Final say in decisions

[Ohiogal]

Ohiogal - Maybe my statement was confusing. What I meant is that in the past when ex did not agree I did not go forward, because I felt we both should agree when making educational and/or medical decisions.

As far as having our daughter evaluated when she was 7, my ex wanted it then too. I agreed, thinking it would assure him that she was fine. The speech-language pathologist informed both of us that she was well within developmental levels and had no speech delays.

I am not trying to be difficult. I just wish you would not paint this picture of me being controlling. I am truly just trying to find out my rights and how to best work with the father when we don't agree. This is only the current issue. I am sure there will be many more as the children enter their teenage years. I do not want to spend their entire childhood fighting with their father, nor do I always want to agree, just to keep the peace. I don't wish to be controlling but nor do I want to be controlled. Does that make sense.

How do you think your ex is going to paint you?

 

[Humusluvr]

I am not trying to be difficult. I just wish you would not paint this picture of me being controlling. I am truly just trying to find out my rights and how to best work with the father when we don't agree. This is only the current issue. I am sure there will be many more as the children enter their teenage years. I do not want to spend their entire childhood fighting with their father, nor do I always want to agree, just to keep the peace. I don't wish to be controlling but nor do I want to be controlled. Does that make sense.

If the picture can be painted here, imagine what your ex can do to you in court? Wouldn't you rather know, as seen through the eyes of people who deal with the legal system, than NOT KNOW, and get smacked by it in court?

I think knowledge is the key here. Take our observations for what they're worth!

 

[Humusluvr]

How do you think your ex is going to paint you?

Or, what if Ohiogal was your ex's attorney? Isn't it better to know what the opposing argument is?

 

[Bucky41]

Or, what if Ohiogal was your ex's attorney? Isn't it better to know what the opposing argument is?

AAAAARRRRGGGHH!!!! runs screaming from the room....

 

[Ohiogal]

AAAAARRRRGGGHH!!!! runs screaming from the room....

I will take that as a compliment.

 

[Bucky41]

I will take that as a compliment.

It's a HUGE compliment...I can't imagine having to face you in court...want you on my side of the courtroom

 

[wileybunch]

It's not just about "what to do when you don't agree, generically speaking". Context DID matter, OP. Very much.

So now you understand Dad has just as much right to advocate for your mutual child on the child's behalf. Even by your own statements, child is old enough to now need speech therapy for not saying her R's properly. Whether she needs a lot of help or just a little is something that gets worked out with the speech therapist. You do not have to look at this as a failure on your part that you're a speech therapist and yet your DD still has a speech problem, even if transient.

As I mentioned above, even though my DD didn't seem to benefit from the "interventions" they did, she suddenly popped through and stopped saying her R's with a rounded mouth. It was minimal disruption to her. She met with the speech therapist once, I think it was. If your DD's speech issue is minimal, she could be in/out and have this done.

What I really don't understand is why you've chosen to villainize Dad about this for. Can't you give him some credit for being an advocate? This is a pretty benign issue, but one that I think you could practice on for more weighty issues in the future. It does seem ridiculous that you have, until now, chosen this as a hill to die on. I imagine that's how a judge would tend to see it, too, like WTH?

 

[Silverplum]

I knew a couple of girls in hi-skool who still couldn't say their "r" sounds properly. They sounded silly.

To this day, it's the only thing I remember about them.

I agree with Wiley (and others) -- WTH? Why would you object to Dad wanting his daughter to speak properly and receive any help she could have?

 

[proud_parent]

Why would you object to Dad wanting his daughter to speak properly and receive any help she could have?

Ooooh, ooh, may I take a guess? I'll bet it's about the money.

I'll conjecture that an order exists making the parties jointly responsible for uncovered medical expenses, and that OP isn't keen on the prospect of paying her share as she doesn't agree that intervention is needed.


So...how'd I do?

 

[wileybunch]

Ooooh, ooh, may I take a guess? I'll bet it's about the money.

I'll conjecture that an order exists making the parties jointly responsible for uncovered medical expenses, and that OP isn't keen on the prospect of paying her share as she doesn't agree that intervention is needed.


So...how'd I do?

Hmm, I was thinking it was free since it's through the school.

 

[proud_parent]

Hmm, I was thinking it was free since it's through the school.

