not sure how to respond

[xxnatalixx]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

This is the letter I got from dad


Dear Mom,
SM and I would greatly appreciate it if you would send us copies of Son's school work he's been doing so we can see how he has been improving or not improving. We would like to see what Son has learned by doing this home schooling. If you could like you said you can have them by next Wednesday that is great with us. Another thing is Anthony is both and for most mine and SM's concern. When you schedule the appointment with "school board lady" let me know. I think Son needs to be returned back to "Mickey Mouse Schools". It is very important for Son to get a good education. Also Step Son and Daughter's birthday party is together this year at the "Mickey Mouse" roller rink. Son sounds excited about it. Although it is not our weekend I'm sure you can find the time and in your heart to bring Son so he can be apart of Step Son and Daughter's birthday party. I'm sure we all can work something out since we all want what is best for Son.

Sincerely,

Dad and SM



I know it doesn't all make sence, but that's what it says. Anyway, every year they schedule their kids birthday parties on my weekends. I rearanged the schedule for dad so that he could have him on the weekend following his and step son's birtday's already to try to avoid it happening again this year, but I'm sure they do it on purpose. They tell my son about the parties knowing that I will not take him because step mom is violent with me, and they get him all excited about it so I can be the "bad guy" and tell him no. I am sending Dad a letter to respond about how Son is doing in school but I'm not sure if I should even respond about the birthday thing and tell them, no, he's not coming, or what, because I'm sure they are going to ask Son when he goes for his Wednesday visit and I don't want them to upset him about it, but I also don't want to argue about it with them. Also, they know that's my other son's birthday weekend and that his party is on that day as well. Would it be O.K. to ask dad to quit telling him about these parties if he's not going to schedule them on days that he actually has Son?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

This is the letter I got from dad


Dear Mom,
SM and I would greatly appreciate it if you would send us copies of Son's school work he's been doing so we can see how he has been improving or not improving. We would like to see what Son has learned by doing this home schooling. If you could like you said you can have them by next Wednesday that is great with us. Another thing is Anthony is both and for most mine and SM's concern. When you schedule the appointment with "school board lady" let me know. I think Son needs to be returned back to "Mickey Mouse Schools". It is very important for Son to get a good education. Also Step Son and Daughter's birthday party is together this year at the "Mickey Mouse" roller rink. Son sounds excited about it. Although it is not our weekend I'm sure you can find the time and in your heart to bring Son so he can be apart of Step Son and Daughter's birthday party. I'm sure we all can work something out since we all want what is best for Son.

Sincerely,

Dad and SM

Other than the SM inclusion, there is nothing wrong with that letter.

I know it doesn't all make sence, but that's what it says. Anyway, every year they schedule their kids birthday parties on my weekends. I rearanged the schedule for dad so that he could have him on the weekend following his and step son's birtday's already to try to avoid it happening again this year, but I'm sure they do it on purpose. They tell my son about the parties knowing that I will not take him because step mom is violent with me, and they get him all excited about it so I can be the "bad guy" and tell him no.

I read ahead and saw why this year you tell them no but why would you tell him no every year?

I am sending Dad a letter to respond about how Son is doing in school

Son is homeschooled? Does dad agree with that decision? I am thinking not. Do you have joint legal custody?

but I'm not sure if I should even respond about the birthday thing and tell them, no, he's not coming, or what, because I'm sure they are going to ask Son when he goes for his Wednesday visit and I don't want them to upset him about it, but I also don't want to argue about it with them. Also, they know that's my other son's birthday weekend and that his party is on that day as well.

Okay.

Would it be O.K. to ask dad to quit telling him about these parties if he's not going to schedule them on days that he actually has Son?

You could ask but you don't think his stepsiblings would be talking about the party anyway? How long has your son been talking about his party? On years when he can go to both parties it would be nice for your son to go to both quite frankly.

 

[sipa]

I agree except for Stepmom being all over this email there is nothing wrong in asking, the worst you can say is no.

But remember in doing so in the future you could have a schedule change you need accomodated.

God I wish my hubby got letters like this instead of what we get.

 

[xxnatalixx]

Other than the SM inclusion, there is nothing wrong with that letter.





