not sure how to respond

[jbowman]

Apparently though mom's other child's birthday party is that same day.

Yes, I understand that. BUT, I was responding to THIS suggestion

I would include to actually make some fun plans for DS. He may be upset about missing the party, so give him something better to do to keep him from being hurt!

I dont play that. AT. ALL. Just my opinion but catering to a child who is spoiled and acting disrespectful because they are not getting their way, is ridiculous.

Another party is already planned at your home--guess where kid's is gonna be?

 

[bononos again]

Yes, I understand that. BUT, I was responding to THIS suggestion

I dont play that. AT. ALL. Just my opinion but catering to a child who is spoiled and acting disrespectful because they are not getting their way, is ridiculous.

Another party is already planned at your home--guess where kid's is gonna be?

Didn't realize about the other party.

If there were not other party-
I just hate the kiddo to suffer because of the parents issues. This child is acting this way because of the Father's words and actions. This is an adult custody issue that the child has been brought into. I see your point though JB, the child cannot be rewarded for the behavior, even though it is not directly their fault, they must learn right from wrong.

 

[jbowman]

Didn't realize about the other party.

If there were not other party-
I just hate the kiddo to suffer because of the parents issues. This child is acting this way because of the Father's words and actions. This is an adult custody issue that the child has been brought into. I see your point though JB, the child cannot be rewarded for the behavior, even though it is not directly their fault, they must learn right from wrong.

Well, obviously dad is a jerk with the intention of having child "be mad" at mom. But you know what? Mom needs to make child absolutely aware that those tactics do not work to get what you want. Manipulation is a b****. And moms, dads and kids try to use it all the time. IMO, child is not hurt because they cant go to a party.

 

[xxnatalixx]

Didn't realize about the other party.

If there were not other party-
I just hate the kiddo to suffer because of the parents issues. This child is acting this way because of the Father's words and actions. This is an adult custody issue that the child has been brought into. I see your point though JB, the child cannot be rewarded for the behavior, even though it is not directly their fault, they must learn right from wrong.

I understand both points. I do hate for him to have to miss it though and feel bad for the siblings too. It's taken me a long time to put my foot down though because they used to "bully me" into doing a lot of things "for the sake of the kids". I hold my son responsible for HIS behavior though, regardless of how immature Dad is acting about it I still expect him to show me respect. He is a very loving, sweet, helpful child most of the time, but there have been quite a few times he came home from dad's and wouldn't speak to me other than to say, "Whatever", or "It's not fair", or "my dad said you're just being a "b word". Whatever is a cuss word at my house. I just had a long talk with him yesterday about showing dad and sm respect regardless of how they are acting and I expect him to show me the same amount of respect no matter how mad or dissapointed he is.

 

[truebluemd]

Well, obviously dad is a jerk with the intention of having child "be mad" at mom. But you know what? Mom needs to make child absolutely aware that those tactics do not work to get what you want. Manipulation is a b****. And moms, dads and kids try to use it all the time. IMO, child is not hurt because they cant go to a party.

Ditto on that....and I liked the way you wrote "AT. ALL."

 

[jbowman]

I understand both points. I do hate for him to have to miss it though and feel bad for the siblings too. It's taken me a long time to put my foot down though because they used to "bully me" into doing a lot of things "for the sake of the kids". I hold my son responsible for HIS behavior though, regardless of how immature Dad is acting about it I still expect him to show me respect. He is a very loving, sweet, helpful child most of the time, but there have been quite a few times he came home from dad's and wouldn't speak to me other than to say, "Whatever", or "It's not fair", or "my dad said you're just being a "b word". Whatever is a cuss word at my house. I just had a long talk with him yesterday about showing dad and sm respect regardless of how they are acting and I expect him to show me the same amount of respect no matter how mad or dissapointed he is.

Good, youre my kind of mom!

 

[The_Non-Mom]

Sorry if I missed it in all the talk about birthday parties, but what about the info from your son's school that Dad is asking about? I am assuming he's asking because he hasn't been getting any?

 

[xxnatalixx]

Sorry if I missed it in all the talk about birthday parties, but what about the info from your son's school that Dad is asking about? I am assuming he's asking because he hasn't been getting any?

He hasn't asked for any. I sent him a letter asking if he would like for me to send some of Son's school papers so he could see what he's working on and how he's doing. I try to keep him informed on anything that goes on with him weather he asks for it or not.

 

[Ohiogal]

Sorry if I missed it in all the talk about birthday parties, but what about the info from your son's school that Dad is asking about? I am assuming he's asking because he hasn't been getting any?

I think the child is homeschooled.

 

[xxnatalixx]

I think the child is homeschooled.

Pretty much, it's a charter school. They send him a computer that he does some of his lessons on and give me a lesson plan to teach him. Then they send him a binder of worksheets to do and he has kind of a chat room thing he goes to every day where the teacher shows them a lesson and the all the kids and teachers can interact.

 

[jbowman]

Pretty much, it's a charter school. They send him a computer that he does some of his lessons on and give me a lesson plan to teach him. Then they send him a binder of worksheets to do and he has kind of a chat room thing he goes to every day where the teacher shows them a lesson and the all the kids and teachers can interact.

