I am so done with fighting

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

There are times when everything you do seems to be a fight. I'm a peace loving, tree-hugging type of person. I hate, despise, detest, ahbor fights and angry discussions. I get along with most people. But guess what - it's one big battle with X #2. I feel that there just isn't any wiggle room for coming to a compromise. I give an inch and he just feels that he has the right to take a mile.

So, what do you do? Try to have everything spelled out in a court order so that the rules are well understood by both parties.

 

[profmum]

Amen! I know it can be hard to realize early on, but there comes a time when you have to find that line and realize not EVERYthing needs to be a fight. I have a (potential) situation (that OG is aware of) with my ex. I would bet dollars to donuts that it will play out as I expect. But, ya know? When I consider what my (unjustified) payout would be vs the stress of dealing with the ex... Just not worth it. My kids deserve some peace, as do I. (So no, OG, I didn't send the letter.)

And this is what you need to learn, OP. What's worth fighting over, and what isn't.

Bingo and I will tell you OP after having adopted this attitude, things are so much more peaceful for me and DD! You have to find a way within yourself to truly stop letting the ex push your buttons to the extent she does.No talk about "I'm only human" "I have a right to be angry" etc etc.. no you don't if you want to be a good parent. This is not a contest about who wins and who gets punished.. if you make it one than the only person who suffers is your DD.

 

[Rushia]

Bingo and I will tell you OP after having adopted this attitude, things are so much more peaceful for me and DD! You have to find a way within yourself to truly stop letting the ex push your buttons to the extent she does.No talk about "I'm only human" "I have a right to be angry" etc etc.. no you don't if you want to be a good parent. This is not a contest about who wins and who gets punished.. if you make it one than the only person who suffers is your DD.

I'm going to agree with this as well. Nothing is worth a fight as long as the children are happy. My kids think that their father and I are great friends. Personally, if it weren't for the kids, I probably wouldn't talk to him outside of being polite. That is the ONE thing I can thank the suing gp's for. They were playing us off of one another until we figured that out. We decided that it was better if we let it all go for our kids otherwise these people would have had us at each others throat's for the rest of our lives.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am not trying to make everything a fight. I want to much to be a part of my daughters life. I feel in the end it will all work in my favor because it will catch up with her at the Jury trail in July. I just never thought it would take this long. Here is another question. I found out in March 08 that she was my daughter because I filled thru the AG. Her mother is now wanting the last 2 years of back child support. How does that work in the state of Tx? I started making child support payments in April 08

Then what you do is work towards the important things and let the rest go. The important things are to get a visitation plan established and be able to exercise it. Everything else is just BS.

 

[chrisstansberry]

She tried it again

I went to court on the 7th of this month. The judge outlined the visits that were to happen at a nuetral location in San Antonio, Kidshare. The month of April the judge gave us 4/10 12-4, 4/14 1-4, 4/17 12-4, 4/25 11-3, 4/26 2-6 and I was to make the times for may ( the judge read these of a list it was court reported and everyone was writing it down). No worries at least I thought. When I left the court room I called Kidshare and scheduled the times and dates for May. I asked the director do I need to let her know of these times. She said no not yet. The judge made it clear to us you set them up so when she comes to her first visit we will give her the schedule.

I thought everything was going good.

My ex is to arrive 15 min early to dropp of my daughter I am to arrive on time. I am to leave on time and she is to pick up our daughter 15 min later.( this is kidshares policy) She did not do this the first day and caused me to be late for work as visits are in San Antonio and I work in Lago Vista and live in South Austin.

At this first visit she was given a schedule of the visits. So I show up for my visit yesterday and she was not there. The director came to me at 1:11pm and told me she called her attorney to let her know there was a visit her attorney got nasty with her on the phone and the director told her she was not going to play these games with her. My ex called and said she was unaware of the visit and the director told her I gave you the list on your first visit and the judge gave you the same visits in the court room there is no excuse and because you are 45 min late you will be assessed a $30 late fee on top of your $40 payment. My ex was not to happy about this at all and left yelling and cussing. I enjoyed the rest of my visit with my daughter and they even extended my time. I was very greatful

My ex then called back later to kidshare and expressed to them that I better feed her while I had her for the 4 hours. I had brought a snack for her but the director came to me and said I have documented everything about today including this I will watch the girls ( i brought my niece with me) walk to the wendys next door get them something to eat so she has nothing to complain about.

So here is my question. She seems to be digging her own hole her and this incident today will prbably back fire in her face. There is nothing no where that says I have to provide a meal. I more then willing to do so. Does any one have any suggesstions for me on this? Do I continue to do everything I think is approparate for these visits? No one at Kidshare as expressed to me about anything I should be doing, just to do this so she will stop having something to bitch about. Thank god these visits are supervised till the end of may so this is all documented...

