My son wants to live with me!

[amber10_79]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? I live in Oregon, my son resides in Washington State. I had a legal issue with driving infractions, therefore went to jail. My son went to stay with his dad during that time. When I was released, his father went after custody (though he had promised my son that he'd definatly be able to come home when I was released); he and his wife accused me of all these awful things that were completely untrue. But they had a lawyer, and I couldn't afford one, so he was awarded custody. My son has lived with him now since January, and he's miserable. He's even started making jokes about suicide!!! (He's 11 years old). I don't drink or do drugs, I have no criminal history (aside from a DUI three years ago, which I've completed a two year treatment program for). He's left alone at his dads for hours after school, and usually before school. His dad refuses to have him checked for ADD, which I'm positive he has; I have ADHD, and he's exactly like I was at that age. I guess my question is, at what age in Washington State will a judge take into account the opinion of a child that wants to reside with a different parent. Up until January, my son had lived with me since the day he was born. His dad is very unaffectionate, and his step mom hits him in the stomach when she wants him to 'shut up'. If anyone can tell me what the earliest age my son can decide for himself, or even be awknowledged by a judge, I'd really appreciate it!!

 

[TheGeekess]

When he's 18.

 

[amber10_79]

When he's 18.

That I know isn't true. I was 15 in Washington state when I decided to move in with my dad, and the judge went with my decision. This is a serious question for me, so please don't make light of it

 

[ErinGoBragh]

That I know isn't true. I was 15 in Washington state when I decided to move in with my dad, and the judge went with my decision. This is a serious question for me, so please don't make light of it

And you got a serious answer!

A judge didn't go by just what you said. He may have taken your wishes into consideration, but it was because of WAY more than what you wanted that you would have been able to live with your dad

You son DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE. End of story.

 

[Isis1]

And you got a serious answer!

A judge didn't go by just what you said. He may have taken your wishes into consideration, but it was because of WAY more than what you wanted that you would have been able to live with your dad

You son DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE. End of story.

laws have changed since 1979, in fact, if i remember correctly the last state to have a law allowing a child to decide residential home just amended their law from the age of 14 to the age of 18. so poster is STILL out of luck.

rule number 2 in parenting, don't go to jail. ever.

 

[amber10_79]

laws have changed since 1979, in fact, if i remember correctly the last state to have a law allowing a child to decide residential home just amended their law from the age of 14 to the age of 18. so poster is STILL out of luck.

rule number 2 in parenting, don't go to jail. ever.

You know, people make bad choices; mistakes. I happen to be one that not only learned from my mistake (no insurance), but I also followed all the directionsof the court for it. I asked a question on this forum because I'm not aware of current law. I didn't ask for insults. You don't know the situation, so please refrain from assuming what kind of parent I am.

 

[Isis1]

You know, people make bad choices; mistakes. I happen to be one that not only learned from my mistake (no insurance), but I also followed all the directionsof the court for it. I asked a question on this forum because I'm not aware of current law. I didn't ask for insults. You don't know the situation, so please refrain from assuming what kind of parent I am.

i didn't assume anything. YOU are the one that said you were in jail. you gave dad a PERFECT opening to file for custody. YOU allowed this to happen. take responsibility. if your child is REALLY being abused, tell him to talk to a school counselor. and just in case, one more time, the age your child can decide where he wants to live, is still 18.

 

[Ohiogal]

You know, people make bad choices; mistakes. I happen to be one that not only learned from my mistake (no insurance), but I also followed all the directionsof the court for it. I asked a question on this forum because I'm not aware of current law. I didn't ask for insults. You don't know the situation, so please refrain from assuming what kind of parent I am.

You are the one who lost custody due to going to jail. You are also the one who asked a question and when you didn't like the answer went on the attack. And now you are whining about being attacked or feeling attacked? NO ONE attacked you. They told you the law which you don't seem to like. OH WELL. My sympathy button is out of service right now. Try back again next year maybe.

 

[TheGeekess]

"
RCW 26.28.015
Age of majority for enumerated specific purposes.


Notwithstanding any other provision of law, and except as provided under RCW 26.50.020, all persons shall be deemed and taken to be of full age for the specific purposes hereafter enumerated at the age of eighteen years:

(1) To enter into any marriage contract without parental consent if otherwise qualified by law;

(2) To execute a will for the disposition of both real and personal property if otherwise qualified by law;

(3) To vote in any election if authorized by the Constitution and otherwise qualified by law;

(4) To enter into any legal contractual obligation and to be legally bound thereby to the full extent as any other adult person;

(5) To make decisions in regard to their own body and the body of their lawful issue whether natural born to or adopted by such person to the full extent allowed to any other adult person including but not limited to consent to surgical operations;

(6) To sue and be sued on any action to the full extent as any other adult person in any of the courts of this state, without the necessity for a guardian ad litem.

[1992 c 111 § 12; 1971 ex.s. c 292 § 2.]"
RCW 26.28.015: Age of majority for enumerated specific purposes.

"RCW 26.28.010
Age of majority.