Well, to be perfectly honest, if dad is able to get grades, curriculum etc from the charter school/teacher, then he can be responsible and ask the teacher. Just my opinion.

 

[xxnatalixx]

Well, to be perfectly honest, if dad is able to get grades, curriculum etc from the charter school/teacher, then he can be responsible and ask the teacher. Just my opinion.

Key word being Dad here though. Dad is not the one who's interested, and SM can't get the info from them. SM is the one who always asks for this stuff. Dad's name may be on the letter, but he never knows anything about the letters I get. I know I don't have to give them the papers, but it's no big deal to me to do it and Son is proud of them and likes to show them off. They always tell him how much better his step brother is in school so he's eager to show them how well he's doing.

 

[xxnatalixx]

new question

Dad is not suppose to be driving with Son. He just spent 20 days in jail for failure to reinstate licence. Son was with him when he got pulled over. We already discussed in court that he should not be driving at all let alone with Son. This was before he got in trouble for it again and did the 20 days. On Sunday, I saw him driving with Son. I asked the visitation center to please make sure he was not driving Son when he picked him up. (his wife is usually with him and has a licence) Last night, the officer at the center told me that dad came around the corner, walking, when he returned with Son. He looked around the corner and no one else was in the car. He talked to dad about it and told him he was not suppose to be driving and that if he saw him do it he was going to cite him. Son was in one room with officer and other people and dad was out in hallway signing Son in. Son looked at officer and said, "My dad drove me here". Not sure why son would tell on dad, kind of suprised, but I'm glad he did. Like I said, he knows dad should not be driving because he's been with him when he got pulled over. So, then the officer goes out in the hall and says to Dad, Son told me you were driving with him and you need to have a lisenced driver do pick up/drop off next time, you are not allowed to drive, I will be keeping an eye out and I will cite you if I see you driving. (something along those lines, can't remember exactly what he said.)Then DAd says that he heard the officer asking Son weather dad drove with him or not. Officer says no, I didn't ask, he just told me. Officer has witness to this. Dad got mad and a bit mouthy, officer gave him a warning and dad left.
Which leads me to my question. Dad requested using the visitation center. I was sick last time we had court and his attorney would only agree to a continuance if we started exchanging at the visitation center. (It's a whole 5 min. drive to my house and he was having a fit about driving "clear" out here.) I thought it was a great idea anyway so our attorney's typed up a motion for a continuance or whatever and put that agreement on it. So what I'm wondering is, if dad has a bully fit, as he has in the past, and decides he no longer wants to use the visitation center, do we HAVE to quit using it? The court order said dad would pick up/drop off at my residence, but I'm not sure if the agreement changes that or what. My attorney never calls me back so I can't ask him.

 

[LdiJ]

Dad is not suppose to be driving with Son. He just spent 20 days in jail for failure to reinstate licence. Son was with him when he got pulled over. We already discussed in court that he should not be driving at all let alone with Son. This was before he got in trouble for it again and did the 20 days. On Sunday, I saw him driving with Son. I asked the visitation center to please make sure he was not driving Son when he picked him up. (his wife is usually with him and has a licence) Last night, the officer at the center told me that dad came around the corner, walking, when he returned with Son. He looked around the corner and no one else was in the car. He talked to dad about it and told him he was not suppose to be driving and that if he saw him do it he was going to cite him. Son was in one room with officer and other people and dad was out in hallway signing Son in. Son looked at officer and said, "My dad drove me here". Not sure why son would tell on dad, kind of suprised, but I'm glad he did. Like I said, he knows dad should not be driving because he's been with him when he got pulled over. So, then the officer goes out in the hall and says to Dad, Son told me you were driving with him and you need to have a lisenced driver do pick up/drop off next time, you are not allowed to drive, I will be keeping an eye out and I will cite you if I see you driving. (something along those lines, can't remember exactly what he said.)Then DAd says that he heard the officer asking Son weather dad drove with him or not. Officer says no, I didn't ask, he just told me. Officer has witness to this. Dad got mad and a bit mouthy, officer gave him a warning and dad left.
Which leads me to my question. Dad requested using the visitation center. I was sick last time we had court and his attorney would only agree to a continuance if we started exchanging at the visitation center. (It's a whole 5 min. drive to my house and he was having a fit about driving "clear" out here.) I thought it was a great idea anyway so our attorney's typed up a motion for a continuance or whatever and put that agreement on it. So what I'm wondering is, if dad has a bully fit, as he has in the past, and decides he no longer wants to use the visitation center, do we HAVE to quit using it? The court order said dad would pick up/drop off at my residence, but I'm not sure if the agreement changes that or what. My attorney never calls me back so I can't ask him.

I would guess that the agreement changes that, and that you have to use the center until a judge orders something different. Most likely the judge signed off on the motion for a continuance, which means the judge would have signed off on the agreement as well.

 

[xxnatalixx]

I would guess that the agreement changes that, and that you have to use the center until a judge orders something different. Most likely the judge signed off on the motion for a continuance, which means the judge would have signed off on the agreement as well.

Great! That's what I was hoping for. Dad says I denied him visitation for 3 months and he never even came to get him so I like to have witnesses that I'm actually "producing" our son for his visits.