He's Trying to Change Spring Break

[NC Mom in Indy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

I am NCP of 9yo girl. This year I have Spring Break. Our CO says per Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines. They say the following for Spring Break:

In years ending with an odd number, the non-custodial parent shall exercise the following parenting time:

[1] Spring Break. From Friday at 6:00 P.M. through Sunday of the following weekend at 7:00 P.M.


I just received an email from my daughter's dad that he will not be bringing her to the drop-off point (neutral location & 1/2 way point) on Friday, because he has to work. He said that he will drop her off on Sunday instead. My reply was that either I or my husband will pick her up on Friday. She will be in Daycare on Friday after school until X time. (Whenever stepmom picks her up). According to the ISPTG visitation starts at 6:00pm, so I know that I cannot just take her from daycare prior to 6:00pm withoput her dad's consent. Stepmom or dad could show up prior to 6:00pm, and I would be in the wrong...

I asked dad to bring her to the 1/2 way point for my midweek, and told him I'd make the drive for the weekend this week. His new excuse is that I will have our daughter for 3 week ends in a row (true, but it's the guidelines, not me) so he thinks that he is entitled to the weekend. I do not have an attorney. Should I file a motion to enforce visitation prior to Friday, or should I file a motion to show cause on Monday if he really does not allow me to have our daughter on Friday?

 

[CJane]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

I am NCP of 9yo girl. This year I have Spring Break. Our CO says per Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines. They say the following for Spring Break:

In years ending with an odd number, the non-custodial parent shall exercise the following parenting time:

[1] Spring Break. From Friday at 6:00 P.M. through Sunday of the following weekend at 7:00 P.M.


I just received an email from my daughter's dad that he will not be bringing her to the drop-off point (neutral location & 1/2 way point) on Friday, because he has to work. He said that he will drop her off on Sunday instead. My reply was that either I or my husband will pick her up on Friday. She will be in Daycare on Friday after school until X time. (Whenever stepmom picks her up). According to the ISPTG visitation starts at 6:00pm, so I know that I cannot just take her from daycare prior to 6:00pm withoput her dad's consent. Stepmom or dad could show up prior to 6:00pm, and I would be in the wrong...

I asked dad to bring her to the 1/2 way point for my midweek, and told him I'd make the drive for the weekend this week. His new excuse is that I will have our daughter for 3 week ends in a row (true, but it's the guidelines, not me) so he thinks that he is entitled to the weekend. I do not have an attorney. Should I file a motion to enforce visitation prior to Friday, or should I file a motion to show cause on Monday if he really does not allow me to have our daughter on Friday?

You can't file a motion to enforce that would be heard before Monday. And unless you drive to Dad's house to pick up the kiddo and they refuse to hand her over, he's likely not going to be found in contempt - not to mention that the key component of contempt is malicious intent ... can you PROVE that the child was withheld from you maliciously and that it wasn't just a misunderstanding?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

I am NCP of 9yo girl. This year I have Spring Break. Our CO says per Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines. They say the following for Spring Break:

In years ending with an odd number, the non-custodial parent shall exercise the following parenting time:

[1] Spring Break. From Friday at 6:00 P.M. through Sunday of the following weekend at 7:00 P.M.


I just received an email from my daughter's dad that he will not be bringing her to the drop-off point (neutral location & 1/2 way point) on Friday, because he has to work. He said that he will drop her off on Sunday instead. My reply was that either I or my husband will pick her up on Friday. She will be in Daycare on Friday after school until X time. (Whenever stepmom picks her up). According to the ISPTG visitation starts at 6:00pm, so I know that I cannot just take her from daycare prior to 6:00pm withoput her dad's consent. Stepmom or dad could show up prior to 6:00pm, and I would be in the wrong...

I asked dad to bring her to the 1/2 way point for my midweek, and told him I'd make the drive for the weekend this week. His new excuse is that I will have our daughter for 3 week ends in a row (true, but it's the guidelines, not me) so he thinks that he is entitled to the weekend. I do not have an attorney. Should I file a motion to enforce visitation prior to Friday, or should I file a motion to show cause on Monday if he really does not allow me to have our daughter on Friday?