I read ahead and saw why this year you tell them no but why would you tell him no every year?



Son is homeschooled? Does dad agree with that decision? I am thinking not. Do you have joint legal custody?


Okay.


You could ask but you don't think his stepsiblings would be talking about the party anyway? How long has your son been talking about his party? On years when he can go to both parties it would be nice for your son to go to both quite frankly.

I used to send him to the parties or any other thing that they asked to take him to because I agree it would be good for him, but step mom has been violent with me for about 3 years now and last year I tried to get him to go with a mutual friend who was going but he didn't want to.

I have physical and legal custody. I sent dad all kinds of info and letters before Son started his charter school. I tried to include Dad in the decision, but he didn't object to it or even respond to it. Son's counselor suggested putting him in a charter school because of some problems he was having in school.

I'm sure his siblings would talk about it but I guess what upsets me is that he comes home saying things like, "They said you better let me go", or "Dad said you're probably going to be a b*#!% and make me miss it". (Son doesn't say the word, he just says "b word". Then Son bulls around all night with his arms crossed and won't say a word to me. I actually try really hard to get along with Dad and SM for the sake of Son, but they are never satisfied and the more I give the more they demand.

 

[xxnatalixx]

I agree except for Stepmom being all over this email there is nothing wrong in asking, the worst you can say is no.

But remember in doing so in the future you could have a schedule change you need accomodated.

God I wish my hubby got letters like this instead of what we get.

It wasn't so nice before the visitation center cut the center of the letter out. They read the letters we send back and forth to each other and if it, (or part of it) is just a jab at the other parent they won't send it on. They make copies of everything though, so it's still on record. They previously kept a whole letter that SM tried to send me because it was so nasty and had nothing to do with Son.

 

[sipa]

I used to send him to the parties or any other thing that they asked to take him to because I agree it would be good for him, but step mom has been violent with me for about 3 years now and last year I tried to get him to go with a mutual friend who was going but he didn't want to.

I have physical and legal custody. I sent dad all kinds of info and letters before Son started his charter school. I tried to include Dad in the decision, but he didn't object to it or even respond to it. Son's counselor suggested putting him in a charter school because of some problems he was having in school.

I'm sure his siblings would talk about it but I guess what upsets me is that he comes home saying things like, "They said you better let me go", or "Dad said you're probably going to be a b*#!% and make me miss it". (Son doesn't say the word, he just says "b word". Then Son bulls around all night with his arms crossed and won't say a word to me. I actually try really hard to get along with Dad and SM for the sake of Son, but they are never satisfied and the more I give the more they demand.

Oh EX is one of them? Why do kids tell their kids this stuff?

 

[wileybunch]

Honestly? No one likes being bullied. I'll grant you that.
But, can you imagine how much it would diffuse the situation and score points for you with your child if it's no biggie to you and you say, "Sure, I have no problem switching that weekend. I'll take {blah} weekend instead. I hope you all have fun at the party!" and try to sound as sincere as possible?

Seriously, if you can switch, do it. I'll bet this gamesmanship over the b'day weekend stops after this year.

P.S. It does sound like SM wrote the email b/c WTH cares what she thinks about school blah blah, but try not to let it bother you, it's not the meat of what needs to be responded to at all.

P.P.S. Oh fart, I just realized your other son's birthday is the same weekend. Is there any chance that party can be moved? I would really try to sidestep this so it becomes a NON issue hopefully here on out.

 

[xxnatalixx]

Honestly? No one likes being bullied. I'll grant you that.
But, can you imagine how much it would diffuse the situation and score points for you with your child if it's no biggie to you and you say, "Sure, I have no problem switching that weekend. I'll take {blah} weekend instead. I hope you all have fun at the party!" and try to sound as sincere as possible?

Seriously, if you can switch, do it. I'll bet this gamesmanship over the b'day weekend stops after this year.

P.S. It does sound like SM wrote the email b/c WTH cares what she thinks about school blah blah, but try not to let it bother you, it's not the meat of what needs to be responded to at all.

P.P.S. Oh fart, I just realized your other son's birthday is the same weekend. Is there any chance that party can be moved? I would really try to sidestep this so it becomes a NON issue hopefully here on out.

