Can I post information for my granddaughters on my website

[Rolacoy]

I live in Texas and My granddaughters also live in Texas about 20 miles from us. My x-daughter-in-law will not allow us to see or talk to them. I own the domain of a website of the city in which they live. Can I post information that I want to get to them.

I do not think that they have a computer at home, but they probably have computers at school and if not some of their friends would probably give them the information.

 

[LdiJ]

I live in Texas and My granddaughters also live in Texas about 20 miles from us. My x-daughter-in-law will not allow us to see or talk to them. I own the domain of a website of the city in which they live. Can I post information that I want to get to them.

I do not think that they have a computer at home, but they probably have computers at school and if not some of their friends would probably give them the information.

Are you saying that you want to post messages to them on a public website? That anyone with a computer could access? I think that's a very bad idea.

Where is your son? Why aren't you seeing the kids on his time?

 

[Rolacoy]

You are probably correct, However, all I was going to do was post their first names and a message that we love them. Our name would not appear on the page. I also thought about posting a composite picture without faces that they would remember.

My son does not see the girls, and he does not speak to us. It is a long bad story. The mother was arrested and admitted to having sex with a 15 year old boy. She got 10 years probation. Our son divorced her and remarried. He he got custody of the girls. The new wife was very abusive to the girls. We worked with CPS and got the girls placed with my daughter. Two weeks later the court gave custody to the mother who was living with another Lesbian.

The mother will not allow us to see the girls.

 

[infamous_insane]

that sounds like a really sad story, i sorry

 

[Ohiogal]

You are probably correct, However, all I was going to do was post their first names and a message that we love them. Our name would not appear on the page. I also thought about posting a composite picture without faces that they would remember.

My son does not see the girls, and he does not speak to us. It is a long bad story. The mother was arrested and admitted to having sex with a 15 year old boy. She got 10 years probation. Our son divorced her and remarried. He he got custody of the girls. The new wife was very abusive to the girls. We worked with CPS and got the girls placed with my daughter. Two weeks later the court gave custody to the mother who was living with another Lesbian.

The mother will not allow us to see the girls.

Mother is a lesbian who had sex with a boy child? Your son doesn't like you because he is married to a woman who abused the girls and your daughter got placement until mom won back custody?
Okay. I can easily say there is something not adding up here.

 

[Rolacoy]

Ohiogal, What additional numbers do need? We would just like to have a relationship with our granddaughters. The mother knows that we would take the girls if we could so she does not want us to be able to talk to or see them. The court assigned a liberal lawyer to recommend who the girls were to stay with.

Grandparents have no rights in Texas. This whole thing has cost us almost $90,000.00 over the last 5 years and the person who destroyed our family got the girls.

We would just like to rescue our granddaughters and give them a chance at a decent life.

 

[Idori]

That is a sad story. I imagine you have been through a roller coaster of negative emotions watching all that happen. Are you healed enough to reach out to them even with a note?

A note might result in contact but you'd need to be a positive person in their lives and not bring forward any bad from the past. Could you make amends with the mother who has custody of the children?

Approaching their mother with a statement of how much you'd like to forget about the past and have a positive relationship with everyone in the childrens lives would probably be more likely to result in contact with the children than a note on a website that would probably never be seen.

Counting on them seeing it at school is a slim chance at best of being seen and if you do hope for a reconciliation and an opportunity to see them, posting information about them without the mothers permission is a bad idea. Do you want to wipe out any hope for reconciliation? Or do you think you have no opportunity for that anyway?

If the mother has only said she doesn't want them to have contact with you right now but there is hope for a change of heart and contact in the future (say after the children have had a chance to get settled, begin to recover from the abuse and get counseling) your going around her in the manner you propose really would jeopardize that. Don't do it.

As a mother I would want to know if anyone were posting notes to my kids. I would likely consider it stalking if an estranged grandparent did it. It would depend on the specifics of your situation weather it would fall under stalking or not legally though.