Inform dad that you will be picking her up on Friday as per the ITPG.

Yes, the spring break and easter holidays under the ITPG often cause one parent get get 3 or even 4 weekends in a row, but that is simply the guidelines and they are expected to be followed. He doesn't get the weekend.

 

[NC Mom in Indy]

You can't file a motion to enforce that would be heard before Monday. And unless you drive to Dad's house to pick up the kiddo and they refuse to hand her over, he's likely not going to be found in contempt - not to mention that the key component of contempt is malicious intent ... can you PROVE that the child was withheld from you maliciously and that it wasn't just a misunderstanding?

I have made the offer to pick her up since he cannot drop her off. I am making every effort to accomodate him and his work schedule, and the effort to enforce my parenting time. If I can show that I attempted to find a way to pick-up our daughter on Friday, but he still refused wouldn't that be malicious intent on his part?

Also, he did not say, hey, XXX can you pick-up or daughter in my town on Friday? I have to work, and I cannot bring her to the 1/2 way point. He told me that he was not bringing her until Sunday. He also said that he is keeping her until Sunday not only becasue he cannot drop her off on Friday, but because he doesn't think that it is fair that I will have her 3 weekends in a row. Well, it happens. I didn't write the guidelines. He wants to be the CP. He needs to realize that he cannot change the visitation schedule around to suit his work schedule.

It probably doesn't matter, but he has also told our dd that she will not be coming to my house for Spring Break. She cried about it 5-6 times between Friday and Sunday! He knows I don't havean attorney, and he has decided to bully me ever since.

 

[LdiJ]

I have made the offer to pick her up since he cannot drop her off. I am making every effort to accomodate him and his work schedule, and the effort to enforce my parenting time. If I can show that I attempted to find a way to pick-up our daughter on Friday, but he still refused wouldn't that be malicious intent on his part?

Also, he did not say, hey, XXX can you pick-up or daughter in my town on Friday? I have to work, and I cannot bring her to the 1/2 way point. He told me that he was not bringing her until Sunday. He also said that he is keeping her until Sunday not only becasue he cannot drop her off on Friday, but because he doesn't think that it is fair that I will have her 3 weekends in a row. Well, it happens. I didn't write the guidelines. He wants to be the CP. He needs to realize that he cannot change the visitation schedule around to suit his work schedule.

It probably doesn't matter, but he has also told our dd that she will not be coming to my house for Spring Break. She cried about it 5-6 times between Friday and Sunday! He knows I don't havean attorney, and he has decided to bully me ever since.

Then you need to stop letting him bully you. Indy is very accomodating to pro se parents and you should be taking him back to court every time he violates the guidelines.

Inform him that you will be picking your child up on Friday, show up to pick her up and if he does not turn her over to you then call the police to get a report made...and then file for contempt. Follow through EVERY time. Take a copy of the guidelines, a copy of your orders, and a copy of her school schedule with you to show the police.

Once dad realizes that his bullying is costing him money in legal fees, but not you, then he will either start following the guidelines as ordered, or he will get his butt handed to him in court.

 

[NC Mom in Indy]

Then you need to stop letting him bully you. Indy is very accomodating to pro se parents and you should be taking him back to court every time he violates the guidelines.

Inform him that you will be picking your child up on Friday, show up to pick her up and if he does not turn her over to you then call the police to get a report made...and then file for contempt. Follow through EVERY time. Take a copy of the guidelines, a copy of your orders, and a copy of her school schedule with you to show the police.

Once dad realizes that his bullying is costing him money in legal fees, but not you, then he will either start following the guidelines as ordered, or he will get his butt handed to him in court.

Now my dilema is where to show up to try to pick her up... We usually meet at a police dept. that is the 1/2 way point. I have offered to go to his home town to pick her up, and have not received a reply yet. He said that he is NOT bringing her to our meeting place on Friday. Since I know that should I go to his hometown and attempt to pick her up there?

There is a history of DV. He will be at work (according to him), and I am assuming that stepmom will have our daughter. Should I go to his hometown to file the police report or should I go to the 1/2 way point and file there?

