son throwing fits about going to dads

[xxnatalixx]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH


My son's father has standard visitation with my son but my son (8) throws horrible fits every time he has to go. (hiding under beds, kicking, screaming, begging me not to make him go) I am going to file for supervised visitation tomorrow and his counselor is going to testify that he is "anxiety-stricken" at the thought of going to his dad's. She has even contacted children services with her concerns. What I'm wondering is if there is anything I can do in the meanwhile, before we actually get to court. We are going to start using the visitation center to exchange tomorrow. He has not been to his dad's for 3 months now and stated that he is going to kill himself when I told him he would have to start visits again tomorrow. I don't think he's serious, just scared and frustrated. I try to be as upbeat as possible when it's time to go, but my son just gets angry with me then and says things like, "You know they're mean to me, why don't you just tell the judge I don't want to go?" His father also is not supposed to be driving because he has his lisence suspended and has been caught driving 5 times since then. The last time my son was in the car with him, and he ended up spending 20 days in jail. Will this help my case any for supervised visits? Hopefully the testimony of his counselor will be enough, but I want to take in everything I have.

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH


My son's father has standard visitation with my son but my son (8) throws horrible fits every time he has to go. (hiding under beds, kicking, screaming, begging me not to make him go) I am going to file for supervised visitation tomorrow and his counselor is going to testify that he is "anxiety-stricken" at the thought of going to his dad's. She has even contacted children services with her concerns. What I'm wondering is if there is anything I can do in the meanwhile, before we actually get to court. We are going to start using the visitation center to exchange tomorrow. He has not been to his dad's for 3 months now and stated that he is going to kill himself when I told him he would have to start visits again tomorrow. I don't think he's serious, just scared and frustrated. I try to be as upbeat as possible when it's time to go, but my son just gets angry with me then and says things like, "You know they're mean to me, why don't you just tell the judge I don't want to go?" His father also is not supposed to be driving because he has his lisence suspended and has been caught driving 5 times since then. The last time my son was in the car with him, and he ended up spending 20 days in jail. Will this help my case any for supervised visits? Hopefully the testimony of his counselor will be enough, but I want to take in everything I have.

So, let me get this straight. The ONLY reason you want to change the visitation is because your EIGHT YEAR OLD doesn't want to go. In fact, he's got you so tightly wrapped around his finger that he knows that if he throws a tantrum, you won't make him go.

You'll have to come up with something better than that...I'm sure you'll come back posting more though.

 

[xxnatalixx]

Appaerently you didn't read the whole thing.

 

[2Mistakes]

If junior is making suicidal threats, you need to take him to a mental health center. Seriously.

Even if he doesn't mean it, he needs help.

My step-daughter (7) was hospitalized for over a week back in November in a Behavioral Health Center, and she didn't even mention suicide. She did, however, try to jump out of a moving car to avoid going to school.

She was diagnosed with seperation anxiety and GAD, as well as ODD. She received treatment and is now on medication, and she is a completely different child, for the better.

You owe it to your son to get him help. The earlier the better.

All you are teaching him is that he has to throw a fit and throw the threat of suicide around, and he will get his way.

The first thing the counselor at the hospital told me, my wife, and her ex-husband (dad) (he didn't have a problem with me being there, it was actually his idea) was that we could not give in. Not once. Ever. The first time you give in, he has you beat, and he knows it.

Sounds like you've been giving in for 3 months, so you have lots of work to do.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Appaerently you didn't read the whole thing.

Oh, I'd bet Ziggy did...

 

[xxnatalixx]

The last time he went to his dad's, his step mom had come to pick him up and when my son came home he told me that his dad threw a fit and told her to bring him home and that she was not suppose to have picked him up in the first place. He broke dishes and threatened to tear up the whole house if she did not bring him back home. He can't make up his mind if he even wants him or not. He decides to quit visiting him and then his wife throws a fit about it until he changes his mind. It's such a long story, it's hard to get into everything, but they are not good to my son. His father even admitted in court that he slashed the tires on his own van with my son right beside him because he and his wife had been fighting and he didn't want her to be able to leave. My son is exposed to this crap every time he goes there. As I wrote before, my son's counselor has even talked to children services because of the things my son has told her. My son is not throwing a fit because he doesn't "feel" like going. He is scared. He has even "wet" himself on several occasions because he got so upset about going there.