It really doesn't bother me that SM's name's all over it and I'm sure she wrote it. Honestly, it used to drive me crazy, but then I realized it really isn't a big deal. No matter how nasty their letters are to me, I send back the nicest, sweetest response I can possibly muster.

I have in the past made all kinds of compromises with them to try to keep the peace, but like I said, the more I give, the more they demand. I just completly stoped switching unless they have a really good reason for it because it just won't stop there. Also, I don't want to meet them somewhere to exchange that day because of all the craziness that happens when SM is around.

What I'm really not sure of, is if I should just ignore it or respond to it and if I respond then do I just say, sorry he can't make it, or do I tell them, look we've been over this before, if you want him to be able to to to these parties, schedule them on YOUR time. It probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but dealing with them, EVERYTHING is a big deal. One of the times SM got violent with me it was because she wanted me to put him in safety town and I said no.

 

[sipa]

[ really not sure of, is if I should just ignore it or respond to it and if I respond then do I just say, sorry he can't make it, or do I tell them, look we've been over this before, if you want him to be able to to to these parties, schedule them on YOUR time. It probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but dealing with them, EVERYTHING is a big deal. One of the times SM got violent with me it was because she wanted me to put him in safety town and I said no.[/QUOTE]

I have learned this week that less is more. I would just say:

I am sorry DS will be unable to make it as he already has plans.

And be done with it.

That is pretty cool how the center takes out all the **bull** between the emails, hubby could have used that this week.

 

[xxnatalixx]

[ really not sure of, is if I should just ignore it or respond to it and if I respond then do I just say, sorry he can't make it, or do I tell them, look we've been over this before, if you want him to be able to to to these parties, schedule them on YOUR time. It probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but dealing with them, EVERYTHING is a big deal. One of the times SM got violent with me it was because she wanted me to put him in safety town and I said no.

I have learned this week that less is more. I would just say:

I am sorry DS will be unable to make it as he already has plans.

And be done with it.

That is pretty cool how the center takes out all the **bull** between the emails, hubby could have used that this week.[/QUOTE]

Thank you....I think you're right. I'm a bit nervous about the response I'm going to get from them though. Guess if it's too bad it won't get through to me anyway.

I love using the visitation center. They help on soooo many levels.

 

[wileybunch]

I agree with sipa, too.

 

[bononos again]

[ really not sure of, is if I should just ignore it or respond to it and if I respond then do I just say, sorry he can't make it, or do I tell them, look we've been over this before, if you want him to be able to to to these parties, schedule them on YOUR time. It probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but dealing with them, EVERYTHING is a big deal. One of the times SM got violent with me it was because she wanted me to put him in safety town and I said no.

I have learned this week that less is more. I would just say:

I am sorry DS will be unable to make it as he already has plans.

And be done with it.

That is pretty cool how the center takes out all the **bull** between the emails, hubby could have used that this week.[/QUOTE]

I would include to actually make some fun plans for DS. He may be upset about missing the party, so give him something better to do to keep him from being hurt!

 

[jbowman]

.

I would include to actually make some fun plans for DS. He may be upset about missing the party, so give him something better to do to keep him from being hurt!

From a purely parental standpoint, I wouldnt do this. It seems child already has a little attitude with the arms crossed, not speaking to mom. My child would have already been punished for THAT behavior. I would not make other plans for the child. You are NOT your child's entertainer.

Life Lesson: You DO NOT always get your way.

 

[Ohiogal]

From a purely parental standpoint, I wouldnt do this. It seems child already has a little attitude with the arms crossed, not speaking to mom. My child would have already been punished for THAT behavior. I would not make other plans for the child. You are NOT your child's entertainer.

Life Lesson: You DO NOT always get your way.

Apparently though mom's other child's birthday party is that same day.

 

[truebluemd]

Plain and simple, its your weekend. While I understand BIOTC, children can't be everywhere and at every event every year, and besides, its your choice,, not dad's, and not the kid. Iknow it sucks to say it this way, but from a legal standpoint, its your weekend. From a moral standpoint, of course they will use it against you with the kid, but it seems like you are prepared to deal with it.