 

[Isis1]

Now my dilema is where to show up to try to pick her up... We usually meet at a police dept. that is the 1/2 way point. I have offered to go to his home town to pick her up, and have not received a reply yet. He said that he is NOT bringing her to our meeting place on Friday. Since I know that should I go to his hometown and attempt to pick her up there?

There is a history of DV. He will be at work (according to him), and I am assuming that stepmom will have our daughter. Should I go to his hometown to file the police report or should I go to the 1/2 way point and file there?

his hometown. you want proof you showed up at HIS house, knocked on HIS door and requested your daughter.

 

[LdiJ]

his hometown. you want proof you showed up at HIS house, knocked on HIS door and requested your daughter.

I agree however I would try one thing first. Inform him that you expect him to have your daughter at the exchange location on Friday or you will be filing contempt of court. Then go the the exchange location (buy something small so you have a receipt proving that you were there) wait a reasonable amount of time, and THEN proceed to dad's house.

You don't want him to make the excuse that he (or his wife) showed up at the exchange point and you weren't here.

 

[NC Mom in Indy]

his hometown. you want proof you showed up at HIS house, knocked on HIS door and requested your daughter.

I agree however I would try one thing first. Inform him that you expect him to have your daughter at the exchange location on Friday or you will be filing contempt of court. Then go the the exchange location (buy something small so you have a receipt proving that you were there) wait a reasonable amount of time, and THEN proceed to dad's house.

You don't want him to make the excuse that he (or his wife) showed up at the exchange point and you weren't here.

What if I go to his hometown, and I have my husband go to the exchange location that we would normally use just in case. It is a police department. I know stepparents are legal strangers, but if I am in dad's hometown (45 minutes away) can my husband file a report that he is at the exchange location, and my daughter's dad did not show up with her?

I want to make sure I have it all covered.

 

[Isis1]

What if I go to his hometown, and I have my husband go to the exchange location that we would normally use just in case. It is a police department. I know stepparents are legal strangers, but if I am in dad's hometown (45 minutes away) can my husband file a report that he is at the exchange location, and my daughter's dad did not show up with her?

I want to make sure I have it all covered.

does dad have an issue with hubby being present? ever given a hard time with hubby being the only one present for pick up? normally, i'd think it would be a great idea, but if dad might use the fact that since YOU weren't there, he isn't bound by court order to allow a legal stranger to do the exchange. therefore not being in contempt of court.

go with LD's suggestion first. let dad know you will be at the normal p/u d/o point at the court ordered time. then head to dad's house.

 

[NC Mom in Indy]

does dad have an issue with hubby being present? ever given a hard time with hubby being the only one present for pick up? normally, i'd think it would be a great idea, but if dad might use the fact that since YOU weren't there, he isn't bound by court order to allow a legal stranger to do the exchange. therefore not being in contempt of court.

go with LD's suggestion first. let dad know you will be at the normal p/u d/o point at the court ordered time. then head to dad's house.

Actually, I had my attorney put it in the CO when she wrote it up that either I, my husband, or another person I designate can pick-up my daughter for visitation. My husband picks-up my daughter from her dad once a week for my midweek visit, so I get more time with her that way since my husband gets home from work with her when I get home. My ex has noever complained. He can't it is in the order. He agreed in court, and the judge signed it that way.

I am going to go with LD's suggestion, and let dad know that I will be at the exchange place on Friday. I have tried to work with him. I attempted to work out something, but he won't cooperate.

If I have to ask for police intervention on Friday and end up with my daughter what can I do to insure that this kind of thing does not happen again?

 

[wileybunch]

If I have to ask for police intervention on Friday and end up with my daughter what can I do to insure that this kind of thing does not happen again?

Nothing. Really. You can't force people to make the right choice. But, you can take him back in on a motion for contempt like was said and when he starts having to pay legal fees and the trouble, maybe he'll decide to quit bullying. Also, you will request make up time of like time and duration each time he causes you to miss time and also request sanctions ($$$), and any other relief the court deems necessary.