 

[Ohiogal]

Oh for crying out loud just bring food and share a meal with your daughter. That is NOT a big deal NOR something that should be argued about. As for her attitude, yes it could bite her big time IF YOU are NOT acting like a jerk.

 

[chrisstansberry]

As I stated above I did not mine doing that. I did do it and will continue doing it. I had even brought a snack but the director felt it better to do this so she would not have something else to complain about. ( this girl would argue and complain about the sky being blue is what the director said) I am not being a jerk I am not even to speak to her as the reason why they have the policy set like they do. What she has done is not at me but directed at the staff and it is likely if she continues they will cancel visits. As in their policys they gave us stated " any rude or unremarkable gestures towards visitors and staff will not be tolerated and visits will be cancelled and it will be reported to the court." I do not want that to happen as I AM TRYING TO BUILD A BOND WITH MY DAUGHTER AND PROVE I AM NOT A DANGER and every time that happens I have to start all over. So no I do not think I am being a jerk just think I am trying to cover myself so it does not fall back on me as being at fault.

 

[CourtClerk]

Oh for crying out loud just bring food and share a meal with your daughter. That is NOT a big deal NOR something that should be argued about.

AMEN!!!!! Everyone loves a fight. You'd think that you were dealing with 2 little girls in this situation and not an adult mother and father.

 

[LdiJ]

Oh for crying out loud just bring food and share a meal with your daughter. That is NOT a big deal NOR something that should be argued about. As for her attitude, yes it could bite her big time IF YOU are NOT acting like a jerk.

Ditto, Ditto, Ditto. Its very reasonable that a child would need to eat during a 4 hour period.

 

[CourtClerk]

Ditto, Ditto, Ditto. Its very reasonable that a child would need to eat during a 4 hour period.

Besides, it's Wendy's... who turns down an opportunity to eat chicken nuggets and frosties??????

 

[MichaCA]

I don't get the questions about food. The whole point here, and ultimate goal, is parenting the child, right? So you parent. Learn to think like a parent. (how old is the child? diapers?) Everytime you go, have your regular kid bag. Healthy snacks, a meal, kids own bottle of water. If needed, diapers, diaper rash cream. No one should be telling you what to supply because you are dad, you need to do all these things. Bring a book to read to child if/when she gets tired. Walk her around and hold her if she's tired, maybe she will nap. (all parenting advice, not legal advice, however your GOOD parenting skills should be noted at the visitation center and will help you)

Why did you address whether or not you should be bringing meals to daughter? That takes so much credibility from you. Start acting like a parent.

The other stuff, as bluntly pointed out to you, could backfire on the mom IF you aren't acting like a jerk about it. Keep a mantra going...when there is drama, I will NOT be part of it, I will not complain around those part of this, I will not engage in the drama, I will not cop an attitude, etc. Find a good friend you can stay in touch with to do all your complaining. If you can keep that part, everything is actually going fine. Your progressing with your supervised visits, unless you screw up they will go away, you got increased visitation time, etc.

When you document, briefly write out what happens when mom late. Document as well your time with your daughter. Briefly; what are her behaviors? How long does it take to bond? Simple stuff. No matter if the supervised facility documenting, YOU keep your journal for each and every appt there.

When is your next court date?

 

[wileybunch]

I agree you should be prepared to bring a meal any time you have her for 4+ hours just because kids eat meals about every 4 hours. Less than that a snack should be fine, but you never know so even if it's 3 hours, bring a lunch.

 

[CJane]

I agree you should be prepared to bring a meal any time you have her for 4+ hours just because kids eat meals about every 4 hours. Less than that a snack should be fine, but you never know so even if it's 3 hours, bring a lunch.

ESPECIALLY when the visits are from NOON - whenever. We're talking smack-dab during lunch/afternoon snack time.

Why would you think that Mom wanting kiddo to have lunch would 'bite her'? YOU'RE the one who threatened MURDER.

 

[wileybunch]

ESPECIALLY when the visits are from NOON - whenever. We're talking smack-dab during lunch/afternoon snack time.

Why would you think that Mom wanting kiddo to have lunch would 'bite her'? YOU'RE the one who threatened MURDER.

Exactly. DH's mid-week and weekend pick up times are always 5-ish and it goes without saying we provide dinner. Sometimes kid's eaten before just b/c and isn't as hungry, but it wouldn't occur to me to not offer the meal since that's generally meal time, give or take.

And, on the MURDER.

 

[chrisstansberry]

Found out tonight from director at kidshare that no they did not want me bringing food...That mom needs to bring it because of the scence she caused yesterday and because she says she only eats sortn things and has allergys to alot, so they told her to avoid any problems she needed to bring it . I asked if I could bring something for a snack and they told me no not at all because of her so called allergys it was now considered a liability. The director documented everything and even called her attorney and told her of the incident and warned her that if this continued our visits with them were in danger.