 

[RRevak]

Sounds like jr needs some serious help. And when the counselor spoke to child services what was their response? What were the findings of their investigation?

 

[2Mistakes]

The last time he went to his dad's, his step mom had come to pick him up and when my son came home he told me that his dad threw a fit and told her to bring him home and that she was not suppose to have picked him up in the first place. He broke dishes and threatened to tear up the whole house if she did not bring him back home. He can't make up his mind if he even wants him or not. He decides to quit visiting him and then his wife throws a fit about it until he changes his mind. It's such a long story, it's hard to get into everything, but they are not good to my son. His father even admitted in court that he slashed the tires on his own van with my son right beside him because he and his wife had been fighting and he didn't want her to be able to leave. My son is exposed to this crap every time he goes there. As I wrote before, my son's counselor has even talked to children services because of the things my son has told her. My son is not throwing a fit because he doesn't "feel" like going. He is scared. He has even "wet" himself on several occasions because he got so upset about going there.

Did you read my advice AT ALL?

Run (don't walk) with junior to the nearest mental health/behavioral health center.

Your son needs help emotionally.

 

[Zigner]

I knew you'd expand on things...

 

[RRevak]

Did you read my advice AT ALL?

Run (don't walk) with junior to the nearest mental health/behavioral health center.

Your son needs help emotionally.

I agree. Short of being a homicidal maniac or something of the sort, I cant think of ANYTHING dad would be doing that would prompt jr to be anxiety stricken enough to "wet" himself. Like 2 said, its WAY past time for jr to be seeking some serious counseling.

 

[xxnatalixx]

They suggested I seek legal counsel about getting supervised visits, which I am doing. I'm just concerned about the time it takes to get a hearing. My attorney spoke to my son's counselor and thinks her testimony will be a tremendous help. In the meanwhile though, he has to go and be exposed to all this even more. Sometimes when they know we have a hearing coming up, they are especially nice to him though, so I'm hoping for the best. Also, about him not going there for 3 months. ONE night I didn't make him go because he was crying and hiding under the bed and had an accident because he was so scared. No one has come to get him or called since then. They are saying that I've been refusing him visitation, but if he doesn't come to get him then I can't very well send my son with him. Today my attorney spoke to his attorney who stated that my son's father wanted his visitation and that I was denying it, so, I set up vistits at the visitation center so there would be no dispute about weather I denied him visitation or not.

 

[xxnatalixx]

Did you read my advice AT ALL?

Run (don't walk) with junior to the nearest mental health/behavioral health center.

Your son needs help emotionally.

He's been getting counseling for a looong time. I left a message with his counselor today about the things he is saying. Just waiting to hear back from her now. He had actually been doing so well in the past couple months that she was going to discontinue his counseling, but not if he's going to be going to be going back to his dad's.

 

[Nativity]

In 2006 what ever became of you trying to get supervised visits "again"? You stated you were keeping your son from going on his visitations at that time also due to sexual abuse and being physically abused by the stepmother.

 

[mdgtfrmhll]

In 2006 what ever became of you trying to get supervised visits "again"? You stated you were keeping your son from going on his visitations at that time also due to sexual abuse and being physically abused by the stepmother.

Was this posted somewhere else or am I blind because I didn't see this anywhere in her post?

 

[2Mistakes]

He's been getting counseling for a looong time. I left a message with his counselor today about the things he is saying. Just waiting to hear back from her now. He had actually been doing so well in the past couple months that she was going to discontinue his counseling, but not if he's going to be going to be going back to his dad's.

Getting counseling for a looooooong time is NOT the same as getting intensive, inpatient treatment.

Most mental health/behavioral health centers are open 24/7 for assessments.

If your son is speaking of suicide and wetting himself, he needs more than just counseling. He needs intensive treatment. Period.

My 7 year old step-daughter wasn't having episodes as serious as your son is, and they still admitted her inpatient. It's the best thing that ever happened to our family as a whole.

Her quality of life has improved 100%. Her weekends with her dad are finally enjoyable. She skips out the door every morning with a kiss and wave and hops her little fanny on the school bus. 4 months ago this was a child who would not leave her mother's side. At all. To see her dad, to go to school, to do anything.

She is literally a different kid. Her mom can leave for the store, and she will continue playing happily. Prior to treatment, she would stand on the front porch and scream until her mom returned.

Again, for Jr.'s sake, get the poor kid some help. Please.