Final say in decisions

[mommyto 2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
When making an educational and/or medical decisions (not an emergency), who has final say? Would it be the parent of primary residence? This is a joint custody situation, with me being primary parent. Does the school need both parents’ signatures, just mine, or can he sign without my consent?
Thanks for the help!

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
When making an educational and/or medical decisions (not an emergency), who has final say? Would it be the parent of primary residence? This is a joint custody situation, with me being primary parent. Does the school need both parents’ signatures, just mine, or can he sign without my consent?
Thanks for the help!

What is the LEGAL custody order say?

 

[CourtClerk]

A signature on what?

 

[mommyto 2]

The legal papers state only that we have joint custody with me being primary parent. Nothing is stated regarding who has final decision. It does state that I am to keep him informed, which I always have.

The pending decision is in regards to a service my ex wants our daughter to participate in at school but I do not. It has no academic or social impact, and there is no reason she should miss class for this activity. It is a long story, not really worth going into.

 

[Ohiogal]

The legal papers state only that we have joint custody with me being primary parent. Nothing is stated regarding who has final decision. It does state that I am to keep him informed, which I always have.

The pending decision is in regards to a service my ex wants our daughter to participate in at school but I do not. It has no academic or social impact, and there is no reason she should miss class for this activity. It is a long story, not really worth going into.

What service? And it is worth going into because it may help determine how a judge would rule. You need to present your case here as you would to the judge. Your ex has the right to give permission for your daughter to participate if it is done during school hours and not on your time after school.

 

[wileybunch]

The pending decision is in regards to a service my ex wants our daughter to participate in at school but I do not. It has no academic or social impact, and there is no reason she should miss class for this activity. It is a long story, not really worth going into.

I don't know how much "story" we need, but we at least need to know what the "service" is and why you are against it and Dad's for it.

 

[mommyto 2]

The service is for another speech evaluation for a mild /r/ distortion in the medial position of words. She has been seen already by another therapist and it was found to be developmental in nature. He wants her in therapy. The school therapist is trying to keep him happy but has stated that this developmental. He has demanded anonther evaluation, he has signed the permission for the evaluation, I have not. I do not see the need to do another evaluation. Also I am a speech therapist. It really is about my ex having control. He just took me back to court last October and lost big. These are the kinds of things he does to "get back" at me. If our child really needed help, I would be sure she received it. But not when it is not appropriate.
Thanks again!

 

[Ohiogal]

The service is for another speech evaluation for a mild /r/ distortion in the medial position of words. She has been seen already by another therapist and it was found to be developmental in nature. He wants her in therapy. The school therapist is trying to keep him happy but has stated that this developmental. He has demanded anonther evaluation, he has signed the permission for the evaluation, I have not. I do not see the need to do another evaluation. Also I am a speech therapist. It really is about my ex having control. He just took me back to court last October and lost big. These are the kinds of things he does to "get back" at me. If our child really needed help, I would be sure she received it. But not when it is not appropriate.
Thanks again!

Let him get her the speech evaluation. You are not an unbiased individual even if you are a speech therapist. If it makes him feel better and there is no harm to your daughter, then it should be done. He is entitled to a second opinion.

 

[wileybunch]

The service is for another speech evaluation for a mild /r/ distortion in the medial position of words. She has been seen already by another therapist and it was found to be developmental in nature. He wants her in therapy. The school therapist is trying to keep him happy but has stated that this developmental. He has demanded anonther evaluation, he has signed the permission for the evaluation, I have not. I do not see the need to do another evaluation. Also I am a speech therapist. It really is about my ex having control. He just took me back to court last October and lost big. These are the kinds of things he does to "get back" at me. If our child really needed help, I would be sure she received it. But not when it is not appropriate.
Thanks again!

How old is the child? Who referred her to the school speech therapist? Her teacher? My DD had this same exact speech issue so I'm familiar with at what point the school typically thinks enough time has passed for it to work out developmentally and we took the route, per our ped, that unless it was bothering DD, to give it time to work out, however, when the teacher referred DD for speech therapy, we didn't fight it, though I did fight the IEP process itself because I felt it was super invasive the questions they asked just to get DD to say her R's better. Is that your issue? The IEP?

FWIW, the "interventions" they tried first to help my DD and didn't think had worked DID after all and we never had to complete the IEP and actually give her "speech therapy". She was in year round school and in July when school ended for her, the speech therapist planned to get her IEP finished up (I wasn't fully cooperative ) and start speech therapy when school resumed 1.5 months later, but the speech issue resolved itself after all by the time school resumed.

 

[Perky]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
Does the school need both parents’ signatures, just mine, or can he sign without my consent?

I just want to clarify that if you have joint legal custody, then the school needs only one signature from either of you if you are both listed as parents on the registration. If you do not have joint legal and he has no decision-making rights, then it is your responsibility to provide that information to the school. They will likely want to see your order stating he does not have that right.

 

[mommyto 2]

I do get what everyone is saying. The real issue here is about him thinking that he has all the say and thinking that by him signing it happens. Even if it is not appropriate. I have never, ever, signed up the children for any services without including him, if he disagreed, I did not proceed. It is not about the IEP, our son has one. I know this does not sound like a hill to die for but there are many underlying problems, and this is just the most recent. Usually I can blow them off, but this one is a little bit more involved.

My question really is - if two parents do not agree, does one have final say, or does it go to court?

 

[truebluemd]

It does not mean either of you have final say unless that is wat the order says. It does mean that both of you have equal authority to make decisions, and, those decisions can be made without the permission of the other parent.

 

[truebluemd]

What exactly does your order say with regard to making educational/religious/medical decisions about the child?

 

[CourtClerk]

My question really is - if two parents do not agree, does one have final say, or does it go to court?

Let him take it to court. Let him speak to the judge about his pure concern for his child, how there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting a second opinion and let the judge see you as being unreasonable because you don't want it done and don't agree.

Get the picture????

 

[Ohiogal]

Let him take it to court. Let him speak to the judge about his pure concern for his child, how there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting a second opinion and let the judge see you as being unreasonable because you don't want it done and don't agree.

Get the picture????

And truthfully it doesn't have to go to court. He can just sign for it and it happens. Then if mom kicks and screams and takes it to court because she didn't agree, she will be out the money and still be seen as unreasonable. This is a control thing.