Except as otherwise specifically provided by law, all persons shall be deemed and taken to be of full age for all purposes at the age of eighteen years.

[1971 ex.s. c 292 § 1; 1970 ex.s. c 17 § 1; 1923 c 72 § 2; Code 1881 § 2363; 1866 p 92 § 1; 1863 p 434 § 1; 1854 p 407 § 1; RRS § 10548.]"
RCW 26.28.010: Age of majority.

Here's a link to the Revised Code of Washington State:
Revised Code of Washington (RCW)

"My child has told me that he wants to live with me. However, my former spouse will not agree to this change. Can't a child decide at a certain age who they would like to reside with?
The opportunity for the child to tell the court their preference as to who they would like to reside with is usually through a guardian. The courts generally frown on parents encouraging the children becoming directly involved in the litigation. As the children get older, they are going to have larger say as to the parent they will reside with."
DivorceNet - Washington Child Custody FAQ's

Larger say is not a choice.

 

[amber10_79]

I never claimed to be 'attacked'. But Ive heard many different answers to my question, and thought I'd figure out what the majority says by posting it on here. I just think it's unnecessary for people to jump on the one fact that is definatly a black mark for me. But I know that honesty will get me honest answers, usually. Unfortunatly, this time, it got me judgemental answers. Thank you for all your opinions, though. Have a good one.

 

[amber10_79]

"
RCW 26.28.015
Age of majority for enumerated specific purposes.


Notwithstanding any other provision of law, and except as provided under RCW 26.50.020, all persons shall be deemed and taken to be of full age for the specific purposes hereafter enumerated at the age of eighteen years:

(1) To enter into any marriage contract without parental consent if otherwise qualified by law;

(2) To execute a will for the disposition of both real and personal property if otherwise qualified by law;

(3) To vote in any election if authorized by the Constitution and otherwise qualified by law;

(4) To enter into any legal contractual obligation and to be legally bound thereby to the full extent as any other adult person;

(5) To make decisions in regard to their own body and the body of their lawful issue whether natural born to or adopted by such person to the full extent allowed to any other adult person including but not limited to consent to surgical operations;

(6) To sue and be sued on any action to the full extent as any other adult person in any of the courts of this state, without the necessity for a guardian ad litem.

[1992 c 111 § 12; 1971 ex.s. c 292 § 2.]"
RCW 26.28.015: Age of majority for enumerated specific purposes.

"RCW 26.28.010
Age of majority.


Except as otherwise specifically provided by law, all persons shall be deemed and taken to be of full age for all purposes at the age of eighteen years.

[1971 ex.s. c 292 § 1; 1970 ex.s. c 17 § 1; 1923 c 72 § 2; Code 1881 § 2363; 1866 p 92 § 1; 1863 p 434 § 1; 1854 p 407 § 1; RRS § 10548.]"
RCW 26.28.010: Age of majority.

Here's a link to the Revised Code of Washington State:
Revised Code of Washington (RCW)

"My child has told me that he wants to live with me. However, my former spouse will not agree to this change. Can't a child decide at a certain age who they would like to reside with?
The opportunity for the child to tell the court their preference as to who they would like to reside with is usually through a guardian. The courts generally frown on parents encouraging the children becoming directly involved in the litigation. As the children get older, they are going to have larger say as to the parent they will reside with."
DivorceNet - Washington Child Custody FAQ's

Larger say is not a choice.

Thank you for the information and links. I'll look into them. I appreciate it.

 

[ErinGoBragh]

Thank you for the information and links. I'll look into them. I appreciate it.

??? Did you not read that at all?! It said your son has no right to decided until he's 18! There's no "looking into it".

And you didn't get judgements here, you got legal advice. You also seem to need a reality check.

 

[Nativity]

You asked this exact same question back in May, the answers were pretty much the same.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/age-residential-decision-child-407683.html

 

[Humusluvr]

I never claimed to be 'attacked'. But Ive heard many different answers to my question, and thought I'd figure out what the majority says by posting it on here. I just think it's unnecessary for people to jump on the one fact that is definatly a black mark for me. But I know that honesty will get me honest answers, usually. Unfortunatly, this time, it got me judgemental answers. Thank you for all your opinions, though. Have a good one.

Here is the legal reality. During your mistake, your stay in jail, your ex gained custody. There's nothing you could have done to stop that - because when one parent is in jail, the other one usually gets custody.

Now, until there is a significant change in circumstances for the child - you will not be able to attain custody. And, due to your unfortunate mistake of being jailed, custody is likely to remain with your ex.

Your son should definitely see his school counselor and report any abuse, the counselor can also be helpful in talking through the feelings your son has about his set of circumstances.

Best of luck for your son.

 

[penelope10]

Have you spoken to your ex about the fact that your child is making "Jokes" about suicide? Parents that cannot get along (whether divorced or together) can cause a lot of stress in a kiddo's life. Have you tried having a civil conversation regarding concerns you might have over your son's possible depression? Without playing the blame game. And then try to come up with a game plan to get some counseling for your son?