You said she won't let you have contact right now. I hope that does not mean there is a restraining order if there is DO NOT ATTEMPT TO POST NOTES TO THE KIDS TO GET THEM TO CONTACT YOU. That would be a very poor choice.

Assuming there is no restraining order against you...Could you make a commitment to yourself to not say anything negative around the children, shake hands and be polite to 'the other lesbian' who is in the childrens lives and whom they probably love. Could you look at their mother and say. "I really appreciate getting to see the kids. Thank you." ?

If you are not choking back hate at the thought of doing those things then you may be ready to reach out to that family (again, if you have in the past). If your not ready to be positive with their mom who the court sees as fit enough to have custody than you should probably not put up a note online or in the paper.

What did the mother say about why you are not allowed contact right now? That would also be a good indicator of whether or not posting love notes to her children would help or hurt your long term chances for contact with them.

You want them to have certain information. Is the information for their benefit or your own? If it is a simple "We hope your well and will always love you..." Great. Make it a family scrapbook that you'd be proud to show off to your friends even if the kids never notice it.

If it is along the lines of, "Your mom did this...Your Dad did that...We want to help you get away from the lesbians contact us here..." Don't do it. Abused kids don't need more self serving drama and trauma from adults that should know and do better by them.

ETA: You want to rescue them? The court said no, the mom said no, your out of luck. Maybe your son should have chosen them over his new wife. Then you'd be free to see them on his time. Really sad for you but there is plenty of blame to go around it doesn't stop at your ex DIL. She is not the sole destroyer of 'your family'. Sounds like your son had a big dose of blame for their abuse and your daughter didn't merit their placement over their own mother. $90k is an expensive battle. If you plan to continue it why would their mother help you? She will likely do better as a parent under the gaze of the court system then your son did.

Your best chance at contact is to back off and apologize to their mom. She is the only one who could let you see them now. And frankly, she is a better parent in my book if she does not want them to be 'rescued' from her. Support her as their mom inspite of the past and you might get to watch them grow up in her care. That is the very best you can hope for now. Don't post things to them online. You expose them to online predators that way. Spare them that. Support whatever family their mom makes. Lesbian or not, that is their home now. I am sorry your heart is broken. But your anger has no place in their lives no matter who gets them.

 

[LdiJ]

Mother is a lesbian who had sex with a boy child? Your son doesn't like you because he is married to a woman who abused the girls and your daughter got placement until mom won back custody?
Okay. I can easily say there is something not adding up here.

So can I....

 

[Rolacoy]

Much of what you all have said is true. Just frustration on our parts. We have tried everything that we could think of. The last time that my wife called to talk to the girls, one is 12 and the other is 18 but has downs, the 12 year old told her not call anymore because it was harassment. She did not come out with that, we think that she was told to say that by her lesbian mother, the lesbian that lives with her or the girls lawyer. Up until her mother got the girls about a year ago we had a very good relationship with the girls.

I can not get past the lesbian relationship. I graduated from high school in 1958, before everyone in our country started teaching the "except everyone no matter what they are or do". I am old. I grew up with values and standards.

You are right we all share the blame for the disaster in our family. I could have said more when I saw how she was acting with young boys. But her and my son had been married for 10 or 12 years and I would have been accused of interfering, was told that I was and laughed at for my "old" ideas.

My son was not a strong enough father figure, she "wore the pants" as the new wife does and more so.

 

[Zigner]

Much of what you all have said is true. Just frustration on our parts. We have tried everything that we could think of. The last time that my wife called to talk to the girls, one is 12 and the other is 18 but has downs, the 12 year old told her not call anymore because it was harassment. She did not come out with that, we think that she was told to say that by her lesbian mother, the lesbian that lives with her or the girls lawyer. Up until her mother got the girls about a year ago we had a very good relationship with the girls.

I can not get past the lesbian relationship. I graduated from high school in 1958, before everyone in our country started teaching the "except everyone no matter what they are or do". I am old. I grew up with values and standards.