Possibly. However, OP inquired specifically about "educational and/or medical decisions", rather than "educational decisions", full stop. Thus my surmise.

In my experience, it's possible for an initial evaluation to be covered by the school, but for any recommended therapy to follow to be provided at the parents' expense.

 

[wileybunch]

Possibly. However, OP inquired specifically about "educational and/or medical decisions", rather than "educational decisions", full stop. Thus my surmise.

In my experience, it's possible for an initial evaluation to be covered by the school, but for any recommended therapy to follow to be provided at the parents' expense.

I'm sure we have only heard the tip of the iceberg, no doubt. As it was, I think I earned an honorary dental degree to get the info just on the speech therapy!

 

[mommyto 2]

First of all this has nothing to do with money as it is part of public school education. My objection was due to the fact she has been evaluated and found to have normal speech patterns. Our daughter's teacher stated at the meeting she does not hear any /r/ distortions. What I stated about DD is that when she speaks to fast or is tired I will hear a mild /r/ problem. This is about an ex who has had a history of looking for problems with DD and not ever finding any. I will not object to her being evaluated again. My objection is not for fear they will find an articulation error, that is not a big deal as far as I am concerned. It is about our daughter, who has been told by her father she is fat, and speaks funny. It hurts her and that makes me sad. I know how this sounds, and I respect many of you who write on this forum. I have learned much from reading. And I will not battle this with my ex. because I can't afford him to take me to court a fifth time. It is not for "fear" of losing or looking bad in court. It is about wasting money on stupid stuff and taking up the courts time on nonsense. I do know after DD is evaluated and nothing comes of it, he will then turn to something else. This is what has happened in the past. Speech is just the current kick. That is why in the beginning I did not mention speech because I wanted information that was more general in nature. I did not mention past issues because many were very personal and I did not wish to discuss them on this forum.

Thanks for all of the input, have a great holiday everyone!

 

[Ohiogal]

First of all this has nothing to do with money as it is part of public school education. My objection was due to the fact she has been evaluated and found to have normal speech patterns. Our daughter's teacher stated at the meeting she does not hear any /r/ distortions. What I stated about DD is that when she speaks to fast or is tired I will hear a mild /r/ problem. This is about an ex who has had a history of looking for problems with DD and not ever finding any. I will not object to her being evaluated again. My objection is not for fear they will find an articulation error, that is not a big deal as far as I am concerned. It is about our daughter, who has been told by her father she is fat, and speaks funny. It hurts her and that makes me sad. I know how this sounds, and I respect many of you who write on this forum. I have learned much from reading. And I will not battle this with my ex. because I can't afford him to take me to court a fifth time. It is not for "fear" of losing or looking bad in court. It is about wasting money on stupid stuff and taking up the courts time on nonsense. I do know after DD is evaluated and nothing comes of it, he will then turn to something else. This is what has happened in the past. Speech is just the current kick. That is why in the beginning I did not mention speech because I wanted information that was more general in nature. I did not mention past issues because many were very personal and I did not wish to discuss them on this forum.

Thanks for all of the input, have a great holiday everyone!

You mention the bolded being the important stuff and it comes up in post on the second page as what this about. Actually it is about everything isn't it? Here is the thing -- you cannot control him. You cannot the rest of the world. What you can do is hope your daughter cope and realize that you have either given her the skills necessary or not. Hopefully the former. And you make her the strongest person you possibly can.

 

[wileybunch]

OP, on the spectrum of things you've finally now brought up, speech therapy is no biggie. There is nothing that your DD should infer from that with regard to her self image.
The name calling may hurt her self image. Deal with that like you would with any case you find out DD's been called a name or found out someone thought/said something about her. There are ways to teach a child to blow off things that people say that aren't true. Dad shouldn't call her names, but sooner or later all parents say/do something they regret, that isn't a stellar parenting moment. I'm sure you have yours, too. Regardless, you need to teach your DD have to withstanding buffeting from wherever it comes from. If your DD is obviously NOT fat, then you two should be able to have a good giggle over it and move on. You should also keep DD's relationship between she and her dad and the way to do that is to be a good listener when she wants a ear to hear her, but don't own her issues. She should talk to her dad, but if you helicopter parent her and emotionally thwart her, she won't.