Final say in decisions

[my life is mine]

mommyto2, I have a similar type Ex, thank you that I only have 5 months left of court ordered bull kaka to deal with. My Ex was the same way about everything you are talking about, and finally when in court it was addressed by Judge (since EX's attorney felt it needed to be brought up) and Judge told EX, Attorney and I, since I am primary care taker, even when he had EOWeekend, it is my decision if we cannot agree.

My agreement had the word confer in it, maybe that was the difference... it said Parents shall confer with each other on decisions for medical, eductional and religion.

I do have to say that was pretty much the beginning of Ex starting to lose most of his rights, the next year he lost educational decisions completely, the following year medical decisions, then he lost certain visitation rights.

 

[wileybunch]

I do have to say that was pretty much the beginning of Ex starting to lose most of his rights, the next year he lost educational decisions completely, the following year medical decisions, then he lost certain visitation rights.

Dad will not lose rights because he wants the child to have her speech issue corrected.

 

[MichaCA]

So it sounds like your concern is not at all about dad wanting the evaluation, but that your child has become hypersensitive to feeling she is not measuring up, according to feedback dad is giving child? I presume child repeats this information back to you?

I know it sounds trite but keep providing daughter with as much positive information about herself, how she is doing in life, etc., to counterbalance. My daughter also gets mixed messages from her dad, lately "your a big baby", around small things. I know thats not as bad. Perhaps you could reframe things for child, like daddy loves you so much that he gets concerned and wants to do everything in his power to make sure you are happy. Just an idea. I know very well how hard it is when two parents are on different wavelengths with their perceptions of daughter.

Is daughter in counseling? Maybe that would help in the long run...perhaps give her a neutral space to voice the mixed info she is getting on how she is doing. Perhaps over time counselor MAY even (its a crap shoot) discuss with dad the impact his hypervigilence over child is having on the child.

The reality is, if that IS whats going on, and I don't know...then dad will not change by anyone else...but by his seeing the impact he is making on daughter. And there is truly not much you can do about that except try to make peace, find peace with him, balancing those decisions around those with daughter. Perhaps one way to look at a decision is will this be the best in the long term for our little family, or will it just give a short term gain?

 

[my life is mine]

Dad will not lose rights because he wants the child to have her speech issue corrected.

wiley, it was not meant to sound like that, I apologize to board if it did.