You are right we all share the blame for the disaster in our family. I could have said more when I saw how she was acting with young boys. But her and my son had been married for 10 or 12 years and I would have been accused of interfering, was told that I was and laughed at for my "old" ideas.

My son was not a strong enough father figure, she "wore the pants" as the new wife does and more so.

You will still be seen as interfering...because you are trying to.

 

[OldandTired]

Grandparents have no rights in Texas.

The last time I checked for my mother, Grandparents do have rights. I'll research this more to see if this has changed in the last 7 years.

 

[Idori]

Much of what you all have said is true. Just frustration on our parts. We have tried everything that we could think of. The last time that my wife called to talk to the girls, one is 12 and the other is 18 but has downs, the 12 year old told her not call anymore because it was harassment. She did not come out with that, we think that she was told to say that by her lesbian mother, the lesbian that lives with her or the girls lawyer. Up until her mother got the girls about a year ago we had a very good relationship with the girls.

I can not get past the lesbian relationship. I graduated from high school in 1958, before everyone in our country started teaching the "except everyone no matter what they are or do". I am old. I grew up with values and standards.

You are right we all share the blame for the disaster in our family. I could have said more when I saw how she was acting with young boys. But her and my son had been married for 10 or 12 years and I would have been accused of interfering, was told that I was and laughed at for my "old" ideas.

My son was not a strong enough father figure, she "wore the pants" as the new wife does and more so.

A twelve year old could indeed come out with that on her own. Whether she did or not it is up to you to talk to her mother and negotiate visits or call times. If your heard 'don't call back it is harassment' only from the child... Talk to the mother. The child is not the one in charge.

Be respectful even to those who do not live according to the standards you subscribe to...even when they do not deserve that respect by your reckoning. That is in itself an old fashioned value that will serve you well here.

I hope you are able to make peace with their mother and her partner so you can have a healthy relationship with the children. Stranger things than 'getting past the lesbian relationship' have happened.

Talk to the mother about it and ask to meet with her and her partner without the kids. Tell them..."I am old. There is more than enough blame to go around for everything that has happened and I am sorry. I'd like to still get to have a relationship with the girls while you're raising them."

Ask them how you can interact with the children. What needs to happen for them to be comfortable with you coming to visit and then do those things that the mom suggests.

Make the kids a scrapbook of neutral/positive pictures of themselves maybe from before all the trouble. Be willing to make a scrapbook of them now in their new home with their mom and 'the lesbian' included in the theme. Start thinking of them as human beings not strange others who are fit only for your disgust. The kids don't need anymore negative of any kind.

Be willing to just listen to the kids and to build the kids up without mentioning yourself, 'the lesbians', their father/step monster, or anything negative. Be there to hear them, not to fill them with your ideas and your wants.

Stranger things have happened than learning to adapt to what you have been given. If you are an old school praying man. Start there. The only things you may be able to change in this situation is your heart. Start there, seriously. The pain of terrible things can pass and make room for unexpected happiness. Prepare yourselves for that.

Best Wishes to You and your Wife.

 

[Rushia]

The last time I checked for my mother, Grandparents do have rights. I'll research this more to see if this has changed in the last 7 years.

WRONG! Grandparents have no inherent rights to their grandchildren. What they do have is the possibility to sue for VISITATION. It seems that OP has already attempted that route and lost. It has changed in the last 7 years, check out Troxel vs. Granville.

 

[cyjeff]

To get back to the original question.

It is a bad idea to try to circumnavigate the obvious wishes of the parent in regards to visitation with the child.

This could be grounds for a protective order.

 

[Rolacoy]

Sorry I asked the question. You are probably right that using the internet for personal notes is a bad idea and I had no intention of exposing their names, pictures, addresses, etc. And one question that was asked about was a restraining order, there has never been a restraining order.

However, I can not lower the standards that I have lived my life by. I can not bow the people of this level and say "your ok, I'm ok". It will not happen. I should not have expected any of you to understand the situation, because it is my situation. Most families have a "situation" of some sort and outsiders have no way of understanding someone else's problems.

Thanks anyway.