems with my son calling her mommy.

You've awaken me on the politically correct addressing of "mommy" when it comes to anything legal, and I'll take note, but as for my private life, I have no problem with my son calling his step-mom mommy.

 

[Isis1]

it would suck.

I dont see it a big problem though, and here's my reasoning:

Step mom is "mommy" to my son. He's an innocent child and can call her that. She does everything a "mommy" does, granted that she is not her "mother". She's a mommy figure to my son. She accepts him in every way and does everything a mommy does. Cooks, cleans after him, financial, and love support. My son treats her like a mommy as well.

He's very attached to her to him, it's his mommy as well. I see it no different than adoptive parents. Kids call their adoptive parents "mommy" and "daddy". My wife is not legally his mother, but I can say that she's been him mommy more than his mother. She also spends more time with my son than actual mommy. In that regards, she IS mommy and I have no problems with my son calling her mommy.

You've awaken me on the politically correct addressing of "mommy" when it comes to anything legal, and I'll take note, but as for my private life, I have no problem with my son calling his step-mom mommy.

keep that thought out of the courts. and by the way, if MOM makes an issue of it, she will be in the right.

 

[StampGirl]

it would suck.

I dont see it a big problem though, and here's my reasoning:

Step mom is "mommy" to my son. He's an innocent child and can call her that. She does everything a "mommy" does, granted that she is not her "mother". She's a mommy figure to my son. She accepts him in every way and does everything a mommy does. Cooks, cleans after him, financial, and love support. My son treats her like a mommy as well.

He's very attached to her to him, it's his mommy as well. I see it no different than adoptive parents. Kids call their adoptive parents "mommy" and "daddy". My wife is not legally his mother, but I can say that she's been him mommy more than his mother. She also spends more time with my son than actual mommy. In that regards, she IS mommy and I have no problems with my son calling her mommy.

You've awaken me on the politically correct addressing of "mommy" when it comes to anything legal, and I'll take note, but as for my private life, I have no problem with my son calling his step-mom mommy.

Just make another note that esp in CA, if MOM makes an issue of it, YOU will be pay dearly in court for your "choice".

For example: I do all those things for my step-son as well. Does he call me "Mommy"? NO. Why? Because he HAS a MOMMY and that would not be me. Get it??

You said it would suck if your child called someone else Daddy. My husband does all those things for my girls. Do they call him Daddy? NO. Again why? Because they have a Dad. He may not be there for the day to day stuff but he is there in spirit and also on his weekends. He is the one who helped create those girls, not my husband. SEe the difference????

I just want you to see the problem you might have in the future (legally and otherwise) with your choices. I have seen it bite people in the backside far too often. In my case, the judge has threatened sanctions for exactly the behavior you are allowing in your home. Heed the voice of experience.

 

[Chardog]

Just make another note that esp in CA, if MOM makes an issue of it, YOU will be pay dearly in court for your "choice".

For example: I do all those things for my step-son as well. Does he call me "Mommy"? NO. Why? Because he HAS a MOMMY and that would not be me. Get it??

You said it would suck if your child called someone else Daddy. My husband does all those things for my girls. Do they call him Daddy? NO. Again why? Because they have a Dad. He may not be there for the day to day stuff but he is there in spirit and also on his weekends. He is the one who helped create those girls, not my husband. SEe the difference????

I just want you to see the problem you might have in the future (legally and otherwise) with your choices. I have seen it bite people in the backside far too often. In my case, the judge has threatened sanctions for exactly the behavior you are allowing in your home. Heed the voice of experience.

ex has not taken issue of the problem (not vocally at least). I see the term mommy as a loving mother figure, the same way adoptive parents do. I do see the difference you point out and I'll just agree to disagree. My son is young, and he likes to call my wife and I "mommy and daddy"

His teacher and principle address us by mommy and daddy and they know my situation. Taking that away from my son is depriving him of what he knows. My wife is a parent to my son. For him to call her mrs doesnt make sense to him when he sees other kids call their parents mommy and daddy.

My son also calls my step dad as grandpa.

Will I argue this against a totalitarian judge? No.

 

[StampGirl]

ex has not taken issue of the problem (not vocally at least). I see the term mommy as a loving mother figure, the same way adoptive parents do. I do see the difference you point out and I'll just agree to disagree. My son is young, and he likes to call my wife and I "mommy and daddy"

His teacher and principle address us by mommy and daddy and they know my situation. Taking that away from my son is depriving him of what he knows. My wife is a parent to my son. For him to call her mrs doesnt make sense to him when he sees other kids call their parents mommy and daddy.

My son also calls my step dad as grandpa.

Will I argue this against a totalitarian judge? No.

Thats all nice and lovey-dovey. The fact remains that legally, you are asking for trouble. It also shows a huge disrespect to the child's Mom. My step-son's mom is very happy that I don't show her any disrespect and that, even though her son lives with me and his Dad 80% of the time, I don't step on her toes because SHE IS MOM.

Agree to disagree. Legally though, you are in for an eye-opening.

 

[kimberlywrites]

It doesn't sound like she will be able to take the child with her at this point, anyway. But seriously, the "mommy" thing has got to stop. There's no way in the world this doesn't bother mom.
And shame on your child's school for doing it as well. Y
Your ex-wife could use all this to her advantage, I hope you realize.
I was rooting for ya until I read the "mommy" thing.

 

[LdiJ]

It doesn't sound like she will be able to take the child with her at this point, anyway. But seriously, the "mommy" thing has got to stop. There's no way in the world this doesn't bother mom.
And shame on your child's school for doing it as well. Y
Your ex-wife could use all this to her advantage, I hope you realize.
I was rooting for ya until I read the "mommy" thing.

I was too. I have seen very few people so stubbornly refuse to "get it".